Date:5/9/2016

Location: Miami

Hare: Ferrett

Hashers: 23

If Sir Bob Geldorf was a hasher, he probably wouldn’t have thought about writing a song called – I Don’t Like Mondays because he would have been out enjoying himself on Mondays like we did at Ferret’s run last Monday evening. Appropriately named Bazza’s Birthday Bash, this event is getting better each year like red wine.Walkers and runners headed off in different directions and soon the first group of runners were under fire from the bouncers at the Monday event at Miami Marketta especially after Flasher told the rather calories overloaded Bro to -come and have a run and lose some weight. I don’t think Flasher will be showing his dial around there anytime soon as the CCTV footage should make an interesting photo on the who not to admit list. There’s one thing about familiar territory run as hashers relax and have a chat about solving the world’s problems and soon the kilometres just pass by and no one gets lost.The walkers were abandoned by a flu affected/map holding Sir Slab midstream and local Slug stepped up made sure all got home.

Menu lists were placed on the tables and they read like this – Cheese and Jatz Crackers, Minestrone Soup(Homemade Brand) with Garlic Bread and Parmeson Cheese,Chilli
Con Carne with rice, coleslaw and pasta, Fried Bananas with Ice Cream, Birthday Cake, accompanied by Complimentary CUB Crown Lagers. It was just one conga line after another for the next course as we worked through the menu. Every man (including hasher KB) and dog (the suburb was like Bali with hordes of mutt nosh sniffers) arriving for the food they could smell. Some of the mutts even brought their female handlers along to join us. Who wouldn’t want to dine our el fresco style beside the beach with that fare on offer. Maybe Sir Bob Geldorf could one day join us during Comm Games Hash and then pen something like- Maybe Mondays Are Not So Bad After All.

The GM decreed a sit-down circle and Ferret was given a gutsy verse of Hashy Birthday Fuck You. Sir Two Dogs spoke about the run which included a nice sprint home from Miami Hill to the Monica Avenue venue. GM Rockhard declared that the nosh was very bloody good.

RA Shat invited KB in for a drink as a returning runner and as he spotted a disinterested BB talking in the circle, his number came up for a down down as well.
A couple of champion athletes, namely Sir Blackie and Hard On got notable mentions. Sir Blackie , pound for pound , wfa, world champion triathlete in his age group after good results on the tour in Chicago and Adelaide. Watch out Darwin Don, Sir Blackie is moving up to the next wfa level and is gunning for you on the world stage.
Hard On, not to be outdone, stood up on a local stage, well at least on the greens at golf last Sunday with a good win at Royal Surfers Paradise.

The Brunswick Heads Cruise Boozers told of their boozy adventures south of the border last weekend when they tried to get some early drinks around Mullimbimby and Brunswick. Two Dogs had a good recollection of it all but the weekend was all pretty hazy to Missing Link who could only remember between 9 -10 am each morning because he had breakfast at that time.

Miscarriage, always ready to have a crack at a charge, alleged that the real Two Dogs were regularly sighted during the evening with pairs of dogs roaming in and out of the tables from time to time during nosh. Sir Rabbit gave the charge the thumbs down and Miscarriage took one for his backfire.

In a novel approach to POW, a volunteer stepped up to receive the award from Weekly. Botcho who wrote a great run report on the Splinter lunch admitted there had been a couple of porkies in the report about Weekly’s non-payment of lunch which Weekly had swallowed hook, line and sinker.

Josephine got the nod to close the circle to RPR 13.

COFFS HARBOUR HASH ROAD TRIP TOUR – 11 to 13 November 2016

Over the years, GC hashers have ventured south to Coffs Harbour H3 for their annual November weekend run. We have had good times at Park Beach and Urunga. This years event will be held at Sawtell and is sure to be another great weekend. Hash bus trips are always fun and as we haven’t been on an interstate one for awhile, it would be good to get some bums on seats and have a few drinks especially as Beer o’clock is an hour earlier in NSW at that time of the year.
If you like to have a relaxing beer or two while travelling or even learn about different NSW North Coast towns, you can combine both of these on this tour.
The trip down may see you joining in a new B for Beer drinking game, where you can enter in a whole of bus team, smaller groups in relays or if you have big thirst as an individual. All you have to do is have a Beer every time you see a new town commencing with the letter B displayed on a road sign on the trip south.
Just to help those not too familiar with the road past Coolangatta, here is a list of possible reasons for a Beer – Bogangar, Burringbar, Brunswick Heads, Bangalow, Byron Bay, Ballina, Broadwater, Brooms Head, Bellingen, Boambee and Bonville.
As the Coffs Harbour H3 supported us at the Boonah 2000th, it would be good to return the favour and show our support for them.

