Run 1739
Hares: Point Two & Dicky Knee
Location: Labrador
Date: 28th February 2011

What will this pair get up too ????
That was the question on the lips of all the GCHHH Pack!!!
The pack gathers in Labrador town and waits with great expectation ……… extraterrestrial influence is observed as “sputnik” runs across the Southern sky.
Mother Brown comes up with the “classic “statement….. “ The Southern cross wasn’t in that position last night!!!!” Hmmmmmmmmmm !!!
Blackie is observed in passionate embrace in the car park and Cumsmoke is having a last minute smoke upholding Hash tradition.
On On on chalk, paper and flour announces Point Two …. Guess we are off into the shiggy boys!!!
A fantastic run unfolded from this point…. the walkers wandered along the runner’s track and somehow got back near the same time as the runners. Great comments on the run echoed as the pack consumed Caustic’s birthday crownies.
A hearty beef stew enough to feed four armies and some fresh bread fed the hungry pack in the shelter of the football club pavilion.
Circle in 2 Minutes echoes from Flasher’s mouth as he prepares to head off tomorrow morning on yet another Hash junket.
8.10 PM Circle is called in the balmy open air beside the pavilion.
THE HARES ……. Dicky Knee and Point Two.
THE RUN …………… Caustic deflected to Mother Brown when asked for a report by Flasher. Caustic gets a smack from Flasher and reports the run very well marked and interesting. Veteran reports it as “EXCELLENT” well marked and everything you want…. “ One of the best runs this year”
THE NOSH …….. Mother Brown is now up …. Still on about the Southern Cross.
Good nosh !!!!! when asked for a score out of 10 he gives it 6.3/10
No dessert ???????? Dicky Knee says “NO correspondence will be entered into. Hmmmmmmmmm ?????
Blackie gives the note.
VISITORS……. Power pole from Cairns dragged along by Pizza. Leaving tomorrow for FNQ to Trinity HHH.
GM Flasher has his own charge ….. seems Dicky Knee wore his birthday cake mixture to bed after his recent birthday…. seems the “Promise” Dicky was on went out the door with Dicky sound asleep in the marital bed with jam, eggs and flour dribbling onto the satin pillows…. Dicky wakes to two poodles delighted with Dicky’s slumber and licking the mixture from Dicky’s face. Seems Dicky thought his luck had changed as he drifted out of the alcoholic slumber only to find it was in fact TWO DOGS ….. Our TWO DOGS says “leave me out of this !!!”
Blowfly offers a note ………. Seems no photos yet ???
R/A is up next
CHARGES……… Caustic ….. Not calling on backs!!!!
Veteran points out that “ON BACKS SHOULD BE CALLED IMMEDIATLY”
Pizza offers to fix this problem as part of his GM election campaign tpolicy statement.
Flatulance gets a charge for having to entertain his RUSSIAN business partner !!!!
Botcho charges the “Northern Alliance”( Point Two Sir Rabbit Circumference Josephine) for not dining with the pack last week…. seems Point Two didn’t have the fuel capacity required to visit the 5 venues anyway. However the 2.5 hours via Noosa to get out of Robina raises a number of questions too.
POW Circumference…………….. No real contenders!!!
Looking for Hash cash as only one hare went free …………
( A NOTE OF CLARITY from the caring hierarchy………..The free hare is a SINGULAR arrangement, it is offered to assist with time involved with the nosh. If you are dual hare’d then it is up to the hashers to work out between themselves how to split it.
Caustic is a contender for POW however finally Circumference argrees to hold over the POW till next week.
Two Dogs gives a report on NASH HASH in Tassie …….. Great food , 800 on the Red Dress run!!! Latrine and the mayor of Hobart made page 3 .. Seems Latrine has always wanted to be a “page 3 girl”
Bent Banana tells stories of lost Hashers bundled into taxis and not knowing where to go ????? Thank goodness for the motel key around our hasher’s neck!! “”Tough life this page 3 stuff !!!!!!!!””
Then the Perth Harriettes came into discussion … not really page 3 material evidently…… however our page 3 girl thought so.
Rockhard was a “Bit sheepish” about his run debacle
Brisbane is the next venue for NASH HASH !!!!
Two Dogs commented on the short circles TOO !!!!
GM Flasher …. says I’m away for two weeks ….. R/A you and the minister for loose ends fix it !!!
Sir Rabbit gives a report on the splinter lunch with ONLY 6 hashers attending…… most regulars away in Tassie!!!! … missed a great steak!!
Two Dogs announces the splinter lunch in Tassie had 20 odd attendees and was VERY GOOD !!!!!
Next week’s run ……. Veteran from Charis bros road works permitting!!
8.45pm ….. END OF CIRCLE!!!!!
Safe travels FLASHER !!!!!!!!

