Posting from our Hash Mate Rockhard

Run 1829

Date : 19th November 2012
Hare : Pizza
Venue : Bundall
Runners: 34

Late apologies from Rectum, who has this old fashion belief that’s its more important to make a quid than to spend quality time jogging with your mates and being entertained by Pizza, whilst slowly getting pissed.

Well he does have one wife, two high-maintenance teenage daughters and large fuel bills to support, so maybe he does have a point. However the real reason seemed to be that he had to work another 16 hr day because his offsider “Linksey” was called home early to deliver one hash trailer for today’s hare.

THE RUN: Despite it being another Pizza RUN a big crowd of 33 turned up for the event. So he does have pulling power. The group gathered beside Racecourse Rd Ashmore and listened rather apprehensively to the hare’s confusing guidance; something about following arrows that point away and then towards you on the return.

The trail set off south then East through the Domayne and Harvey Norman complex, out to a 3 way check which led down Ashmore Road and then took a turn North up Bemuda St. The only place of interest was a check back where a few ladies of the night sat around in their undies having a fag until their next guests arrived.

When they spotted the first few heavy breathing hounds looking through the back gate, they quickly provided directions to the front door, when party-pooper Flasher broke their hearts by stating we were only a few lost joggers and couldn’t help out. Someone pointed out that the missing in action Veteran may be inside collecting his raffle prize as it must be due to expire about now.

The trail continued north until the Chevron Island bridge. “No” it wouldn’t go across the bridge someone screamed as there was no coming back. Flasher went across to scout it out and as he didn’t return the other FRB’s Botcho, Myself, Iceman and Riceman went across.

We were very doubtful as time spent running was already 20 mins and to turn left would head towards home and the earlier statement about maybe having to run against the arrows did cross our minds. Nevertheless in true hash form we headed east and there was no sigh of a check back. The trail went into Surfers and after a spin around there, and terrorizing a few schoolies, it seemed to disappear.

Despite wise counsel from Botcho to head back the way we came, Iceman convinced us to finish the Run and head south towards Broadbeach and back over the Isle of Capri bridge. And that’s what we did, taking us just under the hour. In the meantime the walkers, the Pizza supporters on the evening and a few runners who took the easy (& smart) route went to Pizza’s parlour and enjoyed several free black ales. Lucky bastards!

THE NOSH: A collection of frozen vegetables and a smell of mince beef was served as an entre. It was followed by a collection of frozen vegetables, but more beef as a mains. A dish which he served up some time back, with the only difference being this time he didn’t do his naked chef act and left his clothes on. When I spotted a hound take one bite and throw his entrée on the grass, my reservations about gourmet food being served up were confirmed. After some time a vanilla ice cream container appeared with two bottles of flavoured sauce. Well it cost less than $100 all up I heard Pizza say.

We should have known better, with fond memories of last weeks (Slab & Valiant) banquet lingering in our minds.

THE CIRCLE: Because of the seating arrangements provided the hounds aged over 60 (& 70) were permitted to remain seated, which suited Moonbeams and Ferret. The GM welcomed all and thanked them for coming and presented down downs:

Hares: Pizza, BOG & The Senator. Not a great report for the Run, unless you needed to do some training, and worse comments for the food. Caustic did not at all like the entrée and Ferret described the mains as a collection of boiled cardboard reheated on the BBQ with heaps of garlic but all kinds of herbs and sauces missing.

He thought he acted over generously in awarding it a -1. Well after all Ferret is one of Pizzas great admirers!

Returners & Visitors: Rsup, Short Circuit, Little dog, Bushy, Phantom, Captain, BOG and The Senator, from various travels and three coming from Doncaster Hash in Victoria; Pizzas old stomping ground.

The RA awarded:
Sir Prince: for his unwelcomed suggestion of “Get a real Job to the RA” and then to 90% of all hashers.
Missing Link: something about his poor motoring skills and his unwelcomed comment of “Get Fu$@ed you Cu%&s”.

Caustic Crusader: got pissed on vodka at Missing Links after lunch at Darcy Arms and trying to drag his fiancée down some telecom hole because he was feeling horny and in the mood, during his moonlight walk home.

