Run: 1772
Date: Monday 17rd October 2011
Hare: Hierarchy
Venue: Main Beach, Annual Gold Coast 600 V8 Handicap Event
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 34
The RA phoned me whilst on my way to mark out the track for the annual V8 Supercar Handicap event. The weather was the best we’ve seen all year, the handicaps were set, the late bribes accepted, what could go wrong? Anyway the RA continued that he had few jobs to do on the coast so he was off to his mountain temple to engage in some meditation and prepare to fend off potentially troublesome neighbouring invaders.
What he forgot to mention, or forgot to organise, was the weather gods were still in need of control. His sudden departure soon left the Coast encompassed in torrential rainfall and blistering winds, what a difference 24 hours can make.

Regardless of the deteriorating conditions a good pack of 19 runners still showed up, despite a good portion of the pack being away in Thailand engaged in riding recent flood waters. KB showed up early with a financial offering for the handicapper which quickly saw Aussie lose 2 minutes. A few battled the traffic conditions and arrived late, including visitor Jonathan (wearing his racing Doc Martins), who was apparently sent by his father who told him he’d have a really fun night.

There he was all alone with no one to run with and I said”do you know your way around here”, to which he confirmed he did and I said to follow the track head back to Main Beach then run back to here, and don’t forget to have fun doing it on your own.

I don’t know how many times we’ve run around these parts but it still amazes me how so many people can get it wrong. Cumsmoke got as far as the bridge near the Marriott before returning the same way, Sir Rabbit got hopelessly lost somewhere near where the track finished to the north, Black Stump did his own run up the spit and back and god knows what else went on. I guess there’s always next year.

Anyway the pack still managed to finish in close proximity except our visitor who managed somehow to return in the same direction he went out and some 10 minutes later that the rest, but he did say he’d had a good time!

The winner was Botcho who now holds the title 3 times, second was Swollen, followed by Rectum, who complained bitterly about the handicapping but being a Pom know one cared and anyway there are ways to get your handicap adjusted, just speak to KB.

Crocodile came in as the first (and only) walker. The next dilemma was the fact that the electric BBQ’s had been shut down and the power diverted to some work site office being used in conjunction with the race. Again KG did some research and found working BBQ’s near the surf club where the hungry pack relocated to.

Stand in GM, Two Dogs announced the winners and presented the much sought after sponsored prizes with Blackstump adding his own flare by providing winners ribbons for first and second place.
The stand in RA, Botulism asked for comments about the run and nosh, coincidently from fellow Hierarchy members, who all overwhelmingly and of course without bias gave both the run and nosh a 10 out of 10. On that subject the catering department should get a big wrap for their efforts with KB helping to find the new location, cooked and provided the “A” grade eggs, Blacky provide the salad and top notch dessert of strawberries and ice cream and of course Botcho organised the gourmet burgers and did much of the cooking, with Swollen also helping out and apologies to anyone else I forgot.

As the night ended with pack huddled under a 4m x 4m shelter with 30 knot southerly winds and horizontal rain, I thought nothing stops the Hash from having a good Monday night out, On On and thanks to all for participating.
  Gold Coast Hash V8 Handicap Results

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Down Downs:
Botulism, Swollen, Rectum & Crocodile; Podium place getters

“Perkele” & Mother Brown; Visitors

Botcho; Self imposed, for wearing his new shoes

Rectum; Winging about handicaps (bring folding stuff next time)

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1771
Date: Monday 10rd October 2011
Hare: Rock Hard
Venue: Mudgeeraba
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 35
We passed Hungry Jacks on the way to the venue and wondered whether this would be tonight’s dining extravaganza, given the debacle which ensured following
Rock Hard’s previous run. However the Hash being a forgiving lot still turned out in good numbers hoping for better than KFC vouchers, and something more like crabs and lobsters.
After the hare’s instructions saying it was all on chalk, the pack headed off into the west along the busy main drag. Before long, however, Rock Hard had us off the main road and into the back streets and then into the depths of beyond along the nice bike paths through the lush surrounds.

The windy trail provided a short cutters paradise as following runners could spot the torches of the lead hounds and soon cut across and catch the pack, another novel way of keeping the pack together.

Swollen lead the pack for much of the first part and he soon lead us down a dodgy path to a dead end deck where the ever increasing numbers kept running and calling those behind. It was in fact the on back of all on backs with virtually the whole pack caught out.

Fortunately Veteran was not in attendance as he would have been horrified by such a callous act, what is this Hash coming to?

The paths eventually lead us to the bridge near Hardy’s road where we feared we might head up into the big back hills. Fortunately the trail continued on the eastern side of the creek as another good number of the pack got caught out at the on back at the top of the hill. Latrine had found us on his pushy and emerged from the shadows, yet again for another of his now becoming common guest appearances.

