Date:26th June 2017………………………………..
Location: Emerald Lakes…………………………
Runners:25……………………………………………..
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

A block hole off the Nerang Broadbeach sprung into life , thankfully,
when Truck Tyres arrived and illuminated the venue with the trailer’s
light show. Ex-GM gave instructions about the arrow markings indicating
runners/walkers trails. It didn’t take long for all to realise they were
either coming or going but in opposite directions as there were arrows
on the same stretch of path going forwards and backwards. A rather
unusual way of marking runners/walkers trails together but effective as
you could choose between On On or No No, or a combination of both run
out / walk back that became an On No which Rug and Jigsaw had a go at
successfully.

Cold beverages were enjoyed by all while hoping the hare would return
with some nosh. Sure enough the hare emerged with his Two Pot Screamer
nosh. Pot 1 contained pea and ham soup and included some tangy mystery
ingredient which had most hashers screaming as to what it was. The
infamous blast from the past Second Pot emerged containing pasta and had
the hare screaming for all to eat up as there was plenty of it.

Next up to top off the carbo loading was apple strudel and custard. Miscarriage
showed how his observations/experiences in Cambodia had humbled him into
realising that those who have the least can make the most of it by
jamming all three courses into his small soup cup, regardless of the
combination of all 3 different tastes. So he had managed to have a
pea/ham soup, pasta, apple strudel and custard all in a cardboard cup for his nosh.

There maybe a start-up opportunity for him in cheap street food down the track
with no washing up of dishes required. Speaking of washing up dishes,
for those sophisticated hashers with their own plates, it came to the
attention of yours truly that you need to pull the sink out of the
trailer if you wash your dish in the sink or you will flood the trailer
as the water needs to drain externally with no internal
plumbing/drainage on the sink while it is in the trailer.

GM Blue Card gave instructions to clear the decks in readiness for the
circle . Fanny Charmer spoke of the 5.83 klm run (sprint) as having a
resemblance to modern banking, good but with few checks now being
sighted these days. So Fanny and few others had improvised and created a
few on the run for a breather. Slug’s critique of the walk noted a few
places where the hare was indecisive as to where the trail was going but
shit obviously happens when you are setting a trail which goes backwards
and forwards at the same time while going around in a circle touring the
castles that people call home around their Emerald Lakes moats.

The returning runners were next up and out came a bandana wearing
Swindler, Caustic Crusader, Sir Two Dogs and Now Loved who advised his
gift for the GM was still waiting a visa approval to get into Australia.
Fuller Shit dropped into the circle electronically via Sir Two Dog’s
smartphone from Darwin where it appeared he was up to his nuts in one of
the local customs of jug handling Darwin stubby size. The RA / RJ
(Resident Jester) opened his gig with a joke about an unlicensed fire
arm which showed some great research and patience in its delivery. It
was brought to the RA’s attention that Truck Tyres gave his moccasins a
bike ride in his cleats over the weekend but the conveyor of the
information got the down down instead, due to some BS hierarchy
exemption backfire on Fanny Charmer. Another mention for Fanny Charmer
regarding ignoring an e mail via Blue Card from a Slovenian wanting
legal advice on child care centre leases in Australia. Josephine gave an
expletive loaded note for the down down before stepping up after the
down down to announce that 5 cent coins are no longer legal tender in
the hash booze bucket. Could be an interesting next 11 months and maybe
a can of worms for the boozemasters with lots of travelling hashers
bringing back foreign currency coinage which will no doubt turn up from
time to time. First AWOL hash travellers will be Kwokka for 6 weeks and
Rug who will be absent for 6 months (will next see us at the Xmas
Party). Missing Link dodged getting a down down by playing a clever game
of chicken over ownership of a hash jacket with the RA during the circle
before finally reclaiming his spray jacket from lost property left at
the previous week’s run.

