Run: 1999

Date: 22/02/2016

Location: Highland Park

Hares:Blue card & Fullershit

Hashers: 24

Blue Card’s Run from “High- Land-Park”
I wonder why it is called Highland Park?  A group of _ _ runners, walkers, visitors & esky bandits assembled for the night’s briefing then on their way down the meandering terrain of Mt Blue Card Manor & up Ben Lomond Ski Slope to the bottom of Mt Everest to venture on up to base camp.

It was base camp where your’s truly decided not to waste all this stored energy ( Kinetic as I recall ) and ran back down passing a few of the walkers who never made base camp. For your info: The peak was 151m and base camp was 51m, Ascent 146m, descent 157m. Having made an early return to the bucket, I had first choice of the refreshments and chose VB’s over the Girly drinks on offer. Entertainment for the night was Truck Tyres, first with the arrival of the trailer and then his Tarzan impersonation of swinging in the trees and lashing the floodlight with the very vine that got him up there.

An array of fine dips and Jatz crackers set the scene for a delicious pot of curry and enough rice for a chinese army. With numbers down on this delightful evening second helpings were plentiful, as was the paddle pop deserts that followed. Once the tables & chairs were stored safely back into the trailer which Truck Tyres so kindly delivered, the circle formed for the evenings formalities. Down Downs were administered to the Hares of course: Blue Card & Fullershit, Truck Tyres for his Tarzan antics, Blackstump for his usual over achieving exploits combined with Ice Man & Bent Banana for lack of imagination in the silly hat theme.

They were all given the business card of a hat retail outlet in Robina where they can find a suitable hat for next time. Gifts of Cadbury chocolate samples were distributed to all as gifts from Tasmania from Jigsaw’s recent junket. POW was awarded to Fullershit by Now Loved after all other potential candidates were eliminated for using un standard trail setting protocol.

Two Canadian Visitors introduced by Elvis: “Fucknose” &” I forgot” were treated to the traditional Hash welcoming beverages before Josephine called it all to an end.

PS Showpony is back in Hospital for follow up treatment from a previous un winding visit and Sir Prince is in for a Cat Scan on his ear, or was it rear? I’m not sure as no notes were taken and I sill don’t like this job as scribe, keep it brief and test your brain’s capacity for remembering things if anything?

Stay tuned for a Splinterlunch flyer after “Rug’s pending visit there today: Fukang Chinese restaurant Frank St Labrador. My sick spell checker wanted to change “Fukang” to something else I would rather not publish for fear of Google re percussions.

On On

Sir Rabbit

Run: 1998

Date: 15/02/2016

Location: Chevron Island

Hares:Swindler & Team

Hashers: 26

“This run is, I guarantee you, all new territory, you blokes!”….thus proclaimed our hare for tonight, Swindler, as we all gathered outside Chateau Swindler on Chevron Island…just goes to show that the old adage is true…how can you tell if a lawyer is lying??….answer…..his lips are moving!!!  And with those comforting words, off we headed in dribs and drabs down Stanhill Drive, off into the wilds of the Chevron jungle.  Many of us, including yours truly, considered that it had been a stinker of a day and thus we decided to simply have a nice old walk instead of exerting ourselves too much in the heat….and some who normally walk decided that it was too hot for that and decided to stay on the terrace of Chateau Swindler and simply take in the million dollar views and enjoy a quiet beer or three whilst the rest of us were out pounding the pavement in the new territory.

The run:

As described above, this was a run in the “new territory” of Chevron Island and Surfers Paradise….and as we strolled along, there were occasional glimpses of runners such as Rug, Flasher and Miscarriage, with the latter seemingly having no idea where the run was supposed to go and appearing to be running aimlessly in circles, circumnavigating the groups of walkers several  times…oh well, at least he built up a sweat!

There was a vague assurance at the run briefing that there was a drink stop along the way and we walkers attempted to make a bee-line for it, assuming that it was probably going to be at the new Shat-House Manor, but no, all we found there was a tradie coming out of the house. When we enquired as to what he’d been doing, we were told that Shat was having the wall in the lounge painted to match the speaker grilles on his hi-fi!!! In absolute dismay, we kept walking, thinking that the drink-stop may well be at Kwakka Kave, but alas, it was not to be there either.