So let’s get ourselves organised and start showing some interest so bookings can be made. Details on the GC H3 webpage.

WHY WASTE TIME ON A SPELL CHECK WHEN YOU CAN END OR EVEN COME UP WITH THIS BEAUTIES
From the GC Bulletin Classifieds

NOTICE TO READERS
Advertisers in this category must be a certified therapeutic masseuse. No sexual services are on offer.

Then beside this notice, New Delux Massage. 7 Masseuses. Rear Entrance, Rear Porking and Shower. Happy Hours. $10 discount if you come in mornings.
And another with the heading – Colombian & Aussie (surely not our hasher) – Come on and try our New Staff
Then someone obviously new to the GC – Asian, Main Beach, Taiwan ( could be handy for our Taiwan based hasher) Sheza Hotti and waiting for you
Your place/my place in Miami area, Facial Thai Massage, Call Tan Tat Beauty anytime on 0407 069 069
And finally , we have all heard of Migaloo, the albino whale but here’s another rarity , a flightless bird that they don’t even have across the Ditch – A Blonde Kiwi.
Then says high class, GGFE ? ( Who knows what that means , but if you willing take a stab, it maybe, Guaranteed/Good Fuck Everytime).
Busty Korean, another providing GGFE including an unforgettable ending
New to Southport, shaven Vietnamese , free pork buns for you to try in opening special. Limited time offer, come early.

FROM EMPLOYMENT SECTION

Former Missionary, from Africa, new to GC, seeks new position. Willing to try them all.
Work Wanted – Unemployed Boner seeking goob job , preferably in Beaudesert area. Long time experience in bush. (Probably wants a good job which would be better for his career prospects)

FROM THE PUBLIC NOTICES

SAA Monthly meeting at Mermaid Beach Community Centre(probably stands for the Sex Addicts Anonymous judging by the number of deviants the GC Bulletin claims are involved in human trafficking of morally flexible young Asian women judging by the increasing number of the new flesh for fantasy businesses now operating in that area in readiness for the Comm Games)

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2028 Pictures Here

Date:29/08/2016

Location: Mermaid Waters

Hare: Truckie, AH, Slug & Caustic

Hashers: 69

HARE – Slug ,Truck Tyres AH, and Caustic Crusader
Sixty-nine (69) {English}, Soixante Neuf {French}, whatever you prefer is the cardinal number between 68 and preceding 70 This number certainly took our hash to a all time stratosphere at this run with Jigsaw who was born on 6/9 having his last run as a sixty-nine year old and 69 hashers participating in this event. Co-ordinate terms such as cunnilingus, fellatio and cluster fuck were some of the thoughts that went through the brains of hashers as these numbers flashed up before them.

The evening started without a welcome to all our visitors as one of the hares in his excitement to get things moving gave directions as to where walkers and runners should go.Near the soccer fields the runners went south and the walkers north. Somehow the hares had co-ordinated the run so well that the runners coming home past the tennis courts arrived as the walkers wandered in through the pine forest. Dicky Knee, Flasher and Bent Banana soon had the bar open for the thirsty Monday hashers and Sir AH and his kitchen bitches served the entrees of dips, cheese, ham and cabanossi.

Truck Tyres and Shat were flipping sausages and rissoles while Slug, Ferret and Sir AH got the salads and breads prepared. It didn’t take like before Sir Blackie sniffed out
the aroma from the BBQ and got a queue going to line up for the main meal. There were so many rissoles to consume, it looked they would be part of the down downs in the circle. Shat did a few rounds of the tables where the now very quite dining hashers were dining to do some rissole top ups. Slug helped out the Qld strawberry producers with a bulk buy of their product and topped it off with ice cream for dessert.

