Run 1883
Date:2/12/2013
Location:Currumbin Waters
Hare: Sir Slab & Sir Prince
Runners: 31

Hash Pictures Mobile Link
CIRCLE UP
Sir AH representing the keen pack of walkers said the walk was “scenic” Just shows how verbose and insightful a Hasher becomes after 1000 runs.

Josephine not to be outdone “enjoyed the flat bits” and always keen to bring sex into it mentioned “good virgin country”

Shetland out of Show Pony brought a charge against my old mate “you didn’t deserve that” Flasher for short cutting and leading him off trail. Not very original Shetland – it’s a weekly event.

The GM in a burst of his never ending generosity of spirit scored the run 8.5

THE NOSH
Well what a change from the last few weeks of McDonalds inspired dishes.

Jamie Oliver meets Gordon Ramsay! Sir Prince and the Kitchen Bitch in fine form. The woks were firing and the boys were cooking up a storm.

Rug our resident foodie critic thought the sheep testicles meat balls entrée were particularly tasty especially the frozen centres were a nice contrast to the overlooked outer shell. The piece de resistance was combining the mango dessert into the curry and rice as one awesome dish.

THE RA Miscarriage

Shetland copped a DD for being so naive as to ever follow Flasher on a run.

A usual welcome and DD to some returners and new faces, “Last One, Paul (mate of Nasty but a nice guy) and a Virgin (mate of Rug but a nice guy).

The 3 travel agents in the club received a DD for doubtful business practices and excessive profit gauging.
Shat House Tours
Trust Me Tours
Slabatical Tours

REMINDERS
Cocktail Party Sat 7th Dec 2013 6.30 kickoff at Ferry Rd Markets

Christmas Party Monday 16th Dec 2013 drinks 5 for 5.30 sharp departure Bruce Bishop Carpark Roof

END OF CIRCLE
In the absence of Moonbeams VD jumped in but after a dummy spit and tears from Josephine the circled was closed again by Josephine in a good impersonation of the low dulcet tones of Moonbeams

JOKE FROM CAUSTIC CRUSADER

Please ponder the statement below

This is ONLY intended for intellectual AND

deep thinking Hashers.

On On

Blue Card

Run 1882
Date:25/11/2013
Location:Pacific Pines
Hare: Cumsmoke
Runners: 29

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The GM Now Loved in a long run of attendance was again in charge of the circle. Nice to see the GM for several weeks in a row in Australia.

Two Dogs set the tone by commenting that Cum Smoke handed him a roll of toilet paper and said I ran out of time can you go and mark the missing part of the trail through the bush quickly before the run starts. Cum Smoke in a truly typical act true to form then jumped in his car shouting I have to go and get the food. In a final cry of justification he was heard mumbling well the Ute wouldn’t go through the bush.

Two Dogs in an act of kindness scored the run as a 6.75. Shetland a long lost member thought it was a bit short but offered a score of 7. Miscarriage thought the run fantastic a worth a 9 but as it was only half the distance scored it. 4.5.

Caustic Crusader living up to his name said the Nosh was the best Jenny Craig meal he had seen. Nothing will drop the weight off quicker than a Mexican wrap containing an egg cup full of mince, a slice of tomato and a lettuce leaf. Bring back the hamburgers.

Rug a regular contributor at this point said “After 3 weeks of hamburgers I had forgotten what gourmet food tastes like”. Scored it a 9 out of 10 but as it was only a half size main course knocked it down to 4.5. Go figure.

Hard On copped a Down Down for a pair of new shoes. Wimped out on the traditional drink from the shoe and took it like a girl.

Religious Adviser – Miscarriage

Returners: Miscarriage been to Japan on a pilgrimage and Old Fart who has been MIA forever has been playing basketball.

Circumference was found guilty of a big win at the Melbourne Cup while Sir Rabbit after receiving divine intervention while sitting on the “John” failed to follow through and almost had a boxed trifecta worth $1300.

Rug was exposed as a recent returner from Jakarta as special envoy from ASIO sorting out the current diplomatic row.

The POW “paraphernalia” was absent but this week’s awardee Cumsmoke still took the traditional drink.

NEXT WEEKS RUN:  Sir Slab “somewhere down Currumbin way”

CAUSTICS JOKE OF THE WEEK

Cumsmoke visiting the new in-laws…

On On

Blue card

Run 1881
Date:18/11/2013
Location:Pony Club Oxenford
Hare:Crocodile
Runners: 24

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After a wild and woolly late afternoon hail storm and high winds centred over Oxenford the pack set off to follow a carefully marked trail that no longer existed.