Approaching Chevron Bridge into Surfers some of our hardy group pondered the thought of just going back to Chateau Swindler but then we decided to really push ourselves and we ventured onto the bridge, intending to do a loop of Surfers and perhaps find that elusive drink-stop, which by now we had been assured by a returning runner, Rug, that it was down by that fine establishment called Howl at the Moon. An executive decision was however made that we would simply turn back at the Surfers’ end of the bridge….we didn’t want to miss the promised “female entertainment” that was apparently to commence at 7.00pm!…..but more on that later!

So, in summary, a great walk was had by a surprising number of Hashers who would normally be running, including yours truly…as for the runners, well, they came back in dribs and drabs and of course the usual suspect was accused of shortcutting and making it up as he went along!  A great walk and run was had by all…well, really a great Hash Debacle seems to have been had, but hey, it’s all about the company so a big thankyou to Swindler for the run and walk.

The Nosh:

You have to admit that Swindler does not, repeat does not ever disappoint on the nosh front. With his merry band of Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe members he dished up some mighty fine tucker tonight, as I am sure you will all agree. Starters were gourmet sausage on Turkish bread slivers…all keenly devoured by the attendees while soaking up the fabulous views and knocking back a few beers and other drinks.

Mains…oh, the mains, I am assured was Swindler’s grandmother’s secret recipe for meatloaf…damned tasty it was too….hmmmm….looked awfully like an “off the shelf” product to me, but I am no expert so in total disregard of the old joke about a lawyer lying when his lips are moving, I shall take Swindler on his word that he cooked it all himself from his old gran’s recipe!! It was bloody lovely, never-mind where it came from!

For dessert we had what Swindler described as his mother’s time-tested recipe…again, looked like something off the shelf to me, but who am I to question my legal brethren!! Again, it was bloody marvellous!

A fine effort on the nosh Swindler, but were you trying to keep us all away from it by setting up an obstacle course of broken outdoor furniture around the side of the house???

The Circle:

First item on the agenda was to thank Swindler and his merry band of helpers for their efforts…go the Warriors…I may be absent from the rides more often than not, but my heart is still with you all!!

We had it confirmed that indeed there was a drink stop on the run…pity most of us missed it!! Brewtus and Sir Botcho were commended on their search and navigation skills in being the first to the drink stop.

Bluecard, Kwakka (nice to have you back in the fold after a little absence ), Swindler, Shat and Seedy came out for a down-down for having organised the whole evening. Well done guys…it was great fun.

Swindler then took another down-down for telling fibs about the outsourcing of the nosh.

Miscarriage and Sir Rabbit were out the front to get a down-down for being in the media…I think that the next we see if Sir Rabbit in the media it might be on a charge and appearing in the Magistrates Court at Southport for slaughtering bats!!

Miscarriage came  out to strut his stuff as usual…bringing a charge against Sir Prince Valiant for being refused possession of his car at the garage at which he had left it for repairs…apparently he was so suspicious looking in his Hash gear that the fellow didn’t believe that it was his car!!

Slug then proceeded to march Iceman, Truckie, Now Loved and Miscarriage out the front for consideration for the Prick of the Week award. Now Loved won hands down on his loss of a passport overseas…come on…we know it was knicked by a Katoy!!

Next week’s run…from Bluecard’s place at Highland Park…we are assured that on average it will be a totally flat run!

The “entertainment”

Tonight we were privileged to have Penny Toland, mayoral candidate, amongst our numbers to explain why we should vote for her and none other…a lovely young lady with a high degree of intelligence, commitment to the community and she bloody spoke a lot of common sense. Personally, she gets my vote for mayor!!

With that, Josephine brought the evening to a close.

Run: 1997

Date: 8/02/2016

Location: Molendinar

Hares:Rug

Hashers: 31

This run was a load of garbage!!!!….well, no, really it wasn’t that at all….in fact it was a brilliant run that Rug set tonight, and the reason for the reference to garbage is that a large part of the run was through the Molendinar tip and transfer station site, combining some rough terrain, clambering through bush and holes in fences, across major roads, traversing creek beds, clambering down steep inclines and trespassing through a school and also putting our lives at risk running through the notorious Silver Bridle estate. The whole night had a “Chinese” theme, this being Chinese New Year and heralding the start of the year of the Monkey and also “1997” being the year that Hong Kong was dumped by the United Kingdom and given back to China, much to the dismay and disappointment of its residents.

