Run: Run 2008

Date:18/4/2016

Location:Nerang

Hare: Ballpoint

Hashers: 27

The return of BALLPOINT!!!!!!  Yes, you read it right….the return of BALLPOINT, back from a very lengthy self-imposed exile, from the land of nappies and tantrums, back into the arms of your fellow caring Hashers…welcome back Ballpoint…though we’ve cussed and cursed you (some more than others!)…all is forgiven….welcome back!!….oh, it’s going to be like the good old days, hearing your dulcet tones, sprinkled with profanities and every second word being “fuck”, “fucken” or “fucking” or any other derivation you can think of!!

And what a comeback!!……..a bloody good run from a great location and a nosh to beat all noshes…but more of that later……

The Run:

We all gathered at that well known venue, the pony club at Nerang, ready for one of those bloody “on shredded paper” runs for which Ballpoint is famous…you know….the ones where the shredded paper either gets blown about to become just an indecipherable mess or otherwise gets trampled by mountain bike riders to become…you guessed it…an indecipherable mess of shredded paper, leaving us with not a clue as to what the hell is happening!!

To the question “where do the walkers go?”….you could tell Ballpoint hadn’t really given that much thought…. “just fucken go as far up the fucken run trail as you fucken want then when you fucken get sick of it fucken turn back and fucken head for fucken home and you’ll fucken be fucken done!”.

The run was great for one notable thing…essentially keeping us all together, most of us being too frightened to venture off into the wilderness on a false trail…and we’d all learnt our lesson from the Carrara dog park run where Hashers came back to base three hours late! No, no, no…that was not going to happen tonight, as we all stuck to each other like glue…geez, even Flasher didn’t go off on his usual folly of his own making, which we all know to be his normal modus-operandi. There we were, following each other up long hills, torches in hand, as one hasher put it “like a conga line of suckholes”…it was quite impressive and emotional really…must have been what Kokoda was like! At times there were calls from some of the Hashers to “ice the bastard!” when we went up false trails for about 300 metres, only to hear the plaintiff cries in the distance of “on on” and “on back you blokes!” as we all rushed to regroup so as to not be left behind.

In the end, Ballpoint managed to keep us all out there in the forest for about an hour and a quarter, with no street running at all…a 100% bush run….great effort Ballpoint!!

It was great to see Elvis, Sir AH, Caustic and Moonbeams present tonight…with Moonbeams observing “this is the first time Elvis has been on a run other than his own in about five years!”  I wonder if we should actually consider setting up a welfare committee for the Hash as I often wonder what has happened to runners who haven’t been here for a long time, including the likes of Lurch, Pile Driver, Headjob and other such characters who haven’t made an appearance for ages.

The Nosh:

Starters was simple but effective…Jatz crackers and spicy chorizo sausage…they went down a treat, with nothing left when I went back for my second handful!

The mains was a lovely Thai chicken curry, served with boiled Basmati rice and again, it was delectable…many of us certainly went back for second helpings. Very tasty indeed…but the best was yet to come….crème caramel in true French style (well, Ballpoint is a frog, isn’t he!)…home made and just to bloody die for, it really was…I must admit to having made a pig of myself on that one…and no Josephine, you shouldn’t have judged it by its looks as you missed a real treat by doing so! I think this would come close to getting my vote for nosh of the year.

The Circle:

The nosh having being tidied away, the gathering was called to order and the GM asked Sir Prince Valiant to do a run report…. “the front runners became the back runners..every body came in together and all said it was a great run”…Ballpoint thus took a well deserved down-down for a great run and to welcome him back to the fold.

Next it was the RA who thanked Ferret for the whips….hmmm…some ideas come to mind for the entertainment at the AGPU!!

Caustic Crusader was called out the front to welcome him after a bit of an absence and stated that he’d been busy working on the “Botcho for GM” campaign!