Late mail ………….. GM Flasher has reported FARTING all the way on his flight thanks to the stew … He complained about the size of the seats on Emirates ( Must be bloody small )
ON ON
KB.

Run: 1738
Hare: Rock Hard
Location:Azzura Island, Varsity Lakes
Date: 21st February. 2011

A very serious contender for “Debacle of the year” has emerged with this event ( Note .. not run as there was (Almost)none!!!)
Some notes from the diary (In no particular order)…. you decide !!!!!
1. R/A connections failed miserably as the heavens opened with 50 mm of incessant rain.
2. The neighbour to the run site proves to be unreasonable cutting off his porn movie just when the pack was getting aroused!!
3. Rockhard’s 5.30 am run setting is washed away in 2 minutes.
4. The “Diehards” turn up drowned.
5. Rockhard forgets to ring KFC.
6. “Follow me around the lake” is the entire run!!!!.
7. On On !! To the nearest nosh house.
8. After four venues … Los Hombres Varsity Lakes gets the custom of the depleted pack.
9. Northern Alliance go into “Survivor Hash” mode and head to Pizza heaven North Coast at the TOTAL SACRIFICE of hash camaraderie. ……….Alliance rules appear apparent.
10. Point Two is opening a “fuel assistance contribution appeal” amongst the Northern Alliance or any other benevolent group. (tax deductions available)
11. Hash litigation experts are preoccupied with Circumference’s claim and miss the flood subsidy opportunity from this debacle.
12. Serious health issues are raised by Cummagem and GM Flasher puts the boozemaster into medical research involuntarily with further induction of the Mexican Mush.
13. As always the tales flow over the nosh and “Monkey tales” create great mirth among the gathered members.
14. “Who knocked off the Crownies??”
15. 3 X Circles …. Flasher fatigued!!
16. Yellow code…. Cummagen … “A” ……WRONG !!!!! Rug …. “B” …. WRONG !!!!
17. Caustic to the rescue!!!! “W” for owner operator (Wanker) GM gets the prize.
18. One joke of note comes out of the best so far debacle… similarity with KFC and the Fairer S&# ….”Once you have finished with the thighs and wings … all you have is a greasy box!!!” Hmmmmmmmmmmm.

Cast your vote !!!!!!

8.43 PM Bent Banana calls …. End of circle !!!!!!
Ps: How did you enjoy the Pizzas at Bonus Bros Sir Rabbit? Post a review on your Nosh!!
On On
KB.

Run: 1737
Hares: The Sirs
Location: Robina Common, Robina
Date: 14 February 2011

Unbelievable expectation was the overwhelming feeling of the pack. Sir Slab setting the run and the other Sirs doing the nosh……. could it get any better WOW !!! almost one hundred years of Hashing in one small group!!!! YES almost ONE HUNDRED years.

Sir Slab gathers the pack for instructions and it’s On On out of the Robina Common to the first of many checks. As expected the trail is marked to perfection and the little alleyways and parks found by our hare never cease to amaze. Along the boardwalk around the lake and Circumference finds a public liability test in the making… arse over head and face down full of splinters, Circumference is wounded beyond repair… “here take the bike … watch the brakes” and Sir Slabb is now a competitor in his own run.

Back to the nosh area for fresh fruit platters and nibbles galore, the waft of Sir Rabbit’s “Rabbit stew with a touch of spice” is in the air. A bunch of amateur chefs gather around Sir Prince and Sir Rabbit to work out “What is”

Free Crownies compliments of birthday boy Bent Banana flow freely and Dickie Knee confesses “ It’s my birthday TODAY too” …. off to the pub in the KB carriage and a carton of crownies later Dickies birthday bash is underway too.