Current POW, Rug called out Caustic Crusader, Wrong Way (Woodsie) and
Circumference as his nominations but in an indecisive decision making
process chose the politically incorrect eeny/meany/ minee/ mo method
which just happened to include mentioning the N word but the decision
came out with it going to a white boy – Caustic Crusader. During the
evening he had made disparaging remarks about the arrows on the run
setting and it surfaced that he had borrowed a mobile telephone which
had stuffed up the chance of the GM getting a ride home from the Xmas
party as he was told by Uber that he was already on his way to Byron Bay
while still at the venue. An update on Crocodile ‘s health issues was
delivered by Caustic who will present him with a Get Well card signed by
GC hashers.

It was brought to the attention of the GM that Sir Rabbit had wandered
off to a borough and was seen to have his hand on his old fellow. Maybe
he was pissing or maybe he was doing something else but the whatever he
was up to the GM considered it was disrespectful to exit the circle, so
upon his return he got a down down.

Carefree got the circle closing role as a mark of respect to his long
time friend, former circle closer, Moonbeams.

STOP PRESS

As hashers departed, Sir Rabbit and Circumference got involved in a
conversation with the GM. During the course of the conversation, the GM
exposed himself and began pissing in front of us causing us to just walk
away to avoid the spray. Still pissing without taking breath, the GM
continued with his conversation expecting us to just stay there and
listen. We had exited to the car ASAP.There’s no point in bringing it up
again in the circle as the GM will use his exemption card to avoid any
recrimination. So a warning to just beware of this behaviour in case it
may happen to you in any future conversations with the GM (maybe a good
idea to wear your giveaway spray jacket).

A shattered Sir Rabbit couldn’t believe how he had just been charged
with the same offence by the same person yet by his ranking, he may
escape , MAYBE !, over to you POW.

Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE
(Still on secondment, going around for a second time, how do you get off
this merry-go-round ?)

Date:19th June 2017………………………………..
Location: Carrara…………………………………
Runners:26……………………………………………..
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

 Elvis in the building at Gracelands and live within walking distance of the GC’s newest Commonwealth Games venue was served up by the hare, Bent Banana.The instructions were that there were 3 trails and once out of the property just across the road through the neighbours place and then follow the trail. Sounded simple enough until Missing Link started checking and suggested – which neighbour ? Eventually by a process of trial and error, arrows were found and all 3 groups headed east past the soccer fields and down to the old GC Suns demountable HQ. Next came the highlight, organised tours for hashers of the new GC Suns offices and Commonwealth Games venue where basketballers were giving the new digs a good workover. Brutus was pleased to see that a bar had been included. After the tour, walkers and runners followed their respective trails. However visitor Jailer, Circumference and Brutus decided to do their own thing and go back the same way they had come, knowing they be on the trail, albeit in reverse. Well that was the plan until they basically walked around in circles trying to find the out trail back to the hare’s neighbours place. Eventually after a big loopy tour of the soccer ovals, they found the back gate but it was locked with a bloody great padlock on it. So after squelching around the area, they finally found by sheer accident the walkers path home, just in time to see Sir Blackie and Miscarriage, the only runners returning from the real trail.

The hare had stoked up a fire and hashers settled in for cold refreshments and crackers/dips before the mains were served. KB assisted the hare in serving up two casseroles and vegies followed by fruit salad and cream. Then the GM asked for a clean up of the venue in preparation for the circle.

From out of left field in a untimely not so sympathetic hash moment, Hard On because of his occupation, got called out regarding the topical subject of the use of flammable building material cladding on high rise apartment buildings which we all know are part of the lifestyle for many GC residents.

The hare got a run rating of – Absolutely Magnificent from Miscarriage. At the other end of ratings, Fanny Charmer declared what he did was pretty lousy. Carefree enjoyed the walk and good tour of the Comm Games venue and looked forward to seeing some more live dribbling with other hashers at the actual Games next year after he gets his tickets.

Down downs for the returning runners went to Seedy, Elvis, KB, Rock Hard (now a honorary member of the Gerry and the Pacemakers group) and Slug after his jailbreak from a Thai prison(well the news said there was an Aussie involved and Slug arrived back around the same time with his prisoner style haircut). Visitor Jailer and his host Sweat Hog were next up with Jailer still believing the soggy tour of the soccer fields/locked gate he had experienced with local GC hashers that evening was just a set up when it was actually a real fuck up which apparently happens every time he gets an invite to hash.