The run:

The run started from Silver Bridle Park in what I think is Ashmore, but which we all know as Silver Bridle Estate, which is what the developer decided to call it…I don’t know why this area has such a bad name because it certainly seemed pleasant enough to me, with some lovely houses and nice views from the many hills which we had to go up and down on this bloody run….starting at about 100 metres into the run where we were sent off up a hill that I swear was about a  45 degree incline!! The moaning and groaning started then and up and down the line I could hear things like “bloody Rug…probably thinks this is funny…doesn’t he know we’re all getting old!!”..as we all stopped running and walked up the first incline.

After that there was some street running and then we went into the grounds of Trinity Grammar School, skirting around its sports complex before crossing Ashmore Road and into the industrial complex where we were led up  and down several streets before getting into the bush again….at which point Rug, who had been crossing out the false trails on the checks was heard to say.. “well, we may be in trouble from here on”…the reason being that when he had been marking the trail that day through the tip and transfer depot grounds, he had been stopped by an employee who said “this is private property mate, you can’t be here” to which Rug replied “oh, I’m setting a run…we’re going to be running through here” only to be told “oh no, no, no, you can’t do that, this is private property and you’ll need to get permission…I can give you a number to ring”. Rug, needless to say, promised to ring and get permission from the relevant bureaucrat, but of course that never happened!! Rug’s philosophy is more along the lines of “better to ask for forgiveness than permission” so there we were on the run, effectively trespassing on private property…but we weren’t stopped at all and Rug’s hunch that everybody would have packed up for the day by the time we were running was spot on!

As darkness set in, we found our way out of the tip and headed home, well kind of, as we seemed to be heading further away at one point, with some hashers lamenting “oh no, he’s not taking us through the railway tunnel where we have our Halloween night, is he?”…no, the tricky little spy merely put a bit of a dogleg in to try and confuse us and we turned in the direction of home…the long, long way home…topped off by some shiggy up a hill…obviously the result of a burst pipe or draining swimming pool…anyway,

we all ended up with soggy and muddy feet! In all, a run of about 7.3 km and immensely good fun…some well found virgin territory in the middle of our lovely metropolis..well done on a good run Rug!!

The Nosh:

Tonight’s nosh….what can one say…a strong contender for Nosh of the year!!!!….starting with nibbles of home-cooked prawn crackers….”these bloody things took me two hours to cook!” commented Rug and then San Choy Bow for entrees…for those of you who don’t know, it is pork mince with nuts and onion and ginger and other stuff, all eaten by using a lettuce leaf as a bowl…bloody great stuff!  Poor old Weekly is  going to have to do some explaining to Mrs Weekly as half of his ended up on the front of his shirt!

Mains was then Szechuan chicken with veges, including bamboo shoots and baby corns all served on a bed of jasmin rice…delectable! This was all capped off with ice cream and lychees… “they took me hours to peel” says Rug. In all, a lovely meal and deepest gratitude to you Rug for such a fine meal and which left some hashers commenting… “thank goodness the gourmet is back in hash!”

The Circle:

In the delirium caused by an excess of food and alcohol, the RA, Sir Two Dogs, called upon everyone…. “right you pricks, form a square!!”..First out was Col Klink to comment on the walk…apparently not a bad walk but too many hills! Iceman was then asked to comment on the run and was of the view that this was indeed one of the better runs that he had done as the pack stayed together, both at the regroups and at the checks…and indeed that was something I also observed, along with the cries of “on on” through the bush at very regular intervals to make sure that all those following knew where to go. Brilliant!

Miscarriage commented on Iceman running “like he was scared”, little knowing that Iceman’s training regime is one of mild running with quick bursts of sprinting at regular intervals.

Big O was called out the front to accept our congratulations on having a hero son and we all unanimously passed on our hash respect to his son, who, as you all know, was the one who rescued the trapped driver out of the truck cabin in the M1 last week, managing to get him out just before the whole thing went up in flames! Hopefully he’s in for a bravery medal for his efforts. You must be very proud Big O!