I’m sure he now hangs out in phone boxes leaping out in his Hash attire at any opportune moment. Inevitably we eventually ran along the pipe line and emerged at more back streets where the runners and walkers were sent on their separate ways.

I noted we ran down Moonbeams Parade but he was no where to be seen, another Hasher on tour. The final run leg saw us emerge near nude follies park to the sight of the full moon (thoughtfully signed by the Hare to look up at the right moment) and then past the cemetery, or the dead end of town.

The front runners, Rectum, Cumagain and Botulism were busy trying to increase their forthcoming V8 race handicaps. After some 55 minutes the runners and walkers arrived together on what was an excellent run in good territory and well marked.

The run report by Rectum was a glowing report of a good run with lots of checks and arrows but still gave it a hard mark of 6/10, but by applying the GM’s maths equation this was upped to 7/10. Rainbow also commented on it being a good stroll.

The nosh (Chilli beef and rice plus ice cream for dessert) report started with Botcho, then to Pile Driver who commented on still being hungry, Cumsmoke saying it was shit, KB complaining about the minuscule portion control and finally by Rabbit who gave it a worthy 6/10. A good all round effort with redemption on the horizon!
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Down Downs:

Sir Cumference & Prawn Star; Returning runners

Rock Hard; Hare

Rainbow; Flatulence event on run, in front of GM

Rectum; First non Hierarchy present at major on back event

Cumagain; Putting plastic plate on BBQ

Rock Hard; Organising to pick up fellow Hashers for lift but then forgetting to do so

Nasty & Show Pony; For not knowing whereabouts of foot

AH; Knowing whereabouts of foot

Cumsmoke and Caustic; As charged by Botulism for them being on Mixed hash Hierarchy and then complaining about Men’s hash

Cumsmoke; For wearing new gay purple shoes

Rectum; Birthday boy form last week and aborted sky diving effort

Pile Driver; POW from caustic for complaining about being still hungry (fill him up with beer he figured)

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 17th October Gold Coast 600, V8 Super Car annual handicap challenge

– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1770
Date: Monday 3rd October 2011
Hare: Bent Banana – Oktoberfest Extravaganza
Venue: Von Trap Mansion – Munichrarra
Runners: 44

Weeks to AGPU: 36
Das grosse numbers of das Herrs, das commandants and das dumbkopfs gathered at the Von Trap Manor for the highly anticipated Oktoberfest event. Der panzers parked all over the Manor’s immaculately kept grounds particularly the 4 wheel drive versions. Unfortunately there were no signs of the of the much anticipated fraulines with the grosse knockers (perhaps something to do with last weeks budget, or the Hash Cash needs another holiday soon)

Are you getting the drift here guys? Finally we were set on our way by the hare with the usual briefing of the usual sorts in possibly very usual terrain. The pressure was on, as a number of Brisbane Hashers had been invited under the guise of this being a top notch event run by a top notch Hash, sounds like a real estate agent spiel to me.
Anyway we set off across the road from Gracelands (aka Von Trap manor) and over into the neighbours yard, down the side, across the paddock and finally emerging at Nerang Broadbeach road. We then headed east before hitting the on back, which then lead us down the side of the golf course and into the swamp lands of Carrara, soon the new home of the Gold Coast Show. The pack zig zagged through the scrub, trees and creek crossings to emerge at the back streets and hills of the burbs.

However it wasn’t long before we ventured back into the scrub to trudge our way through the soft and soggy grounds. It seemed like we were going in endless circles but somehow we emerged back onto the road just in time to meet with the walking group and join in for the kilometre or so run home. A great well set and marked run venturing through new turf and keeping the pack well together. A well deserved 9/10 mark as given by Charred Arse.

The gathering back at the manor was enough to get any neo Nazi or white supremacist salivating until such time they found out the real truth behind the many strange get ups, particularly those of Sir AH, Josephine, Sir Rabbit, Caustic and the GM himself.

This fine ensemble resembled the cast of Hogans Heroes as they would look if still all around today. The nosh organised by Swollen and Jigsaw was a fine fair of meat balls, German sausage, sauerkraut, spuds, chook left over from the bike ride on Sunday and finished with fine strudel and ice cream. Also worthy of the 9/10 mark given by our Brisbane visitors.

Host Bent Banana had laid out his finest antique furniture for all to enjoy the outdoor dining experience, accompanied by the soothing German music in the back ground. At my end of the table we were entertained by Pizza’s commentary on how to make red wine from woe to go, all good except I forget to write it all down, no doubt the CD will be out soon.
Swollen ran the German trivia contest with Old Fart winning the priceless photo collection, which will no doubt soon appear on e-bay.

The RA also gave the pleasing news that Sir Point Two has decided not to run for Mayor of Urbenville but instead become a neighbour of the RA in the hills near Killarney.

