Run: 1712
Hare: Shat & Veteran
Location: Biggera Waters
Date: 23rd August, 2010

Lands End bridge is not that hard to find …. Just follow the water keeping it on your right.

Well that’s OK for some….. but Scout masters like a tougher challenge than that!!!!

…….Like head North. Hmmmmmmmmm The tails of Old Fart continue in this exciting episode of ……….Old Fart lost in the bush volume 3…….. More later…..

A stroll around Biggera Waters and up to the smallest park on the Gold Coast to find Shat and Veteran with their stolen Coles shopping trolley and a bucket of “Drink Stop piss” made from Penfolds 707 and the finest ginger beer…….. then back to the Nosh for a feed of spuds, followed by an Adelaide favourite ( according to Veteran)the famous “Pie Floater” topped off with an icecream cone stolen from the back of McDonalds.

OLD FART is still not back and search party discussions fall on deaf ears!!!!!!!

Better save some nosh for Old Fart …. Fuck him !!

Circle is called at 8.06pm

First up …. Hares Shat and Veteran

The standard of the night is set early with Shat calling the GM a cunt.

Flatulence offers comment on the nosh … Pies and Spuds “a bit starchy GM”

Bella the R/A’s girl liked it (only time it gets a feed)

5 out of 10 was the score from Flatulence.

Pussy Boy gave the run comment ……. Very “straight forward” good to see large arrows

Moon Beams rose to his feet to give a note.

Returning runners .. Hitler, Pussy Boy, and Swollen were asked for excuses it seems working, girls and getting your dick wet took some preference to hash …….. (go figure which one the excuse applies to)

It’s 8.15 and a huffing and puffing Old Fart has found his way out of the scrub to join the pack.

Just in time to witness Pussy Boy and Hitler in a “Photo opportunity” with the tool of humiliation …….. That’ll teach them for talking about wet dicks!!!

Miscarriage gives a nooooooooooooooooote!!!!!

R/A is called to circle ……… He MUST have amazing powers !!!!!!!!! No RAIN !!!!!

R/A opens with 1, 2,3, 4 shit jokes.

KB is called to circle on some trumped up charge about R/A abuse

…….. Shoes off KB ..You’re on the ice!!!!!!!!!

Piss off you pricks ….. this hurts!!!!!

Swollen sets off the fireworks to mark the occasion.

KB gives Swollen a note!! Miscarriage gets it for touch parking a brand new car ….Point Two gives him a note!!

POW Guitar Man is called . I have a couple of nominations .

1. R/A is a cunt (that will get you a long way Guitar Man . You need to be named yet!!)

Miscarriage says not good enough to have that name ….. (another bold statement considering the potential consequences)

1. Rockhard ….. a serial offender for POW .

Rockhard gets it …….. Guitar Man offers a note and Rockhard proceeds to take the rest of the night to consume the half yard of POW piss.

KB is off the ice ………. (Fuck it hurts )

R/A calls Guitar Man back in to discuss his potential Hash name.

Rainbow’s hump, Piss Bucket, and O-Fender are suggested as names for this out of work muzzo mate of Rainbow’s.

However this is cut short with R/A abuse from Guitar Man and he finds himself on the ice compliments of our R/A.

Charges are called for.

Miscarriage charges Sir Rabbit with purchasing “NEW TACKLE” for Mrs Rabbit Hmmmmmmm !!

Goat Farka charges Old Fart with having to wait on three occasions now for his nosh. Quoted as 1 hour 2 hours and now 3 hours late … Goat Farka’s inventive mind has come up with a solution ……… Goat Farka produces a game fishing rig with a yellow belt to go around Old Fart’s neck ……….. We can reel the cunt in after 1 hour claims Goat Farka, then I can get my nosh on fucking time for once!!!

Goat Farka gives a note and the pack sing the DD song at Old Fart pace.

Croc gets it for “hairy palms” … feel this boys !!!!! Then they get to know they are transplanted pubic hair having had his hand on his cock for the last 5 minutes .. a dash to the dettol bottle follows for the pack.

Cumagen gives a note.

Sir Rabbit reminds all of the Splinter lunch.

Bike Ride this Sunday too!!!

Aussie tells the story of a women’s work is never done …….. So let the lazy bitches get up 2 hrs earlier. ( good luck Aussie)

Swollen told the tale of his visit to Tamworth Hash …… seems he snook up on a Goat Farka just like ours in MANY ways ……. 100 nannies in one night … that’s our boy !!!!!!!!!

