Author Archives: Botcho

Run 2062…Hare: Fu#k All & Fanny Charmer

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Run: 2062

Date:01/05/2017

Location: Southport

Hare: Fu#k All & Fanny Charmer

Hashers:34

Beside the Broadwater and under the Jubilee Bridge was the venue for this event. As hashers arrived they were greeted by Fuller Shit who was doing a demonstration with his drone of how you can perve on your neighbour’s missus/mistress when she goes for a late night pool summer swim in the nuddy.A great turn out of hashers has been a regular occurrence in recent weeks as no one wants to be forgotten when the new committee is announced. It is not uncommon now for hashers to get a tap on the shoulder on a Monday night and be asked if they have a tow bar or access to one. Fanny gave some brief instructions on the trail and to keep an eye out for some historic Southport building which he would ask hashers about upon returning. It wasn’t long before the trail left Brighton Parade and crossed over Ferry Road and from then on it was every hasher for himself to find their way home. The walkers did a similar trail and they too filed in in several groups from different directions. Back at the venue, hash security(those who skipped the exercise component of the evening) were already getting into the free $1 Asahi birthday beers supplied by Sir Two Dogs. As Miscarriage missed out on one of these beers, he was not a happy chappy after putting in the hard yards on the trail. In light of an award, now in the possession of this hasher, it might be an idea not to get caught again pilfering
the birthday beers before he gets one next time.
Due to the restaurant booking time for nosh, the RA moved things along and called circle time. The co-hares, Fanny Charmer and Fuck All’s first virgin effort were rewarded with down downs. Miscarriage described the run as dangerous with its many main road crossings. While on the topic of dangerous, Sir Prince Valiant, reminded Miscarriage about some of his occupational safety incidents with his operation of various pieces of earth moving machinery on his Gilston sub-division. It would appear that Miscarriage and his unfortunate neighbours are learning that DIY land clearing is nothing like DIY home renovations and maintenance which most can master these days after a shopping trip to Bunnings. VD seems to have got himself involved in some sort of bikie wars amongst the various hash cyclists over their colours and gang naming rights. The VLAD(Vulgar, Lowlife and Drunks) laws may be evoked as these groups are certainly larger than three and they have been seen gathering in public places like breakfast cafes and over long lunches so it may end up in the courts with a showdown over the names of the various gangs and these gangs legal representatives, Swindler and Fanny Charmer. The Qld police no doubt will be happy with this outcome as they can include it as another matter resolved in their fake statistics of crime cleaned up on the GC.
Nasty returned some lost property from his pie nosh evening and Jigsaw stepped forward to reclaim some sentimental property, a plate and fork from a wedding present cutlery set. A set of car keys was offered up and the hasher who never loses anything when travelling abroad claimed them. It was none other than Miscarriage who has lost just about everything humanly possible on his travels. More lost property resulted from the splinter lunch as a result of Missing Link having one of those red wine induced CRAFT afternoons. Nominees for the new Booze Masters were invited to show their interest. It was suggested that Flasher may be interested as he would be much stronger after his gym sessions and he could complete the other six months that he didn’t complete on this year’s committee. Caustic Crusader seemed to have an attack of verbal diarrhoea as he couldn’t shut up and with his multiple counts of circle abuse received multiple down downs. Miscarriage also was rewarded with a few drinks including the big one , POW, for his demolition of the neighbours fences while operating his earth moving machinery. Now Loved, the carry over POW, had assembled a good cast to choose from due to events that have recently occurred on previous Monday evenings. During his absence, he had gathered quite a bit of intel and had pretty good wrap sheets on most the nominees who had probably dodged a POW. Even those not in attendance were not left out as nominated look-alikes were called up as their proxys.
Sir Two Dogs was rewarded with a pretty ordinary rendition of Hashy Birthday before again, under duress, Sir Blackie, reluctantly was dragged kicking and screaming to close RPR 47.
Caustic gave us an update on Crocodile’s health while he is in hospital and all our thoughts are with him.
The proceedings then moved across to the nearby Sundale nosh venue with the French theme where you can buy some clothes while you wait for your meal. Weekly was under the pump from disgruntled hashers for purchasing a room temperature cask of white wine instead of a red one, however he performed some sort of miracle to make the green cask of white wine disappear and then in its place a red wine cask appeared. It didn’t take long for this one to disappear either, but this was due to the contents being drained by thirsty hashers washing down their meals of either flathead, chips and salad or spag boll. At least the meal sizes were nothing like traditional French fare, as the portions were generous.
With the early public holiday start, the evening finished before 9pm and at regular intervals , groups wandered off home from another good night of hashing.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE
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April Splinter Lunch