The RA then announced that he had documentation to establish that the Hash Trailer has been booked for being illegally parked outside Swindler’s place at Chevron Island, where apparently it languished on the nature strip for over a week…of course the trailer is registered in the name of Bruce Gibson Enterprises so the infringement notice was handed to Sir Slab for him to deal with it! Certain expletives followed…I didn’t realise Slab could be such a potty mouth!!!

The GM then graciously thanked Sir Rabbit for the lovely little goblet given to him by Sir Rabbit, proudly holding it up when Sir Prince held his up saying “geez GM, you must be out of favour, look at the one he gave me!”, which of course was about three times the size…..now that’s a goblet!!

Sir Prince then told a yarn about using Siri on his iPhone on his way to work and he told it to ring Shat, and the response from the ever-wise Siri was “are you sure?”…and refused to do it, thus meaning that he had to pull over and dial the number manually…I would have gone with Siri’s recommendation!

News has it that….hahaha…..Miscarriage is off in Cambodia…hahahaha…trying to…..hahahaha….get his money out of the country…hahahaha!

Up Coming Events:

Sir Blackstump reminded us that the ANZAC DAY BIKE RIDE is on the day before Anzac Day, being Sunday 24^th…usual location…Pizzey Park…at 11.00am and partners are welcome.

The Monday run on Anzac day will be Moonbeams’ 77^th Birthday run and he will be assisted by Carefree…it will be at 5.00pm from Cascade Gardens….it will be MEN ONLY (by a resounding vote!) and you are to all have your GO Cards as there will be a tram leg on the run.

Tuesday 26^th April…there will be pre-Boonah ride drinks at Nobby Surf Club commencing at 5.00pm…all welcome!

Ohhhh, and before the close of circle happened….of course Truckie has yet again forgotten the POW paraphernalia and thus it could not be passed on this week…it seems he is slowly going blind watching the DVDs over and over and over!

And with that came the usual “end of circle” from our beloved Moonbeams!

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run: Run 2007

Date:11/4/2016

Location:Bundall

Hare: Aussie & BB

Hashers: 31

The PIZZA REDEMPTION RUN…..THE AUSSIE EXTRAGANZA…THE PIZZA HUT SPECIAL ……call it what you will, but those of you who decided to stay away tonight would definitely regret it if you knew what you were missing out on tonight…and I say that quite seriously!!…..

The Run:

We all gathered at the Pizza Hut on Slatyer Avenue, at Bundall in anticipation of, well…. probably not much at all really, although there were birthday Crownies on offer as a consolation (care of yours truly) if everything else turned to shit……well, were we in for a surprise….

The run was actually supposed to have been set by Mr Pizza tonight but there was a ring-in…..BB from Laos had come to our shores and was recruited at short notice to set the run. When we saw him sitting there nursing a bit of a bung knee, we all naturally thought “it won’t be too tough, this old codger wouldn’t have been able to set too hard a run”…well, he certainly wanted to sort out the wimps from what he regards as “true hashers”  who should be able to complete a 10km run over Laotian mountains in the middle of monsoonal downpours…telling us that he’d gone easy on us and the run was “only about 9km”….fucking hell!! What were we in for?? Some poor soul ventured to ask “what about the walkers?”, only to be met with the response “this is the fucking hash, not a knitting club…and the Hash is for running!…if you’re walking just follow the runner’s trail and when you’ve had enough, come back!”…fair enough too! BB’s lovely missus, TickTock, stayed behind to assist Aussie in the kitchen with preparing the Nosh.

To the trumpet calls from Sir Rabbit, off we ventured into the wilderness of Bundall and on into the heights of Ashmore, up hill down dale (I thought it was mostly flat around the Pizza Hut!) and if there were hills to be found, then BB found them all!!

We huffed and we puffed up and down, on streets, through parks, here, there and everywhere, with people being left behind and then suddenly reappearing at the front miraculously….how the hell did Latrine manage it so many times is what I want to know!!

