Run 1840
Date : 11th February 2013
Hare : Flasher
Venue : Tamworth Drive, Helensvale
Runners 31ish

Weeks to the delivery of my Cuban cigar – 6

Work intervened in my Hashing once more, so I was a little tardy in arriving at the venue. Consequently all I saw was the backs of the walkers heading up a grassy knoll with the words of Flasher hanging behind me on the gentle breeze. They were “I did this run just for you Rectum”.

Up the never ending hill some ran, some trudged and the rest wheezed. Over the top we emerged by the Movie World junction of the M1 where we crossed under the flyover. The trail, which was well marked, pointed off towards Wet and Wild hugging the motorway before indicating right into the depths of the salubrious Studio Village.

Skirting a fence line I had made my way to the pointy end of the pack and reached the first of a large number of checks. After finding no solution to the first two suggested directions I returned to the check and was a little puzzled as to where the rest of the pack were. Never saw the short cutting b#st%rds again.

Persevering on, I climbed more hills than Julie Andrews and being a cast of one, I had the privilege of searching out each and every check, becoming steadily more disheartened. Finally the trail lead back parallel to Binstead way at which point I observed the pedestrian bridge back over the motorway, beckoning to me like a mermaid on the rocks.

Once over the bridge, the trail lead along an ankle-breaking track suitable for Chamois or Range Rovers only. Sensing that home was not far away I began the climb towards the water tower, by now it was profoundly dark and without torch (yes I am an idiot) it wasn’t long before I was lost. As I began the descent from the tower I realized that even Bear Grylls would have given this route a miss. Thankfullly a kind citizen with a torch assisted me back to Discovery Drive, so I began the final 1k home. 10.94km according to Google earth.

It wasn’t long before I came across the massive search party, which was looking in earnest for me. They were eating at the venue, but just about to start looking.

Somebody once warned me about Flashers food, I think it was his wife, but when you are cold and hungry anything will do. Or so I thought. There was bread, noodles and a thin gravy containing copious quantities of beef, onions, bacon?, water chestnuts? The mixture had been cleverly cooked so that all the flavour was missing.

Dessert appeared to be some form of savoury mince and carrots with a béchamel topping. Flasher claimed it was trifle, if so it must have been inspired by Heston Blumenthal. Botcho polished his dish-full off, so it cant have been too bad.

Circle called (many times) the run was christened the ‘Inaugural Helensvale Shit House Run’ due to the vicinity of the local crapper. KB commented, “In that case the food was directly proportional to the location”

KB stated that the run was marked to perfection, Croc said that he had “walked the run” whilst Moonbeams gave the juxtaposition “I ran the walk”

A general onslaught by all was made in the direction of the food comments – Ferret “better than the corned beef and cabbage, but not much”, Rectum “the carrots were very tender”. Flasher retorted with the explanation that it was a true Italian dish: hence no garlic. Botcho Inquired if Italians use herbs and Moonbeams added do Italians use salt and pepper. Caustic felt the closest comparison to Italy was that it tasted like a roman thong. Rock Hard questioned if that was a G banger.

DD to Josephine by the GM for “shortest short cut”

Returners

Moonbeams – St Tropez and Thailand
Blue Card – not interesting
Point Two – honing crown green skills

Visitors

Mother Brown – visiting UK, NZ
Ring Master – first hash in Australia
Kurt – Annual bludging at the GM’s
Botcho – for no apparent reason brought the GM a present (this weeks suckworth)

What’s a suckworth? According to Link about $35

RA’s moment in the spotlight, whilst travelling to hash last week saw a hasher in training – DD to Veteran for failing to secure transport to hash.
Aussie, sporting a ‘proud to be Aussie’ T-shirt proudly driving a new Japanese car.
DD to Ken, virgin runner, found us through the website, yes it does work.
Lengthy build up to Flasher getting a DD for supply of a banned hash liquid – Gossips wine.
DD to Croc for new shoes although Josephine’s looked much newer.