Blue Card: POW by Kwakka for his unusual display of character, rarely observed in a hasher, by not finding fault with two worthy recipients Rsup and Now Loved.

BOG: for 3 short and funny jokes.

OTHER ANNOUNCEMENTS:

There will be the usual Run on the Gold Coast 15/12 as it appears only a small group plus Cumsmoke will be attending the Red Dress Run in Brisbane. The run will be for a great cause and should be a fun night – see the flyer if you can support the Salvos $$$.

Apologies from Blackie & Rectum.
Price inflation will start 1/12/12 for those who wish to attend the Nash Hash in Brisbane in May next year and have yet to sign up. Price will increase from $350 to $450. Total registrations to date: 407.

Aussie finally distributed the winnings for the Hash Melbourne Cup sweep, with Flasher having collected first prize. Thanks Aussie.
VD has volunteered to stand in for Head Job next week and the Run will be somewhere in Burleigh Heads – check the web for details.

Don’t forget the Hash 2012 Gala Event at Flavors@Ferry The Brickworks on evening of 1 December. Most have signed up, but final numbers required next Monday.

Hash Cocktail Party Details
Moonbeams closed the circle at 2120.

Thanks Pizza for another night of fun, bringing along lots of guests, shit food and your generously sponsored beer stop.

All the above is the gospel truth, as remembered by St. Peter aka Bent Banana

Hash Cocktail Party Details
Run    : 1828
Hare   :  Sir Slab (run)
Sir Prince (food)
Venue : Robina

As to be expected the numbers were high this week, most had not eaten for two days to ensure plenty of room for the food. What would the run give us? I had been quite harsh over the last one after it had been overhyped by Cum Smoke.

We left the venue towards the toyota garage on a well marked trail, checks commenced immediately and continued throughout the entire run. There was a nice use of bush/parkland and the checks kept the pack together. The pace seemed high – somewhere between usain bolt and sally pearson. By the finish we had nearly regrouped so very few stragglers this week.

A thoroughly enjoyable run in all aspects, nice to see the criticism had been heeded.

Once again the kitchen had more hands than a poker game, Sir Prince, Tom, KB, Ferret, Moonbeams, Swollen Colon, Kwakka, preparing a smorgasbord of dim sims, spinach bread dip, char sui noodle soup, sweet and sour chewy meat thing, mince omelette and no dessert.

On the plus side, a lot of time and effort put in, more food than you could shake a stick at (couldnt finish my mains) and very tasty to boot. On the down side, the horse hair noodles were infact horse hair and the omelette tasted like cardboard soaked in hospital grade disinfectant and drizzled in maple syrup.

Circle started with a bang, fireworks thanks to Swollen, then Princy was informed by his princess that a grandson and potential hasher had emerged into the world. DD to both.

The GM, decked out in a punk rock boxing tribute outfit called out the hares (2735 runs bteween them) it was commented that even with 100 years experience they still know f#ck all.

A visitor enjoyed the run, scoring 9/10 but that didnt count.

Sir AH stated the food was up to standard but no bananas 9/10

Returners/visitors – Tom, Hollywood and Swindler. Pressies for the GM, Botcho and Jigsaw (who had come dressed as the predator, almost impossible to see him in certain lights.)

No Caustic this week due to an unprovoked attack by a bottle of vodka.

RA gave DDs to KB, Swollen, Latrine and Show Pony. Then contraversionally told a terrorist joke.

POW, VD called out many but selected a ‘wall flower’ – Kwakka for being a wednesday warrior and decorating the table.

Rectum tried his hardest to give a DD to the GM and if this had been a hollywood film the GM would have sculled it like a man, however he shimmied to the left and passed it over to a speechless RA. You didn’t deserve that.

Dont forget the gala event – cocktails at Ferry road, 1st Dec unless the GM cancels it five minutes before its due to start.

End of circle by Moonbeams

Huge thanks to Slab and Princy and the cast of thousands, a very good night.