Seems G- string and new set of jugs flashing is all the go in down town Tamworth.

Old Fart reminds the pack that the scouts are fund raising looking after the Basketball ISL comp next weekend at TSS ……… should be some great competition and well worth a look he says.

Sir Prince brought news of a previous member Vial ……. Seems he is on the way to wealth and fortune putting together Tattslotto syndicates cost free (to him) and making a fuck up of Chinese bride selection using the same process.

NEXT WEEKS RUN …….. Unknown (seems Hitler is off getting his dick wet again)

8.45pm circle closes.

Cumsmoke and his love head off to a night together and Old Fart can’t find his way to the car……… Another day in Hash land ends.

On On

KB

Run 1711

Lost in Cyber Space

Run: 1710
Hare: Rock Hard & Sir Rabbit
Location: Nerang
Date: 9th August, 2010

The pack gathered ready for a run knowing full well this was sure to be into the dark back blocks of the Nerang state forest. A few questioned flew through the heads of the GCHHH as they waited, will the R/A’s powers be tested with such a bad weather forecast, also “where the fuck” are the booze masters?? Hares Sir Rabbit and Rockhard promise a great run and NO-ONE will go hungry tonight.
The pack charged off into the darkness over the latest innovation in hash trail setting …………………..
Microscopic arrows >>>>>>>>>>>>>>> Seems Jigsaw has been holding quiet lessons in arrow sizes and placement. The FRBs get completely lost at the half way point and it is only the glow of the bike track that guides the wayward pack back to the nosh area. Sir Prince and Sir Rabbit get ambushed by a yowie and call for new kimbies.

Back at the nosh area!!!!!!!

Where the fuck are the boozemasters ???????????

Frantic phone calls go out and it revealed the booze masters have been on the piss at the brewery and on the way with the Mr Whippy brew and the GCHHH new Keg Gig equipment.

A SPECIAL NOTE OF THANKS to Pizza who has donated on permanent loan the SEVEN kegs required to stock our brews ………. That’s $560.00 worth of savings. Thanks heaps Pizza.

Nibbles are served and Sir Rabbit proudly advises Aldi has had some great $1 bargains.

The statement by Sir Rabbit proves to be totally accurate the nosh has NO portion control and the hearty beef curry is dished out in huge portions.

Saved by the bell the booze masters arrive and show living proof of “don’t fuck with the gas pressure” …………. The final result gets the nod from all with great comments on the new Keg Gig booze set up. Seems the Booze Masters give it the vote too.

8.28 GM Flasher calls circle and the R/A’s powers immediately fail ……….. Seems he may have almighty powers but he cannot control the human intervention with the flood lights that go out at the very second Flasher calls “circle”
8.29
The Hares are first up as usual ………… Sir Rabbit and Rockhard.

Rectum gets the job of trail report……… Micro arrows!!!!!! Seems he went via the hospital to the nosh. Even the skills of FRB Rectum failed on the micro arrows. Rockhard takes the comments to heart and responds with very humble “fuck off” you winging prick.

Bent Banana comments on the nosh calling it a “meaty curry” very tasty and gives it 8/10 seems Sir Rabbits secret herbs and spices are all handmade ….. Aussie wants to know how he makes the “comin”

Missing Link gives the hares a note !!!!!!
KB gets called into circle …….. seems the GM has retracted his demand for spell check closure and protests about misspelling Flazzher. KB gets to pick a proxy DD and the obvious choice is Aussie.
Aussie gets a DD and a further “D” on his dunce’s hat!!

GM Flasher announces a VERY IMPORTANT point for hashers to NOTE ……. There will be a yellow card in the photos or the hash trash each week to check if members have read or viewed them. The penalty for not knowing the code for the week ………. Icing !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Goat Farka announces a pending move to Cairns and mix with fucking up the booze is called to circle, his backchat to GM sees him instantly ordered to “all fours” Caustic is called in and the pipe of H#@$%&*%$# is applied ……… Caustic seems to enjoy the experience and gets flushed with excitement (see photos) Goat Farka goes to jerk off the appendage between Caustic’s legs and promptly snaps the end off it !!!!!!!!!!!! Hmmmmmmmmmmmm (rule one ??????)

