Category Archives: Hash Run Reports

Run 1759

PLEASE NOTE; Due to your glorious Hierarchy’s ability to manage funds, the weekly food contribution has now risen to $135.00 (which includes the fact you do not pay the $15.00 on the night). However if you do not spend the full amount please don’t claim it as we will know by the quality and quantity of food and launch an immediate enquiry, and subsequent reprisals.

In the event you have a great event/idea planned and wish to spend above the allocated amount you must pre arrange this with the Hash Cash, Blackstump, who will kindly advise you to go “jump” (or on very rare occasions consider your request). Nights at pubs/restaurants will attract a $5.00 fee.

Run: 1759
Date: Monday 18th July 2011
Hare: Rectum
Venue: Pacific Pines
Runners: 23

Weeks to AGPU: 48
Our Driver for the night of the “Northern Alliance”, Sir Rabbit said “I know the way, just turn down Greenway then into whatever and we’re there, I’m sure it’s where we’ve had a run before”. Left, right, left, through 15 round abouts and still lost. At least we found McAully (or whatever it’s called) Drive and knew it was somewhere along here even though it seemed the length of the M1 and we turned the wrong way. However as with most Hash nights we eventually, along with many other lost souls, found the venue perched atop of the hill overlooking the Nerang State Forrest, Mumbles Country.
Instructions were simple, do the long, short or walk trails and you should be back in anywhere from 35 – 50 minutes according to Rectum, who said he ran it in 30 mins without doing the checks/on backs. What he didn’t mention was that he ran it in Olympic 1500 metre qualifying pace times. So the pack trundled off into the darkness heading down the hill towards the town centre. Facing on backs and checks a plenty the pack meandered its way along the roads and pathways until coming to the first bush section.

Here the markings diminished and scattered the pack somewhat, particularly at the next check, which saw runners disappear into various directions. Aussie finally found the trail heading back up along a fence line and again into the bush. Again we got somewhat lost before emerging back onto the streets for a short spell before running back into the final and in parts, sloppy, bush section. Some of the runners choosing the long run came home before the short run and walkers, with a few of these selecting the unmarked hill climb home through the scrub (ask Sir Prince about that section).

Back at home base the snacks were available as the Hare was busy preparing the nights feast of pasta and spicy 5 sausage (allegedly) sauce followed by pastries and gluhwein. A feast fit for a Gourmet Hash pack. Departing Hare, Dicky Knee, heading to the wet and chilly Melbourne was hopefully pleased at the effort put into his finale run/walk.
GM called the circle just after 8:00pm and asked Mumbles to give a run report, who commented that it was a good, but a bit muddy, run and giving a 7/10 mark. Cumsmoke gave the nosh report saying the Gourmet had come back into Hash and giving it a 756 mark (re deciphered to 7.5/10). Sir Prince Valiant also gave the story (as he does) of the run, many moons ago, sponsored by an eager Real Estate Agent.

Apparently many got lost only to return to an almost empty 10 gallon keg, reminiscent of the good old days. Mumbles was also asked to give a report on his recollection of his AGPU night to which he responded with “F.ck all” except the story of bruises, falling from the shower/bath and breaking two ribs and having part of the bath fittings collapse on him.

Thankfully this event only happens once a year. Swollen was absent, apparently resting from his recent Kokoda Challenge run and Moonbeams had Skyped Botulism from Magnetic Island showing off how tough his holiday was.

RA, Josephine, and coincidently last week’s Hash Cash sends greetings from his Pacific Cruise and looks forward to returning so this week’s Hash Cash, Botulism, can also go on leave (great gig this Hash Cash).

Miscarriage also had a whinge about having to clean up after last week’s fire remnants left at the beach side venue.
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Downs Downs;
Rectum; Hare
Mumbles, Dicky Knee, Truck Tyres (ex Sydney); Returning runners

Big O; Leaving Circle

Dicky Knee; Trying to dob in GM (exemptions apply) for holding drink in wrong hand

Bent Banana; Charged by caustic for derogatory remarks re resemblance to female rat

Bent Banana & Dicky Knee: For holding drinks in wrong hand during down down

Big O: POW for leaving circle (awarded by Rock Hard)

Miscarriage; Failing to know location of secret Hash foot in photos (was in photo of himself)

Dicky Knee; Farewell drink and touching speech
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Please also note that there will be family/partner invited Sunday Pizza Lunch at Botulism’s golf course estate at Chip in Court, Helensvale (next to Helensvale Golf Club House), commencing at noon on Sunday 21st August 2011. Hash will provide bases with guests bringing their preferred toppings. More details in coming weeks.
That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1758

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Please note as from next week, to ensure the words are being read, a “secret” Hash foot will be implanted in the weekly photos. During the circle the RA will randomly ask for the description of the photo where the “foot” is located. Non compliance will result in the usual and swift reprisal.