The GM soon had a working bee putting the tables and chairs away in readiness for the circle. The hare team were up first followed by welcoming representatives of visiting hash groups including multi hasher, our own Iceman. Ms Wally of Border Hash said – it was a fantastic, fucking run and a multiple rissole fuelled Sir Rabbit labelled the excellent hamburgers as a 9-10 rating.

Weekly wanted to say the walk was brilliant as well, because as it was a replica of a recent Brewtus one in that vicinity, he considered that the imitation of it was the sincerest form of flattery by all those involved.
RA Shat wandered in with a couple bags of ice and they placed on a esky and invited Weekly to plant his cheeks on such. It was then demonstrated by Weekly in a not quite Torville and Dean moment why Australia don’t win many medals on the ice at the Winter Olympics.

Arse Up, our hasher, watched as weekly went that way as punishment for doing a CRAFT not paying for his meal runner from the last Splinter lunch. When he regained his composure, he invited any of the hash ladies if they wanted to join him for a spin. The ever alert not to miss the moment Dicky Knee decided to cash in and award the POW to the now frozen Weekly who made an oath that in future he will pay for his meals in advance.

The Brisbane hashers who made the visit were awarded a drink for their bravery in attending in light of recent M1 snipers and pile ups. As Sex on Legs is heading off to Pommie Land, her well known layer, sorry brick layer Pizza, in his absence, wished her farewell by using his stand-in proxy, Cheesy Pizza. Both enjoyed a down down.

Miscarriage stepped in with a charge for Sir Blackie calling him Mr Rectinol, the name on the back of his chair. This meant that he was much more than a regular arsehole.
As the clock headed towards 10 pm, the GM asked Ferret to close RPR 12. That just meant the circle was over, not the evening, for some hashers intent on forming a Thirsty Monday hash by drinking the bucket dry.

HERE’S SOMTHING TO THINK ABOUT
Word has it that one of our recently new single hashers recently picked a new doctor for a check-up.
After two visits and exhaustive blood tests, the doctor said he was doing ‘fairly well’ for his age. (He has just reached 65).
A little concerned about that comment, he couldn’t resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 85 ?
He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or other hard liquor ?
‘Oh not much grog these days, except some monthly lunches at Cavs and I don’t smoke’ – he replied. ‘And I’m not doing drugs, either ! ‘
Then the doctor asked, ‘Do you eat Cav’s rib-eye steaks,barbecued ribs and fatty roasts ?
I said, ‘Not much anymore as my former doctor said that eating all that red meat is very unhealthy ! ‘
‘Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like at the beach, playing golf, boating, sailing, surfing, hiking, or bicycling ? – the doctor enquired.’
‘No, I don’t,’ he said.
He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or chase women to have a lots of sex ? ‘
‘No,’ he said.
The doctor then looked at him and said, ‘Then, why the fuck do you want to live to 85 for ?
Because as politicians who don’t actually live in the real world and have their head in the sand,
well they reckon that I will have to work until I am 70, if I can find an employer, so I want to at least have few years to do those things !
Yours in hashing
CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2027 Pictures Here

Date:25/08/2016

Location: Costa D’Oror

Host: Hard On

Hashers: 27

News Flash

Roving reporter Annie “Shiraz” Lane from the  ABC reporting on  “The Gold Coast Splinter Hash”

Well here I am again out and about with the Gold Coast Hash.

I arrived late for this month’s Splinter Lunch.Had to stay back and report on political stuff.. total fucking waste of my valuable time! Splinter Lunches have far more importance.

The boys were well on the way when I arrived. Two Hashers that seem to be always on a permanant  holiday turned up. More funny names… Nasty and Aussie. I tried to interview these two about their travels, but no luck! Apparently what happens on holiday stays on holiday.

The table was covered in empty wine bottles and Sir Rabbit was in fine voice, couldn’t keep him quiet, had to sneak away when he went for a leak.

Host for the day “Hard On” and the Hash Grand Master “Rock Hard” were in deep discussion (apparently got their names when they were stars in the porn business. Must have been a long while ago by the look of them LOL)

Money was missing in the kitty to pay for the lunch. We are short of 25 bucks Hard On called out. Who has not paid the piper?

It was soon discovered that Weekly had snuck off early with Fucks Off.

I used my connections to track down Weekly and spoke to his number one son Monthly (fuck these names are confussing).