On On

Rectum
On Sec

Sorry its late, not spell checked and a bit light on the ground. Done on the mobile in Noosa

Hash Cocktail Party Details

Run 1827
Date : 5th November 2012
Hare : Botcho
Venue : Botcho’s Pizzaria and Putting Green, Helensvale
Runners 30

Weeks until Vasso’s pot comes off – 7

Had I arrived on the set of Ben Hur? The cast of thousands was congregating at the entrance to the venue, gathered around the prodigal sons on their return from distant lands. It was a pleasure to see their smiling faces, ebullient with the knowing winks and secretive smiles of persons who have recently shared memories. For those of us looking on (and who nearly got there) it appeared that all had had a great time.

The hare, Botcho, resplendent in chefs hat and apron, explained that the walker’s trail was non-existent and that the initial section of the run had been consigned to the memory of Flasher (first mistake).

We ran a fairway across the golf course, hooking to the left instead of slicing to the right and, after what appeared to be an age, we finally found trail. Tarmac was only on the menu as an aperitif, the mains turned out to be bush and lots of it served with a side helping of chiggy and grass.

No idea where we ran except to say that after a large anti-clockwise loop, we ended up back at the venue. The trail was well marked and abundant in checks. FRB’s were the GM and myself, but a large amount of the pack finished together in a respectable time.

After nibbling on crisps and olives, the Moroccan chicken drumsticks, peas, carrots and mashed potato was served by none other than Kitchen Bitch, with a self-service section containing nuts, coriander, bread and some biting chillies.

Our table turned into a chimpanzee’s tea party as Flasher took full vent to Caustic for the table playing baton relay with his drink and food.

Dessert was a deliciously light apple crumble, cream and ice cream. Gourmet indeed.

As circle commenced, Veteran gave comment on the run, with the precursor – “ As Botcho stepped up to the plate to help out Swindler it is very hard to criticise” fortunately not too hard, as he mentioned the failure to have any markings for the first two k’s and some of the worlds longest check backs. 7.5/10. You would think that Botcho would know better.

Josephine described the food as superb despite there being no pizzas in the pizza oven 91/4 out of 10.

Returners – Missing Link, Head Job, Sir Slab, Sir Prince Valliant, VD, Jigsaw, Blue Card, Kwakka

An overview of the trip was given by the travelling GM – Princey, in a multicoloured Mohawk and smoking jacket (looked like a cast member from lord of the rings)

The highlights were Vasso’s spiral fracture, Kwakka, Slab and VD’s flight upgrade, Swindler proving that only 15 year olds can let go of the handle bars without fear, Head Job (or should I say Disco Dancer) educating Vietnamese Taxi drivers with ‘Road Rage’ techniques, Shat for hotel bookings for large parties, Phantom for grubby hands and Vasso who kindly prescribed malaria tablets for everyone.

Star of the show was Link who admires Miscarriage so much, he emulated his last holiday outing and lost a phone.

DD’s to all.

Circumference thanked KB with a DD for crematorium duties then Flasher (who had calmed down by then) for his blatant attempt to pyramid sell, a magazine that he owns.

VD was invited out by the POW, Aussie, for queue jumping at the food line. You didn’t deserve that.

DON’T FORGET —— Blackie’s brilliant bike bonanza at Pizzy Park on Sunday, fun for all the family and two courses to choose from (not the food). This is a must attend due to the sumptuous seafood BBQ.

DD for Flasher (attention grabbing again)

Two pressies for the GM from Slab, confiscated by customs (a hand grenade and a sex slave) so just a poxy baseball cap then, which the GM valued so highly he gave it to me.

DD for Aussie and Sir AH both of whom attended the ‘No boat terminal at the Spit’ action day. Over two thousand people showed their support. Slightly overshadowed by the twenty thousand who attended the Coomera boat show and spent 4 million.

Next weeks run – the Sir Prince, de-ja-vu run at Robina, prepare to eat your body weight in dim-sims.

End of circle by the padwan that is Josephine

Thanks this week to Botcho (and Capo), helping out at short notice, giving us a better run than last time and, as always, supplying food to die for.

On On

Rectum
Hang On a Sec
Don’t believe a word of it. No really, don’t believe a word of it.