In a night of substitutes, Sir Botcho stepped up as RA and told the NSW born hashers to start drinking the Tooheys New that the boozemasters had purchased for them. Hard On got a call up for disappearing off to Sydney AWOL from his marriage.

Stand-in Hash Flash and current POW , Fanny Charmer, awarded the prize of new POW to Rug as he will be disappearing for a few months and all agreed that no one would like to see him miss out on getting his turn. Josephine, seized upon the strategic moment as soon as Fanny had offloaded the POW, to charge him with hooning as he exited the previous week’s run. Only a wet night had probably saved him from coming to the attention of a random police patrol as he drove recklessly away from the venue on the wet road.

Nobody seems to want to close the circle these days with the recent passing of hashers who have had that role, however a reluctant Carefree did the honours. Sir Blackie was seen hiding in the background as he apparently does not want a bar of this job, either.

Ex- GM, Rock Hard will be the hare next week and the trailer(compliments of Truckie) will be used for the nosh on offer from the venue, again in the suburb of Carrara, this time at Lakeside Drive.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

(on secondment this week from AAP Rooters)

Date:12th June 2017………………………………..
Location: Miami…………………………………
Runners:15……………………………………………..
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

Should I or shouldn’t I. This went on in my mind all afternoon, especially as the weather worsened and rain intensified. Finally about 5:30 I thought, poor Ferrett, he will probably be on his own if I don’t go. So I put on the warmest hash gear I could find, packed a rain coat and spare clothes. I got to the BBQ site at the little park at the end of Santa Monica Road on Marine Parade. I knew things weren’t going too good when I stepped out of the car into a big puddle, and rushed to the shelter. Well one could hardly call it a shelter, the rain was blowing from all sides and all the tables and benches were wet. Tried moving around to find the “driest” area, didn’t work.

I was glad to see about 6 other hashers there at 6 pm, mainly committee.  Most were mumbling something about “if I wasn’t on the committee, I wouldn’t bloody be here”. Ferrett was counting numbers as he had to go back to his palace to collect the nosh. Anyway, hashers started drifting in, and about 6:15 pm 15 hashers set off in the torrential rain, 10 returned in about 30 seconds to keep Ferrett company, and 5 runners disappeared towards Pizzey Park. They drifted back after half an hour, but by that time those that stayed back got stuck into worming red wine, or beer.

Ferrett disappeared, and came back with three cooler bags, first was opened and a big pot of hot soup was brought out. Very tasty and warming, good choice. That pot was cleaned out quickly. Next bag was opened and another big pot was brought out, plus a rice cooker and a plate of salad. Curried sausages, mmmm. Sticky rice, mmmm. Anyway it got finished also. Finally the third bag was opened and a bunch of bananas came out and a container of custard. Ferrett got busy cutting up the bananas, and almost everyone had dessert.  Except Bent Banana, by the time he got to it there was only a spoon of custard left.

The assembly looked like a Rosie’s kitchen for the homeless, but there were hardly any passers by to notice.

GM called the circle to order, and updated hashers on Croc’s condition, saying he might need more surgery and treatment could take some time, we all prayed for him.

Truckie was called out for a reason I forget (my notebook was getting wet by this time and pen was misbehaving).

Fanny was called out for being part of the Jacquie Lambie fan club.

Someone said that Brutus had sent his apologies for not coming as he stubbed his toe.

Truckie had a general announcement, he had lost his kit bag about two weeks ago, which looked just like the kit bag GM was waving around, asking if anyone had found it, it was his.

Fanny was called out again for flashing a very expensive looking silver mug he had just bought. Sir Rabbit was called out to examine the mug and give his appraisal. Rabbit thought it could have been worth about $16 especially with the engraving of the Coopers brand. Fanny proudly announces he paid $15, so he though he got a bargain.

Hare Ferrett was called out and Bent Banana gave a run report, saying it was very well set out, marks were good, but it had helped that it was the same trail the Ferrett and Romeo had set 4 days before for the Thursday Hash!!!

RA called out Circumference as he missed out having a run report last week.