The checks were good for  keeping us mostly together, although I do believe that the old “no man left behind” rule is now founded less on actual practice and has become more part of Hash folklore, the same as the mullet haircuts and knee-high socks of yesteryear. Missing Link at one stage, when asked where the hell we were responded with a classic….”we’re fucked and far from home guys!”

Towards the end of the run, at about the 7.00km mark there was a check, with an arrow in one direction (towards home) being marked as “whimps” and the other arrow (heading fuck knows where) marked “Hashers”….it would seem that 99.9% of us had considered that this was as good a point as any to head for home given that it was at the top of a hill and the direction home was all downhill, and we did, proudly adopting the “whimp” label! Of course, there’s always got to be someone who wants to make a name for themselves and on this occasion it was none other than Sir Botcho who came home about half an hour after the rest of the group, bleating on about having been the only one to have done the full run! As it turns out, BB informed us that no matter which option you took, the distance home was about the same, but good on you for fighting your way through the pain and exhaustion barrier Botcho!.

It has to be said that tonight’s run had one very significant turn of events, it was the first (and probably  the last) time that Weekly, by some stroke of luck rather than design, was the first one to have found the “on on” out of the park and onto Slatyer Avenue near the 7-11 and proudly bellowed “ON ON!!!”, overcome with glee at his achievement and….wait for it, again by luck timed the end of his walk to coincide with the returning runners and led them all home, accompanied by Sir Prince Valiant, again gleefully yelling “ON ON!!”. Well done Weekly!

In all, a great run, probably aided by the fact that Pizza had bugger-all to do with it!!

The Nosh:

Cynism and scepticism went flying out the window tonight as Pizza brought out as the starters….you guessed it….pizzas!! In order to maintain some civility and prevent the hordes from pouncing on them…Pizza announced that the first ones were for the current members of the hierarchy, to which yours truly and his fellow hierarchy responded instantaneously, lunging forward towards the pizzas, only to be shouldered by members of last year’s hierarchy, including Rock Hard, who was heard to mutter “you can all fuck off, we have seniority over you pricks!” Power obviously went to their heads last year, oh, and onto their backs also with their fine Kathmandu windcheaters!! Nooooo….we don’t forget!!.

Mains was pasta with a lovely spaghetti Bolognese sauce and grated parmesan cheese available for sprinkling,….fine food Aussie, fine food indeed…you never disappoint on the nosh front!! Did TickTock have anything to do with the fact that it was such a fine meal?

Dessert was lovely apple pies with Neopolitan ice-cream…another fine course and there were pies left over at the end…my missus and daughter enjoyed the two that I took home for them, as I am sure others also did who got to have the left overs.

Although I didn’t have any, I am assured that Pizza also had on tap some of his fine beers…thanks for that Pizza…as well as for the fire-water that you handed to some during the night, and in circle.

The Circle:

The meal being tidied away, the hordes were all called to order and the GM then brought tonight’s organisers out the front…Pizza, BB (Laos variety, not to be confused with our very own BB) and of course the master chef, Aussie. A well deserved “down down” guys and in my humble opinion you have redeemed yourself Pizza, although as Circle progressed your behaviour did deteriorate markedly as the alcohol obviously started to have full effect!!

Weekly proudly gave a run report tonight, of course going on and on about having called the “on on” in both directions and proclaiming that it probably won’t ever happen again.

Bluecard gave the report on the nosh….”I was warned not to expect much and I wasn’t disappointed!!”…I think what he means is that he didn’t expect much but the meal was beyond his wildest non-expectations!!

Botcho was brought out the front to be given a platform to continue his bragging about being the only one to do the whole run…ok, ok….”down down” and all that stuff for you!

Aussie came out to receive credit as tonight’s master chef…and when presented with a glass of Pizza’s fire water for his “down down” said “is this supposed to go in me or my car??”

Returning runners were next to be paraded….Kwakka, Hard On, Swindler, and Aussie (yet again out the front)….with the latter obviously having done a total memory wipe whilst away, forgetting the “no hats” rule when out the front and the one about having to wear hash gear to Hash….and no, having “Aussie” emblazoned on everything including your underdaks does not count as Hash gear!!!

