Date: 4/07/2016

Location: Cascade Gardens

Hare: Fanny Charmer & Missing Link

Hashers: 28

On a mild mid-winter evening, the hares chose the familiar stomping grounds of Cascade Gardens Now even more Loved as a venue than the Labrador/Broadwater area.
(sorry Now Loved) for taking thy name in vain. There were three events – a run, a long walk and a short walk. Sir Two Dogs and Miscarriage lead the pack of ten on a run which apparently went N,S, E and W and in “virgin territory”. Rug lead a small group of ex-GM’s on the longish walk and re-grouped with the short walkers at Costa Madrid
Cantina otherwise known as Fanny Charmers driveway where Mrs Victoria Fanny served up a lovely sangria to the thirsty hashers. Flasher and Sir Blackie were on a run but as they were seen coming and going in different directions after the sangria, its effects may have kicked in quickly. The new Qld lockout laws were enforced at the drink stop to put an end to too many shots of sangria by one of our well known guzzlers to stop his irresponsible piss consumption.

Back at the venue where Cascade beer become the theme beer for the Cascade Gardens event, the hares had prepared cheese, chorizo and crackers for the hungry hordes of hashers who staggered home while watching 4 July fireworks for the USA’s famous day. A trio of European backpackers joined us during the period when happy hour price drinks were served. It wasn’t long before Sir PV had filled the coffers and the main nosh of Fanny’s Spaniard Balls and pasta were served and later on Missing Link’s strudels and custard and finally ice-cream after he busted through the child proof lock on the ice cream container.

It was then up to the Rotary International sign for the circle where Fanny C tried to ringbark a branch of the tree to improve his view of proceedings. Dicky Knee stated that the nosh was all good to me and it was his best meal of the week so far (still only Monday). Then it was time for Botcho’s moment in the dark when he received the trophy for the 2016 Hashman. Due to constant farting from the spicy nosh, Showpony was called out for a quick drink before he leaves us. AH keen to part with his curry receipe book donated it to Fanny C.

When the RA entered the circle in his Kraut helmet the European visitors were taken back a bit as they relived their grandfather’s stories about another mob of Europeans who were those helmets many years ago. Anyhow the 2 Swiss and 1 Belgian enjoyed a down down and were told they must now join or start a hash club when they return home.They seemed somewhat interested until later in the evening when a hash wearing the full POW clobber left them thinking what sort of encounter they had just experienced while holidaying in Cascade Gardens. Sir PV began a few stories about his workers including an eye witness account of paint spillage from Missing Link and workplace negotiations and lack of office decorum in Phantom’s dealing with his colleagues.

As it was USA Independence Day the Clayton’s Septic Tanks (Latrine and Dicky Knee) were called out for misdemeanours. Both had consumed a fair bit of piss by then starting off with Dicky Knee’s Kentucky Bourbon lunch and M’Latrine ‘s behaviour at the sangria drink stop. Rug gave MLatrine a test on his US knowledge about the signing of the American Charter of Independence.Apparently it was signed in ink not Philadelphia (cheese) which was the great punch line to the joke.

A carousel of candidates as possible POW’s began circling the tree like something from the Planet of Apes. The group included Miscarriage, Phantom ,Iceman, Dicky Knee and Nasty and the ultimate winner – M Latrine who become the first hasher to take the POW home on the light rail and in a smart move by Slug, giving it to next week’s hare.

The post election wash up included M’Latrine  charging Circumference’s to explain if his employment with the AEC had fucked up the delay in the election results. Circumference replied that over his breakfast , he saw this possible years political dramas in his Chinese tea leaves and after wiping the gravy off his plate, he thought he would jump on the gravy train in the national interest and accept the AEC’s offer to help them out. Then the closet Pauline Hanson voters were called out to Please Explain and to his credit at least one admitted to what had he had done.

In the absence of Moonbeams, his regular stand-in proxy, a disappointed Josephine always ready to close the circle was overlooked by all and RPR3 ended without the traditional “end of circle”.

Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2019 Pictures

Date: 27/6/2016

Location: Ashmore

Hare:Rug & Krit

Hashers: 24

The venue chosen by ex-GM Rug, (who rushed back from casting his vote in the Brexit poll) was Scooterworld, at Molendinar not quite up there with the other GC theme parks but for the free admission price it was definitely value for money on the night as everyone had a wheely good time. The fallout from the Brexit conscious uncoupling bombshell result was the talking point among many hashers discussions concerned about their own dwindling wealth as they awaited the start of the evenings events. It was rumoured that one hasher has even planned his own Medexit strategy where he will do a Chris Skase relocation and find himself a sunny villa in a Mediterranean country. An even stronger rumour which may eventuate into a trumour was another hasher currently in the final stages of his Sexit relocation to the oriental Far South East.