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Date: Friday 28th April.2017

Location: Thai Eatery…Main Beach

Hashers: 37

Host: Weekly,Wrongway and Carefree

A total of 37 hungry Splinter Hash participants arrived at Thai Eatery in Tedder Avenue on Friday throwing the restaurant into a chaotic state as chairs & tables were squeezed in to cater for 7 more than the maximum expected. Some even arrived well prior to the offical start time of Midday.
Many guests turned up as the Splinter Hash gathers a reputation for quality food at unbeatable prices and highest quality wine – as it is BYO.
Amongst the guests was an old codger named Joe who was on the very first GCH3 run back before calendars were invented, He brought along a colour picture of a number of very skinny blokes taken on an early run. Times have changed!
Another guest was a retired real estate agent named Max who knows everyone in Main Beach and everywhere else including most of the GCH3. He held court throughout the afternoon listening to success stories of the group. With him was his debt collector friend Peter who checked his black book to see if any of the other guests were on his list.
Blue Card also brought a guest but did not introduce him to the hosts as he is some sort of secret agent. However, he was seen talking secret stuff to Rug.
Bent Banana arrived just as the last seat was taken at the main table and was allocated first seat at the then empty table. Co-host Carefree held his hand till reinforcements arrived shortly after to look after him.
The Chevron Island group then set up camp and proceeded to cause havoc. Thankfully they left their bikes back home as Mrs Kwakka has placed a ban on cycling where food and drink are involved.
The meal started late as FOS and VD were stuffing around trying to find a bottle shop and SPV swooped on the chair allocated to VD at the official table. In the end VD had a more relaxed time with Flasher and other assorted mates and did not have to be on best behaviour.
Just prior to eating guests were asked to come up with $25. This was to avoid any absconders. It worked perfectly, Co-host WrongWay assisted by ‘Pied Piper’ Weekly even balanced the books while securing enough extra funds to ensure an upgrade for WrongWay on his upcoming cruise.
The Thai starters were gobbled up quickly and it was on to a Chicken Vegetable dish, a Massaman Beef Curry and when everyone was groaning about too much food they were seduced by a Spicy Pork finale.
Around 2.30pm ‘Pied Piper’ Weekly announced that the gathering was moving to Schuck Bar and most followed him for $5 Heinekens that went for the remainder of the afternoon. Various others straggled down as they finished their wine supply.
At and on the way to Schuck the revellers made more noise the the mooted light rail. As they passed the petition office a new petition was placed on the table suggesting that the GCH3 show more decorum on their next visit.
As with the previous week’s recce the last to leave were in the dark
Rumour has it that the hosts are bidding to run next month’s Splinter Lunch.
On On
Carefree

