Run 1744
Hare: Ferret
Location: Mermaid Beach
Date: 4th April, 2011

Seems the Australian surf live-saving association didn’t realise Ferret’s run was on when they set the location for the Australian titles 2011.
Ferret being an obliging individual shifts his run to opposite the surf club 5 kilometres further south. Cater for about 25 should do it says run master Caustic, 27,28, 29 S#%@ …………. still they came 30,31. F&%@

32 ….. 33 Ferret calls KB … Portion control…. Portion control !!!!!
On On off into the rain the pack heads out along a trail between the beach and 5 kilometres west. SCBs are in excess with many back not long at all after the start.
Ferret’s concerns for portion control are unfounded as the corned beef, spuds, carrots, peas and parsley sauce make the grade with 1 and ½ slices left over. Sweets follow and Ferret has re-written the book on loaves and fishes.

CIRCLE…… 8.05 pm

Before any festivities proceed the R/A is ordered to join GM Flasher in the driving rain to prove the R/A’s complete failure of his duties.
A line of hashers nothing like a circle gather under the small shelters dodging the rain as best they can.
RUN REPORT …… Circumference …. “Not bad” Old Fart …“plenty of SCB’s GM”
Including Sir Prince GM !!!!!!

NOSH REPORT ……. Sir Rabbit …. “Not much of it … Mustard a bit hot !!”

Show Pony …. “No seconds” 4/10 GM.

SIR PRINCE VALIANT … special announcement ….. New shoes after 15 years!!!

Hash tradition continues and SPV drinks from the shoe …. even though he didn’t wear them first!!!!
Circumference gives a note.

VISITORS…… Victorian father of the Miscarriage twins… sadly a Carlton supporter.
Young Darwin Don from Sydney
Mr Chips … back after many years.
Veteran gives the note.

Caustic calls for A MAJOR CHARGE …. An ICING in fact.
Seems Caustic put the run tally into the computer and published the results …..
CABOOM !!!!!!!! Complaints came within minutes….

An official audit reveals that our Botcho has stripped 200 runs off Blackstump’s tally wiping out almost a quarter of his 825 runs.
After boisterous protest Botcho’s bleating fails and our Botcho is on the ice for the first in his Hash life.
Caustic stutters over a very lengthy nooooooooooooote.
Run counts are now on our web site!!!!

Next up is RUG
RUG gets a call from his old employer ( never to leave the service) MI6 straight from the UK.
“ Need your support for a special visit”

Our RUG jumps the task and polishes up all his MI6 skills for the task.
Prowling the entire Gold Coast region RUG finally spots the target!!!!

A royal wave is spotted from the undercover vehicle and our RUG is on the case ….. Sir Prince waves again from the 4×4 and our RUG has completed yet another undercover mission justifying his six figure annuity.

Rug gives Sir Prince the note.

R/A is up next ….. CHARGES …. Nil !!!

POW … Pizza apologises for his 2 extra prick weeks. 3 minutes of bullshit follows as Pizza endeavours to justify everything.
Mid way through the POW tails a random farter strikes evacuating the Northern shelter in 3 seconds.
SIR PRINCE gets the POW for one pair of shoes in 15 years.

Pizza gives a note.

Sir Prince takes 8 (yes eight) goes to drop the POW DD going to a clear last place in the DD stakes.
Moonbeams ….. “where have you been?” asks GM Flasher.
“Driving to Sydney with Chew the rat ?????”

Yes GM !!!!

Circumference jumps the gun on “End of circle” and gets a DD
Moonbeams gives the note.

YELLOW CODE ….. Bent Banana gets “G” in one go.

NEXT WEEK’S RUN … Mad Mike in Mudgeeraba somewhere.
Sir AH offers fresh chillis.

Moonbeams calls …… END OF CIRCLE …. It’s 8.50 pm and it’s raining again.

Botcho for GM campaign moves into higher gear … seems buying votes is now hot on the list….. get in quick while the money lasts.
Rockhard appears to have terminated Caustic as campaign manager something to do with insider trading with bookmakers ??????

OnOn
KB.

PS ….Apologies I’m soooooooooooo late with the words Hashers, been away most of the week on a Marlin Fishing comp and didn’t get the chance to do them before I went.
Rgds KB

Run: 1743
Hares: Flatulence & Flasher
Location: Lands End, Biggera Waters
Date: 28th March. 2011

Flatulence/Swollen Colon/Flasher.
Flatulence with Swollen Colon followed by Flasher was the theme for tonight’s run!!!!

Gathered at Lands End bridge with parking a premium the pack built to the point where parking was 1 Kilometer away…….. Swollen where are you?????
Swollen where are you ????? echoed across the park.

On On….. stand in hare Flasher is “Live hare” as the trail is washed out… That’s right … Washed out !!!! R/A Cumsmoke is in serious shit !!!!