Fanny was called out again for being observed cycling up to the top of the Gateway Bridge, and everyone was glad those barriers were high enough to prevent him from falling off. Fanny was commended for helping out a fellow cyclist who had fallen.

RA gave a joke about a farm boy who was deprived of breakfast.

Miscarriage was called out as the birthday boy and had a down down.

POW was called out, Miscarriage again on behalf on Nasty who was away. He called Bent Banana out for tripping him on the run, he called Circumference out for looking like a condom in his rain jacket, and he called Fanny out for wanting to root Lambie. Fanny got the POW, and issued a warning to look out next week.

Bent Banana sets next week’s run from the mansion.

Blackie not there to close the circle, it was closed anyway, and mass stampede to get out of the rain. Miscarriage suggested everyone call their wives to say they would be home early!!!

On on

Mad Mike

Date:5th June 2017………………………………..
Location: Ashmore…………………………………
Runners:23……………………………………………..
Run Pictures…………………………………………….

The Year That was 2016-17 Year Book

23 hashers met at the BBQ area hidden away in a park near the Ashmore Bowling Alley. I got to the car park and thought I was at the wrong place. There were no signs of life, until I saw a glimmer of torch lights through the trees.

Truckie brought the trailer and tables and chairs were being set out. Circumference was busy preparing food for the BBQ, with the help of Hard On.

GM Blue Card called the hare to give instructions and about 7 runners set off. Walkers followed on down the paved track towards Ashmore Plaza, and turned left on Cotlew. Arrows were frequent and clear. Trail crossed Cotlew then turned up Hillview to a checkpoint. There was an executive decision to head west and north. We passed the Southport Warriors Club tucked away in the trees, through the shopping centre and back to the BBQ, a nice half hour walk.

Circumference prepared chicken kebabs, followed by large burgers with lettuce, pineapple slices, beetroot, 3 types of bread rolls, onions, etc. This was followed by chocolate cake, fruit, and syrup. Well done.

GM called the circle to order and called Nasty out, I missed the reason. Nasty started talking gibberish and bowing to the GM with hands held together prayer like. Nasty said it was Chinese.

Missing Link was called out as a returning runner; apparently he got lost trying to find the venue last week.

The hare was called out, no run report so I assume everyone was happy with the run??? Jigsaw gave a food critique, saying it was well prepared and tasty.

The RA then came out and asked if anyone wanted to dob anybody in. Silence, until Miscarriage walked out and had this story about the best way to singe eyebrows. He wanted a tree burnt so attempted to start a fire, went away for a couple of hours on his tractor, and got back to find the fire had burnt out. So he got petrol and splashed it around the tree, bent forward to light it and whoosh, eyebrows singed, along with some hair. This was followed by a joke about a mushroom going into a bar to have fun. After being rejected a couple of times the mushroom complained to the barman, saying he couldn’t understand why, as he was a fungi.

Circumference walked into the circle giving off about the Alan Joyce / Margaret Court debacle, and said that Alan Joyce was rename one of their Fokker planes Kwakka, he called Blackie out for running past arrows, and called Missing Link out for a reason I missed, but Missing Link was in denial. Miscarriage was asked to confirm, he denied any knowledge also, so Missing Link passed the down down to Miscarriage.

RA gave a joke about knock knock at a front door, and a man asking if the housewife had a vagina.

RA went on to bemuse how as we get older the balls we play with get smaller and smaller. As a teenager soccer or basketball are the games, then it becomes cricket, then tennis, then golf. Someone piped up that marbles were smaller, then someone else said when you lost your marbles that was it.

Croc was reported being back in a coma again and possibility of more surgery if he was strong enough. GM asked everyone to pray for Croc. Nasty then asked everyone to recite the Hawaiian pray. “Thank you, I am sorry, I love you, please forgive me.”

POW was Sweat Hog who called out Blackie, Miscarriage and Brutus, however they were sent back and Nasty was called out for coming late, opening a fine bottle of red wine. Nasty said he would not be there next week and passed on the POW to Miscarriage.

Ferrett said the run next week is at Miami.

Blackie closed the circle.

On on

Mad Mike