At this point our RA took over proceedings…and Miscarriage was called out the front to explain his costume tonight…he looked like he’d just stepped off the train in Bangalore, apart from the silly chicken hat, rather than anything Chinese, although like the rest of us, everything he was wearing was probably made in China! He did explain that China is a big country and that the stereo-type Chinese is from the East, whereas his costume is worn in the West of the country…sounds like bullshit to me!!

Next out were Circumference, Slug and Slab, all for being born in the year of the monkey, albeit in different decades!

Next one out to the centre was Flasher to award the Prick of the Week, and let me say, having canvassed opinion amongst my gathered brethren, without due process, to poor Slug…in the spirit of Hash though, Slug came out and took a down-down and donned the ridiculous regalia that goes with the award.

Next out again…Miscarriage…this time to call Weekly and Swollen Colon out the front to exchange money…Weekly to give Swollen Colon the crisped twenties and to receive two new notes from Swollen Colon…you will all recall several weeks ago that Swollen Colon chucked a smoke bomb into the booze bucket and burnt all the money…and the two twenties were so burnt that the bank would not take them. Justice prevails finally!!

Returning runners this week…Seedy (gotta love Bathurst!), Swollen Colon, Crit,  and Bent Banana, who has been cavorting on the high seas.

Finally, and on a very, very sad note, you will all have seen the email sent around by Miscarriage regarding two visitors to the Hash from Germany some time ago…well, sadly one of them has committed suicide and we were all reminded that yes, the Hash is about fun and frivolity but it does have a serious side…we are all here to look after each other if things get tough so we were all reminded to make sure we don’t bottle things up…talk to each other, for fuck’s sake!! On that sad note, we sang a hymn to Peter and circle finished for the night.

I do have to mention Flasher’s antics tonight…he came into circle with an iPad hung around his neck and playing various porno movies on it as we all stood around!!! It was, to say the least, somewhat distracting!! Flasher said that the clips came from the bag of material that forms part of the prick of the week paraphernalia and features the following feature films……

Sir Rabbit in “Buttman and Throbin”

Sir Prince Valiant in “Saturday Night Beaver”

Sir Two Dogs in “Two dogs fucking”

Caustic Crusader in “The Crusty Cunt”

Ferrett in “When Ferrett ate Sally”

Fanny Charmer in “The wrong hole”

Missing Link in “where’s my willy”

Blue Card in “How I make money from little boys”

Run: 1996

Date: 1/02/2016

Location: West Burleigh

Hares:Elvis

Hashers: 28

Billed as the run from “Gracelands”, tonight’s run was brought to you by Elvis and as his last “restaurant run” was so well received, tonight was another “restaurant run” from the Silver Thai on Tallebudgera Creek Road.

The operators of this fine establishment really deserve praise and our patronage because for $15.00 a head they welcome us warmly and provide us with copious amounts of good quality food.

Furthermore, they are more than happy to let us have our circle and set up our booze outside their restaurant, with no pressure at all being put on us to buy their booze. It was obviously a very popular night because there were more than 35 of us there, despite the fucking awful heat which we had to endure!!

The run:

The run started from outside the Silver Thai restaurant with a set of very complex instructions being given by Elvis, with us being required to lock gates, notify people who was the last through, and all sorts of other complicated stuff, and sure enough, as Elvis, predicted.. “this is sure to end up a Hash debacle!”….and sure enough…but more on that later…

No mercy was shown by the hare to us decrepit, ageing Hashers, with the run starting by going straight up the 45 degree incline that is West Burleigh Road before subjecting us to a perilous road crossing at the apex of the hill and off into the Tallebudgera Conservation Park…so far so good…with the only thing being that the last runner was to close the gate into the conservation park, but needless to say the gate was slammed shut with some runners left on the wrong side of it!

Apparently poor Sir Prince was one of those left languishing on the wrong side of the gate. I am reliably informed that Col Klink also confronted a locked gate on the walk.

On on….We made our way through the conservation park and into the grounds of the townhouse complex on Vantage Point Road, with one of the body corporate committee members being on hand to lock the gate behind us.

Very kind of the body corporate to let a bunch of loutish Hashers invade the tranquillity of their beautiful complex!!  “I could live up here!!” says I and Truckie also got distracted admiring the real estate. Sir Rabbit, upon reaching the apex of the hill proudly proclaimed “did I tell you that I am an excellent downhill runner?” as he blew his horn and blasted off down the hill at a cracking pace.

