Run 1874
Date:30/09/2013
Location: Ormeau
Hare: Sir slab
Runners:21

A special run this week. A joint run with Brisbane Hash from the Shearers Arms Tavern at Ormeau.

About 50 hashers turned up and it soon became apparent that the average age of the Brisbane Hashers was similar to the Gold Coast Hash.

The runners ran and the walkers walked!

The Hare Sir Slab always at home in the saddle rode his bike as tail end Charlie to make sure nobody got too lost and ended up on the M1.

It was interesting to see some of our cost conscious hashers inquiring as to the drink prices at the Brisbane Hash Booze Bucket trying to get a cheaper price to the $3 drink price instituted recently by Swindler. Speaking of Swindler he was a no show. Not sure if he was afraid of a revolt or was out spending the super profit being generated on the booze.

The 2 GM’s circled everybody up.

What was an immediate shock to this scribe was the not 1 but 2 ice carvings placed in the centre of the circle. It didn’t take long before a miscreant from Brisbane Snappy Tom was called to sit on the ice carving which was a good representation of a huge ice phallus! The crowd had great pleasure in seeing him slide off and end up with gravel impregnated in his fundamental orifice.

Sir Prince in fine form as always reported after a hard Friday at his JOB turned up after the splinter hash last Friday at the Lansdowne Pub to find Kwakka in a particularly untidy shape. Not wanting to leave the Brisbane Hash out of the fun Sir P called out 2 of their members and our own Slug for being in a certain cathedral in Angeles City when Sir Prince and his fellow bike riders dropped in their recently.

Shat conspicuous by his absence got a special mention from the Brisbane Hash for bringing us into disrepute for failing to turn to a court appearance recently as reported ” Peter Foster – Arrested” for failing to turn up at court. See the full story

https://www.dropbox.com/s/5lyhdh4tvu13uv1/Peter%20Foster%20Arrested.pdf

After being told on the website to bring a plate, knife and fork we all headed in for a pub meal – come back Sir Blackstump the surplus is turning into a deficit.

Next week’s run an October Fest Run 5pm start from the German Club.

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This weeks  Joke of The Week from Caustic Crusader….

Run 1873
Date:23/09/2013
Location: Miami
Hare: Slug
Runners:22

Run 1873                                                                                                                                                 Words of Wisdom  …  by SHAT

Not a big turn-out for this run in familiar territory at Nobby’s, only 20 runners.  Yet, by objective observation, this group of brave runners surely represent the Hash elite, save RECTUM, conspicuous by his absence.  But there was FLASHER, tall not but so strong and willing.  And MISSING LINK & BOTCHO, so athletic and primed like coiled springs.   ROCK HARD, very focused and looking super fit.  The three sirs present, SIRs SLAB, RABBIT & AH together looking like Olympic icons.  What about SIR PRINCE VALLIANT, you ask.  Well, he was not present at the start of the run – instead he joined the pack in a gentlemanly like fashion strolling down from his lounge room as the runners passed his residence, leaving his good wife The Princess to drop off his bag at the run venue.  Good work SPV.

The limits of time prevent one from going through the merits all present, yet special mention must be made of KITCHEN BITCH, SIR AH & SHOWPONY who, despite being battered and wrecked by the cruelness of time, actually ran a couple of steps as the pack set out.  Very impressive.  Keep it up guys.

THE RUN

SLUG the Hare set a tricky but clearly marked run; well sort of.  On more than one occasion I did see the pack wandering around lost in side streets, like dazed sheep.  The home trail passed the Miami Hotel then up and over the hill, down the stairs into our Nobby’s park venue.   Unfortunately, not one runner managed to find this section of the trail and on one ran in from this direction.

By the finish of the run the pack were well and truly strung out.  Just over the hour, TWO DOGS was first home and not happy: “9.2k”, he exclaimed, “There should be a rule about this”!  CAUSTIC too seemed a tad disgruntled: “No chalk. Too firkin long”.

Nonetheless, CAUSTIC rated the run 9 out of 10 … “less 1 point for every firkin busy road crossing” giving a net result of 3.  Not bad SLUG.  Accept the 9.

THE NOSH

Chilli Con Carne!!  Beautifully prepared by SLUG’s squeeze PUSSY GALORE.  But, hey, no dessert!  ( Sorry Slug, I believe we had a desert!!!  I missed out. I was into my second bottle of red when the Strawberries and Ice Cream appeared, had a memory lapse)  MISSING LINK gave the nosh a rating of 8; BENT BANANA awarded 7.5.  An average of 7.75.  Well done SLUG.

THE CIRCLE

Four returning runners:  PIZZA, PILE DRIVER, PHANTOM & TWO DOGS.  Where have they been?  Well, PIZZA & PILE DRIVER claim they have been busy working (yeah, right).  PHANTOM has been very busy doing Phantom stuff.   TWO DOGS meanwhile has been swanning around the Whitsundays where he met up with HARD ON & AUSSIE for a secret men’s business meeting around a bottle of red, or four.  TWO DOGS presented the GM with some used golf tees he found on the Hamilton Island golf course … lovely thought TWO DOGS.

RA MISCARRIAGE gave MISSING LINK a disciplinary down-down for secret training and for distributing peptides; LINK pleaded guilty.  SIR PRINCE VALLIANT also suffered the RA’s ire for dobbing-in the RA to help out at MOONBEAM’s market stall.; JOSEPHINE stood-in for MOONBEAMS’ down-down.  SHOWPONY too was reprimanded for giving the RA a hand massage … boys please, remember Rule 1.