Next on to the RA’s session…of course, first one dragged out the front kicking and screaming was Miscarriage, this time on a charge of luring everyone on false trails. Next out are our visitors tonight, Mikipaedia (a Warriors rider) and Peter, a dodgy real estate agent friend of mine as it happens.

My notes indicate that Kwakka and Swindler came out the front yet again…I cannot remember why, maybe just to have some of that fire-water to fuel the engines for the hard ride home back to Chevron Island.

Next out the front…Slug bearing gifts for the GM from his travels…a bloody nice T-shirt too…well done Slug and welcome back!

Bent Banana (yes, our BB) was welcomed back after his trip and he managed to smuggle a bottle of Bintang beer for the GM.

Ferrett, who has been having an alcohol-fuelled cruise of goodness knows where also presented a gift to the GM…wasabi-flavoured seaweed….I am still waiting for somebody to come back from the Philippines bearing a gift of chicken’s feet, I really am!

Hang on, my notes have gone awry guys, I have it that returning runners were now called out….Slug, BB and Ferrett…fuck! I don’t know, maybe it was the fumes from the fire-water that got to me at this stage of the night, or maybe the bellowing from Pizza as he succumbed to the effects of far too much alcohol, bugger it, who cares!!

Upcoming events…Anzac Day ride…read the web page….oh, and next week’s run, yep, back to the pony club at Nerang Forest….bring good torches guys…I nearly killed myself last time out there!

………………………….is it just me, or did Mme Latrine and his brother-in.law Eddy disappear half way through the night?

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer …

On Sec.

Run: Run 2006

Date:4/4/2016

Location:Burleigh Heads

Hare: Elvis

Hashers: 25

Gracelands, Gracelands, I’m goin’ to Gracelands….so goes the song by Paul Simon and thus was our fate tonight…down to the wilds of Burleigh Heads to Elvis’ stamping grounds….and for those of you familiar with Elvis’s runs, this was another of his “restaurant runs” from the Silver Thai restaurant, admittedly one of our favorite venues for such runs. Let it be said that the proprietor is just lovely, always welcoming us warmly and providing us with such a bloody good feed that quite honestly, we all love coming to Elvis’s runs!! How she does all of what she does for $15 a head is  beyond me, it really is. Unlike most other restaurants, when the empty plates are cleared here, she asks “would you like another plate of the curry?”…bloody marvellous!

Also, Elvis has now done I think three runs for us from this location during the tenure of this hierarchy, and I know that I speak not only for my fellow hierarchy, but for all of you in saying that we really appreciate what you do Elvis, in stepping into the breech at short notice to provide us with good runs through interesting territory and a bloody good nosh, combined also with little treats, like drink stops, but more of that under the run description.

The run:

The runners, numbering about twenty tonight,  all gathered outside the Silver Thai restaurant at 5-7 Tallebudgera Creek Road, at Burleigh Heads, where the owner very kindly offered to have her teenage son look after all of our beer, wine and bags whilst we all went off for our run/walk. On the dot of 6.15pm off we all headed, in an easterly direction off into the bush around Fleay’s sanctuary. As soon as we entered the bush, we spotted a small silver sedan with two occupants, this time innocently eating their takeaway, but earlier on, Elvis tells us that he caught them “at it” when he was checking that the run was still properly marked…the poor kids must have felt that they were jinxed, being disturbed twice, the second time by a bunch of old blokes yelling “on on” and blowing a plastic horn!!