The GM called the circle in the shape of a rectangle with everybody sitting down at the tables like cabinet ministers with the Prime Minister chairing matters.

Crocodile offered the opinion that it was a great run washed out by hail. Two Dogs reported that the cranky guy on the corner confirmed that it was Route or was it Root Street. He scored it a 7. Croc complained about the absent RA who seemed to have no capacity to arrange good weather on hash night. Rectum offered a second opinion and scored the run a 5 out 10 as it only took 35 minutes for the run.

Rug remarked that he may only come to Hash once a month to get a monthly allocation of Hamburger for dinner. He was so over Hash Burgers that in a truly telling statement said he was now looking forward to the Cum Smoke  nosh next week.

KB was quick to point out that despite the complaints of Rug he actually had FOUR hamburgers.

Rugs scored the nosh a 6.75 and Missing Link in a second opinion scored it a 4.6. The GM. in a sweeping feat of mathematics the GM made it an average of 7.5.

Croc was thanked for providing some birthday red wine.

RETURNERS

Rectum confessed that he had just been “working”. To be fair he is very busy these days working exclusively for Hash members giving new meaning to the term Hash Cash.

Slug rambled on for 10 minutes about going hashing in Kunming and the Philippines with Flasher.

The GM complained that the gift raspberry flavoured triple ribbed edible condoms that Flasher gave him last week were too small. Flasher responded that seemed strange as he tried them and they were too big for him.

THE RA

Circumference with only 5 minutes notice stood in as acting RA. Touch Tyres owned up to a break and enter on the club house to get the lights switched on. Caustic Crusader quipped TT had the lights on but nobody was home.

2 Dogs and Rug were called out for upsetting the cranky resident on the corner who got upset when they ran across his manicured front lawn. Rug tried to pacify the guy by telling him ” if its private property put up a fence”.

2 Dogs getting a second wind informed all present how Shat had rolled up to the long lunch of prawns and beer around the pool after the Yamba Bike Ride and promptly knocked over his very expensive bottle of red wine. On the subject of the bike ride there was a casualty. Long story short Sir Slab in a choice between hitting a car and bailing off the bike took the latter option and did some minor damage to an ankle which blew up like a football. After being medivaced to McLean Hospital by Lady Slab he returned to the still in progress lunch at 4 pm looking for sympathy. Didn’t get too much.

POW

Lurch was going to give it to Slug for his 10 minute oratory on his latest overseas trip.

However he regaled us with a recent encounter with the constabulary when he was pulled up driving his bosses ute which turns out it was unregistered, cancelled number plates and       received an on the spot fine for $880. Cum Smoke is debating whether he owns the ute or does the neighbour 2 doors away who agreed to sell it to Cum Smoke. Stay tuned next week to hear who paid the $880 from the POW Cum Smoke.

NEXT WEEK RUN

Cum Smoke from Pacific Pines

THIS WEEKS JOKE FROM CAUSTIC C

On On

Blue Card

Run 1880
Date:11/11/2013
Location: Anzac Park, Southport
Hare:Aussie
Runners:31

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Two Dogs opinion of the run was at 4.5K and 29mins a bit short but other than that good and a score of 7.5. It seems the absence of both Rectum and Miscarriage reduced the usual competitive vibe of the run.

Rug gave his usual considered and insightful comment on the Nosh (Deluxe Hamburgers and salad) and was quick to note there was no cheese or chilli flakes. Score – 7. Swindler scored it 7.5.

A DD to Paul a friend of Nasty. Not sure because he was a new comer or because he was a friend of Nasty.

Rug presented letter on surfing Niagara Falls to the GM a keen surfer of some repute. It seems there is an opportunity to get into the Guiness Book Of Records.  There was more. He followed that up with a Taser to help the GM maintain control of the circle. It seems MI5 have been getting rid of old stock passed the use by date.

Flasher not to be out done presented a raspberry triple ribbed condom. Not sure whether you are supposed to pluck it, suck it or …..

Josephine offered a suggestion to the Hash Cash to introduce a Departure Tax next time a group of hash cyclists leave the country and reduce the club weekly cash flow.

KB brought a charge against Shat AKA the real Peter Foster as clearly the slimming tea does NOT work.

Shat the relieving GM called out Truck Tyres for gross Political Incorrectness while on the bike trip im Myanmar. Truck Tyres with 1 small gift to give away and surrounded by well sun tanned village kids pointed at each one in turn….eenie, meenie minee mo catch a n……. by the toe!