Ice him !!!!!!!!!!!!! Follows the act of GM tool abuse …… so now Goat Farka is on the executive seats with the last parcel of ice firmly tucked under his crack. Bent Banana is called on the offer a “hash prayer” at the threat of a DD if not ……… Bent Banana does a great job on Mr Bangles and missed the DD.

The R/A is called …………..
Goat Farka is let off the ice.

KB and Goat Farka are called to circle and an AMAZING MOMENT of shyness overcomes the R/A who discharges the pair without penalty and announces he has NO material………… The fact is he did have dobbed info but had looked to the heavens and could see his arse was heading to the ice if that cloud dumped its guts on the pack ……(Which it did 3 minutes into the trip home and hasn’t stopped yet) Amazing powers of the R/A.

Charges are called for ………….
It backfires on the R/A who gets a DD and Rug gives a note.
The R/A is straight back in with the dog food stash of half a plate of Sir Rabbit’s stew sitting in the R/As dish………. Seems his excuse was two ham and egg rolls at 4.30 pm GM votes the R/A guilty as charged and a DD followed.

Josephine is called to circle to be presented with the freshly hashed 700 run flak jacket.

Sir Slab is asked to give a note ………. WITH PLEASURE GM was the response.

Well done Josephine !!!!!!!!!!!

POW Bung announces he only has one suspect ……. Botcho !!!! Seems a secret e-mail on photo paparazzi has leaked back to Bung.

Botcho immediately does a dash to the Botcho Machine to produce the first “Gold Card” let off claim.

Then Botcho completely fucks up the use of the card when Bung hands the choice back to GM

Flasher to choose another POW …….

Botcho steps up to cop the POW anyway and says goodbye to his treasured Gold Card too. Seems asking the pack to get it back was met with “fuck off” sympathetic responses (sharing and caring lot)

Botcho sets a new record for the POW yard glass with no less than SEVEN gulps to finish it.

Sir AH calls for numbers for the Great Spit Bike Ride………. E-mail Sir AH please.

Sir Slab gets a leaving DD …. He has saved up his pension monies and is off to share a backpackers in the humble town of Thredbo Village for the next three weeks.

8.58PM Circle closed.

Booze masters last to arrive and last to leave…….. Thanks guys!!!!!!!!
3 Minutes later it pissed down raining and STILL is !!!!!!!!!!!!
PS …….. Don’t forget the yellow card code !!!!!!!!!!!
On On!

Run: 1709
Hare: Now Loved & VD
Location: Miami
Date: 2nd August, 2010

Thu winta chills blowin across the parkland did not deturr thu GCHHH pak .

Word had spred that thu traila was out of mothballs and a heartey barbq was on offa.

Tha pack set off on a trail north along tha beech, however the smell ov a cold ail was two much for a small pac of walkas who headed off ova tha hill led by Dickie knees ( two of them this week).

Tha pub on the corna was the gathering spot for few of tha pak, watching the FRBs running by three times they then joined in the trek back ova tha hill and down to the nosh area.

Traila, extra barbq, lights and a host of amature chefs greeted tha pak.

Back to cans of beer toonite boys, Cumagen has old stock to get rid of befour we get into the keg gig.

Goat Farka arrives to assist booze master finds its two cold and heads off looking for his dummy.

Cicle is called at 8.16 PM

The hairs are first up and some form of political propagader cup kakes are handed out to the pak.

Two ugly foatos are on the icing (icing should have been the areses… ^{on sec}) a clear breech of rule one of hash is called by all. Mumbles is asked four comment on the nosh and gets caught with a mouth full of the g@# kake………. His comments are understood by all !!!!!!!!!

Auzzie sucks up to the GM again!!!!!!! Dobbing in the “over the hill” gang.

Ferrett gives the nosh 7.5 outa 10 and comments its great to see the traila outa mouthballs.

GM Flasha has another neer miss of a Flasha Fuck Up and calls Josephine into circle. Stand by Josephine !!!

Bent Banana gives a note to the hairs and the rabble give the worst DD song in hash history and get away with it !!!

Josephine …. Your back now …… Wot do you get four $8500 and 15 years ……….. 700 runs that’s wot!!!!!

Well Done!!!! Josephine ……… He gets fitted at great expense for his flack Jacket to be suitably “Hashed” to recognize this enormous effort.

Missing Link give a note…….

The R/A is called and has appeard with a hair cut obviously from the training academy for $5 or he has resorted to uzing the dog clippers….. either way the popal hat back PLEASE.

KB gets called to circle and gets charged with fishin instead of attending the byke ride recky on Sundy. KB gets a yellow card for GM and MFLE disrespect … Trumpped uppppp!!!!!!

KB is called back to circle for another DD (seems GM Flasha is gonna give the on sec greef over the Fuck up comments) On sec claimes the need to report the truth and how it is …….. as all journalists should. KB is charged with spellin things rong and GM suggecsts turning off tha spell chek on the computa. AS you can cee I have tayken his advice.

Auzzie gets a DD for no hash gear …… sucking up is working great so far !!!!!!

VD gets aDD for introducing Geoff (now loved) to the pak.

Dicky Knee(s) gets a DD for having a little dick …… R/A is just jelous!

GM gets it for claiming a sore sholda and Dicky Knee taked the DD.

Sir AH gives a note.

Vetran and Misscarrraige get a DD for waysting free birthday crowneys. Vetran says “ wasntme” drink it anyway Vetran.

Charges are called for ……….

Misscarrrraige calls Sir Prince for disclosing his chronic case of herpes.

Sir Slab calls Ferret, Missing Link and Sir Prince in to explain the splinter lunch additional activities.

Seems the vague recakll is Melbas around 4.30 for a roady, Irish pub (somewhere) for 3 Pints (each) Ferret seems to recall a surf club in the mix somewhere too. Nowmal domestic harmony from the group seem to be the reports with “you’re a discrace” Banned for 1 month, Your kidding you want sex!!!!!.

Two Dogs gives a note!!

PS ….. Seems Link has late recalled ……..6.30 pm arrival , two days later some communication, still not talking much (lucky barstard)

Pommie is called to circle ……….. R/A declares his name “Pommie” has NOT been issued under strict Hash rulz and declares his official hash name is RECTUM …… something to do with Bottomley as a surname I’m told.

A touching naming ceremony followed with GM Flasher christening RECTUM with holy water and R/A dubbing him named RECTUM.

POW Sir slab ……… gave it to Blackie in absetier . So Bung copped it for just being there.

Three goes at the half yard glass was not a bad effort.

Sir Slab reminded the pak of the bargain prices for only $120 going to $150 next week …… so flick your doe to Flasha and he will send it on.

Sir AH declared the “ great bike ride “ entreez opened for Sunday the 29^th

Moonbeams continued to suck up looking for a gold card …… to no avail not sucking hard enough yet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Vetran ….. dobbed Sir Rabbit and Rock hard for some shit …. But by now the on sec is getting a bit pissssed and carnt read his scribble.

Sir AH , Now loved, VD.

The Bithdat guys get a note ….Thanks for the crownies boys !!!!!!!!

9pm on the dot circle closed.

On On

Kitchen Bitch

PS Thanks heaps Goat Farka for doing the notes last week … great job!!!! ……..On sec

Run: 1708
Hare: Flasher & Stubby
Location: Mudgeerabah
Date: 26th July,

The GM Flasher stumbled down the road, covered in blood looking like the result of a poorly planned pack rape. We knew this was not going to be an easy run.

Stubbie patched Flasher with band-aids and we listened with intent to the trials awaiting our run. Goatfarka (welcome back) and Sir Slab kindly left their vehicle interior lights on for the pack to see with. This thoughtfulness was disregarded by the pack and as the jeering ensued, Slab and Goatfarka were called forth to turn off their lights. In a passing moment of Alzheimer’s, Slab didn’t think it was his car despite the SLA88 number plate. Goatfarka’s beast has permanent interior lighting due to an unfortunate Coconut tree accident. Much to the disappointment of the “pull out your light bulb brigade”, Goatfarka disconnected the battery instead.

The run was a beauty, the pack howled together up hill and down dale, through fences, under logs and past residents eating BBQ Lamb dinners. The position of Flashers pack rape was clearly marked with a “Fairy Light Grotto” and a Hare’s only drink stop. Flasher attended the Grotto drinking Champagne and listening to Dave Brubeck’s “Un-square Dance” while the hounds passed by; it can only be assumed that rule one of Hash had been broken and obviously enjoyed by the GM as he was toasting all and sundry with a bashful smile as we passed!

Short cutting Bastards arrived home early only to discover that Cumsmoke had completed the run in a record breaking 1 minute and 53 seconds. He rewarded himself for this effort with 3 packets of cheesels, one packet of chips, a bowl of dip and a Jatz cracker. Stubbie the resident Hare was too pissed to know that Cumsmoke had single handily demolished the packs Houderves and offered him more!!

The pack bantered, consumed ales and food then the circle was called.

No one listened and the circle was called again.

Two Dogs was shaking his head murmuring that the circle hasn’t even started and it’s a debacle already.

Finally, the circle started, Moonbeams seemed to be having a circle of his own with Aussie not knowing what circle he should attend so he went to both.

A yellow card was immediately given to Rock Hard for nothing else other than he was breathing.

The “Pack Raped” GM (still bleeding) called forth the Hares, Stubbie and of course himself. Pommie (not his real name) gave the run the thumbs up as did Girls. Stubbie, as blind as he was still, managed the DD.

Moonbeams circle was still in full swing and despite being called outspoken and rude by the GM, his ranting continued.

Little was said about the nosh even though Aussie had 14 helpings. A mammothly upset Ferrett, noted us all as being ungrateful bastards and gave the nosh 51 out of 10. The pack took this on board and agreed with Ferrett, yes, we are indeed a bunch of ungrateful bastards.

Returning runners were a plenty; Goatfarka, Sir Slab, Aussie, Rainbow and Crocodile – all of them having a swill from the chalice. New runner, the “virgin” Adam was also given a Down-Down for turning up.

Cumsmoke, the resident religious adviser, was called forward and immediately bayed for charging hounds. Moonbeams, not to be mistaken for a blithering idiot, broke from his own circle, entered our circle and proceeded to charge Cumsmoke. I deemed scribing the matter a waste of ink and kept no records.

Crocodile, eager to get someone in trouble, charged Cumagain with not wearing Hash attire. This charge was quickly defused with a strip show, followed by a Down-Down by Crocodile for the false accusation. During the evening it was noted that 7 Hashers entered the circle with hats on, all escaping the wrath of the GM much to the disappointment of the little dobber Aussie.

Platinum card holders were given DD’s for not using them in the manner they should- icings are being prepared for them next week.

Cumsmoke was handing out Down-Downs to all and sundry but ended this when those charged began to die of dehydration. It seems that, despite the training and mentoring program in place at GCHHH Cumagain has continued in poor form with the filling of the DD cups with the moment being lost for most of the accused. Cumagain, due to his constant incompetence, felt he should be permanently relieved of his hierarchy position.

Come forth for your naming! Pommie, alias “Steven Mark Bottomley” has run with hash for 89 years and still has no Hash name. Fortunately for Pommie, the name Arsehole is taken. The committee has thinking caps on and will soon dish out an inappropriate name I am sure.

A sudden hush came over the huddle as P.O.W holder; Sir Prince Valiant stepped into the limelight and proceeded to throw in 3 nominations for the award, Rock Hard, Missing Link and Rock Hard again?! Missing Link apparently told a floundering Prince Valiant at the beginning of a hill run to “Fuck off and harden up” This outburst of unfriendliness however was not enough to win the award which rightly shocked the shit out of all of us. Rock Hard took out the award for International Hash travel infringements and was consequently named P.O.W. Sir Prince specifically noted his pathetically poor packing ability, ridiculous choice in tropical attire (obviously confusing Borneo for Bolivia) and lack of concern for the environment as the A380 jet had to take on board extra fuel to transport Rock Hards shit overseas. Rock Hard completed his down down in style, drinking the ale through a penis shaped device much to the disgust of Josephine. Rule 1, teetering on the edge yet again. Moonbeams decided to close his circle and join ours. Sir AH put us all on notice regarding the Urbenville bike ride from Budds beach to the Spit on Sunday the 29 August, 10 am. More details will follow. Splinter lunch is on, hosted by Two Dogs at Juliana’s Paradise Point. BYO everything except food, corkage unknown, may require a second mortgage.

Next weeks run: Nobby Beach location run called “120 yrs of wisdom” – obviously not a reflection of the two 60 year old Hares putting the run on, it must be regarding something else.

The GM closed the circle and was last seen running, still bleeding, into the bush towards the grotto for an On-On that will most likely leave rule one in tatters forever…

On-On

Goatfarka Standing in for Hash Trash scribe “Kitchen Bitch”.