POW Caustic informed us that the mountain biking contingent were embarrassed somewhat when Shat, attempting a skid stop, was thrown from his machine, removing bark from the elbow and breaking a toe. Whilst the café full of patrons indicated scores a la ice-skating, Shat hurriedly remounted, set off and once more hit the tarmac halfway across the promenade, leaving one spectator to comment “should that man be riding a bike at his age?” I feel the pride may take longer to heal than the toe.

Do we really need this on our trash report Caustic. Not a pretty sight

Back to the POW, which meta-morphasised in to the Prick of Truth. This was Caustic’s attempt to ascertain who had turned the gas supply off, causing Flashers food to stop cooking and prompting an explosion (directed at Caustic) by Flasher that Krakatoa would have been proud of.

Sir Rabbit was fingered and in true ‘sir’ style (remember Slab from the other week) he immediately rolled and identified KB as the culprit. KB took it on the chin and quaffed the ale in good fashion.

Next weeks run Caustic at S.W. Labrador (Reedy Creek)

End of Circle by Moonbeams

Thanks to Flasher for a very long hilly run, no complaints here and for the unusual food choice, which he did by himself not as a team of six.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

Run 1840

Date : 4^th February 2013

Hare : Testicles and Grand Canyon

Venue : Virginia Grove, Southport

Runners 28ish

Weeks to the end of my thumb regenerating – 3?

Finally we get to run 1839 after last weeks attempt failed due to Mother Nature. Before we pile into the run report, lets not forget the excellent splinter lunch and golf day for those who could, held at Botcho’s Pizza Palace. Another fabulous turn out and food to satisfy the most discerning of diners. Once the clouds had cleared and visibility returned, you could even see the mountains of Montana from Helensvale.

Well it started as a happy re-union at the home of one of the Thirsty Thursday Harrierettes and finished with most of us in fits of laughter. After a week’s hiatus thanks to the gods, many arrived with the best intentions of getting a run in this week – I observed both Kitchen Bitch and Pizza donning the trainers, would it be a walk or a run? Apparently neither, just getting the feet comfy for drinking.

Whilst awaiting the arrival of the pack, Missing link chauffeured several Hashers to the venue in what appeared to be the Mystery Machine from Scooby Doo. Clearly Link was Shaggy, Caustic was a passable Fred; Swindler could only be Velma, which left Head Job as Scooby himself.

It was a beautiful and gusty evening on the coast as our hare Testicles gave a word for word rendition of the run preamble from last weeks Thirsty Thursday Hash run. Having already inquired if it was to be an identical run I was informed NO its at least 30% different. Wish I had been scribe then as a quick ‘cut and paste’ would have saved me half an hour tonight.

For the benefit of those who were not there last Thursday, the trail meandered from the venue in the general direction of Ferry road, where, taking our lives in our hands, we crossed, ran alongside a storm drain, through several streets, back over Ferry road and more or less directly back to the venue. The trail was clearly marked but had little in the way of checks and was lacking in duration. 24 minutes and it was all over, although a healthy pace was maintained. Good effort by the runners and nice to see Mumbles back in the fold.

Whilst awaiting the food an open bar was announced, the GM shouting everyone free beers, yes that’s the kind of committee we are. One that bribes your loyalty. Politics looms.

The freebies didn’t stop there, arising from his bed at 3.30am, the GM had personally been out prawn fishing and had cooked the catch for our hors deuvres.

The food was served. At this point I normally use words such as gourmet, epicurean, smorgasbord or shit burgers (in the case of Josephine’s runs) but these fail to hit the mark when describing the sumptuous feast that was laid before us.

A plethora of delicacies assaulted the eyes, beetroot, bean salad, asparagus, salami, fresh leg ham, olives, mixed salad with feta, carrot, pasta salad, potato salad and a delicious stuffed chicken dish. Words fail me.

Circle brought to bear by the birthday boy who was given in impromptu hashy birthday.

Testicles summoned and would have been placed on the ice but there wasn’t enough (makes a change from the beer and wine)

Flasher stated “ a very good run but done the week before” 8.3/10. This score was met with distain by most. The GM stated that the food was in the running for nosh of the year and that a voucher could be on the way (Ferret suggested one from the back of a Coles docket)

Returners –

Pizza, had been in Melbourne which is why you could only hear him faintly over the last two weeks.