The kitchen appears to have a few technical problems at this point…. one council barbie is US and the other has modest heat …. trainee Cumsmoke is attempting to cook the breads and at this rate they will be ready for breakfast. The second gas ring has failed at the joint and replicates a flame thrower more than a cooking device. KB attempts to assist and gets the ultimate insult from Sir Rabbit and a gash across the left hand knuckles to boot … Fukc off KB .. we’re OK … (we’ll see On Sec)

Sir Prince gets a bit of advice from seasoned kitchen hands and relegates the last gas ring to the trusty wok and gives Cumsmoke the arse from his apprenticeship as master chef.
Its almost 8.20PM and the production line has finally hit maximum output….

8.30 PM…. Nosh is served and KB has wormed his way in …. portion control is NOT required and a hearty meal of Rabbit’s stew is dispensed to all …. must have been good .. even Cumsmoke was stopped with one serving.
Compliments on the chilli beef concoction fly thick and fast……

Sir Prince is in full flight with the banana and pineapple fritters well on the way.. the pack is getting restless…… seems bed time is creeping upon them and some valentine’s day duties to perform.

Ice cream, fritters, fruit salad and topping complete the Gormet Hash extravaganza.
CIRCLE in 20 minutes echoes across the common.. more twitch from the ETBs (Early to bed)

Its 9.03 PM
CIRCLE UP YOU LOT.
Welcome by GM Flasher …
Birthday boy Dickie gets front row centre seating.

This week’s sponsor …. Dickie Knee’s sex change clinic is announced and suitable photographic proof is offered around … the pack confirms Dickie is suitably qualified however a “RULE ONE ‘ protest could see the closure of the clinic any minute.

Pizza claims genitalia disturbance with viewing the evidence

Botcho announces “The gate’s closing”

Pizza gives a note and Dickie gets the DD with one of his own crownies… “ I fire up pretty good when I’m half pissed” claims Dickie when asked about his domestic obligations not yet performed today.

RUN REPORT.
Veteran ….. “Good run”
Nasty ….. “ Great when walkers and runners meet up just before the end” Well done Slab.

Circumference ….. ‘’i’m suing”… the spoils will be shared around the club. Leach and Leach are on the case!!!

NOSH REPORT.
Arse up …….. “Great curry!!!! Love my curry and that was great!!”

Dicky Knee … special thanks for my special birthday pot of nosh for my “Dicky stomach”

Jigsaw gives the note.

RETURNING RUNNERS.
Moonbeams …. Been to South East Asia GM ….. great in soooooooo many ways.
Seems Mooonbeams fiancé contributed to the cooking excellence of Sir Prince with a few secret S,E,Asian tips.

Moonbeams cops a couple of Hash breakout songs of “She’ll be cumin round the mountain when she comes” closely followed by “She’ll be wearin pink pyjamas when she comes”
Moonbeams responds with comment on Pizza’s semi naked appearance in circle in his “Italian Stallion” robe.

2nd Birthday Boy Bent Banana is up next …….
Tales of Bent Banana’s wife training…. seems it has been a 48 year work in progress affair with petrol station filling yet to be completed on the curriculum.

Bent Banana gets off a DD with two verses of Barnacle Bill the sailor.

GM Flasher’s Hash Knowledge quiz gets held over for another time considering the hour. Pizza ALMOST gets the only question right but still won’t cover his boisterous comments flowing over his wine glass.

R/A is up next…
POW Sir Rabbit …. awards the POW to the most obvious …. Evil Caneval Circumference the thrill seeker.

Pizza gets scolded for no warning of the faulty boards.

Dicky Knee gets the second of GM Flasher’s home baked birthday cakes including all the usual toppings of jam and chocolate.

Pizza gives the note.
Pizza is on warning for numerous “RULE ONE “infringements with the exposed flesh and robe malfunctions.

Next week’s run …… Rockhard … Varsity Lakes.

9.32PM Moonbeams calls ….. “End of circle”

On On
KB.

Additional … Letter to the editor
The aftermath of “Sirs” Run 1737
Aka
The Valentine’s Day Massacre

Letter to the Editor

After an extended night of quaffing copious quantities of fine wines and devouring “mountains” of “hot & spicy” curry and other assorted goodies CC made his way to the rear of the Swollen mobile (ex=ambulance) for the return journey home to his waiting Valentine.
Just to explain the rear seat was an unsecured Hash chair squeezed between the ironing board covers and the seat belt was a freight tie down strap; off we went with CC’s “roadie wine” resembling aftershave every time he tried to have a quaff.

The claustrophobic bucking chariot finally arrived at Chateau Caustic who was duly deposited unceremoniously on the roadside with Hash gear/Hash Cash and with normal Monday night fumbling found the keys to the various security doors and eventually stumbled indoors to find Miss Valentine waiting and draped on the chaise-longue dressed in black sexy lingerie!

CC stumbled over to give her a welcoming kiss but was repelled with a stiff arm Muay Thai death strike and was accused of “smelling like a brewery”!!!! Off went CC to the sanatorium ablution block and with a few stumbles and curses disrobed and scrubbed the Adonis like body ready for the main course ;jumping into bed with anticipation little did he know what was to transpire ……Yeh you got it SLEEP !!

SLEEP was however short lived !!
3.31am the first rumblings of trouble were detected with a gentle zephyr of flatulence being emitted ;quickly CC turned over (away from Miss Valentine) and directed the offending emission at the open bedroom window; abdominal discomfort did not allow CC to hold this gentlemanly position for long and returned to the recumbent position … A big mistake !!
A fart of biblical proportions leapt from CC’s lower regions and I swear the doona behaved like the proverbial magic carpet!!

The first stirrings of Miss Valentine were evident and when the next burst of curry induced flatulence arrived CC was told to remove his offending personage to the spare room

Leaving with an indignant parting last salvo, CC felt aggrieved but somewhat relieved to be given carte blanche to “fart at will”…. WRONG!!!

Continuous salvos continued with increasing abdominal spasms and cramps!

4.05 the final 20 gun salute confirmed the inevitable requirement for CC to arise and in a crab like stumble and ever increasing panic make his way at best speed to the “dunny”

4.07 With fear and trepidation the dam breeched; at first there was evidence of flotsam debris! With one last near childbirth squeeze the dam walls fractured and a Tsunami wave resembling the recent Brisbane river floods ensued; with “brimming” eyes ,sweaty forehead and shaking knees CC endured the next 20 pain filled minutes.

4.27 Finally the storm blew over and the “mop up” could commence …….WRONG!!!
The last selfish guest had exhausted the supply!! Raising one sweaty cheek CC managed to open the under sink cupboard looking and praying for re=supply…..WRONG!!!

With desperation of a dying man CC whimpered the following romantic words …”Oh Darling are you awake and could you please bring me a roll of toilet paper …….“NOTHING!
The words were repeated from a dulcet plead to finally a strident demand which eventually resulted in CC hearing the front door creak open and then slam shut ; CC was sure he heard something like …”You dirty bastard…………. !!!!!!

Moral of the story
Never mix Monday night “mens”Hash with romance!
(Or …. Get your priorities right!!!! On sec)

Anon

Run: 1736
Hare: Sir Cumference & Latrine
Location: Len Fox Park, Labrador
Date: 7th February 2011

Fox Park Labrador opposite the Latrine home for wayward youth was the venue for this week’s run. Circumference had set a run that for some ended before it started On On at the waterside a choice of three directions North South or East (over the water) Miscarriage heads the Northern pack all the way along the path to the bridge before “On Back” is called. Nasty and KB are caught in the returning pack back across the On On …. by hash rules that is the end of the run…. Sharing and caring Nasty and KB immediately notice there is no security at the nosh area and all the hash booze is there for the collection by any prowling Labrador Larrikins… Only one thing to do …. Abandon the run and risk life and limb protecting the booze stash.

Latrine and Circumference finally pop out of the Latrine roost and the security duo figure a late run could still be on…. wrong !!! Latrine and Circumference are off the drink stop …. not with any drinks .. BUT it’s the thought that counts.