Run 2061…Hare: Bent Banana

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Run 2061

Run: 2061

Date:24/04/2017

Location: Nerang

Hare: Bent Banana

Hashers:39

As a tribute to a fallen hasher, Moonbeams (RIP), who would have celebrated his birthday with his hash mates late into the evening and all the fallen Diggers who lost their lives while fighting for their country, a special hash event was held at Nerang on the eve of Anzac Day. Bent Banana had organised the logistics for this evening’s activities. A very good roll up even bringing out a few very absent visitors from many years ago were tempted to return to celebrate some good old Aussie mateship and enjoy a few cold beers. The hare told all about the difficulties in setting both Plan A and Plan B runs which had to be shelved due to the concerns of locals seeing someone running with powder in their neighbourhood. So Plan C was activated which resulted in a run out to Weedons Crossing and back through the streets adjoining the Nerang CBD. The walkers did a quick local tour and then upon their return all hooked into the free refreshments. Chips and dips were hidden on a table amongst a group of hashers who had dug in early to ensure security of the venue in Bishof Pioneer Park.
GM Rock Hard called a circle and in keeping with the Anzac theme the hare’s run was commented on by a visiting Vietnamese hasher, Fuck Coffee. Next up was Wrongway who gave us a stirring Anzac eulogy and told all about his experiences as a nervous nasho who got himself transferred from being a machine gunner to the military police, when he realised that the machine gunners were normally the first hit in combat.
The returners and visitors including Bentabeak, Fuck Coffee, Mad Mike, Flasher and VD were then given a drink.
RA Shat took over the proceedings and again in memory of the fallen, three hashers were called out. Sir Botcho, Miscarriage and Weekly had all taken a fall on the Anzac bike ride the day before. Slug was also not forgotten for his quote of the year at the same event when he declared that Pussy makes the best sticky date ! Other misdemeanours at that event included Truck Tyres who forgot his bike and Rug who forgot his helmet.
This got a few hashers thinking how lucky Australia was that these hashers were not involved in the trench fighting during the wars because they probably would have forgotten either their rifle or their ammo or both ! Other casualties from the bike ride included Kwakka and Hard On who had had a bottle or two of red and needed assistance in getting home. Apparently Mrs Kwakka took his bike and he ended up getting home via Mr Uber.
Sir Rabbit then stepped up and played a recording of Moonbeams rendition of The Last Post on his bugle from a previous year. A respectful round of applause from all then closed the circle. As a fine roast meal was waiting for all down the road at the Nerang RSL, it was time to relocate and have dinner. All agreed over a few more beers over dinner that Bent Banana and those that had assisted had put together a great event in memory of Moonbeams and all those who had gone before him for over 100 years through the various theatres of war and are today still keeping our wonderful country safe and the freedom it gives us.
                                                                                           
                                                                                         LEST WE FORGET
AN IMMIGRANT’S INTRODUCTION TO AUSTRALIA
A former European decided to migrate to Australia. He thought he would do a Cook’s tour of the country and have a squiz at each state before deciding where he wanted to settle down and live. When he arrived in Perth, he was asked if he would like a cup of tea. In Adelaide, he was asked which church he would be going to. In Melbourne, he was asked which footy team he would support. In Sydney, he was asked what he did for a job and how much was his house worth. In Brisbane, he was asked – would you like a beer, mate ? That’s where the tour ended and Queensland got itself another citizen.
A FAIR DINKUM AUSTRALIAN CITIZENSHIP TEST
The Australian Government has announced plans for a new citizenship test for immigrants including questions about domestic violence and child marriage. Obviously anyone on the day can bullshit their way through this multi-choice test and then some may go home and behave badly by giving their missus an occasional hiding and flog their teenage daughter off to the highest bidder as a child bride and if no party complains, because they are shit scared of the backlash from their traditional old ways of the family’s religious customs elsewhere, mainstream Australian society is none the wiser to what is going on in the households of these newly recognised Aussie citizens in the suburbs of Australia’s cities.