Monthly informed me that …yes! dad was at home, but had gone to bed. Before I tucked him… he did tell me that he had forgotten to pay for his lunch and would accept any punishment that was handed down to him.

I had to leave the boys at this stage because I had a prior engagement and was not up to drinking more beer at the local Irish Pub.

Those that don’t join the Splinter Lunch are missing out on a great day of mateship, eye candy and a few good reds.

August Splinter Lunch Pictures Here

Date:22/08/2016

Location: Carrara

Hare: Aussie

Hashers: 27

Returning hare, Aussie, was welcomed back to the GC from his world tour by an enthusiastic group of hashers keen for some more joviality and cheap piss. Instructions about
locating a little girl’s pink ribboned treasure boxes in the surrounding bushland were given by the hare before several groups headed off from the AFL club on Nielsens Road. It wasn’t look before the pack baulked at a pipe crossing across a dry creek bed which was where the run went well and trully arse up early into the run. Flasher had a sudden urge to find a shitter and bolted off in search of one. A group headed into the bush and another towards Pappas Way, with neither actually sure of where the trail went. Manny/Fanny (call him what you like, but just make sure that it is not late for dessert)was given a map to lead the walkers but irrespective of him reading it upside or downside, couldn’t make out where the walk went. However the main thing was that all got back to the venue in good time for happy hour beers. This time it was $1 cans and again they proved to be popular with the cheese and crackers, olives and salami on offer.

A tasty stew nosh was served before dessert. Compared to all the noise during happy hour, it was now quite as hashers ate their fill until they could eat no more. It was noticed that returning runner, a bearded Lurch , had left early which was a shame as there was plenty of nosh still available if he had decided to do some gorging. The circle warning from the GM soon had all on their feet and to kick off proceedings the hare was called out. Aussie told of all the countries he had visited recently and Sir Two Dogs was asked for his run critique. Again the fucking pipe crossing got a mention as did Miscarriage’s map reading. Now Loved spoke on the walk and it went something like this – Sir Slab had a GPS, Fanny read the map upside, some local gave them wrong directions while pissing them off from his property, yet somehow they didn’t get lost. Resident social gourmet guru commentator, Weekly, summed up the meal with – The nosh was fucking good. There’s got to be a gastronomic judging career coming up soon for our
Weekly with those sorts of well rounded comments.Truck Tyres got the lollies for finding some of little Jocelyn’s pink bits(treasure) as Josephine remarked.

The returning and departing hashers line up included Aussie (whole world), Now Loved (UK), Fanny C (Spain) and Sacre Blue Card (France). The latter looking resplendent in his high vis bike jacket presented to him as a result of his latest stack at Lands End.

In the absence of Shat, stand-in RA Miscarriage in a reverse role got the chance to take the piss out of others instead of him wearing it all the time. Sir PV probably picked the right time to visit Pommie land as I am sure he would have figured in payback dispatches had he been present. Flasher was the first out for having a seniors moment on the run when he nearly got the runs down his legs. Next up was Fanny C who complained bitterly about missing out on the best dessert – the chocolate coated ice creams as he was distracted at the time because he was trying to get as much cheap piss into himself during happy hour as possible. Blue Card with his standout Rolling Stones Sticky Fingers groupie flashing cap was a lay down massere to get a down down. As bearded Lurch had bolted, a line up of his possible whose your bearded daddy love child sires of Fanny C, Weekly, Ferret and Fullershit all took one for him.

A hash news update from far east correspondent, Botcho, indicates that the love life of Showpony is again in a state of flux(yes flux, you dirty bastards) with possible wife number 6 not quite ready for tying the knot /the mounting yard just yet which could be a blessing in disguise as it at least avoids yet another possible marital breakdown.
Then came the absolute evening’s clanger from Truck Tyres in a HE SAID WHAT MOMENT. Apparently there has been some hash e mail chatter doing the rounds between Sydney hashers Stringbean and Jukebox about what goes on hash tour etc. So somewhere in the translation , it would appear that Truck Tyres found himself in Aspen during Gay Ski Week. As the accommodation was a bit tight, he shared a one bedroom place with another bloke who told Truckie that he could sleep on the couch. As this was uncomfortable, Truckie decided that he was going to share the big bed so Truck Tyres recounted how – I DROPPED MY DACKS and crawled into bed with his companion in a never leave your mates behind moment. The reaction of hashers reeling from this confession was well worth the price of the night’s admission. Here was another example of what seems to be some sort of on going bromance trend developing of late around possible Rule 1 infringements judging by photos and alcohol fuelled behaviour in recent months.

During the course of the circle, the current POW, Flasher, was showing the latest creation from Palm Beach Currumbin High, an App for pubescent teenagers. This innovative and entrepreneurial idea inspired by the Shark Tank was a collaborative effort of the IT class, the nude art classes and the school’s sex education course by the school’s Grade 9 students. However they now find themselves accused by their own school of running a school pornographic ring and have been given a 20 day school free holiday and find themselves enrolled in a cyber safety course. Quite a few hashers thought it would be much better viewing if on a larger screen and remarked during the circle that they wished this had been around while they were growing up. Just somehow, I can’t see these progressive hashers getting a guernsey on the PBC P&C committee.

Flasher called our a couple of nominees as decoys but Dicky Knee, who has blended in well for a couple of weeks as a wallflower, was the winner much to his surprise especially when Flasher told him there’s no reason for you getting it.

In a protocol oversight, Ferret was invited to close the circle of RPR10 much to the chagrin of circle-closer-in-waiting Josephine, an appointed disciple of that great closer, Moonbeams.However, Moonbeams is not ready to pass the baton over anytime soon.

Yours in hashing
n CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2026 Pictures Here

Date:15/08/2016

Location: Mermaid Waters

Hare: The Weekly Clan

Hashers: 31

A cool breeze welcomed hashers to Lake Hugh Muntz where the trailer and hash eskys were prepared in readiness for thirsty hashers finishing their runs and walks. Therrun was a circular event with a long Flemington racecourse like straight appropriately named Barrier Reef as it went around the waters edge.

Dicky Knee oversaw the serving of the first course entrée platter of kabana, cheese, virgin olives, cocktail onions and gherkins.
Hashers who in previous weeks had refused to drink VB and Tooheys even at discounted prices suddenly developed a taste for the same product at the giveaway
price and demolished esky number one like parched camels. Then screaming for more free beer, they were moved onto chateau de cardboard at happy hour prices. They again showed their drinking flexibility with the ever switching sudden drink specials adapting to more free beer when Sir Slab put on a carton of Kingfisher birthday beers. To top the night off, some hashers even challenged themselves by downsizing to mid strength as roadies.

Monthly SOW summoned hashers that the main course was on in an operatic version of – come and get it. The main went something like this – basmati rice, curried beef, with choices of banana, coconut, cucumber, yoghurt and tie them down before they fly away pappadams. Several hashers couldn’t empty the curry pot no matter hard they tried on their seconds and thirds.

In true Master Chef style, up stepped Weekly with his stage 3, the dessert. He consulted his serving manual and it read something like this – Step 1, Get the bloody glad wrap off the stewed apple, Step 2 – Crumble the home made biscuits by hand, Step 3 – For fucks sake, how do get the tight caps off these custard containers.
Step 4 – Layer it while serving firstly the apple, then crumbled biscuit and drown the lot with custard.

CIRCLE TIME
As the GM gave the 5 minute warning, several hashers now having had their fill of entrée, several mains, dessert, beer and wine hid in the shadows to avoid a down down. A one minute of silence for wounded Warriors – Swindler and Blue Card, had other Warriors thinking who will be next as this seems to be some sort of trend amongst bikie hashers these days.
Then hares were out first and then the naming of Bradley as Monthly SOW. a handy addition to our number which should improve singing in the circle.
Sir Two Dogs told of the unusual direction the run had went but it was good distance for the windy evening. Kitchen Bitch said the nosh was bloody fantastic for a winter’s evening and suspected a little outsourcing after seeing weekly consult the Master Chef serving manual.
Returning runners – Bark, KB, Wrongway and Caustic Crusader were invited to have drink before the RA stepped into to take over proceedings.
Flasher was quickly getting himself a down down for loosing the trail and a little bit of Ferret teasing.
Misscarriage was asked about his USA misadventure with air BnB. He has now learnt that a little rainbow flag and Ref on an accommodation website does not mean it is advertising a lotto win at the end of a rainbow or references preferred but is a signal for the queer folk that it is rear entry friendly. After that little life education, Sir PV advised then that Miscarriage had blindly wrote the wrong bank account numbers while transferring funds. Might be time for an appointment with Spec Savers.