Instructions on the run /walk were given by the hare and soon most were out and about searching for a trail. Dicky Knee and Swindler stayed behind as couple of troopers and were dubbed the Keg Minders. Rug and Kret were sighted regularly on the trails which would behind the factories, through a park near the river and back to suburbia where the walker’s trail was lost near the main drag heading to Nerang. A couple of the knights Two Dogs and Botcho lead the pack home. Not far behind were BB and Flasher, shirtless as usual due to the extreme heat his body seems to experience even on the coldest evening of the year.

As Ice Man was sighted by the lost pack of walkers which included the GM, Sir Slab, M’Latrine, Slug and Brutus, it was quickly agreed to follow him home. On arrival, it was noted that many of the cycling Warriors were already eyeing off upgrades to the motorised scooters as they head towards their twilight years. God help us, after they get on the piss on those things after a splinter lunch. Sir Slab apparently road tested all the scooters which had various wheel configurations and attachments including one with a built in shitter and colostomy bag attachments ready for any sudden follow through accidents from a dodgy curry nosh.
The nosh started with home made dips of homus and real tasting salmon before mains of warm mince and pasta served street café dining style. Those with pre-booked seating reservations enjoyed their comfortable scooter chairs. A desert of pears,cream and chocolate followed.

In light of the unique seating arrangements the GM decided to road test what could be an insight into circles of the future, with hashers seated in their motorised scooters.
The GM opened proceedings with a warm welcome to Boris( our new totem pole circle figurehead), a replacement for the poor old chook who got blown away by Swollen Colon the previous week. The hares were called out and Missing Link remarked it was well marked and the hare was regularly sighted by all who like their safety blankets on runs to avoid debacles. M’Latrine enjoyed the walk as there were no hills or shaggy. Sir AH said it was a very good nosh. All up a ranking of 8. The POW was moved forwarded by the GM who while looking at Rug in full prick attire enquired who actually had it. A shocked Rug stepped forward and suddenly the GM become a popular choice by all. However Rug had other ideas and nominees included Hard On (who he described as still my “good friend” ?),Circumference for getting back into employment on the AEC gravy train but the winner was Slug for heading towards Nerang after loosing the trail.

The RA stepped up and immediately called out any ex-pat 10 pound Poms, so soon we had Flasher, Iceman, Rug, Sir AH, Kret and even the GM in the circle. They were quickly given the title of the Brexit Barstards for guilt by association after the UK was stripped of its AAA credit rating and now have a plunging pound. Our resident Spaniard, Fanny Charm, on behalf of the other EU member countries gave them a note and told the to basically just piss off ASAP as about 25% of their relatives were even too lazy to get off their arses and cast a vote. And just to top off their week and give them to no time to lick into wounds after their PM pulled the plug, Iceland has continued the nightmare by knocking the Pommies out of the European soccer tournament,again plunging the value off anything slightly associated with the UK over the last few days.. A country which now has to hire Australian coaches to beat us at football and cricket after they invented the games.

Continuing the Brit bashing , next up in the circle was Top Gear’s Jeremy Clarkson aka M’Latrine lookalike for failing to carry any ID on the bus out to hash in case he got busted as a fare evader. That prompted Sir PV who had set himself as stand-in Hash Cash in his own treasury office at the rear of the premises to step forward to tell it like it was concerning the behaviour of M’Latrine and Bali’s Interhash. It all started mid-air on the Jetstar flight from Townsville to Denpasar with M’Latrine in seat 23C and Sir PV in seat 42F. An offer was made to Sir PV to join M’Latrine him up in business class where he said he had arranged for budget airline Jetstar to provide free quality wines and spirits for the whole flight. As this was Jetstar not Emirates, it all sounded a bit sus to Sir PV and before long a red wine soaked M’Latrine was wondering around the cabin and dead bottles of red wine were rolling down the aisles. Soon a message from the captain on flight deck advised that anyone caught consuming duty free alcohol would be asked to leave mid flight and would not necessarily be going all the way to Denpasar. Somehow another hasher who goes by the name of Two Fingers got fingered for the
fiasco and M’Latrine filed an official complaint about the disruption to his flight by some drunken behaviour.