Elvis assured us that the run was well marked and that unlike last time, when some of us went off trail following the Border Hash’s markings, this time the Border Hash had again been in the area and Elvis had taken the liberty of setting his run over their run, simply having to re-draw some of the faded arrows and washing off some of the ones he didn’t want to use. There were several re-groups that did work in keeping the rabble more or less together, although several Hashers obviously short-cutted at some places, primarily by following the walkers’ trail….true concern was shown by the group in which I was running and we kept yelling back for Iceman and Rug, all to no avail as they had obviously gone off trail and had decided not to stick with the pack. That of course is one of the downsides of running through well-known territory…these pricks know all the shortcuts! This became very obvious when we reached the drinkstop at the back of Elvis’ house as the stragglers were already there imbibing alcohol with great hilarity and good cheer! No way could they have gotten there before us without cheating!! Oh well, at least they left the cider that I enjoyed immensely! Elvis, this is a great touch, having a drink stop on the reserve behind your house and with your neighbours participating and being so hospitable to the Hash. You certainly live in a great neighbourhood!! Rare indeed is it to live in such a friendly community.  Up from  Elvis’ house we were greeted by a grumpy woman who said “that’s private property!”…but it turns out that Elvis had us running on land belonging to Boral and from the lack of fencing it is obvious that they don’t have a problem with people using it.

In all, this was a great run, well marked and with regroups and checks that made sense. All the Hashers running with or around me all said it was great and how amazing it is to have nice bush to run through and that you wouldn’t know we were in the middle of suburbia!

The Nosh:

The food at Silver Thai was great! I can only recommend that if you live in the area, this woman deserved to be well patronised and I am sure that we are all happy to support her on Monday nights when Elvis organises the runs from here.  Well done!!

It was nice to see KB turn up for the run…well, errr, just in time to sit down for the fine meal…then after the meal off out the front of the restaurant to show off his F-Type Jag…we all know it’s a work car….you lucky bastard!!!

The Circle:

Circle tonight was brief as the dinner was ready! Magician was asked to give a run report and said it was a fine run, but that Missing Link had done a “pansy run”…did he shortcut?? Magician also informed us that he is going to be running a half marathon in North Korea of all places…I would have thought that any westerner seen running in North Korea would be immediately shot on sight, so best of luck Magician! To this day, after more than two years of active Hashing, I am still gobsmacked by how much some of you blokes get around…which reminds me, where the hell is Slug???

First out for a down-down, the hare, Elvis, and again, thanks for a fine run and a great night overall!!

Sir Botcho had on a pair of brand new running shoes and needless to say they were christened with a down-down being consumed from one of them…I’ll bet the down-down was somewhat savoury in flavour, mixed with all that bloody Chinese liniment on Botcho’s calves….makes DencoRub smell like fine perfume!!

Flasher brought a charge against Iceman for getting him “off trail”….hahaha…surely you’re joking Flasher…you are the master of being “off trail”, off on your own little escapade….how could anybody possibly be an accomplice??? The response from Iceman was equally incredulous… “have you seen how fast I run?? He’s kidding!”

Swindler was brought out the front for…wait for it…occupying the seat always reserved for Sir Slab on flights…that’s right, he’s managed to wrangle getting seat 1A on a flight! A well deserved 5 seconds on the ice for that one Swindler!

Last one out for a final down-down, Elvis, for TWICE interfering with the cavorting youngsters in the back seat of their car.

Next week’s run…a combined effort between Pizza and Aussie, with an assurance that Aussie is doing the nosh….come on guys, let’s give Pizza a second chance and do him the courtesy of having a big roll out!

That’s all folks!!

Fanny Charmer

On Sec.

Run: April Splinter Lunch

Date:1/4/2016

Location:Surfers Paradise

Host: Weekly

Bit of a April Fools joke really. March Splinter Lunch was held on 1st April. Another fun day out once again. It was great to see Baldie Benson and Woodies in attendance.

Our host for the day Weekly had inside information and pre ordered the sea food platter, looked great. I think that he may have fogotten to inform the Chef that we are the Gourmet Hash. The food was pretty ordinary.

That aside we all had a day of mateship, good wine and a few cleansing ales.

On On

Gordon Ramsay

ps: sorry Weekly! But Botcho told me that you never let the truth stand in the way of a good story

Hashers: 25