What a great night, great run, great circle, great nosh, great venue and of course great company but where was the frauline that appeared in the photos?
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Down Downs:
Visitors and returning runners; including numerous Brisbane types along with Miscarriage and Flatulence

Shetland, Sir Slab, Sir Prince, Flasher & Ferret; Leaving on tours of duty (Sweden & Thailand)

Bent Banana: Hare

Jigsaw & Swollen; Cooks

Rugstein; Suspected spy infiltrating event and changing citizenship as a cover

Arseup; Drinking from wrong hand

Pizza; Parking Ute at front door of manor and ruining ambience of event (I thought his mere presence did that)

Miscarriage; Update on recent travels

Rectum; Wrong hand infringement

Caustic; Falling picture incident

Veteran; Falling over and hitting head incident

Dennis; Now known as Pile Driver

Charred Arse; For something to do with above mentioned naming

Caustic: As stand in for Phantom re visitor incident at Splinter lunch

Caustic; POW, because he’s just Caustic

**Anything above to referred to as “incident” means further details are available from those involved in said incidents **

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
– 17th October Gold Coast 600, V8 Supercar annual handicap challenge
– 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Run: 1768
Date: Monday 19th September 2011
Hare: Cumagen
Venue: The Observatory
Runners: 28 + 1

Weeks to AGPU: 38
What a difference a couple of weeks can make in Hash! A great venue, some hills, bush, great tucker and a great run, mixed with nearly summer like conditions.
It started a bit suspect though, Josephine’s high tech sat nav did not want to comply, or knew better, as it continually tried sending us any where but to the heights of the observatory.
Maybe it was there on a past run of many moons ago, freezing, windy, raining and a surplus of bush and hills. Times have changed with conditions much better, many more houses and bike paths but just as many hills.

We finally arrived with little thanks to “sulking Sally sat nav” to find Latrine had made yet another guest appearance and was deep in meditation, no doubt readying himself for the punishing run to come. Sir Prince even had to borrow the Princess’s V8 Merc to make it all the way to the run and get up the hills to the start.

Being on top of the hill the inevitable downhill leg started with a check and on back soon encountered followed by another up hill leg. Hard to put much into the description as similar to many of Sir Slab’s runs at Robina, one just seems to wonder back and forth with absolutely no idea where they are. Lots of bush, lots of bike paths, and of course lots of hills, though not the Blackstump “goes forever type”, just short and sharp.

Checks and arrows abounded as we continued through the night. It was hard to imagine how anyone could stray off such a well set course, however we always have serial offender, Flasher, in tow. He of the Hobbit build just has to go where no one else has gone before and runs right past double left “hard on” arrows and then has the audacity to yell out “are you on” as the rest of the pack easily follows the well set trail.

I would suggest that each week commences with an automatic icing of Flasher who would have, with very little doubt, somehow have missed the trail.
Back at base camp, and I do mean base camp, at some several thousand meters above the rest of the Gold Coast, the pack regroups to the free beers presented by birthday boys, Botulism and Sir Rabbit, as Latrine disappears, yet again into the night on his trusty tredly.

And speaking of tredlies much of the circle is spent on dishing out misdemeanours to those on the weekend 100km mountain bike ride down the Brisbane Valley, including numerous accidents and Flasher for trying the equivalent of rowing a bathtub around Cape Horn!
By the way, the nosh was a fine feast of de-boned chicken and speciality sauce with rice an veggies followed by raspberry tart and ice cream (I think), with many suggesting outsourcing via Mrs Cumagain.

The run was given a resounding 9/10 by both Caustic and Arse Up whilst Sir Rabbit gave the food great marks providing they were one less than his score of a few weeks ago meaning a paltry 6.5/10, it deserved better.

However it does make the race for the “run of the year score” very interesting. However Crocodile did complain about the walk saying they had to do it several times as they kept ending up at home.
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Down Downs:
Ringbark, Blackstump, Caustic (proxy for Latrine): Returning runners

Cumagain: Hare

Sir Prince: Hat in circle

Sir Prince: Prang at Esk on weekend trying to take out Hierarchy member (yours truly)

Missing Link: Prang at weekend

Flasher: Trying impossible feat on crap $89 Target bike

Crocodile: Prang on weekend, forgot to take foot of peddle

Sir Rabbit & Botulism; Birthday boys, thanks for the beers

Ferret: Assisting in updating records but writing Rainbow’s birthday as 31st February

Crocodile: Frivolous attempt at charging Sir Slab for affecting his golf game due to rigorous weekend

Caustic (alias/proxy for Latrine): & Missing Link: Not knowing location of “Mystery Foot”

Caustic (proxy for Latrine) & Rabbit (proxy for Caustic): being delinquents

Sir Slab was also presented with a rail spike from the rail trail for his efforts on the weekend

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
1. BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $10.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES
2. 3rd October, October fest run by Bent Banana, wear appropriate attire
3. 26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners, get your frocks out
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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run: 1767
Date: Monday 12th September 2011
Hare: Rectum
Venue: The Spit Main Beach
Runners: 34 + 1

Weeks to AGPU: 39
I keep saying this, but somehow another debacle was just avoided as Rectum stepped up to the plate to cover for Blowfly who had come up with some feeble excuse to avoid setting a run. How could the impending birth of your child be more important that Monday night at Hash?

It’s nearly as bad as staying away to celebrate a wedding anniversary. Anyhow the problems were just beginning as Rectum thought he had the quick fix sorted by negotiating with the local fish & chip shop for a bargain feed for 30+ athletes. However upon confirming at a later time, he found the person he had done the deal with was not there and no one knew of the event nor would they do the feed at the alleged price. After some nervous moments and smooth talking Rectum had saved his, well rectum, from an inevitable icing.

As we were on strict time limits we were quickly set on our way into very familiar grounds, it was just a mater of up the Spit to upset those that dwell amongst the bushes or down to Main beach to upset the local pimps and pros. Being told it was a seafood dinner we wondered whether the great Hierarchy had exceeded expectations and booked the Versace for dinner?

Or maybe at Saks, no onwards, possibly a seafood feast and open bar at Omeros brothers or Glass? We continued past these reputable venues and ran towards Fisherman’s Wharf, to start a fight some suggested. However upon sending in Cumsmoke as our decoy we discovered the on back and continued south to the Yacht Club.

Would I have to use my members card to get the rabble in for drinks at the bar? No onwards where the pack became confused and spread in all directions. Latrine, making a guest appearance, headed off to the south and soon returned sighting the on back. However he missed the on trail to the right and more confusion reigned. Fortunately, as often happens, the trail was rediscovered and we continued through the back streets emerging at the Surf Club for the run north along the beach path.

The actual trail headed down the beach but only a select few took the opportunity for the picturesque run alongside a moonlit ocean. Back on the path, and dangerously close to home, most of the pack turned left at the Mirage and headed for home. The remainder headed north to the Seaworld car park before turning back. A good run considering the difficult conditions.

The feed as expected was not as lavish as the Versace but at least next door (“pity the poor bloke paying $400 for the night listening to this lot”, Nasty commented), and the fish and chip feast was more than ample followed by ice cream on bread (as many had it).

Looking like a scene out of Alfred Hitchcock’s,” The Birds” we sat surrounded by the marauding seagulls ready to pounce on any discarded morsels or in fact any discarded Hasher.
AH was called for the nosh report and stated it could have been wrapped in newspaper and gave a 4/10 but this was upped to 5 upon appearance of the ice cream. Slab gave the run report saying it was well set and gave it a 5. A great effort at short notice, well done Rectum.
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Down Downs:
Prawn Star & Rainbow; Returning runners
John; Now named “Swindler” having worked or I“CON” Energy

Walkers were again called to notice by the RA and asked for their notes as to why they were walking. Crocodile quickly handed over a $20 and was excused, AH handed over his bank balance statement and was excused leaving Swindler and Kwakka to cop the down down

Mumbles; Not knowing left from right when asked to monitor the left handed drinkers

Crocodile & Missing Link; Drinking from wrong hand

Pizza & Cumsmoke; Double handed down downs for numerous charges as stated by Caustic including statements referring to the gay Hash, and I don’t mean happy Hash
Caustic; And iced for being a stool pigeon and laying charges in the first place

Nasty; As charged by rainbow for arriving at airport in Melbourne for flight but on the wrong day

Moonbeams; Trying to charge someone but backfired as he admitted to taking afternoon nap on a Monday

Lyn; Bilge Pumps missus showed up and partaking in a down down on Bilge’s behalf

Rectum; Hare
Cumsmoke; POW by Flasher for Gay aspirations. Footnote; With Caustic still on the ice it brought back memories of the past Hierarchy as all three exchanged abuses

IMPORTANT HASH EVENT:
BUDD’S BEACH BIKE RIDE, SUNDAY 2ND OCTOBER AT 09:30
BRING A CHAIR, ONLY $15.00 PER PERSON FOR A GREAT FEED,
DRINKS ON SALE AT USUAL ROCK BOTTOM PRICES

Annual Hash Relay
Since 1968 one of the highlights of hashing for us and many other Hashers has been the Annual Hash Relay. 
The 2012 Relay on 3/3/12 is planned to be ‘Off the Planet” with action centred in the Warrumbungles near the NSW Central West town of Coonabarabran.
Book your place in the GCHHH Team now

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On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs