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Run 1889
Date:13/01/2014
Location: Evandale
Hare: Nasty, Shat and Kwakka
Runners:36

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The acting Booze Master Truck Tyres took off on the run with no regard for those who may return before him with an almighty thirst. Not to put too finer point on things no one on the run was such a welcome sight as Truck Tyres limping in at 7.15 to open the bar.

Once again our Honorable GM Now Loved was MIA and the self appointed acting GM for the night was Sir Black Stump.

First item on the agenda was a naming for Manny Palma who has been a guest runner for a number of weeks. Blackie was in fine form when he gave Manny Palma the Hash name Fanny Charmer. I can see a few nick names coming up.

Moonbeams thanked everybody for their messages and support during his recent stint in hospital.

We had a special hash visitor Darwin Don from Sydney. What an inspiration. He has just competed in Italy in the Masters 1500 metres for his age group – OVER 90.

Caustic described the run as only Caustic could describe the run – piss poor run with poor trail marking.

Link scored the run a 3.5 out of 5 for no apparent reason.

Sir AH and Jigsaw were called out for trying to get a discount from the Hash Cash with their seniors cards. If that was going to fly half the members would get a discount. Lurch also joined them for paying the nosh fee with $15 in small coins. His excuse was that is the way Come Smoke pays him.

Sir Rabbit took some stick over Rabbits Radio at Pizzey Park however he swears it has nothing to do with him. Somebody is rabbiting on.

Two visitors this week Paul a guest of Nasty  and Dusty also a guest of Nasty we think. Speaking of Nasty still no sign of him or the Nosh at this stage. What a debacle.

Sir Prince reported the RA was an alien in New York. He had managed to go on a hash run and it was so cold his feet were frozen in a puddle. Apparently this was followed by an RA debacle when he had to change his tickets for the return flight. His 3 children are stranded in the US while he is somewhere between the US and Australia.

The AUSTRALIA DAY RUN will be at Mt Tamborine partners welcome lunch and cricket $5 BYO. Click here for details

The POW was passed on by Caustic to our newest member Fanny Charmer. He didn’t deserve that. Welcome to the Hash Fanny Charmer.

Moonbeams proudly called End Of Circle.

Finally the Nosh and Nasty arrived. Not on time but on budget. Aldi gourmet meat pies and Deb mashed potato followed by frozen cheese cake cut up with a chain saw. Best quote of the night from Nasty “I can’t believe there are pies and cheese cake left over”

Next weeks run will be from somewhere and will be next Monday.

CAUSTICS JOKE OF THE WEEK

Splinter Hash Summer Golf Cup

Run 1887
Date:30/12/2013
Location:Cascade Gardens
Hare: Missing Link
Runners: 25

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Our GM was MIA again and Sir Black Stump always keeping an eye out for an opportunity stepped into position with his usual savoir faire (whatever that means).

Botcho lovingly referred to by the G M as a serial pest was called out for abusing the GM last week for not wearing Hash attire. Botcho quickly claimed immunity from down downs awarded by the RA (also MIA) for his services to Hash IT as webmaster. Blackie being one who does not take to being questioned informed him that his exemption was only an exemption from DD’s issued by the RA. Watch this space for an Appeal to a Higher Jurisdiction.

Anyway “I have never seen the website” confessed Sir B.

Truck Tyres the Booze Master turned up at 7.15 and it seems he was still operating on NSW time.

KB turned up with an entre of smoked fish which not only a great surprise as the Nosh from the local Noodle In A Box take away did not turn up till 8.15.

Head Job back from the UK to build more luxury accommodation for new Australians arriving on cruise boats from Indonesia was in good form “best run to a pub and back”.

KB at this point in his normal humble manner volunteered “great nosh so far”.

Despite being a comp night Head Job and Manny got a DD for not having their name ticked off on Blackies list.

Truck Tyres got a DD for not only having a dud watch but for leaving his phone in Glen Innes so he couldn’t call in his delayed ETA.

KB brought a charge but he was not sure if the guilty party was Lurch, Flasher or Latrine. All these “gentlemen” had interacted with his 21 YO Mare at the previous weeks Hash and now the Mare is in foal. Flasher being the only one of the 3 present took one for the team.

Flasher aka “you didn’t deserve that” was awarded the POW for haranguing Circumference after the splinter lunch for his alleged lack of organisation and communication – code for “Flasher didn’t bring enough money and had to take an unsecured loan”

Next Week’s Run- Grassy Park Handsford Rd Coombabah compliments of Rug. BYO mosquito repellent.

HAPPY NEW YEAR

Blue Card

HASH CASH OPENS HIS MONEY BAG

Big news for the Gold Coast House  Harriers.                                                                                             Next week will be a free night!! No run fee and your first Beer is free!!                                     SAVING YOU $15. What a caring  Hierarchy

Run 1886
Date:23/12/2013
Location:Elanora
Hare: Kitchen Bitch
Runners: 26

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Our GM was a no show on the night apparently called to solve some Gold Coast  transportation issues at the last moment but he had sworn in Black Stump by telephone as the acting GM.

Blackie stumped up to the task and called up the circle which he said would be a sitting circle in a rectangular shape.

Rug asked to comment on the run said he had been too busy putting his POW uniform on to think about the run.

Lurch said he was disappointed as there was enough hills to test him. Mademoiselle Latrine said he had done the whole run for a change to build up an appetite for a highly anticipated five course KB Nosh.

Rug soon gathered his thoughts and while he was fearful of protests from Greenpeace for the Baby Dolphins that had been slaughtered to provide the fine fish dinner KB served up. Clearly not too worried from any personal blowback from the Greenies he gave the Nosh a 9.5.

Rectum received special recognition for his efforts in the galley assisting KB and was given a temporary renaming for the night – Kitchen Bitch’s Bitch.

Mademoiselle Latrine took a DD for paying his $15 Nosh Fee in small coins. If you blinked you missed the DD – 1.23 seconds and nominated for the Guiness Book of Records.

Caustic brought a charge against the hare KB for using solvent based blue paint to mark the trail. In a spirited denial from KB he asked Caustic would he bet his  ” Family Jewels” on it. Caustic not willing to take the ultimate bet backed down and uncharacteristically fell silent.

Rug the current POW called out a few on the short list:

The booze master for departing before Rug arrive at the drink stop

Ferret asked to borrow Rugs car so he could drive from the start point back to the Nosh but took the keys but left the car – a total debacle

Swindler for conduct unbecoming a Hasher at the Xmas Party for spraying a beer over fellow hashers when given a DD

And the winner is……. Swindler.

Caustic brought sad news of one of our senior members Nasty had apparently been possessed by an alien force while riding his bicycle home after a social tipple and had misjudged the space between 2 bollards  and was suffering from 2 broken ribs and a bruised liver. Me thinks the bruised liver may have been a preexisting condition.

Next Weeks Run – Missing Link from a little known park Cascade Gardens. Normal 6:15 start.

Splinter Lunch – this Friday with a Xmas Party revisited at the Shore Restaurant 2 Ocean Ave  Surfers Paradise.

Merry Xmas to you and your families.

On on

Blue Card

Another Caustic Contribution

Run 1885
Date:16/12/2013
Location:Surfers Paradise
Hare: Hierarchy
Runners: 36

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

The infamous Christmas Party.

Absolutely nothing that can be reported here!

A good time was had by all. Merry Christmas

NEXT WEEKS RUN: Kitchen Bitch –yeh no hamburgers!

JOKE OF THE WEEK from Caustic C

Cum Smokes pick up line…..

On On

Blue card

Run 1884
Date:9/12/2013
Location:Benowa
Hare: Jig saw
Runners: 36

Hash Pictures Mobile Link

Jigsaw had invited the Hashers to use his pool but it was not a pretty sight particularly with Cum Smoke doing a good imitation of Free Willy the killer whale.

CIRCLE UP

First up Bent Banana gave a run report and said he was a bit confused by the two way arrows and couldn’t understand how Flasher was on his second drink at the drink stop in the park. By now it could be expected that Bent Banana knows Flasher as a perennial shortcutter especially when there is drink involved. Rock Hard said it was a good flat walk and he enjoyed Pizza’s homemade moonshine guinness stout.