The adventures of Sir Les Latrine’s Bali tour continued at Interhash where on the Sunday morning, Sir PV again encountered M’ Latrine who was sighted moving at the speed of a crab with arthritis after the events of the previous day. This time as he was felling unwell, lay down and rested his head and in an unconscious state knocked over a scooter which dominoed over several others until one sunk in the drink. M’Latrine then paid out the owner about $20 to get out of that mess.
So ended those stories about M’Latrine who had one about Swindler who living up to his name as he conned some Paki hasher named Halfcock to become his bitch and get him the best seats and beers each night at the hash venue.

A toilet seat which allegedly smelt like some hasher’s wife (the evidence was taken from some sort of DNA data base kept by one of our deviant members who has been known to sniff bike seats after the Anzac day hash bike rides) was paraded by the RA and Sir Blackie apparently was king hit by a cyclist while on secret marathon training near the Broadwater. Somehow Toad got a mention in his absence as he has heard about a hasher by the name of Love Anal which apparently has got his curiousity aroused.
In the absence of Moonbeams , his proxy, Josephine, closed the circle of RPR2.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2018 Pictures

• Date: 24-06-2016
• Location: Sardjiono’s Italian Restaurant. Surfers Paradise
• Host: Ferrett
• Hashers:22

A job well done Ferrett. Great day had by all.

Date: 20/6/2016

Location: Southport

Hare:Hard On

Hashers: 27

The venue was the Broadwater Parklands beside the Southport Aquatic Centre. In the absence of the hare , Kwakka gave instruction for the pack to head north along the Broadwater. As normal although almost 30 hashers assemble, only about one-third actually seem to be ever out running and looking for arrows. So I figured, in a roving reporting role this year I would randomly join the other two-thirds on some Mondays and this evening would be the first of these reports and get the lowdown of what actually the majority of those so called hashers get up between 6:15 pm and 7:00 pm.
I soon found myself on trail walking along with Blue Card, Ice Man and Fanny Charmer. As we headed up towards CSI and BWS, we were joined by Fullershit, Weekly and Sir Rabbit. I was shocked that I had to explain to some what these acronyms actually meant considering drinking piss forms such a prominent part of their hashing lives. After
arriving at a check of three circles , presumably some type of a extra terrestrial check, we headed north and proceeded through the Twin Towers entrance of Chinatown in the Southport CBD. As we passed numerous dining venues of all sorts of cultural persuasion, we were intercepted by a Thai female rushing out from what could be best described as a rub and tug venue which just happened to have bags of “potting mix” displayed for sale as well. She screamed out – C’mon (or was it Cum On) Young Man towards Sir Rabbit and Blue Card, who face expressions were priceless as they seemed to say – Who Me ? without even opening their mouths.
So we soon got the flock out of there and swung back in the direction of the Southport Mall where Sir Botcho was sighted heading for home at 18:41 pm. Continuing through Australia Fair, we soon headed around the back of the Aquatic Centre towards what looked like a Flashpacker’s Rosies Kitchen from a distance but was actually all returned hashers hooking into chips, dips and beverages. It wasn’t long before the nosh of beef, vegetables and rice was being consumed by all. Our ice sponsor(Woodsie) all dressed up in his Origin Blues clobber made a guest visit and told Weekly about his night out at a Sydney Origin match years ago where there seemed to be more biff off the field around him than actually on the field. Custard and lamingtons were then served up and some whinging hashers wanted the coconut taken off theirs.
The GM called the circle and Two Dogs reported that the 7-8 runnners (that’s even less than one-third) ran together for about 5 klms down to the Southport Tigers, through the medical precinct, Southport Central and back to the Broadwater Parklands.
Down downs opened with Hard On, Moonbeams, Woodsie and Sweat Hog were called just before for Swindler’s Snout in Trough abuse.
The RA announced his first appearance with his water filled weapon of mass destruction squirting all in his sights.
Sir Botcho, made his first appearance to the circle as joint 2016 Hashman with Sir Slab. Then in what could only be described as a conga line of farcuppers for forgetting Show Pony’s 600 runs milestone, the whole previous committee was called out . Even Moonbeams was called out as for the absent Missing Link as his proxy.
Blue Card was asked to do some pirouettes in his Rudolf Nutcracker Nureyev tights which he performed admirably on the concrete surface. Media moments from recent GC Bulletin commentary and stories by the GM,Shat’s conman alias and Swindler’s twin brother earned them a drink in the circle.
Finally the elephant in the room moment arrived when Rug and Hard On were called out and asked to please explain their bromance moment as Hash photographed and recorded indelibly in the minds of the young Broadbeach police constables who just arrived to drive by as the couple exited the AGPU restaurant. Lest we forget or maybe best we forget and just move on for those hashers who may have been left in a state of a shock and trauma.
Iceman was next up to explain the ding to his forehead which he explained the because of the wind (not sure whether it was his or mother natures), the angle of the dangle had caused him to somehow get into a shit fight with his recycling bin. He didn’t tell us how the bin pulled up after colliding with his tough old nut.
Kwakka got the first CRAFT award for the year for non recognition of the new committee’s correct roles. No doubt there will be a few of them this year for a couple of weeks.
Flasher’s back firing charge of not calling on the run resulted in the surprise of the night when Swollen Colon was for the first time called out as a Chipmonk along with Botcho, Flasher, Hot Dick. It was only a matter of time before Swollen decided to fire up the circle and this time he blew the head off the chook on the totem pole which was captured live and free on the CCTV cameras for Dicky Knee’s security company to watch at a later night.
Rug as outgoing GM was awarded the POW for his efforts over the previous twelve months.
With an overall rating of 9.5 given to Hard On for the RHPR1(Rock Hard Party Run One) the bench has certainly been set high for the remainder of the hashers this year.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2017 Pictures

