Run 1909
Date:2/6/2014
Location: Southport
Hare:Hard On, Shat, Swindler, Seedy
Runners: 45

The word was out ..the Best Run of the Year followed by the Best Nosh of the Year was promised!!

The biggest number to ever attend a recent GCGH event with 45 dedicated runners and fitness fanctics hovering around as the excited crowd waited for Hare Hard On to arrive. Was he was still busy cooking the Nosh with his team of Hard On helpers or was he lost setting the trail ?

Our GM decided at 6.15 that the show must go on even with the Hare Hard On so one of the 3 Amigos was called to give the trail details. As a experienced hasher Amigo Shat described in details the set trail without giving too much away. With few words and the use of a mangled finger Amigo Shat pointed “ That way and find an arrow”…..excellent directions by Amigo Shat and a very sound briefing!!

The Run

“Voted the Best Run of the year so Far”

NOTE: this photo bears no resemblance to the location where the run took place

True to form Hard on produced the goods on the run. Several very well laid on-backs throught parks and the back streets of Southport seemed to confuse all except the most experienced of hashers. Swollen Colon back from 11 weeks swanning around in Europe and still sharp as a tack described the run as “excellent ,well marked and very challanging” .

Rectum it seems got lost at the small bridge and was unable to find the trail back….Rectum was later seem running past the assembled hashers at the Nosh location still looking for the trail. Two Dogs reported the run as “shitty” but maybe he needs some tuition on trail marks.

What the hell are these markings?? Are they from Mars??

As always Botcho,Bent Banana ,Sir Rabbit ,Prince Valient, Flasher ,Fanny Charmer , Sir Slab , Blackie ,and Co seemed to find most of the trail but arrived back under time so it is suspected (in fact certain) that they did not do the full run.

Yes..These words say it all ….direct from Swollen Colon and well said by a very experienced hasher!!………….. “An excellent run that had many challenges, lots of markings and those that got lost obviously made no effort to find the trial.The Hard-on Hare and his 3 Amigos Seedy , Shat and Swindler did not deserve the DD’s.”

The Walk

This walking group is getting worse as most of these geriatics made little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area. What a patethic bunch of Hasher.!!

Sir AH wandered the 20 metres over to the Anzac statute ( did he think this was an Anzac day walk ??) while Kwakka still exhaused after 2 years as Hash Flash walked “all the way” of the 100 metres to the bridge and back with VD and Co.

Only Moonbeams and Show Pony as excused walkers showed some Hash spirit as they did their stretching exercises at the table.

The Nosh

“Voted the Best Nosh of the Year so Far”

As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch that he intends to put the “Hash Back into Gourmet or was it something else? maybe the “gourmet back into hash. ”

A big statement after some of the recent Nosh debacles but what a great start by the Hierarchy Hash Flash – Hard On

Best Nosh of the Year so far. Well done Hard-on, Mrs Hard-0n and all the little Hard-ons that helped to make this a memorable night of high quality nosh.

Menu:

• Homemade meat balls with Italian tomato gravy served on hot bread rolls
• Chicken Schnitzel with fresh beans and steamed vegetables
• Hot Apple pie slices with custard

Resident food CriTic CIRCUMFERENCE:

“all food ccooked to perfection.chichen was perfect”.

The CIRCLE

The GM appeared resplendent in full GM attire with Hash Chains, Katmandu Hat and the Moses Staff. It seems he is trying to wear several hats as only a few minutes earlier he was seen prancing around in the Chef’s hat. Guess in time he will realize he is the GM and it is impossible for him to follow in the experienced footsteps of Sir Black Stump who has the uncanny ability to be able to be Minister of Everything.

DD to:

• Melbourne Visitors – Phantom 2, Pol Pot, 635, Happy, Spudder SteveCanberra Full Moon
• Hash Visitor -“Dicky Knee”. He is staying at Surfers International and needs a left next week to Hash ..phone him on

           0412 731 110 if you can help

• Returning Runners:

Swollen Colon -“who has been “living over there” .a bit suspicious as it was noticed that he had severe carpet burns.

