Run: 1728
Hare: Josephine
Location: Pony Club, Nerang
Date: 13th December, 2010

Thunderstorm clouds in the air greeted a motley pack of some 26 Hashers who quickly took control of the Pony Club facilities and set up camp!

Promptly at 6:15 the pack assembled for the Hare’s briefing;

Quote: “No Hills but a few gentle inclines!! “ Hilary only had Mt Everest! Off went the pack both Runners and Walkers to the first water hazard – first swimmer was Aussie and Sir Rabbit got his paws wet!

First check saw the pack divide equally left and right with the left handers following an old Harriet trail and the right handers just confused! Half hour later the sweeper Sir Slab informed all that the trail was straight on!!!

Sir Rabbit and Shat however were so engrossed in Xmas shopping stories they held hands and completed their own run in a respectable 2 hours.

Up went the pack on the “gentle incline”; sign posts said a 1:7 climb and low gear should be used! Ropes and crampons were deployed on the North Face ; Mumbles called for oxygen and was told to “toughen the fuck up “ ; Summit was reached to find the sweeper turning the map back and forth and stating it wasn’t in Kiwi so he had no idea!!!!!

Consensus of older and wiser heads reckoned lets go left but this was heading to Oxenford and reassembly back to Checkpoint Charlie eventuated a right hand turn and back on trail.

Numerous checks, water crossings (for some!!), mud, confusion but a “well set trail” saw the pack emerging from the mists circa 7:40
Swimming leg was completed by Aussie; Two Dogs; Rug; Sir Rabbit
Circle called at some time??
The Hare was called out and Blowfly gave run report but he got lost at the 1^st Check and followed the Harriet “Tampons” trail; overall opinion it was a “near” debacle saved by experienced short cutting Hashers 8/10
Nosh Report from Moonbeams was less favourable as the “refrozen “hamburger rolls were tougher than a McDonald’s cardboard wrapper! Moonbeams did try a 2^nd hamburger but was now regretting it! 4/10
Note from Sir Rabbit sounded like a strangulated testicle!

Trivia Time
Mystery photo of a bearded underworld figure was handed around by the GM and various suggestions were made as to the identity of the mystery man;

Julia Guillard – a strong contender

Rug in his MI5 days – a possible

Nigel Manson – ?????????? A definite maybe

Decision pending

Visitors

CRIT (that’s Clit with a R) a Singapore Hash man who was so hirsute it was suggested he should shave his back or else he would be a “hairy Crit”

Other business

Botcho was called forward by the GM and adorned with a PVC glove scarf to remind him of his recent proctology exam –results from the doctor was he gave him 4 fingers but he made a good fist of it !!

Aptly Shat gave Botcho a note

RA was called to circle and reminded Hash of the 1^st rule of Hash –No Poofs only to charge Rockhard with wearing a citronella armband to ward off the mozzies ! –charge was dismissed by Sir Rabbit as being frivolous

Two Dogs presented with 3^rd Dan balsa wood chopping

Aussie gave Two Dogs a note “in Japanese!!!!!!!!”

Charges

Rainbow charged Sir Slab (trail sweeper) with “fucking” incompetence with “fucking expletives” interspersed with “fucks”

Charges dismissed as how could a “fucking” Tasmanian understand broad Kiwi trail directions!
POW
Botcho entered circle holding POW paraphernalia and a ripped POW bag; MI5 are investigated the act of vandalism –stay tuned for next week’s report on possible culprits of this heinous crime!

Only 1 contender for the POW was called forward –Josephine! Not only had he served reheated cardboard boxes on stale buns but had omitted to bring the ice-cream which was safely back in his fridge!

Aussie was rightly charged with GM abuse but no-one heard!