Run: 1758
Date: Monday 11th July 2011
Hare: Miscarriage
Venue: Emerald Lakes

Runners: 32 (including a wounded and early retiring Sir Slab)

Weeks to AGPU: 47
It was supposed to be Blackstump’s run at the Ponderosa ranch. However due to an attempt by the group of overachievers trying to emulate a geriatric version of the Tour De France peloton, Blackstump was involved in a rather nasty bike prang at Nerang Velodrome, rendering him incapable and consequently banished to Pindara Hospital for some forced rest and recuperation. Miscarriage was therefore thrust into the hare’s role at short notice.

Using this excuse, plus the fact that he had just returned from Sydney, no doubt with his twin in tow, watching the State of Origin in some dodgy pub in the midst of enemy territory he decided that the “quick fix” was another “postman’s” run. This occurred despite the revered Trail Master decreeing that this format should never be repeated, following the Mudgeeraba effort (albeit trying conditions). A good pack started the run with most willing to participate to see just how long before it deteriorated into the expected debacle. Seven envelopes were handed out at the start, with the first taking us to the western boundary of Emerald Lakes and the second under the road and through the golf club, somewhat resembling the reverse of a previous run. Somewhere the instructions must have got lost in translation as runners seemed to disappear once envelopes were read out. The diminishing pack headed into the depths and hills of Carrara still heading in the reverse of the past run.

The Hare seemed to be at the front most of the way ensuring the pack didn’t go astray, much to the opposite of the normal run routine. Some 15 runners stayed with the pack in fear of ending up lost in the depths of beyond, and continued along the hills and bike paths before emerging on Nielson’s road for the lengthy trek home, finishing in just over the hour.

In the meantime KB had been busy decimating a nearby tree in order to provide some much needed warmth on what was the coldest run night of the year to date and, in the process, contributing some $46.00 worth of carbon tax. It is good to see we are in safe hands when 30 + strange people resembling a hobo convention can start a huge fire in a residential enclave and not attract any real response.

Back at the hut, which after all these years still bore no working light, Miscarriage brought out the chicken wing entrées bringing back memories of Pizza’s “quail” wing debacle at Evandale, except these were reals chicken wings. Next up was the tasty chilli mince and mash, including real mince in generous quantities. The finale was the hot apple pie and ice cream favourite.

As the weather plummeted to below zero (well, felt like it anyway), the crowd gathered by the fire and watched the security vehicle do yet another drive by unfazed (or unwilling to respond) by the fire and gathering. Too much paper work to explain this one he figured. Sir Prince Valiant was the only person who ran here on run number #1, when this was the Surfers Paradise Raceway, and gave us an insight into the run on that memorable virgin night.

Miscarriage was asked to give a run report on his own event and commented, of course, how wonderful it was and how he kept the pack together. Sir Prince however did add that many a runner seemed to disappear at the varying stages. Jigsaw commented on the food giving it top praise and scoring it at 6.5/10. KB was also praised for his fine efforts at providing the excellent fire and was awarded a down down credit by the RA. Thoughts also go out to Now Loved who’s apparently feeling a little better. Send him a text or email guys.

Down Downs:

Stumpy (or is that Shorty); Visitor from Sunshine Coast Hinterland

Mags, Rob; Returning runners

Rob; Due to history in the seafood business was named “Prawn Star”

Prawn Star; Drinking from wrong hand during RA’s circle

KB; Drinking from wrong hand, lost his credit

Blowfly; Queue jumping in front of Hierarchy

Missing Link; Last year’s Hash Cash trying to do in this year’s Hash Cash, Blackstump, at aforementioned velodrome incident. Perhaps, for delving into last year’s financial affairs

Rectum; Using initiative (saying he had driven all the way from Toowoomba) to get into seeing Blackstump, however at same time GM & Pony were denied access

Flasher: Charged by Botulism for trying to get sympathy from nurse during visit to Blackstump in hospital

Rectum; Charged by Pizza for incident at AGPU

Sir Prince Valiant; Drinking from wrong hand

Rockhard; POW awarded by Caustic for carrying on about how warm his “Skins” gear was

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Disclaimer:Involvement in Hashing may be a dangerous sport. Related activities carry a significant risk of damage to property, personal injury or death. Participate at your own risk!

