A St Patrick’s Day pre-lube was the theme of this event. Even though there was no hash when St Patrick was around for his 106 years from 0387 to

17 March 0493, he probably would have made a great RA, being a saint and reptile remover. You would have to think that he would have knocked the froth off a few Kilkennys and Guinness in his long innings Knowing GC hashers, I am sure some of the local Irish watering holes will be in their sights next  Friday evening to fully celebrate a St Patricks Day/Week.

The venue was the boat ramp car park adjoining the Sundale Bridge. The instructions from the hare were to get to the D’Arcy Arms anyway you saw fit whether it be running, walking, light rail or a combination of any of these. KB arrived nice and early at the D”Arcy to negotiate give-away Irish hats from their old stock collection in return for the purchase of many Irish beers.  Generous Hash Cash Ferret returned just in time from his Ballarat trip to keep a watchful eye over the spending of his stand in, Sir Prince Valiant(SPV) as the cash was handed over for the drink stop. As the soft smooth creamy beers were obviously being enjoyed so much, KB decided to shout those interested another one. The rain began and the return trip back (North) to the Tedder Avenue station beckoned via the light rail where several hashers almost had a brush with the law(ticket inspectors). These fare evaders were saved by the stalling tactics and block put up by their fellow ticket holding hashers to distract the inspectors while they did a runner off the G at the rear of their carriage.

The free $1 birthday beers supplied by KB were Fat Yak Pale Ale and they were being consumed far faster by hashers than them depositing their gold coin dollar donation into the bucket which is required each time you enjoy one of these beers.  Appetites were getting strong after all the beers and it wasn’t long before the hare was serving up an Irish stew with lots of potatoes. The dessert was apple strudel and custard which topped up most pretty well. A circle was organised by the RA in the absence of the GM. Just in case, hashers had missed the RA’s call, a wake up loud bunger was let off in a rubbish bin by you know who relishing in the fact that hash was back in his postcode for the evening.

First up for a down down was the virgin GC hare who as he has slipped into our hash under the radar was asked about his hashing background which was in SE Asia. Bent Banana said he enjoyed the zig zag , well marked, bloody good run and nosh. The RA had spied a couple of incapacitated hashers sitting on their arses in the circle and told them to arise for a drink. So up stepped Fuller Shit and Carefree, the latter then sprung again for another drink for his over the shoulder delivery of beer spillage directly into Weekly’s bag.

The returning runners were Swollen Colon(now back in his 4217 postcode for this run), Ferret from Nash Hash and Rug from the UK. Rug told a bawdy Guinness/Lager joke before returning a stolen hash nosh trophy award from Rectum, another Pom we deported back to England. Things have certainly turned around from a couple of hundred years ago when the Poms used to send their thieves to Australia. So in keeping with the theme of law offenders, current POW Missing Link called the fare evaders into the circle. The no ticket trio were Bent Banana, Elvis(who actually had his not logged on Go Card with him) and Carefree. By a process of elimination Carefree was the last man standing for being the most dramatic runner off the G. He had crossed across the tracks to the ticket machine on the opposite side (South) that he was travelling. So another down down for the new POW, Carefree, who had to get home on his bicycle, somehow. KB was offering juicy betting odds on this not happening because of drink riding incapacity.

KB got a big Hashy Birthday thank-you for his D’Arcy Arms shout and birthday beers. A charge from Ferret on KB was reversed as KB invoked the cunning running defence in reference to his fast trip to the D’Arcy to organise a bar tab and give-aways.

As Moonbeams is always in our thoughts, special mention was made by SPV for Fanny Charmer’s assistance over the weekend in getting his financial affairs in order including setting aside $x for a keg for a Monday night drink.

Josephine was invited to close RPR 40.

Elvis announced that his run next Monday will feature a brand new menu from the Silver Thai My( Kangaroo Down Sport) restaurant (near Fleay’s Wildlife Park) at West Burleigh. So any of this nation’s fauna could be served up in the new courses.

