Run: 1735
Hare: Miscarriage & Jigsaw
Location: Emerald Lakes, Carrara
Date: 31st January 2011

The site of the very first GCHHH run was the location for the run from this dynamic duo, the reputations were varied with this pair of hares. Miscarriage had dished up some “interesting noshes” along the way. Jigsaw has been “Chef extraordinaire” and the runs have been questionable too.

So the pack of 30 odd Hashers gathered with fear and trepidation to what lay ahead.
On On into the parklands around Emerald Lakes and the 9 Kilometres of walking/riding tracks around the wonderful lakes.

WRONG !!!!
It appears you cannot set a run from your car along the tracks ….. so the roads won the day!!
A massive on back up the highest hill proves the warped humour of hare Miscarriage and scant markings in front of swampy areas saw numerous soggy joggers and socks for the unwary.

Back to the nosh and huge expectations ………. WRONG AGAIN .. serve yourself bred rolls are the order of the day and Jigsaw has officially retired from the Michelin 4 hats guild.
Cold beers, good humour and lies follow prior to Flasher’s call…….

2 Minutes to circle !!!!
30 Seconds to circle!!!
8.20 PM ….. Circle up you lot!!!!
Shat is first up … talking in circle and gives a lame apology to GM Flasher, gets out of a DD.

Flasher bids a “good evening all” …. “If you didn’t attend Australia day … you missed out !!!!”

HARES ……. Jigsaw and Miscarriage.

NOSH REPORT…… from Sir Slabb …. not bad!!!
Show Pony …. NO SALT ?????
Josephine …. Where is the change from my $15 ??????????

TRAIL REPORT……
Aussie …. Bulrushes, slush, leaches, up to my knees in slop … great run.
Josephine …. Climbed under the gate at the same time as Cumsmoke went OVER the gate …. seems Cumsmoke was in such a rush he forgot the undies. Josephine now has a greater respect for our illustrious R/A.

RETURNING RUNNERS
Rob …. been away for 5 years but now back for good.
Rainbow …. Been in Tassie hosting travelling GCHHH Hashers.
Blowfly …. Down helping Maggs put a new roof on … wedding photos still coming!!
Nowloved gives a note.
NEXT UP…… Caustic.
Gets a note and DD in recognition of a great job on the Australia Day run.
Missing Link and KB called to join in the DD.

R/A Cumsmoke
First up POW Miscarriage.
Miscarriage states the candidates always seem to rise above the pack!!!

Candidate 1. Always complaining about the length of time for circle, wanting to get home sooner to his fluffy slippers ………… TWO DOGS.

Candidate 2. Proffered stock market investment advise … now a penny dreadful from $25 per share ……………………… SIR PRINCE.

Candidate 3. New Burke Enterprises employee (Yet to start) gets the keys to the new company car as preferential treatment to a trusted fellow hashman.
As all “Company cars” it gets put through its paces even though it is NOT a 4×4.
New employee is led astray by youthful hashers and CRASHES the new car day one. ………………… MISSING LINK.

Candidate 4. Miscarriage recalls his love for China and reaches for his Chinese silk jacket, announces its Chinese New Year presents a tee shirt and announces the POW belongs to the year of the ………………….. (Sir)RABBIT

Miscarriage gives a (Chinese) note.

R/A continues..
Miscarriage back for his 3rd DD………
Top of the hill false trail.
Marked the trail from the car … Shame!!!!
Rainbow gives the note.

R/A calls for CHARGES.
After a slow start Sir Prince fronts to explain the family crisis created when son number 3 gets a job with a fellow hasher’s business. Son 3 gets sent to FNQ and appointed to “Vice President” of the organization and gets sent to the major project to oversee it ………….

Cyclone hits and No 3 is flood bound and the Princess is getting stressed and
“NOT HAPPY JAN”. Miscarriage is back for his 4th DD.

Sir Prince gives a note.
Miscarriage offers a generous offer to GCHHH .. “it breaks my heart every time I see this” is Mrs Miscarriage comment each time she sees it.

But darling the tee shirt belongs to my twin brother!!!!
The tee shirt is revealed bearing the quote “ I REGRET NOTHING” across the front ….. it is awarded to the outstanding candidate to wear it with pride ………..Caustic Crusader
.
Yellow Photo code ………..
Bent Banana calls it “P” for Peter and gets at great expense a new Santa Suit for next year’s run.

SHAT announces talk to him about NASH HASH in Tassie.

Sir Rabbit gives a Splinter lunch report …. 31 GREAT Pizzas .. a huge thanks to Botcho.
Winners appear to be Nasty and Ferret.

Botcho is called up to get a DD to recognise the first awarded GCHHH Victoria Cross, Miscarriage is awarded a purple heart and gets his Fifth (yes 5th) DD for the night.

Sir Prince reminds the pack that they stand on the very site of the inaugural GCHHH run.
8.55pm … Circumference calls “END OF CIRCLE”

On On!!
KB.

Run: 1734
Hare: Nasty
Location: Albert Park Benowa and back to Nasty’s Spa & Grill
Date: 24th January 2011

Due to the Hash Scribe abandoning his duties (AGAIN!!!!!!!) and forgetting to deputise an alternative Caustic volunteered (AGAIN!!!!!!!) (it will cost KB 2 beers and a bottle of battery acid Hash wine) and duly rustled up pen and “scrap” paper from Nasty which upon investigation the next day was recycled children’s school exam papers.!

Clear skies greeted a chirpy pack of some 30 Hashers who resembled Steptoe and Son 2nd hand “rag & bone”collection service

Promptly at 6:14:59 the pack assembled for the Hares briefing;
Nasty started by telling all that it was a 3 way run to cater for all levels of unfitness and went from a 200 metre limp to a 5 km male sprintathon ;no hills; no shiggy;and no fun! Should be back in 30 mins! Tops!! Short cutting was severely discouraged as it was only to be used as a “loosener” for the upcoming Aussie Day extravaganza!
We will see was the packs consensus

A “sitting” Circle called at about 8.30pm (it looks more and more like the decay of the Roman Empire with the Senators and their entourage lounging around and more interested in Rule 1 activities than what true Hashmen are “obligated to do” :remember the words “Noblesse oblige” TRANSLATED “in noble hood all Hashmen are required to meet their obligation !”)

The Hare was called out and 2 Dogs gave a run report who likened it to a “sprint to the showers” whilst Shat was giving Sir Prince “bird impersonations” which could be more likened to a man performing oral sex on a female ! (What on earth would a real Hash Man do that for on a Monday night ???)

After finishing his “nuzzling noises” he proceeded to give a run report of “mind blowing boredness” quote ,,,,”Marvellous, simply Marvellous, quite stunningly Marvellous” ; has he turned into a Rule 1 offender ??

Sir Prince gave an indifferent note somewhat perplexed by Shats noises in his ear
Anyway back to the run ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ!!!!!!!!!!! The VIP comfort bench of Sir Prince, Ferret and Sir Rabbit were now craving for bedtime stories as their tired eyes were closing for bee boos!

Nosh Report

Entrees
Peanuts, crisps, vegemite sandwiches and 1000 sprinkle Sangers
Main Course

Pie ,mashed peas and potato with tomato sauce dressing drizzled over

Desert

Pavlova with all the trimmings
PS: Beautiful but all outsourced thru Nasty’s abusive slave labour program (Hash Cash commented that Nasty also had provided the fare within the budget; wait til his indigestion hits at 4 am!)

Note from Sir Rabbit whose strangulated testicle rendition of a note has now been replaced by an internal herniated prostate whilst crying in his pillow! Man up!!!
Note from RA

Q: What is the difference between broccoli and snot?
A: Boys won’t eat broccoli

Summation: A 1/10 score was awarded at it was a totally outsourced menu and may now contend for the worst Nosh of Year ! Buying the tomato sauce does NOT constitute culinary input.

Scientology Report
Nasty delivered a scathing insight into Sir Rabbit along the lines of “ Sir Rabbit is fucked the lucky devil?? Or something like that for stealing Telstra phones and an unfaithful Rabbit should avoid all wild animals with teeth; especially offshore unknown female species!
Nobody got it ??
Lets look forward to next weeks reading !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Visitors
Arse Up brought an unsuspecting 6”10 giant called Bill who when called out surprisingly made the GM go up another 2 stairs to keep parity!
Note from Arseup caused a charge from Caustic as Ferrett and Sir Rabbit were having a conference on the VIP comfort lounge ; duly charged and a down down awarded
Bill (or maybe Silly Billy) then went on to confide as he was an excited virgin he had bought some new gear Inc shoes!
Arseup gave 2nd note when Silly Billy had the customary shoe down down

RA was called to circle and called for charges

Nasty Nasty Nasty; how we remember those Nasty nights whilst you were GM
A) The 1st Down Down ; whilst Hash drank pre-Xmas slops Nasty drank Crownies : verdict GUILTY

2nd Whilst Nasty drank Penfold wine decanted thru an aerator Hash drank “battery acid “:GUILTY

3rd Nasty outsourced the food and claimed privilege:GUILTY

4th Nasty removed all Koran, scientology and other reading material in deference to the GM:GUILTY

5th RA quote “he’s just a c—t “ and the RA wanted him to remember and exceed the Bannockburn night (at Mudgeeraba) when Nasty as GM gave Caustic 7 down downs for the night:

Its reported that Nasty is now prostrate (sounding like a Sir Rabbit “note”) over the great white telephone! Man up; what is this Hash coming to??)

B) Jigsaw charged with Rule 1 contraventions after he and Cumsmoke were “bombing” the pool and he asked to HOLD HANDS! Charge upheld Guilty

6th Nasty tried to defend the indefensible charge B) and got another Down Down :GUILTY
c) Shat Xmas run aftermath report noted several items left at the Shatterie and when he followed up with Jigsaw was told he was too busy shopping!!!! (Q “Is Jigsaw the 1 in 10 Rule 1 offender; Rug please go into deep undercover and get to the bottom of this!!)
Caustic still retains the 7 Down Down record (without a puke !)

POW
Miscarriage is holding over the POW

Aussie Day Extravaganza
The illustrious GM again tried to get numbers which were agreed to be within 7 and 200,000
22 booked on bus the rest of you bastards walk!

End of Circle for those still awake was called at 9ish