Run 1757

Run 1756

Run 1756
Date: Monday 27th June 2011
Hare: Missing Link & Cumsmoke
Venue: Cascade Gardens, Broadbeach
Runners: 30
Weeks to AGPU: 49

Missing Link, the nosh hare, looked on with growing anticipation as the numbers continued swelling. Despite the Council’s best endeavours to deter entry to the once popular park, some 30 eager hashers found their way to the venue. Missing Link advised he had better ring the missus (co-cook) and tell her to add more water to the nosh to ensure enough to go around.

Cumsmoke, the run hare, then took the stage and advised it was payback time, there was a walkers trail, a short run and a long run and is was on south (surprise, surprise). So off we trotted to the convention centre then on over the road, further south and then down towards the Oasis shopping centre, around the streets, through the dining crowds and then north along Surf Parade, which turned out to be a good extra loop. The trail then headed east towards the beach to our second check opposite Kurrawa Park. We seemed to have lost Bent Banana and some followers despite the Hare, Cumsmoke standing at the check (having driven here in his ute). The remainder found the on trail and headed north along the beach road wondering when we would finally turn for home.

We arrived near Garfield Terrace with again the hare in attendance, where Blackstump took the initiative and opportunity to call him a “brainless twit” (or something along those lines anyway). By the now the pack was faltering as we continued towards Northcliffe Surf Club, where we came upon our first on back (and being called through) much to Veteran’s annoyance (once again). We veered back and turned west where we found a few lost runners including Blackstump. The trail then headed over Isle of Capri Bridge, where I, having done the circuit on many occasions decided to do the right thing and keep Blackstump company for the run home.

Miscarriage and his mate Brendan (or is that Brian), Swollen and Rectum finished the long trek around Monaco street, TE peters Drive and back past the convention centre. A few others including Slab, Veteran and Sir Rabbit (not wanting to peak too early for his half marathon run), decided to turn back for home along the highway, succumbing to a moment of common sense.

Back at the venue Missing Link brought out the huge pots with the crowd eagerly awaiting the traditional Vindaloo and Massaman Curry. I must say there was plenty of rice and the apple pie and custard dessert was fine however there were some very mixed reviews on the main course, probably something to do with trying to stretch the feed to cater for the numbers. Anyway it is feared, though I’m assured, that no Ibis were harmed in the making of this feed (although none were spotted in their usual nesting place).

The circle was called with GM, Shat, calling for run reviews with Sir Rabbit giving it 5/10, Veteran 6/10, and Miscarriage 6/10, a very pleasing 16/10 (probably getting bonus points for intense planning and creativity!!!!). Both Show Pony and Kitchen Bitch complained about the nosh, with both commenting on the inability to actually find any chicken 3/10.

Down Downs:
Missing Link & Cumsmoke; Hares

Swollen Colon was given a 30 second icing but no down down (Hierarchy exemption) for a rule #16 infringement, caught training on Sunday (training for Kokoda challenge run, overachiever!)

Miscarriage; 3 x down downs, two for holding beer in wrong hand whilst guest RA, Two Dogs, holding court and one for his twin’s indiscretions in the old dart. Too long a story to repeat here but suffice to say it included stairwells, locked doors, and naked people.

Truck Tyre & Brendan (or is that Brian); visitors

Rainbow; POW (from Bent Banana) for speeding and illegal U turn on the way into run venue

Bent Banana; as charged by Ferret for claiming and eating Sir AH’s meal at Splinter Hash Lunch
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Caustic Crusader also gave a story about a potential future Hasher, which is probably best repeated by Caustic himself. Remind him by asking for the “Toblerone Story”
Story came from the Splinter Lunch about Sir Cumference winning lots at the pokies and doing the generous gesture of shouting 20 schooners for the crew. Unfortunately (or fortunately, depending on how you look at it) only about half a dozen remained to finish the beers.

Miscarriage also gave us the story of his runs with London Hash (young overachievers apparently) and Phuket Hash, where three people passed away in 3 days (not going there!).
Also please note Brisbane Hash, “Over 60’s” lunch on Friday 22nd July at Clayfield. A few from the Gold Coast Hash already confirmed as going up. See Shat if interested.