First back are Missing Link and Veteran lost the trail after 2 klms so next best option was local knowledge, the pack slowly drift back with numerous comments flowing “ No fukcing drinks” “Where is my hot pie” “ Cumsmoke that’s your second” “Fukc you” “ 10 biscuits for 34 hashers Hmmmm” “ There was NO sweep” “Ferret your supposed to sweep” “Get knotted”” Blackie says just trying to teach my leg a lesson”
Cold beers and bullshit flows…. savouries are served and the high humidity gets to the Aldi bargain bickies and cheese … but it’s OK there are only 10 in total for 34 hashers. Hot Pies and spring rolls are out next just in time for Caustic to arrive back and see Cumsmoke devouring Caustic’s share … the quick and the dead theory is alive and well in our R/A’s world.
Swollen has taken over Croc’s roll sucking up to the GM …. “If I had a chair GM I WOULD gladly give it up for you … I promise, not like these other greedy pricks”

Next course from the Latrine gourmet noshery is Chilli con carne and rice …. slight portion control on the rice becomes apparent and the “ever tactful” Cumsmoke wants to know “ what sort of soup is this??”

Latrine’s FAMOUS FRESH fruit salad and ice cream is up next and as good as it gets. All inside budget too!!!
Its 8.08 PM and GM Flasher arrives with his newly refurbished staff and GM gear calling “CIRCLE IN 1 Minute.
GM Flasher announces two failures … No show from this week’s sponsor .. held over.

No show from a birthday Hasher too … held over.
HARES …………..Latrine and Circumference
Trail report ….. Miscarriage calls it “Well marked” to some conjecture from the pack. A random call from the depths says “ GREAT drinks stop” Hmmmm !!!
Caustic is still bleating about “NO SWEEPER “
Caustic and Shat have decided in their wanderings that a Hash renaming is in order.. It is floated by Shat the Ferret should be renamed “Hash C#&@”
Consideration is given to this extraordinary demand for a fleeting second among raucous laughter …. motion dismissed!!!
Ferret gets to comment on the Nosh….. “Good” was his view!
Cumsmoke comments … “had no money to buy my soup!!”
Show Pony gives the note.
RETURNING RUNNERS
Latrine …….. Disconcerted GM
Bully ….. Been in Singapore buying new shoes GM.
Sir AH … Been mopping up the Brisbane floods GM.
Josephine gives the note.
YELLOW CODE ……..
Rock hard ……….Computer is down GM … don’t know!!
Blackie …… Don’t have a computer GM Can’t afford one !!! … Don’t know.
Missing Link saves the day …. “R” GM “R” for Rock hard GM.
DD’s all round and Missing Link gives the note.
R/A is up next …..
Latrine and Circumference get a charge from Nasty…………. NO security and interrupting Nasty’s highly disciplined exercise program.
An arms linked (rule one ??) DD follows….. Nasty gives the note.
Miscarriage charges Rainbow with “ Rule one “ infringement …. seems he travelled in a suspect vehicle to the run with an older and younger hash duo with serious “Rule one” tendencies.
Caustic and Cumsmoke are revealed as closet rule one suspects.
Miscarraige offered a “ Chitty Chitty Bang Bang “ note.
R/A finishes his stint….
MORE CHARGES …
Swollen ….. FRB’s not calling …. Miscarriage gets yet another DD. Closely followed by Two Dogs .
Miscarriage gives the On On Ooooooon Oooooonnnnn note.
Caustic gives the R/A a DD for licking the last pie … greedy prick !!!
POW Sir Rabbit complete with pink Rabbit ears … awards the POW BACK TO MISCARRIAGE for no toys or videos in the bag for his dirty weekend……
Miscarriage immediately announces he will be away next week so gives it straight back to Sir Rabbit to be his proxy …. Kama strikes back!!!!
Veteran announces a late change to the splinter lunch venue… Bonus Brothers at the Northern Eastern Southern end of Stephens St
Sir Prince offers a late report on the health of number 3 son …
It appears being held over trapped in the cyclone by his demanding boss he was forced to stay in the backpackers, dining on some unusual delicacies at the “Y”

1.Swedish schnitzel
2.Italian cheese.
3.Australian crumpet.
It appears no 3 is expected to make a full recovery from the ensuing health issues.
Rainbow tells the story of lovers shoes on the wrong feet …… sounded very much like a Tassie excuse (on sec)
8.37 pm …. End of circle!!!!!
On On
KB