POW given to Lurch for inappropriate dress standard – no hash gear.

NEXT Weeks Run by Croc from a park at Oxenford just this side of Brisbane.

REMINDER Bring your $50 per person for the Cocktail Party to Hash next Monday – the RA will have some DD’s for those who forget.

Elevator incident

I’ll be out of commission for awhile…

Today I was beaten up by a woman.

I was in the elevator when this busty lady got in.

I was staring at her boobs, when she said, would you please press1?                                                   So I did.

True Story. How do I know that this is a true story?   Because it was yours truly pushing the button. Caustic Crusader

On On

Blue Card

Run 1879
Date:4/11/2013
Location: Frascott Park. Varsity Lakes
Hare:Caustic Crusader & Lurch
Runners:28

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A very good roll up at the run site but in very cool and windy conditions. After several of the overseas returners received warm greetings from those less fortunate, and provided their brief comments on the trip highlights, the hounds were off at 6:15.

The Run: Following some usual road work with several checks, it was eventually into the bush around Reedy Creek; the creek not the suburb! The run became much more interesting with the usual Miscarriage and Two Dogs working the pack fairly hard. There were lots more checks, or I should say On Backs in our hares’ parlance.

This scribe hit the front on several occasions, only to be relegated to the back after constantly being caught in the wrong place.  Good work hares! However we were treated with obvious contempt in many places with gigantic arrows and On Back signs designed for someone with Mr. Magoo’s eyesight problem.

The highlight of the run was a pipe crossing where, if anyone was to fall in he would receive a proper drenching.  There was also a Sir Slab imposter LURCHING in the background, on a bicycle, barely visible in the darkness, to ensure everybody got back safe.  All over in 50 mins, which could have been 49.9 mins if Rectum and Shetland had not taken sickies.

Following the Run a Melbourne Cup sweep was organised by Dogs and Sir Blackie.  Fortunately I scored the winner Miss Demi and will see Blackie first thing next Monday.

The Nosh:  There was much effort in the food preparation. It was so good it had to be outsourced, but hey who cares, as long as there is plenty and it tastes good. There were two curries,  exotic rice, various fruit and chutney condiments and served with Turkish bread. This was followed by large servings of pavlova and lemon meringue pie.  At the risk of swelling Caustic’s inflated ego, I must say it was all very yummy.

The Circle:      Miscarriage was straight into it as usual , with DDs:

Two Dogs, missing in action when called to comment on the food.

Caustic and Lurch, the hares, for an excellent run & walk and excellent food. Scored 8 and 8.75 respectively.

Lurch, riding around on a penny-farthing bike.

Whoredeni, visitor from Surferes Paradise.

Ferret, prime suspect for passing off a 10 Thai Baht coin in the beer bucket; strongly denied, but looked guilty

Sir Prince, referring to our hash living treasure Sir Rabbit as Little Piggy.

Swindler, on behalf of all the Junket returners. He commented on the dangers of being an ex GM with Shat and Now Loved mentioned in despatches as among the more seriously wounded.

Carefree, setting a new record for a Leaver. Left last week, returned this week. There was an unconfirmed rumour that he returned to collect his share in the secret lotto winnings from last Splinter lunch.

Acting GM Miscarriage, for falsely charging someone over a HASH Hot Line stuff up.

Caustic Crusader, for apparently falling off his own dreaded pipe crossing during the run rece.

 POW: After dismissing Ferret for passing wind in the company of other hashers, Rug awarded the prick to Cumsmoke for getting married yet again. It turned out that this was a vicious rumour started by Caustic, to whom the prick was passed.

News: Swindler kindly volunteered to be stand in as booze master next week, to give Pony a bit of R&R on the water.

The Christmas cocktail party with wives & lovers will be on 7 December at the Brickworks. Same restaurant as last year. Confirmation or deposit sought next week 11/11/13.

Sir Prince presented the full story about Shat’s damaged finger, which I will condense to: he got severely pissed, he fell over, he shattered his little finger, he felt no pain, he got even more pissed, he continued out of control and unmanageable for the remains of the evening. Truck Tyre and Kwakka reportedly not in much better condition.

Next weeks run will be from Remembrance Monument about 200 mtrs north of Sundale bridge, Southport.

Josephine closed circle at 8:30 pm. Thanks a lot Caustic and Lurch.

On On Bent Banana