Fanny C explained how he had injured himself while mounting a bush( I was up a grevillea), in some sort of perverted rough sex over the weekend. While he was
in the circle, KB used him as a whipping boy proxy for the absent Blue Card for returning a top shelf Jaguar he had given him for a weekend spin and returning it covered in bird shit and filthy.

Brewtus returned the POW which has had a Caucasian make over and gave it to Flasher for being a bit of a bastard to Flasher over his winter growth developed during his FNQ trip.
Josephine (in his Where’s Wally Beanie) and Ferret were invited to perform a duet in closing the circle of RPR9.

RIO UPDATE

There is strong rumour that one of hashers has been invited by our Team Aussie head honcho in Rio, hasher Cold Pussy (aka Tough Titty Kitty), to do an Elvis is in the building moment during the closing ceremony as a result of the mea culpa backdown moment from the Rio mayor who had previously labelled the Australians as whingers after complaining about possible electrocutions in the shower, leaky toilets exploding from the Aussie womens water polo team’s gastro outbreak, fire drill evacuations which resulted in lap top thefts etc. Unfortunately the open water swimmers will still be needing snorkels to stop them getting a gobful of the giant Copacabana Beach turds left behind by excited spectators after ogling off the women’s beach volley ball games. Apparently as the Rio mayor is now our number one fan and can’t get enough of Aussie, Aussie, Aussie ,Oi, Oi, Oi it wasn’t hard for Elvis to get the gig and he is busy tuning up for his La Bamba/Samba,dorf rap cover of Peter Allen’s When I Have to Go I Go to Rio Toilets but I Still Call Australian Outhouses Home. Whether he then proceeds to do his Elvis encore of songs telling us like it is about the unglamorous side of the Rio Olympics featuring The Edge of Reality(maybe we were not up to running these games), Heartbreak Hotel (where coaches get mugged and robbed) Trouble(athletes robbed at gun point in our piece of paradise), In the Ghetto(life in the shanty towns behind the games gloss), Dry Cry Daddy(it’s only a mossie bite), Suspicious Minds ( What’s in the package ? / Was that a nut that popped out of that sheila’s shorts,is he/she a drug cheat ?), A Little Less Talk A Little More Action(Rio, get your shit together and get some more chlorine from the pool shop) and Burning Love(getting robbed during fire evacuation drill in the athletes village) is still up in the air.

However over some coldies in his Air BnB condo overlooking Ipanema beach, Elvis has had a change of heart while watching the great opening ceremony put on by the Brazilians. With such a wonderful atmosphere, how could he be a party pooper ? His song list will now be Jailhouse Rock, Blue Suede Shoes, Little Egypt and the finale of Viva Las Vegas will get everyone shaking in Carnivale style.

POW MAKEOVER
The new white Migaloo POW reminded me of a court case in the Western Qld town of St George where a white man was accused of raping an indigenous woman. The man had hired a barrister to come out from Brisbane to defend him. They discussed at length the strategy they would use to discredit the accuser during cross examination so as to create doubt as to what had actually happened.
After the woman had given her evidence, the barrister in cross examination asked her- In what state was the accused’s penis, was it flaccid or upright ?
Her reply was – It was just like that big white erect sign outside the court house and it was pointing towards Dirranbandi which is in Queensland.
The court room burst into laughter as she had just clean bowled the barrister, as he had left his own middle stump exposed while trying to protect his clients’.

FACT SHEET
Have we ever heard so many porkies about why the Census night was such a farcup debacle ? It’s about time someone came to their senses and at least rename the ABS as the ALBS – A Lot Of Bull Shit with all the crap coming out of there as to what happened.
It’s wonder, considering all the BS that has been thrown up that aliens were not blamed in some sort of War of the World’s conspiracy theory.
Just tell us the bloody truth that an antiquated IT system could handle the demands of millions of Australians trying to do what they have been asked to do.

Yours in hashing

CIRCUMFERENCE

Run 2025 Pictures Here