Flatulence gives the run instructions ….. on on over the bridge and left down the stairs … 2/3rds of the pack only heard “Left” obviously as the debacle unfolds within 40 metres of the start. A great run ensues with the hare being sprung hiding behind a fence at the ¾ mark.

Back to the nosh and “Where the f%$# is Swollen echoes across the park…. seems Swollen is discovered in Sydney and Mrs Swollen was to stand in with the nosh but she is a bit crook and its now over the Flatulence with Flasher filling in for the run.

SIMPLE …. buy a few roast chickens and add them to the Chilli con carne and rice….. add a few cans of peaches and a hash gourmet follows.
Hence the theme of the night … more later !!!!!!!!!

8.00PM and it is apparent that Private Dicky Knee now sees the opportunity for GM nomination with Pizza out of the race…. Dicky is rumoured to be buying votes with TZ video tapes.
“Rockhard for GM” is also an obvious campaign…. seems Caustic has been appointed campaign manager.

Pizza also has votes for sale from his abandoned campaign … at last count there were 2 available ( 1 being Pizza and the other an anonymous member) for $500 each.
Caustic is rumoured to have sold the Benz to fund a late run so he is a likely contender for the Pizza votes.

CIRCLE …. It’s 8.03 pm

VISITORS … Just Dave and Just Sean.

“Who made you cum??” asks GM Flasher!!!

TONIGHT WE HAVE A SPONSOR announces GM Flasher.

A very elegant member…..

Modelling makeover academy ………………

Miscarriage’s Modelling Makeovers P/L is founded tonight revealing the hidden talents of these elegant twin brothers.
Miscarriage wears the plaque of office at half-mast around ankle height.

DDs follow for all concerned!!!!

YELLOW CODE …. “M” GM … off the hook is Bent Banana.

HARE is up next ….. Flatulence !!!

NOSH report …. Cumsmoke you had 3 helpings what were your thoughts???

“Not bad GM but canned peaches Hmmmmmmmmmm !!

RUN report ….. Botcho …. Botcho and Blackstump cop it for short-cutting.

Bent Banana and Rug ….. took half the pack the wrong way at the first check!!!! “SHAME” says Ferret……

R/A is called up to explain the GM getting drenched doing the run and the traditional ICING of the R/A follows.
DDs all round follow the icing.

With a very slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow note from Ruuuuuuuuug.

Splinter Lunch report and Caustic maintains that he arrived at 4.30 to pick up a few members namely Ferret, Pizza, Sir Rabbit and Rug who was imitating a goldfish …. all too pissed to speak … On On to Bent Banana’s for cheese and bickies …..

Seems cheese and bickies is a TWO HANDED job these days for our Rug !!!!

Nasty arrived in style in a blue Lamborghini…… that appeared to take 14 laps around the block to find a suitable park.

The R/A is up next and revenge appears sweet on his menu….. Gross overstatement of the R/A authority ….over-ruling the obvious failure to influence the gods.

R/A Cumsmoke takes revenge on the innocent victims of Bent Banana, KB and Rug with an icing in the same polluted bucket full of germs from the unwashed previous extremities rightfully occupying the ice bucket.

KB followed by Bent Banana and the Rug complete with socks all occupy the ice and get re-entry demands for early exit.

POW Pizza is STILL missing in action somewhere between Bundall and Sydney…
Bring our prick back Pizza !!!!!!!!!!

Next week’s run …. Ferret … somewhere North of the Surf club at Broadbeach…. Look out for the “Ferret Face “It’s easy claims Dicky Knee … it’s under camera 126 !!!!

GM election campaigns are noted from the following … cast your vote carefully !!!

Private Dicky Knee. ( Previous Mayor of Essendon)

Rockhard ( Campaign Mgr Caustic)

Bent Banana ( An independent candidate )

With a late rear entry from Old Fart.

END OF CIRCLE … Called by Ferret at 8.35pm

WELCOME BACK …Point Two .

PS …. The recent letter to the editor from Caustic Crusader on the Valentines debacle ring in the ears of your trusty on-sec.
Flatulence and Swollen Colon with Flasher following up was the theme for tonight…………….

Well, true to Caustic’s rendition of recent events your on-sec is here to confirm the theme for tonight came true around 3.30 am Tuesday.

First was Flatulence of unbelievable proportions as the nosh had brewed its way to gastronomic explosive proportions, involuntary relief of this pressure was greeted with distain from Mrs KB who was now 1.4 mtrs further across the marital bed.

A Swollen Colon was the next obvious transition of this post Hash event with major emergency relief required prior to potential enormous embarrassment of Latrine proportions……………

Hence the final part to the theme ……. Flasher KB races to the ablutions dept to experience the same relief sensations quoted in the Caustic rendition. Only to hear what appears to be a common comment from the fairer sex …”You dirty bastard” ….

Click goes the door to the marital bedroom … KB slinks off to the spare room for good night’s sleep interrupted only by the occasional explosion of gasses playing a steady tune………….

Another successful hash debacle!!!!!

On On
KB