Swindler, baby-sitting in Cambodia, this lead to cries of “some call that pedophilia”

Leaver – Head Job – travelling to Europe/Sydney/Christmas Island, the GM left

him with the parting words “the good news is that you’re not coming back”

The powerless RA took the lead and brought out Ferret who gave us the opinion that ‘The hierarchy is a bunch of sucks for cancelling last weeks run” He was given a DD for his lengthy diatribe. PS who gets sued when someone dies under a fallen tree when the authorities have told everyone to stay indoors?

DD to Hard On for a particularly horrible hash shirt lent by Pizza.

Pile Driver gave us an update on his extensive ankle injury, which has fortunately improved so much he has reduced the size of the bandage. It currently looks like mismatched socks.

Sir Slab was thanked for generously bringing mangoes, which had actually been brought by Kitchen Bitch.

Caustic informed all of his role as a test pilot for mental health issues, of course this lead to a feeble punch line I cant even be bothered to type.

Flasher having another senior moment was brought out by Ferret for a DD due to lost property; unfortunately Ferret then used the moment to locate some of his own lost property and was given a DD for his troubles.

KB has found some underwear which suspects as Rock Hard’s, surprisingly there were no takers.

POW Nasty asked his bromance mate Head Job to chose a recipient. Most hashers grabbed chairs, cushions and blankets to get comfy, as this was likely to take some time. Head Job selected –

Rectum – for rightly asking how the Welsh rugby team had done against the Irish

Jigsaw – worried about not getting home in time for the Q and A program

KB – for a comment about a fat arse/gut

Sir Rabbit – not really sure why

Caustic (you were always going to get it) – for the following comments-

“I have only been awarded the prick once this year”

“You big fat Welsh Lesbian” (inaccurate comment, Head Job is not really big)

Caustic came out on top.

DD to Rectum for 100 runs.

Blackie came second at this week’s competition prompting the suggestion that he should take out his wallet before running.

Pizza, who had entertained well throughout the evening, went out on a low note by murdering another joke.

Next Weeks run – Flasher at Tamworth and Discovery Drive.

DD to Flasher and Ferret again, you just can’t keep good men down.

Moonbeams currently working on his overseas home.

Circle ended by Josephine who has clearly been practicing at home.

I would like to thank Testicles for asking Grand Canyon to do the food, top job.

On On

Rectum

Hang On a Sec

Don’t believe a word of it.

Dear Botcho
Please advise our beloved GCMH3 members that we are thinking of them in this time of crisis.
We have just convened our emergency meeting here and have concluded that we can’t do very much for you all except drink more beer and red wine and say FU to you all.

On On

MC Link Magician and Swindler on tour

Gentlemen,

In keeping with Emergency Services directives to stay indoors and off the roads i.e. not to go out unless absolutely necessary, all hashing activities for today are unfortunately cancelled. 

Run 1837
Date : 14th January 2013
Hare : Sirs Slab and Prince
Venue : AFL club, Robina
Runners 30

Weeks to Cum Smoke coming out of the closet – soon, just got back from holidays with his ‘boyfriend’

Always a popular combination, like Butch and Sundance (though more Waldorf and Statler [the old giffs from the muppets, dumkopf]), the Sirs drew a healthy sized group on a balmy and rather overcast evening on the southern Gold Coast.
Elvis and Nasty are clearly in competition for ‘most consecutive appearances by a guest runner’ 2-all so far.

Once again the New Year drawing out some old favourites, Now Loved, Sir AH amongst others.

We commenced with a piss weak excuse regarding bad weather and lack of time, so it’s a short run etc etc from Sir Slab who set us off in the direction of Robina Parkway underpass. I noticed the running contingent was higher this week and fewer stayed to help with the shipping container of food, are the New Years resolutions helping to motivate some?

We ran under the bridge and onto the nearby estate where the markings were fine despite light rain, there was good use of checks – some throwing everyone with unexpected direction changes down grassy ginnels and alleyways. No check backs were evident nor false trails marked but the pack of about nine runners held together in the main, finally emerging out of the estate alongside Robina shopping centre.