Carefree -looking like Moses who had to come home after 11 weeks in Europe scanning around.

Seedy – not wearing hash shirt. He is meeting next week with Lifeline Lurch to rectify this problem.

 POW

Given by Caustic on behalf of Missing Link to Circumference for no reason whatsoever other just being there!!!

The Icing

Yes…as the GM advised Icings now only for the MOST serious of offences.

It seems that Weekly deserved those Caustic words and the icing due to the unfortunate incident with Moonbeams Red Vest at the AGPU. His attempt to pass the buck to his grandchild failed and only drew the comments that “blame stops at the top”

I can say that close up this photo above is nothing like the sight that fellow hashers where subjected to when we were forced to watch this horrific rear end event as Weekly was put on ice.

 Report by GM

is This the wedding WALTZE by Our New GM???

Membership Drive – FIND a Potential New Member

Free night first time for any NEW potential member

• Birthday beers to be encouraged
• Payment of $2 into a sealed tin and held by booze master
• Opened before our club birthday where there is free beers and a T shirt
• Birthday Run is a Hierarchy Run on 4 May 2015

• HHHasherdashery
• “Hash Gear” to be collected to go into a pool

• “Lifeline Lurch” to be responsible for this gear
• When we get a new member we present him with a few hash shirts.
• Off to a flying start with T shirts from Sir Rabbit last night a
• We have left over 2014 AGPU and 2009 Oktoberfest shirts from Now Loved.
• We also have about 40 blank shirts Swollen found

• Run fee is increased to $140 minimum

• Plus an up lift of $5.00 per head over 28 runners
• Plus “trailer cooking bonus” of $1/ head

• Membership development drive incentive

• No run fee for first time invitees
• Hash Visitor $10 only for the first 3 times then reverts to $15

• Trailer Master appointed

• Appointed “Lifeline Lurch” to be overall responsible
• Trailer to stay with Missing Link
• Trailer repairs and replacements to be taken from consolidated revenue.
• Current Tables need attention & needs additional lights.

• Hashman of the Year “Green Jacket” award to be advised now and given at AGPU

• Hierarchy

• Are exempt from POW
• Are not exempt from DD’s except for GM who is exempt – adjudicated by Sir Rabbit

• Steering Committee formed for the 2000th run

• In March 2016
• All the Sirs plus Two Dogs who will be a Sir by then and Botcho.

• Booze Masters

• Cost of Ice to be reviewed by Booze masters.
• DD to be 50% Ginger beer
• Reduce the different beers , 1x Light , 1x Heavy , 1x soft drink ,1x Cider , 1x red wine
• All beers now $3 , wine $10 bottle

End OF CIRCLE …….by Moonbeams @ 9.10 pm

On On

Swindler

Run 1908
Date:26/05/2014
Location: Bundall
Hare:Hierarchy
Runners: 47

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This scribe is now “yesterday’s man”. In a strange twist of fate although the baton has passed I still find myself penning the last few words. I have been struck down with an acute case of “writer’s block”. This may be due to suspected bad wine supplied by the hierarchy at the AGPU. It seems while I only had one or two glasses I was feeling very poorly the next day.

I will be brief.

For the record let me welcome in the new hierarchy:

Grand Master: Kitchen Bitch

Religious Adviser: Caustic Crusader

Hash Cash: Sir Slab

On Sec: Swindler

Trail Master: VD

Booze Masters: Rock Hard & Slug

Hash Flash: Hard On

The new RA has done nothing to ingratiate himself with the old hierarchy. Only five minutes after being anointed what does this new religious zealot do but ice all the outgoing hierarchy! The man has no respect.

One day a Rooster the next day a Feather Duster!

Finally best wishes to the new man with the keyboard – Swindler. No doubt with his well-known management capacity he will quickly surround himself with assistant scribes to do the work.

END OF CIRCLE

On On

Blue Card

 

Run 1907
Date:19/05/2014
Location: Varsity Lakes
Hare:Moonbeams & Kwakka
Runners: 39

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Run Report from The Hash – “Stig” .

Moonbeams explained to the large group at the bottom of Lake St., Varsity Lakes, that he and Kwakka had set a great run and that it would be the last he would be setting for the GC Gourmet hash. That’s the first time I have heard that from a current member… is he going somewhere? Anyway he had put his crutches and Kwakka’s bicycle to effective use as it turned out to be just that – a great run.

It was runners and walkers off towards the Bond Uni and after two checks there it was out across the road and into some light scrub, where Flasher got lost again searching for another “root”, and then back into suburbia.

Ferret was sighted running around with chalk and whatever he did worked, as all the FRBs were caught on several false trails/checks which kept all together.

After 15 mins the pack opened up as it headed north west led by Circumference. Nothing eventual occurred, as the trail was well marked and it proved a good workout, with Truckie up there leading between several good checks.

After 30 mins the others eventually caught Jigsaw who was challenging another serial pest Rainbow (another Launceston Hash reject to join Ball Point), who were obviously attempting a gigantic short cut.

Eventually the trail led to Lake Orr , where it was marked: Home 2 Km., with four kisses.   The pace quickened until it met the bridge, where a Rectum “Lookalike” was crossing towards Christine Ave followed by our beloved RA Miscarriage. Bent Banana saw an opportunity and put on a burst knowing that the pair were off in the wrong direction. Alas Botcho and Dogs wore him down and although Miscarrriage was never sighted again, Rectum, the real Rectum, was already back and rested. A very fast 45 mins and one run to remember.

STIG REPORT ENDS!

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The joys of a pub run. A great variety of food and nobody gets to insult the chef!

A good crowd and perhaps nothing to do with the fact that the AGPU is on next week.

A runner called Rainbow a totally new face for the On Sec turned up no doubt not wanting to be accused of only attending one run a year – the AGPU. When asked to rate the run he scored it a 9 commenting it was the best run he had done this year with somebody else piping up and the worst.

Speaking of rare faces Ferrett the Trial Master not only turned up but acted as sweep. KB and Hard On took a drink for wearing brown leather boots instead of joggers on the run. KB explained how he carefully put his joggers out at the front door so there was no chance he could forget them when he left the house . Guess what they were still there on Monday night. KB was particularly resplendent in his John Howard Green tracksuit.

Rug our resident spy is off for a few weeks on a secret mission for MI6 so keep your eyes out for an inconspicuous face looking like Rugs brother in mufti at the back of a Muslim riot anywhere in the world. Stay tuned for breaking news on flight MH 370.

Flasher clearly wanting to invoke the divine retribution of the RA referred to the RA as the Acting RA. He wasn’t disappointed.

The RA was awarded an expensive Hash jacket designed and crafted in China, to commemorate 450 runs. Well done RA and we look forward to the next 450 . As you are unable to attend the AGPU due to pressing commitments overseas I’m sure we all wish you the best as a back bench Hasher next year.

Returners this week Phantom and Rainbow.

There is a short list of nominations for the positions on the hierarchy for next year and while not closed off the following names have been mentioned:

THE DREAM TEAM

GM – Pizza- subject to joining AA

Booze Master – Caustic subject to modifying or exchanging his vehicle

RA: Weekly subject to him attending more than four weeks in 10 years

Hash Cash – Truck Tyres subject to him remembering to turn up at the right place and time

Hash Flash – Flasher subject to doing a photography course

Trail Master – Cumsmoke subject to putting in an appearance at Hash occasionally

On Sec – Ballpoint subject to staying out of a Mongolian prison

Nothing is certain and nominations are still open for all those gagging for a position so don’t be backward.

The POW was awarded by our Myanmar visitor Lion who after casting his mind back to the bike ride in Myanmar last year awarded the POW to Missing Link full living up to his name and going missing from the MV Seagull a fine ship plying the Irrawaddy River.

Next week’s run will be the AGPU and a 5 PM start from the cricket nets on Ashmore Road behind the BP service station on the corner of Showcase Drive and Ashmore Road.

The price will be a very reasonable $25 highly subsidised by the hierarchy to the value of some hundred dollars per person. To silence the critics while not everybody will get a T-shirt there will be a lucky draw for a T-shirt from the 2005 AGPU.

This is surely a collector’s item and will hold more gravitas than each person getting yet another T-shirt. Dinner will be at Signor Rossi’s in Showcase Drive opposite the Benowa Tavern. Dress has been designated as formal by the GM and this apparently means jeans and whatever else takes your fancy. The best dressed will receive a fine bottle of Gossips.

END OF CIRCLE.

On On

Blue Card

 

 

FROM CAUSTIC……

A Rethink on the Retirement Age

Run 1906
Date:12/05/2014
Location: Allambe Cemetery – the Sewerage Memorial Run
Hare: Bent Banana
Runners: 36

Run Report from The Hash – “Stig” .
Around 36 hounds turned up at the Allambe Cemetery for another Sewerage Memorial Run.
The Hare Bent Banana revealed that during his afternoon nap, between cooking, cleaning and run setting that he received a vision. Sewerage appeared as an apparition before him. Sewerage apparently said: BB I have noticed after 20 years of assembling here in my honor that many hashers are now looking weary, tired and old.

I am concerned that some of the older farts may have a heart attack or just drop dead on my watch, so please make some Re Groups tonight. BB responded that the Run he has set will not be too long, there will be large arrows in safe places, there will only be a couple checks and there will be two RGs. Rest in Peace Sewerage.
With that message the walkers and runners headed out and down through the Nerang Railway station.
Incredibly there were only 10 runners, with most obviously clinging to Sewerage’s concern and doing the walk.
The run was fairly predictable, with the trail continuing down past Sir Rabbit’s old pad “The Villas”, up to the Freeway for the second check and then south to Nerang – Broadbeach road, for the second RG. At this point the two frontrunners, Flasher and Miscarriage, were engaged in some conversation and ran through a massive RG .

Hey is anyone surprised? The others regrouped and waited for the back runner Ice Man to catch up. It was then down several side streets towards the train station, a loop to the right through the All Sports club and playing fields and then under the train line. It was finally across the wide open field where Botcho & Dogs led the pack up to Sewerage’s final resting place. All over in 35 – 40 mins.
Sir Prince conducted the Eulogy, mentioning also the other departed ex GC hashers, in particular Useless who left us during the current year. Sir Rabbit played a memorial (21 fart tribute) salute to Sewerage and others which was followed by a Hash Hymn and a touch of port.

STIG REPORT ENDS!

An eager crowd of Hashers gathered round the luxurious pool and pool house at the rear of Bent Banana’s house.

Our special guest Lion from Myanmar (Burma) was in awe of the huge Bali style residence and pool. One can only wonder at the thoughts going through his head – is Bent Banana a governor or a corrupt chief of police? Why do they call him Bent?

It was indeed a prestigious night as the GM had returned from Bali for a fly in fleeting visit. Still looking suntanned with specs of surfboard wax on his knees he called up the circle poolside.
In an attempt to bond with the RA the GM asked him for his opinion on the run. The RA said the arrow’s were a bit short but there seem to be a surplus of chalk. He did have a complaint about the freshly mown paddock with the parallel rows of cut grass and being vertically challenged he was forced to imitate an Olympic hurdler to proceed forward.

For an alternate opinion Two Dogs offered that it was a good run and it was fortunate that when crossing the railway line at Nerang Station he was narrowly missed by the express from Robina to Beenleigh. He also liked the added feature of the ethnic experience with the members of the football team playing football.

Shat reported the walkers were extremely happy and all were smiling so a remarkably happy walk through a cemetery and an ethnic football match. The GM wanting to exert years authority said that although Two Dogs and scored the run at 8.25 he thought given that there was a slight variation on the run over the last 20 years he was given an extra .5 so scored at 8.75.

Show Pony asked to comment on the Nosh had a complaint that the first course of boiled potatoes were so good that instead of having one he had four and had trouble eating the main course. Pile Driver loved the meal and scored it 8.5 but of course everybody was holding their breath for the last word from Rug. In a rare moment of positive feedback Rug said the red curry was perfect, it was a good rich stew and the apple crumble for dessert was superb. He scored the Nosh as a 9 which in the living memory of the scribe may well be a record this year.

The returners/visitors were Lion and Seedy took the traditional drink. A specially selected returner was Josephine who explained that in an attempt to save a few lousy dollars he was working on his car with a wheel brace and for some inexplicable reason his finger got in the way of “a rock and a hard place” and severed his finger. Fortunately it appears not to be his social finger and through the miracle of modern medicine the finger was sown back on. Josephine we all wish you and your finger a full recovery.

KB and Blackie proudly announced that they had refurbished the trailer with a major overhaul and it was now fitted with 12 V lights so that the Hash trailer could be used in the darkest and remotest of settings without the need for mains power. It has been made Hash proof and all one has to do is plug in the inbuilt battery charger to recharge the battery overnight.

Speaking of bad fingers and sore hands the RA took pride of place in the circle and didn’t miss a chance to complain about the recent operation he had on his hand. Pile Driver announced it must be difficult for him to engage with Mrs Palmer and her five daughters!

The RA regaled us with a long tale of woe as to why he was not a Hash last week and he had admitted him self to hospital with a severe case of constipation. This seems to be a recurring theme in the Hash as not so many weeks ago missing link was complaining of the same medical condition. It appears it may be something to do with the Monday night Hash food. The expression “shit a brick” seems front of mind for the RA at the moment. Sir AH, Shat and Full of Shit were called out for a sympathy down down.

The POW was awarded from the current office holder VD to our special guest Lion who looked a bit bemused by the huge phallus he was made to strap on. He remarked that this was nothing like the week he had recently spent in a Buddhist temple in Myanmar.

Next week’s run will be set by KWAKKA and MOONBEAMS as a tagteam and will be at Varsity Lakes. More details to follow shortly.

To celebrate the return of Josephine and he was asked to get his finger out and call the circle to a conclusion.

END OF CIRCLE.

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FROM CAUSTIC……
The Reason Hashers Need To Drink Beer

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Run 1905
Date:5/05/2014
Location: Chevron Island
Hare: Swindler assisted by Shat assisted by Hard On assisted by Seedy assisted by Mrs Swindler assisted by Mrs Swindler’s sister
Runners: 38

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Run Report from The Hash – “Stig”

Swindler looked very concerned when facing the hounds around 6 PM as there was no sign of the hares. They apparently had been gone 3 hours. Hey it must be great to have 2 others do your run and on this occasion there were at least 3 others spotted later working in the kitchen. When Swindler makes GM, there will be no doubting his organisation abilities. Just like magic Shat and Hard On appeared at 6:15 pm, when some bullshit was uttered to the large crowd of 38 that the RUN was almost 10 km and there would be a surprise (drink stop hinted) about half way around.

It was off down Stanhill Drive and the trail, with several checks, meandered across and around Chevron Is., until the bridge on Bundall Rd., where there was a difficult check. At this point hounds regrouped and several then headed off under the bridge, some south, two west and many north.

Following some confusion, the IN trail was observed over Bundall Rd. and whilst Rectum heard an On Call, Bent Banana did not and headed off in the wrong direction and later attempted to follow the trail in reverse.

Very large arrows set the course, but not all at the regulation 30 paces. Botcho and Two Dogs led most of the way, or at least they were in the front group. Flasher, who had made a miraculous recovery from his injured ankle, followed closely behind with Lurch putting in a good finish.

In the meantime Bent Banana reached the horse stables alone and remembering the promised ”surprise” made a detour to Pizzas for an expected drink stop, only to find the Pizza Hut in darkness. Not to be out done, others sort out suspicious areas behind several suspect buildings along Bundall road. No surprises there either.

It was a good trot home, with Rectum and other FRBs back in just over 45 mins, after covering 7.6km.

 STIG REPORT ENDS!

A large group of eager Hash men had congregated on the terrace overlooking the magnificent Nerang River and Surfers Paradise lights by 6:12 PM however our three hares setting the run had not yet returned and had last been reported in a local watering hole sampling the Chevron Island brew. Much to the delight of Swindler all three rolled in just before kick off.

he runners generally came in on time around 7:05 including the mystery Stig. Nobody can be definitively ruled in or rolled out as the Stig but I can say it’s definitely not Moonbeams or Show Pony but if you want to back them in at long odds please let me know the odds you want and I’ll take your money.