PRICK OF THE WEEK:   FLASHER  received the PoW award last week at the Highland Park Taven where the run was washed out.  Flowing from that traumatic experience, FLASHER nominated three miscreants for this weeks award: BOTCHO and BENT BANANA who (according to FLASHER) refused to help him re-set the run; and CAUSTIC who called him a “firkin lazy karnt” for seeking help to reset the run.

The winner:  CAUSTIC

Footnote:  CAUSTIC indeed is a worthy Prick.  He was asked by BLUE CARD to be the stand-in scribe for this weeks run, but quickly withdrew when he saw me with a pen in my hand.   Shame CAUSTIC.

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News Flash

Quote from Sir Black Stump after finishing World Age GroupTriathlon. “I would have had better results if the Gold Coast Hash had provided more cash.”

His fellow Hashers at the Gold Coast Hash should be proud of this over achiever. He finished 12th in the Aquathon and 13th out of 40 in the Triathlon.

The English climate didn’t help, wet and cold, temperature was 12 degress and the water temp 16 degress.  Certainly not Queensland temperatures, where Sir Blackie as he is known does all his training.

He also stated that

“I’ll be training in Tibet next year so I’ll apply for the Hash Cash Job again next year.”

Run 1872
Date:16/09/2013
Location: Highland  Park
Hare: Flasher
Runners: 20

..unn1872 Report from our guest On Sec..Swindler

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Run 1871
Date:9/09/2013
Location: Parkwood
Hare: Carefree and a few Helpers
Runners: 26

THE HASH POST ERECTION RUN

Well how things have changed with a Liberal government. Things are certainly looking up if the Nosh tonight was any indication. Talk about the Gourmet Hash – 2 huge salmon cooked whole in wet paper but more about that later.

We all set off on the run with some deep concerns as the assistant Booze Master Truck Tyres was no where to be seen. SWINDLER after only 1 week on the job had absented himself after pulling a Campbell Newman the week before putting booze prices up 50%

Who should we spot half way through the run driving through the new Gold Coast Hospital looking left and right for a Hash group than TRUCK TYRES! To bad the directions clearly indicated the Griffith University.

THE CIRCLE

CROC was first to be outed by the RA for conduct likely to bring the Hash into disrepute. In a voice loud enough to be heard at the new hospital he had called out ” alright you …… (Women’s Genitals) listen up!

BENT BANANA when asked about the run said it was a good venue.

TWO DOGS reported that while the directions started as well marked they soon went downhill on the flat section and he found the runners were going in circles and lapping the walkers.

The HARE CAREFREE had a team of chefs working under his role as chief chef and they all got a DD – Sir AH, KWAKKA, KITCHEN BITCH, and SIR SLAB.

LURCH said it was the best meal he had EVER had and gave the Nosh a 9.3 while MOONBEAMS equally impressed gave it a 9.35.

The RA was struggling with a lost voice due to a suspected deep throat infection.

MISSING LINK was really missing as he was confined to hospital with a blocked bowel.

“Give him caster oil”

“I knew he was full of shit”

“Does that mean he can’t mow my lawn tomorrow”. Sir Prince.

“I will take his jobs.” Jigsaw

“Should we take up a collection for a funeral plan”. Croc.

THE ELECTION

The RA was impressed by our preference system for the Senate and the fact that a group of lunatics had been elected including the Motoring Party in Victoria with 1.8% of the vote.  The hash petrol head was called out as a supporter- Josephine. 2 Dogs got a similar treatment as a supporter of the Hunting Party who look like winning a seat with 500 votes.

SIR CUMFERENCE was given a DD for being a stand in double for Clive Palmer.

LURCH got a mention in dispatches for volunteering to clean up the rubbish and trying to impress and get on next years hierarchy.

POW.

Last week awarded to Sir S.

FLASHER AND MADAM LASH for insisting on the honeymoon suite at the Boonah Hotel, or TRUCK TYRES for annoying Sir Slab and screwing up his bookings in Yangon Hotel but no the award went to JIGSAW for putting his foot in the booze bucket.

NEXT WEEKS RUN

Will be a pub run from the Highland Park Tavern.

JOKE OF THE WEEK

Contributed by Caustic

The Indian With One Testicle

There once was an Indian who had only one testicle

and whose given name was ‘Onestone’. He hated that

name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.

After years and years of torment, Onestone finally

cracked and said,’ If anyone calls me Onestone

again I will kill them!’

The word got around and nobody called

him that any more.

Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird

forgot and said, ‘Good morning, Onestone.’   He

jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into

the forest where he made love to her all day and

all night. He made love to her all the next day,

until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.

The word got around that Onestone meant what

he promised he would do. Years went by and no

one dared call him by his given name until A woman

named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being

away. Yellow Bird , who wasBlue Bird’s cousin, was

overjoyed when she saw Onestone. She hugged him

and said, ‘Good to see you, Onestone.’

Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,

then he made love to her all day, made love to her all

night, made love to her all the next day, made love to

her all the next night, butYellow Bird wouldn’t die!

Why ???

OH, come on…. take a guess !!!

Think about it !!!

You’re going to love this !!!

Everyone knows…

You can’t kill Two Birds

withOneStone!!!
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