At this point our Hare had cleverly orchestrated our merging with the large band of athletes in rehabilitation (the walkers) and so we headed on home, finishing around the forty-minute mark. Not the longest of runs but most agreed, with the heat and humidity, long enough. Special mention to the effort put in by Caustic and Head Job, that degree of speed and effort is normally preserved for last orders at Darcy arms.

The Robina runs are not Robina runs without the obligatory attendance of Dim Sims and, although fewer in number, they were present and awaiting a date with the spring rolls in a hot wok.

The entrees were devoured voraciously, causing the removal of several layers of skin from the fingers and throats of those who couldn’t wait for them to cool and as the mains were taking a little longer to prepare, the pack set about the beer.

Once again the eskies began to empty at an alarming rate, not helped by Head Job who walked off with four bottles of the finest. Fearing a lynching, the GM sent the Booze masters around to his mate Dan Murphy’s to avert the crisis.

Thankfully it wasn’t long before the eskies were overflowing with WARM beer so most opted for a change to wine.
During the lull Sir Slab kindly donated a number of Hash garments for those with few and these were picked over by Sir AH, 2 dogs and others clearly down to their last three wardrobes of Hash shit.

A mild case of dementia overtook Circumference who, assuming he was at a Greek wedding, began smashing dishes; he was taken to a dark corner to settle.

Stir-fried chicken (great job by Nasty) accompanied by capsicum, onion and mango laid atop a bed of (boiled or blanched?) rice and some greens, which I never got a whiff of, head-lined the gig. Very tasty (three helpings) indeed.

Heeding the disappointment exhibited on the last two Robina jaunts, Sir Prince succumbed to peer pressure and pumped out the infamous banana fritters with ice cream to top off the evenings epicurean delights. Nice job.

Circle brought to bear by the GM who ushered Sir Prince (still cleaning) and Sir Slab for the pack’s appraisal.

Head Job enjoyed the run (and the sound of his own voice it would appear as he wouldn’t shut up) “long enough with the humidity, good markings” 7.8/10
Now Loved began quantifying the walk with “it was alright” then changed to “ very good” after a stern look from Sir Slab.
Truck Tyres liked the Dim Sims (it’s a good job as Sir Prince is contractually tied to his supplier until 2017)) “really good banana fritters” 9.2 awarded by the GM to keep the scoring unbiased.

Returners – Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dum or Rug and Aussie as they are better known, both sporting healthy sized beer babies came out for a DD. Rug informed us of his international travels and Aussie confirmed a very similar itinerary with three days in Brunswick Heads.

Visitor – Pear-shaped testicles guest from Gunnedah

The GM was presented with a gift by Rug, a burka intended for those who insult
the prophet, promptly issued to Caustic for a feeble Islamic joke. Wow, it really
suited him. DD for Caustic and a few ventured looking like that he should be
placed on an indian bus.

RA took the circle and asked how Flasher’s jury duty went, apparently they told
him not to bother turning up, so he didn’t (that gives me an idea). Ferret given a
DD for an American comedian who put Ferrets name in the Bulletin?? Show Pony
a DD for another Bulletin story (does Circumference have a sponsor we don’t
know about?) Hard On, undecipherable at the best of times, recalled a cycling
story which made no sense until 25 questions later, net result a band-aid on the
elbow. Joke by Hard On, come back Iceman all is forgiven.

POW Botcho rightfully handed it over to Rug and Croc jointly for the beer
debarcle.

Upcoming events – Golf Day at Botcho’s 25ths Jan, for f%cks sake let him know if you are going for food, golf or both.

Australia day 28th Jan – the christening of the Rabbit bar and grill

Next weeks run I missed, so look on the web page

DD for Pile Driver who Karma decided should take a fall for reconnoitering the
trail prior to the run.

End of Circle by Josephine.

Well done to the Sirs and helpers another enjoyable evening at Robina.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it.

January Splinter Lunch combined with the Splinter Hash Summer Cup Golf

Play golf or just have lunch.

Numbers needed:

Book your seat at the table