On Wednesday 8 March, the ABC rostered all their male media presenters off for International Women’s Day and replaced them with women to promote Gender Equality. Even women thought this was token madness as it was really gender inequality in reverse, towards males.

Now in Victoria they have replaced the little man on the traffic signs with a little woman, when they change from red to green to red etc at pedestrian crossings. I am sure most people couldn’t give a toss whether it is little man or a little woman, as long as they can cross safely without having to have find a finishing burst like Usain Bolt to get across in time, but why waste public money on such a Dick/Dora trivial issue ?  A far better idea in Australian beach tourist areas like the GC, would be to put a pair of budgie smugglers on Dick and a string bikini on Dora which would be far more interesting viewing for pedestrians. By the way,whatever happened to WALK and DON’T WALK ?

Up Cairns way, they certainly picked an interesting day to open a titillating new venture, a stripped down hairdressing business. Men can receive a head (?)massage, hair wash, hair and beard trims from topless female staff. Local women’s activists said it did nothing to advance the causes of women. Cairns men said they had no objection to women getting their hair done by topless male hairdressers, if that advanced their cause.

Several years ago, a female MP named Anna Burke became the Speaker in Federal Parliament. As this was a first for a long time, many politicians were unsure of how to refer to her as they had been used to saying – Mr Speaker. Should it be Ms or Mrs or something else ?   So they asked her to which she replied – There is no sex in the chair while I am here. The chamber burst into laughter.

What’s next ? , the pointy front end of the plane currently known as the Cockpit being renamed the Box Office because of all female crews.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Another wonderful location with water views and great big trees for pissing on was the venue for the Brewtus tour of the battler suburbs where the deplorables

who reside there struggle with their lives’ over ever increasing property values, self centered importance and decreasing speed limits along Hedges Avenue.  There was a great turn out in support of Moonbeams’ resurrection from palliative care to hasher ironman within 48 hours. Quick instructions from the hare soon had the pack headed for the beachside suburbs of Mermaid , Nobby and Miami. Little yellow arrows along gutters were spotted just randomly enough to keep all on trail. A loop around Miami SHS soon had the pack heading home again. The walkers who were back had already made a fair dent in the free $1 birthday Crownies supplied by Sir Prince Valiant(SPV). Spicy hot chicken wings were served as an entrée at the same time on the same table as stand in Hash Cash (Sir PV) attempted to extract cash out of the hashers who were more interested in feeding their faces than departing with their hard earned (well for some anyhow).

The main meal was a gourmet steak burger , a far superior product to the chic designer burgers that the Golden Arches chain are trying to pass off to their customers as gourmet these days. Next up , that great indigenous branded ice cream known as Bulla was served as dessert. The birthday Crownies were going down faster than Monica Lewinsky in the White House on a lazy Sunday afternoon. The GM suggested a quick load up of tables and chairs into the trailer in readiness for the circle. Some hashers even managed to carry two chairs at a time, doubling their manual handling skills since their last piss poor effort at Sir AH’s run.

As usual the hare and his assistant, Weekly , were first into the circle for critiques on their efforts. Victorian visitor, Brendan, said the run was good and Kwakka

remarked that he enjoyed the lights in the park on the well marked trail. Caustic Crusader was asked to explain the scratch mark on his forehead which was a result of his run in with a female and a naming for Missing Link’s daughter, now known as Dry Humper. Proud Dad took a down down in her absentia.

Exit GM, enter RA.

Sir Botcho got a down down as a result of the stress that he has been experiencing as a result of him having to correct the rantings of recalcitrant hashers who continually use social media platforms to spruik useless misinformation. Sir Slabb was re-presented with his 900 run milestone as a result of the GM’s previous week’s op shop haberdashery sale. Super salesman KB was next up for giving Woodsie a bargain deal on his new wheels. VD charged Caustic Crusader for not being punctual for his morning bike ride due to the time differences between the border states. Apparently by the time he got his wheel on , it was nearly lunch time and a much older hasher had already completed a triathalon that morning up Brisbane way.

Hard On was called out about the little drink he had on Friday evening. It all sounded pretty innocent when he stated that he was home by 9 pm but upon further closer examination, it was revealed that he had shared in drinking many bottles of red wine and he was getting home from LUNCH! Needless to say he felt like shit on the golf course in the sun and humidity next day. Miscarriage told all about a new GPS app now installed on his telephone so his family can keep tabs on him. However sometimes his twin brother gets him into trouble when the GPS shows him goes to watering holes and they are different to the addresses he tells the family that he is currently at. SPV got a birthday down down before it was time to call out visitors, Brendan and all the way from Main Beach, Peter, a friend of Sweat Hog. Sweat Hog reminded hashers to bring their Go Cards/extra cash for his St Patrick’s Day run next Monday from Main Beach.

Hash Jester, Iceman, told an old joke but a goldie which all enjoyed.

Caustic Crusader charged Now Loved with attending some sort of Brokeback Mountain cultural behaviour. The charge was skipping hash and attending the ballet on a Monday night to watch men in lycra performing Tchaikovsky’s The Nutcracker Suite. Another lycra boy, Sir Black Stump , was next up for being among the place getters at the Raby Bay triathalon. Sir Two Dogs couldn’t resist the large stumped trees and got sprung cocking his leg while taking a leak. So just to reload his bladder, the final down down went to him.

In the absence of regular circle closers, the GM suggested as it was time to go home and watch Q & A, that was the end of proceedings for RPR 39.

A female snapper (photographer) from the NT News spotted a natural erection near Wak Wak on the Arnhem Highway. It was a phallic termite mound. She said – The sun was hitting the knob, shaft and balls in just the right angle for it to stand out against the bush. After that graphic description, one can only imagine that this sheila has seen a far bit of wildlife in her time in the territory, maybe even some cockatoos (a cock or two).

A long time unemployed bloke saw an advertisement in the newspaper for a Farrier. As we all know this occupation involves putting shoes on horses.

So he put an application together and got an interview. The employer’s first question was –

Have you shoed a horse before ?

His reply  – Not really bit I once told a donkey to piss off !

There is a textile free cycling event on in Nimbin, Lismore and Byron Bay. Yes, that’s right for all you hash cyclists it is an undress code.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Dubbed the Splinter Lunch Extraordinary as it was an on/off/on again event , the back to back Friday lunch took place at Costa D’Oro in Surfers Paradise under sunny skies. Sir Botcho and Sir Rabbit reported that Moonbeams was in fine spirits and his only gripe was there was no Fox Sports on the television in his room. It may have been a blessing in disguise as he missed seeing the Qld Reds getting beaten on Thursday night. The final head count was 19 which included the returning  Nash Hash travellers , the regular three Brisbane gastronomics who were noticed keeping an eye on the local ladies breasts and late arrivals, the fire walkers Nasty and his mate Macca from Perth. Macca had a haircut, a massage, a pizza and a beer as he decided to make full use of all the nearby facilities adjoining the lunch venue.

There were the pre-Nasty arrival toasts to Moonbeams and also to Showpony who would have celebrated his birthday at that lunch. Upon Nasty ‘arrival, it was a case of deja vu as he too proposed toasts to Moonbeams and Showpony. So there was more toasts than twin brides weddings at the same reception.

As usual the food was very filling with entrée pizza breads and large mains in deep bottomed plates. Weekly was early to pay his bill after accidentally doing a runner in a Seniors moment when he last dined at that venue. Hard On did a quick whip around for a tip for the wonderful table service, as usual, the owners and staff had provided to us again. Voted best Italian restaurant on the GC in 2016, it is always a popular venue for Splinter Hash lunches.

Cleansing ales topped off a fine week of Splinter hash dining.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE