It is with a heavy heart and a shitfull of utter disbelief that I read of the apparent demise of the hasher named Cum Smoke. Surely no man could make the same mistake in such quick succession and it is with this point in mind that I feel scorn should be placed on the assertion.
Has anyone seen this supposed wife and Cum Smoke together at the same place and time? Need I remind you all of such films as Victor/Victoria or more appropriately for Cum Smoke, Mrs Doubtfire? No, I thought not, this is most likely another manifestation of his rather overused imagination.
And if she is real, then is it a true union of two souls or merely a Cum Smokescreen? Remember if you will, the so called nuptials of Elton john or Michael Barrymore ( pommy entertainer who enjoyed the insertion of inanimate objects into body cavities) need I say more?
So, without a shred of corroboration I declare this mismatch a complete falsehood.
Perhaps we could suggest Cum Smoke for the Australian version of The Batchelor? Though on second consideration, where are we likely to find twelve women with ocular impairment, auditory exclusion and who are bereft of both taste buds and an olfactory system?
First thing up will be a renaming…… I suggest ‘up in smoke’
Now down to a few suggestions to make this occasion stick so we do never see him again…
Wedding present …. suggest a whip around to buy a bar b q spit
Location …. probably the brides tribal land
Meal ….. A hungy would be popular with the new in laws
Invitations ….. Best via phone ( Appeas not many new in laws read)
Speaches …. Flasher will do these as he is the least racist we have.
Honeymoon…… Back to the land of the long white cloud
Bridesmaids …… Any two of the brides ten sisters (fabric is expensive you know)
Ring …… Through nose to not clash with existing piercings
However a word of caution …… Cumsmoke will do anything to get laid …. so let us make sure this is for real before spending all this money on a spit.
Christ!!….What irreverent crap that Caustic Crusader talks.
I had to get down from polishing the Ritual Candle on the Altar to receive a call from him to tell ME to preach to the converted that Cum Smoke had passed away…..10 Hail Mary’s to him.
Fcuking Pagan idiot!!
Radio Scotland reporter Haggis McJerkey has filed a “flash report” on the unfortunate demise of our venerable Hasher Cumsmoke
It is with regret we inform H3 that they have lost their dear Hasher Cumsmoke;this has cum out of the blue and the illness progressed rapidly and has now proven to be terminal
Early diagnosis was liver and kidney failure but laterly it was his weak heart that suck-cumed !
Autopsy revealled the demise was caused by the dreaded “Marriage Bug”
Cumsmoke has now gone to a higher place and he will scatter his H3 ashes on his honeymoon cruise in 3 weeks before returning to a new marital bed in Pacific Pines
Its also reported that his old residence which has still not been fully vacated has been seconded by Lurch so there is no road back for our walking Michelin man !
(That underhanded ba—ard Lurch shows real leadership and initiative qualities in this matter that should prove valuable as potential Hierarchy material)
In recognition of a fallen Hasher we wish Hymn Hymn fcuk Hymn
Further report from our Yorkshire Times correspondent rectum to follow
any tribute would be appreciated by the dearly departed Cumsmoke so show your ineer feelings in these sad times !!
You must be logged in to post a comment.