However let’s put our thinking caps on and find out who really has some knowledge of Australian values, ideals and customs by coming up with some real questions to be put to immigrants who are fair dinkum about wanting to become fully integrated citizens of the greatest country on the planet. Here’s few for consideration for starters –
Q. Your elderly neighbours in your new suburb ask you to pick up a slab of VB for them at the bottle-o while you are out shopping.What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours also invite you to come over to their place for a barbie after you finish your shopping. What are your neighbours intending to do to welcome you to your new community ?
Q. At the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like some dead horse on your snag sanga. What does this mean ?
Q. After the barbie, your neighbour asks if you would like a slice of pav ? What does this mean ?
Q. Your neighbours then take you to the nearest club and buy you some drinks to welcome you to the community. After awhile they say it’s about time for your shout. What does this mean ?
Q. Budgie smugglers are quite prevalent along the coastline in Australia during summer. Should you do anything about them ? If so, what ?
Q. How about people smugglers ? What should you do about them if you hear about or come across them ?
Q. During summer, if you go to the beach, you should only swim between the flags. What colour are these flags – are they green and gold, red and yellow or blue, red and white ?
Q. When you arrive at the beach and see that it is very crowded, you decide to have a swim in a quieter area outside the flagged area. A volunteer lifesaver tells you to leave the water immediately and return to the flagged area. Do you tell him that as you are a good swimmer you are staying where you are or get out and swim in the crowded area between the flags ?
Q. If you are travelling on a holiday in Northern Australia during summer and there is a warning of a very severe weather event coming, where should you go?  – the nearest church, the nearest mosque or the nearest cyclone shelter ?
Q. While travelling on your holiday in Northern Australia, where it can be very hot, swimming is good way to cool down. Where is the safest place for you to swim ? The options are the closest river, the closest beach or the pool at your accommodation.
Q. In your daily activities in Australian communities you may interact with Aboriginals. What is the cultural significance of these people ?
Q. What event is celebrated on 25 December each year ?
Q. What is the significance of Australia Day ?
Q. What is the significance of Anzac Day?
Q. What is the national anthem of Australia ? Is it Down Under, Waltzing Matilda, True Blue or Advance Australia Fair ?
Q. What event stops the whole of Australia on the first Tuesday in November each year ?
Q. Easter is celebrated in March or April each year in Australia. What is this ?
Q. The Boxing Day Test commences at the G in Melbourne on 26 December each year. What type of event is it ?
Q. What are the colours of the Australian flag  ? Are they green and gold, red, yellow and black or red, blue and white ?
Q. There are two animals on the Australian coat of arms. Which of these are they – a koala bear, a kangaroo, a dingo, an emu or a crocodile ?
Q. What is the capital city of Australia ? Is it Sydney, Melbourne or Canberra ?
Q. Who is the national leader of Australia ?  Is it the Governor-General, the Queen, the Prime Minister or someone else ?
Q. While travelling in outback Australia, you may see signs mentioning blokes and sheilas when you stop at rest rooms at service stations. What’s the meaning of a bloke and a sheila ?
Q. In summer, eskies and thongs are popular in Australia. What are they ?
Q. If you are travelling at the front on a very crowded train or bus and there are no vacant seats when an elderly lady gets on, what do you do ?
Do you tell her that as the bus is train/bus is full, to wait for the next one or do you offer her your seat and then you stand up for the remainder of your journey ?
Q. Respect for your fellow Australians, whether male or female, is important when you live in Australia. What does this mean ?
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2061 Pictures Here