Date: 13/6/2016

Location: Broadbeach

Hare:Hierarchy

Hashers: 43

TO BE FOREVER REMEMBERED AS THE 2016 DOUBLE DISILLUSION AGPU

Broadbeach was the location of the 2016 AGPU. Good use was made of the parks, bars and restaurants with all venues a short stroll from each other.
Beers and nibblies which included fresh salmon were enjoyed by the pack which swelled as small groups arrived together from the various groups of hashers travelling together. The resident pyrotechnomaniac arrived as late as usual but with a bang just to make sure everyone knew he had entered the party precinct.

The outgoing GM lead the pack Pied Piper style to the first watering hole which turned out to be the dining venue for events later in the evening. It would have been good for those who wanted to order the fish to put their order in on the first visit (more on that later). After a few more large ales in nearby watering holes where the discussions about next years committee members were taking place it was time for the main event. Some seemed to have the good oil from strategic leaks judging by the outcomes of the evening.

When the stagger had finished, all were ushered into the restaurant and presented with various coloured bags of goodies including a pair of black boxer shorts. The evenings tits and arse guests were involved in these presentations and gave everyone a welcoming hug. Red and white wines and beers were then organised and above the noise of the by then well lubricated throng, meal orders were taken. Awards were given to those hashers who had achieved milestones in runs and the annual excellence / farkup awards to those deserving such were mentioned in dispatches. Flashbacks of the Oxenford Chilli Pie Massacre and the Merrimac Bayou Latenighter came flooding back to those unfortunate enough to be caught up to their necks in those fiascos.Those hashers who had ordered the fish had a long wait for their meal due to the late arrival of a Jetstar Darwin flight containing the fresh billabong barramundi into Coolangatta airport. As those hashers were considering a quick rendition of – Why are we waiting ?, the other hashers devoured their steak and chicken meals.

The committee changeover ceremony or as some described it as in the usual overdone hash wording of – What a debacle , then commenced. First cab off the rank declined his nomination as he had already enough on his plate, both on the restaurant table and in his daily hashing activities. A couple of more nominations for other positions took their place on the stage and then yours truly joined them .So while a couple of the new committee members were standing around on the stage like bottles of flat piss going off in the hot NQ sun, the announcement of the nomination for the new GM reached another all time AGPU low with the nominee declining and the first emergency getting the leader’s jersey after the scratching of the favourite. The scene was something akin to the current Australian political goings on. In these circumstance could a new working committee be formed ? Would the old committee become a caretaker committee ? Would the new committee be a well hung unworkable rabble ? I started thinking about the nominees and couldn’t recall a trail master being specifically mentioned but I was assured it was built into a super sub position , so a run and hare have been organised for next Monday evening.

As a student many years ago, a teacher told me there were two newspapers in Moscow – the News and the Truth. Apparently the locals soon worked out that there was no news in the truth and no truth in the news. Rod Stewart once sang about – Every Picture Tells a Story. So on that note , each week it is suggested you regularly peruse the run reports and examine the hash photos to get your own recollections and form your own opinion on what actually happened on the previous Monday evenings and not necessarily rely on what is written in this column as it may or may not be bullshit. However if you have the intellectual ability to pick the difference between wild honey and shit, it should be become lucid each week.

So it is farewell to the old committee and thanks for another year of good hashing and onwards and upwards to who knows what and where from the new committee.

Yours in Hashing 2016-2017
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2016 Pictures