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1755

2 Replies

Run 1755
Hare: Swollen Colon
Location: Olympic Court, Southport
Date: 20th June 2011

Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 50

Firstly I must thank Swollen for the great mystery prize of an ironing board cover etc as it actually went over as a treat to Mrs Two Dogs, who knew the product, how much it was worth and even advised that we actually also have one of our own. However that’s where the joy ended. And thanks to Bent Banana for waiting as he could have continued running and would have won the prize for himself, being the closest to finishing at the mystery time.

The venue was Swollen’s factory at Southport, at which the car park was adorned with numerous ironing boards (No doubt Swollen’s antique ironing board collection). This giving ex GM, Flasher a flutter of excitement and something that will no doubt stir up Goatfarka when he sees the photos (he’ll probably go on a rampage and acquire them for mass fish filleting practices). Of note too was the excellent fire with ironing board being used as a grate to cook dinner on and the now familiar fruit stall. Ferret had also brought along some of his treasured Hash magazines and Year Books, donating them for others to read. I’m sure with a bit of persuasion we could conscript Swollen into turning his factory into a Hash apparel emporium providing us with a complete and only finest of garb for now and the future.

The run brief began with explanations that the trail could involve pink paint, yellow paint, chalk, flour and or paper and was on and right up the hill. The only problem was that whilst the fluoro paint may look great in the daytime it was barely visible at night. Somehow the pack managed to still find their way to the bush at the end of the street, where we continued on pink paint and paper. After a while we emerged at the main road and headed back around towards and past home, a very dangerous practice. We lost most of the pack previously with others heading west before stumbling across the home trail far too early. The remainder of us went north, then west past the council depot and back into some bush before again emerging on Wardoo Street.

By now only Rectum, Bent Banana, Veteran, Blackstump, Rock Hard and I were left and spent some time at the check opposite Johnstone Street trying to find the trail. We finally continued on the path parallel to Smith Street, with Blackstump declaring enough is enough and heading for home. The remaining 5 followed the trail back into the bush across the paddock and into the back streets near the Uni.

We eventually emerged near Bunning’s on Olsen Avenue and trudged wearily up the hill and back to Southport Nerang road and then back to where we were before, apparently missing the home trail somewhere past Bailey Crescent (probably where the yellow paint trail was hidden). After some one hour and 17 minutes we emerged back to the waiting pack.

Lucky for Swollen, as in the old days this would have resulted in 17 minutes on the ice.

Soon the fine meal of curries, greens and spuds was served up on the ironing board trestles and the pack soon made short work of the feast provided. The GM then adorned his Cop hat and baton and declared the circle open, being held around a ring of now carefully positioned ironing boards (another first). The run critique by Rectum gave it a good wrap with a 7 from 10 mark, however Rug was a bit less generous giving it a 6. Ferret commented on the food saying it lacked sweets but otherwise good.

Down Downs:
Swollen Colon: Hare

Swollen Colon: 69 runs

Moonbeams: 500 runs (Sub Committee being formed to investigate claimed extra 1500 runs with Sydney)

Sir Point Two: 1000 runs (gifted with priceless & tailored Sports Jacket)

Bob: Now named Bondage (due to Alan Bond look alike)

Roy (ex Barnacle): Now named The Big Orifice, or Big O for short

RA Josephine took over proceedings instigating the rule of left hand held drinks only, being watched over by Rug.

Further down downs went to:

Kitchen Bitch & Flasher: Only ex Hierarchy present being punished for avoiding down downs at AGPU

Flasher: Ex GM being punished for nominating Josephine for Worst Nosh award and then being dumb enough to give him unprecedented powers as the new RA.

Flasher: Wasting energy by leaving hot water running in factory

Bondage, Big O & Rug: For holding drinking vessel in right hand (and Rug for not noticing)

Show Pony, Sir Prince Valiant, & VD: Returning runners

Bent Banana: POW as nominated by Flasher (f..ked if I can remember what for)

Big O: Mobile going off in circle

Sir Prince Valiant also gave us a short brief on some happenings (something to do with certain person being evicted from the Ritz) at the royal wedding but preferring to wait until Miscarriage’s return before giving a comprehensive wrap up.

The night finished with a David Copperfield impersonation by Flasher (magic trick) and a joke by Swollen to top off another good night
For your info the “other” Down Down tune being used by the GM goes like this:

“He ought to be publically pissed on,
He ought to be publically shot,
He ought to be tied to the urinal and left there to fester and rot,
Drink mother…ker, drink mother…ker etc”

That is all,
On On from “The Desk”

Gold Coast Hash House Harriers

The Gourmet Hash