THE NOSH

Jigsaw had excelled himself with the nosh and we could all see now why Mrs Jigsaw never cooks. Josephine gave the nosh a 7.75.

THE RA Miscarriage

We had a guest RA this week and it was Nelson Mandela risen from the dead, returning to this life as a Muslim wearing white flowing Arab robes.

Rug seems to be becoming the regular nosh critic, and probably a well deserved appointment as he looks like he has been in a good paddock. He said the good old dips were reminiscent of days gone by when the booze master provided dips. There was plenty of pasta and he thought the best description of the meal was beef stroganoff but he wasn’t sure that pasta was one of the main ingredients. As for the dessert, Rug thought it was pure genius to put aviation fuel on sultanas and light them to put a new dimension to the cheap icecream which went with it. Being particularly generous with a Christmas spirit he gave it an 8.9. Kitchen bitch without being asked for an opinion interjected said he would like to give Pizza’s beer an 8.75.

Rock Hard was called out as being an absentee from the cocktail party although he had pre-paid he was severely castigated for wanting his money back just because he was a self-admission to hospital on the day. Nelson Mandela recognised another man of colour in the circle and called Missing Link out for an uncharacteristic Muslim action of downing a drink. The RA thought the meal should have been called ‘beef stroke me off’ after Jigsaw had flashed one of his special movies up on his 100 inch television screen before the nosh.

The RA complained that he had been relegated to last in the nosh queue after Lurch carrying a large trough instead of plate jumped in front of him. The 4 Peter’s Blackie, Shat, Rabbit and Bent Banana got a Down Down for imitating the RA at the cocktail party as they were all wearing name tags saying that they were Peter when there was really only one important Peter in the Hash club.

Flasher received special recognition for staying on the trail for the first time in years.

POW

Cum Smoke was last weeks POW and was in fine form to find a suitable victim to take the mantle this week. Slug would have got it except we would have been subject to a 20 minute acceptance speech. Lurch nearly got it for sending a debt collection note for certain vehicle defect infringements but finally the award went to Rug as the only Hasher still with a VHS machine who would be able to watch a whole bag of instructional VHS tapes which Cum Smoke had found in his collection.

Nasty took a drink for being the best dressed in his Liberace outfit.

REMINDERS

Christmas Run Monday 16th Dec 2013 drinks 5 for 5.30 sharp departure Bruce Bishop Carpark Roof. Wear something red and Christmas like. Need to pay $25 or if you have had less than 10 runs for the year $50. If you get lost or have any questions, call the GM on 0407 134 745

END OF CIRCLE

JOKE OF THE WEEK – ONE LINER’S COMPLIMENTS OF CAUSTIC

I was devastated to find out my wife was having an affair, but by turning to religion I was soon able to come to terms with the whole thing. I converted to Islam, and we’re stoning her in the morning.

My wife suggested I get myself one of those dick enlargers, so I did…. she’s 21 and her name’s Sarah.

Went to the pub with my girlfriend last night. Locals were shouting pedo and other names at me just because my girlfriend is 21 and I’m 50. It completely spoilt our 10th anniversary.

Following the tragic death of the Human Cannonball at the Kent Show, a spokesman said “We’ll struggle to get another man of the same calibre.”

My son was thrown out of school today for letting a girl in his class give him a hand-job. I said “Son, that’s 3 schools this year. You want to stop before you’re banned from teaching altogether.”

Just been to the gym. They’ve got a new machine in. Only used it for half an hour as I started to feel sick. It’s great though. It does everything – KitKats, Mars Bars, Snickers, Crisps, the lot..”

Question – Are there too many immigrants inAustralia ? 17% said yes; 11% said No; 72% said “I am not understanding the question please.”

I thought the wife would be the ideal candidate for a new TV show.
Turns out I got it all wrong and the program’s called Fact Hunt.

The cost of living has now got so bad that my wife is having sex with me because she can’t afford batteries!

Some bastard’s just pinched a pair of my wife’s knickers off the washing line. She’s not bothered about the knickers but she wants the 12 pegs back.

On On

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