Seedy one of the assistant nosh hares had been flown at great expense from Bathurst for the event. This was tipped to be a gourmet event to end all Hash gourmet events and Swindler had gone all out to impress the hierarchy.

Rectum had been busy all weekend finishing off the deck and the new glass balustrade had been installed literally hours before people arrived. The squillion dollar barbecue had never been switched on before and was put to the test with three large pieces of prime Angus beef roasting away. Particularly impressive was the window on the barbecue lid which provided some cheap entertainment while the meat was cooking.

Once again our GM was MIA and the eagle eyed Blackie stood in as the Minister for everything – GM, RA, HC, and POW.

The GM/RA/HC/POW asked Shat for a comment on the run showing an incisive selection for feedback as Shat had in fact set the run. Fanny Charmer said he was one of the three that did the full run so he was fully qualified to comment.

He said he headed up Upton Street went into the brothel where he stayed for two minutes and spent $275 and then proceeded through the Harvey Norman car park where he spent nothing. Aussie when commenting on behalf of the Walkers group said he had pulled a fetlock in Upton Street. This appears to be a new term for an old and basic function.

Blue card a.k.a. the Hash Scribe said he had extended his athletic prowess by going to the front gate of Swindler’s house and returning quickly back to guard the booze masters stock.

And now to the nosh. Let me paint the picture one long table running the full length of the splendid waterfront deck with a special Sirs table set at one end and a hierarchy table set at the other end. Exquisite hand embroidered tablecloths imported from a village in China and printed detailed menus of what was about to delight. All this illuminated by the glittering lights of Surfers Paradise.

Next at the pulpit was rectum who seemed intent on biting the hand that feeds. Not wanting to waste time praising all the wonderful things of the meal he thought he would cut to the chase and give some feedback for future improvement.

• The pumpkin soup was tougher than the bread.
• The gravy was good
• The apple strudel would have been better if it was cooked.

There were various down downs of which Ballpoint featured repeatedly and has become Sir Black Stump’s newest Serial Pest.

The POW was awarded to VD for some minor infringement which now escapes me however a well-deserved choice from my position. VD has recently rented his vacant industrial shed to an entrepreneur who has divided it into four bedrooms and a well appointed bar. It appears the premises are now used for swinging and I don’t believe it is a place for young children with swings.

Moonbeams was present to perform his very important duty.

END OF CIRCLE.

On On

Blue card

 

 

 

FROM CAUSTIC……

Socially Unacceptable Humour

I was in bed with a blind girl last night and she said that I had the biggest penis she had ever laid her hands on.

I said “You’re pulling my leg.”

I saw a poor old lady fall over today on the ice!

At least I presume she was poor – she only had $1.20 in her purse.

My girlfriend thinks that I’m a stalker.

Well, she’s not exactly my girlfriend yet.

Went for my routine check-up today and everything seemed to be going fine until he stuck his index finger up my backside!

Do you think I should change dentists?

A wife says to her husband, “You’re always pushing me around and talking behind my back.”

He says, “What do you expect? You’re in a wheel chair.” 

I was explaining to my wife last night that when you die you get reincarnated but must come back as a different creature. She said she would like to come back as a cow.

I said, “You’re obviously not listening.”
 

The wife has been missing a week now. Police said to prepare for the worst.

So, I have been to St Vinnie’s to get all of her clothes back.

You can say lots of bad things about paedophiles but at least they drive slowly past schools.

A mate of mine has just told me he’s getting it on with his girlfriend and her twin.

I said “How can you tell them apart?”

He said “Her brother’s got a moustache.”
 

Just put a deposit down on a brand new Porsche and mentioned it on Facebook.

I said, “I can’t wait for the new 911 to arrive!”

Next thing I know 4,000 f**king Muslims have added me as a friend!
 

The Red Cross have just knocked at our door and asked if we could help towards the floods in Pakistan.

I said we would love to, but our garden hose only reaches the driveway