In all the run that most of us did was around the 4km mark but we were wrongly accused of shortcutting, particularly by those who only did a longer run because they either got lost OR started following the markings of the Border Hash, which, would you believe, was running at the same time as and whose course overlapped with ours!!

The Nosh:

Tonight’s nosh was brought to you by the friendly staff at Silver Thai..hahaha..just got the pun I think…silver tie!! It was great…don’t know how they do it for $15 a head, especially given the fact that unlike most places that offer banquets at a low price, they are tight with the number of dishes they bring out…not here….the girls kept asking if we wanted more of each plate…we ended up saying “no, no, we’re full already!!”. A fine effort in finding this place Elvis and let’s face it, on a stinking hot day, it’s probably good to have somebody else do the cooking!!!

The Circle:

A funny circle outside the restaurant, with many onlookers obviously thinking “what the fuck are all these old pricks up to with their chanting and other generally raucous behaviour!!”.

First to circle was Col Klink who commented that the poor old walkers nearly got trampled by the runners on the Border Hash trail…he also commented that “the markings were pretty shit, but other than that it was ok”. Oh, Col Klink also whinged incessantly about confronting a locked gate, about his broken shoe which was hastily and well repaired by Sir Slab, and countless other moanings and groanings…don’t know how you put up with him Link!!

Weekly was asked by some of the Border Hashers who crossed our path “since when have you guys been running on a Monday?” to which Weekly replied “well, I’ve been running this Hash since about 1978 and it’s been on a Monday since then!!”….bloody Border Hashers…they had the audacity to raid our beer esky too and when asked to pay all whinged “geez, we don’t carry money on the run…come on the least you can do is give us a beer!…we’re only half way through our run”…is it any wonder this year’s committee is broke????…now on this very note of giving away beer…another interesting thing happened tonight…poor Sir Rabbit was in a visible state of distress when he got back from the run as he had somehow managed to lose his wallet with about $40 in it.

Of course the fault was all his as he showed us the operation of the “pockets” in his shorts…hardly effective retention devices for personal property as anything was likely to fly out of the flaps, and this is exactly what happened!! As circle was progressing, a young fellow with an Italian accent approached us and said “isa any one ofa yousa called Rabbit?”… “yes,yes, that’s me!!!” shouted Sir Rabbit and Vittorio said “I founda you wallet over near the car overa there”…and into the circle was dragged Vittorio to have a down-down for being a nice bloke! He downed a whole bloody can of beer…there goes the profits this week!

Our three German visitors, who tagged along with Latrine also were brought out for down-downs…welcome to Australia and to the Hash!! They are leaving soon to travel up the coast before heading back to Germany.

Col Klink called out for a down down for his fucked shoes and Sir Slabb was thanked for his duct-tape solution to the problem.

Sir Botcho was called out for recognition of his wonderful efforts on the Golf Splinter Lunch last Friday…a brilliant day Botcho…and youse can all read the words I was invited to write about it all…they’re on the website. Check the photos too…they are hilarious!

Protocol was dispensed with at this point and our GM, Rug, was called out for a double down-down for his antics at the Splinter lunch…the first for breaking Montana’s stiletto shoe (let’s not go there!) and another one for getting so shit-faced that he kept falling asleep (and for ignoring the pleas of people like your truly to get out of the sun before he got third degree burns!)

Miscarriage tried to bring a charge against one of the German visitors for playing “duff duff” music on the run and risking upsetting the members of the body corporate who let us run through their property, thinking we were all a pack of docile old farts who would cause no upset….needless to say the charge failed.

Ferrett brought a charge against Slug for running in the wrong direction on the walkers trail…charge upheld…down-down consumed!

Weekly came out to present the perpetual golf trophy…out came Sir Two Dogs (hahaha…initials STD..sexually transmitted disease!!…just thought of that one!!), Now Loved and Missing Link…a well deserved down-down for these once-a-year golfers.

Next week’s run will be Rug’s run…number 1997…the significance of that year is that Hong Kong was given back to China and it is also Chinese New Year so come along in something with a Chinese theme….that should be easy…everything we wear and use is usually made in China anyway!!

PLEASE get your forms in for the 2000^th run as it is filling fast and we don’t really want to be outnumbered by visitors, do we??