Hash Bike Ride…Hares:Hierarchy

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Hash Bike Ride

Run: Hash Bike Ride

Date:23/04/2017

Location: Pizzy Park

Hares: Hierarchy

Hashers:23

This year’s ride had it all, from watching Hashers doing their best to erect the shade tents to Weekly banging into the first bollard and taking a tumble and leaving claret all over his freshly ironed Hash Shirt.

The fall of the day must go to Botcho. But I must be honest! It was not his fault. He was pushed off his bike by a little old lady and her zimmer frame. He took a real tumble finishing up with his arm lodged securely between the uprights of a security fence. Caustic came to his rescue and his arm was removed.

No major damage to speak about just his pride after he had been told that he had just passed the test by taking a spill and was now a fully fledged member of the Hash Wobblies.

On our return the stay behinds had refreshing ales and a gourmet lunch prepared… Well done ladies.

Chatter and beers followed until The Grand Master Rock Hard called time. Then the fun really started. The shade tents had to be lowered, what a debacle.

Then it was On On to the Slabs for gourmet nibbles and red wines.

Another fun day was had by all that attended. Many thanks must go to the Hares, the cooks and the Slabs. Well done.

Bike Ride Pictures Here

Run 2060…Hare: Phantom

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Run 2060

Run: 2060

Date:17/04/2017

Location: Bundall

Hare: Phantom

Hashers:28

A couple of sayings could best describe the events of this run. Never judge a book by its cover and life is like a box of chocolates, as you never know what you are going to get, especially if that box comes from Aldi. A warm Monday evening under clear skies with an early start on a public holiday were the best parts of this debacle, which will go down as the annus horribilis nosh with its template for lack of gustation and an overall recipe for a gourmet disaster.
As hashers arrived to the Phantom’s cave, it didn’t look too shabby with tables, chairs, eskies, fresh bread rolls, chips, crackers, cheese and dips all ready to go. Some brief instructions had the runners heading towards Benowa and the walkers to the nearest shopping centre. The promise of a drink stop made it even more appealing. Over near the Benowa Tavern, Missing Link encouraged runners to cross the road and head back east towards the retail precinct near Harvey Norman. From then on, it became apparent that this event was going to be unusual and words similar to Harvey Norman, namely hardly normal, came to mind. Firstly Truck Tyres wanted to know where was the drink stop ? He was advised that there was only a drink stop for the walkers and not the runners which he thought was a piss poor effort on the hare’s behalf. So it was back across Ashmore Road and on home to the eskies where the runners knew that could get a cold refreshment.
There were plenty of nibbles to munch on. In fact they never stopped. There were party pies, meat pies, small sausages, small chicken rissoles and plenty of condiments to add flavour to the cardboard box nothing like canapes. The heated up fast food was like the servings at a buck’s night but without the strippers. All the while, everyone was thinking what delights would be served with the bread rolls. Soon it became evident, the wait was over and it was a tender chicken and turkey banquet, at least that’s what was written on the side of the can. Yes, can and with the label, My Dog. Fucking cans of dog food were served up to hashers in a completely unacceptable breakaway from gourmet fare. And if that wasn’t bad enough, the hare proceeded to slice up some sort of doggie strass luncheon, placed the contents in a bread roll and put it in his mouth. Was this some sort of misguided prank ? No, it was for real and so much so that a hungry Weekly was heading down the same path too until hashers told him it was dog food.
However the hare then attempted to redeem himself by serving up jars of smooth peanut paste to spread on the bread rolls and then place a slice of plastic cheese on. Out of sheer desperation for some real food, some hashers had a crack at this while others stuck to the chilled refreshments. Hot cross buns topped off this bizarre nosh. The GM decided to bring some sanity into the evening by calling a circle before there was a riot of pissed off hashers. Miscarriage who apparently cleared out early to lead the runners said it was a very lonely run without another hasher in sight. The walkers had gone down to the shop, had a Hammer and Tongs beer and came home after the most of the runners. Hare, Phantom, gave some sort of bullshit story about how the nosh was supposed to be an insight into geriatrics food for all of us down the track when we will not be able to afford real food as we will all be cash strapped. Maybe some of us will have to scale down and sell our yellow BMW’s parked out the front and get a Go Card if it means a choice between canned dog food and a burger for a decent feed.
The returning runners and visitor were welcomed into the circle with Mad Mike, Sir Slab(fresh from a US ski-ing trip with Magician) and Ballpoint’s Tasmanian mate, Inlet. As Sir Rabbit had wore his black sunglasses on the walk, RA Shat called him out as a Tom Cruise lookalike. Maybe there is a Mission Impossible movie to be shot in Chirn Park in the offering down the track for this hasher. Caustic Crusader called out Tasmanian’s Ballpoint and Inlet as 80% of Tasmanian drivers drug tested failed. At least with these two Tasmanian heads in the circle, it raised their combined IQ level to a level so as to be able to be accepted onto the mainland of Australia.No doubt Inlet will never forget the evening’s GC hash nosh which just wouldn’t be served up or compare with Tasmania’s delights.
With no one asked to speak on the nosh, Kitchen Bitch stepped up and unloaded. He advised that he had left the Hunter Valley’s wine and food trail, endured a 9 hour drive to be served dog food shit and the cleanout from the Aldi freezers. He even offered Phantom tips on heating by suggesting taking the spring rolls from the packet was a far better idea than just heating the box hoping the spring rolls would somehow cook themselves. KB further stated that if he had known that he could get away with just serving peanut butter, he would have never slaved away in the kitchen for hours on his noshes.
By serving that amount and type of nosh for consumption there is always the chance of some sort of adverse reaction. First up was the Phantom’s dog, who dropped a bad smelly fart and then collapsed on the grass. But the biggest explosion came out of Ferret’s arse during a quiet moment in the circle. He however was able to stay upright. Last week, the GM told us about his run ins with the security in his new gated digs. Miscarriage, who was absent in Cambodia at the time, stepped up to tell all about this new member of their gated community who was running amok with his speeding and parking antics. Surprise, surprise, Miscarriage’s new neighbour creating the mayhem was none other then the GM who had told all a similar story the week before the issues he had faced.
Hash jester, Iceman, told the circle a joke about a Rabbi doing Christian confessions with a Jewish twist by giving discounted penances for multiple counts of adultery. Most agreed that Iceman’s jokes are on the improve.
Next week’s run will start at 6 pm as a prelude to Anzac Day and in memory of Moonbeams birthday. As the dinner will be in the Nerang RSL club, remember to dress accordingly to gain admission or you may have to face up to the left over cans of My Dog for nosh.
In the absence of the incumbent POW, Now Loved, the hare no doubt missed out on picking up the trophy for the week. However, there will ne no such dodging of a bullet, as only a miracle will save the hare him from figuring in the nominations for possibly a couple of awards at the AGPU.
A reluctant Sir Blackie again needed some prompting to get the words out to close the circle of RPR 45.
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2060 Pictures Here