Torrential downpour recommenced but the RA escaped once again! Maybe there is a God! Inshallah next week

Next week’s run
Xmas run
Assemble 5pm at Shats for pre-dinner drinks and nibbles
15 River Drive
Budds Beach
Bus leaves for Versace sharp 6pm !! Formal dress MUST be worn!!
Moonbeams called end of circle late into the night and the bedraggled pack slopped off in the mud to their cars!
Footnote from the stand in On Sec
At 4:48 am was awoken to a mighty clap of thunder! – Sadly this was not the case but the Hash Nosh composting had reached critical conditions and a Code Brown was called!!!!!!!!! Thanks Josephine
Stand in On Sec
Caustic

Run: 1727
Hare: Mumbles & Now Loved
Location: Nerang
Date: 6th December, 2010

The Mumbles Mansion is the location for the run with Now Loved as able assistant ….. Off into the wilds of the Paris end of Nerang goes the pack of 30 odd hashers.

Cumagen and Sir AH have the keg sorted and a few welcome beers great the thirsty pack. The R/A’s super powers prevail and a dry run ensues.

8.02 It’s time for circle.

THIS WEEK’S SPONSOR is announced as “Sir Slabb’s super size solutions”
Flasher is the only hassle here and a mere 45cms short of hanging Sir Slabb’s sign.

THE HARES …… Mumbles and Now Loved.

Botcho gives a run report….. Short cuts were easy!!!

Caustic ………. I short cut too GM (naughty Trail Master)

Swollen … Well set!!!

Josephine topped it off with …”got lost … well marked ?????? best run this week!!”

Ferret commented on the nosh ……… not bad 8/10 cheese and other shit!!!

Jigsaw gives a note.

RETURNING RUNNERS…. Mr Chips …. Dropped the average age below 55.

Rockhard … fucked the average age back to over 70!!

Ice Arse … travelled a LONG way from next door. ( Glad you could make it )

At HUGE expense the awards for milestone runs are handed out with NO expense spared on the shirts.
Aussie ……….. 300 runs
Now Loved ….300 runs
VD ……………400 runs
Dicky Knee…100 walks

An unsightly group strip to the waist and get their shirts at the envy of all in attendance.
Blackstump offers a note.

Blacky offers a river run “ NO WAY “ is the resounding response. (it’s only running at 35 mtrs)
Jigsaw, Two Dogs, Josephine, Sir Rabbit, Ferret, Aussie and Bent Banana are up next. ONE in Seven are gay !!!!! So which one of you is it??? ….Challenges the GM.

JIGSAW gets the vote and gets a double for having his hat on too.

Christmas run ………… Starts Shat’s place at Budds Beach 5 for 5.30 Bus to Versace leaves at 6 SHARP………… Reminder from Caustic.

CHARGES ….
Swollen …… Forgot???????????

Sir Prince gives a note.

Caustic ………. Real estate agent spots Cumsmoke’s note on the lawn and Caustic tries in vain to explain ………. A stolen Gold Card is produced and the two culprits walk free. (A royal inquest into Gold Card fraud is now commissioned by the GM )

Circumference gets a birthday note!!

Dicky Knee … the recipient of the “most” free crownies gives the note.

POW Ferret lines up KB, Point Two, Dicky Knee, VD, Sir AH and Cumagen.

All NON starters in the run……. Please explain… follow with lame excuses flowing freely. Each one is dismissed until it gets down to Dicky …. Who has a flash of genius and declares he is away for the next 3 weeks …. Off the hook goes Dicky!!!

Botcho, Ice Arse and Mumbles are called to circle and Botcho gets the POW for under cover food comments ….. 3 goes later the POW DD is finished.

Missing Link announces a Thailand bike ride in mid October next year………SEE Missing Link for more info on the crew attending.

An IMPORTANT EARLY NOTICE to all hashers is issued………..

Please cease all salt intake immediately !!!!! Showpony’s run is only weeks away!!!!!! (Rumor has it pickled produce freezes very well)

The circle closes in a mood of merriment as Swollen and Sir Prince tell the “Stamps and snails” jokes at the enormous humor of all attending. (get them to tell you if you missed them!!!!)

8.40 and it’s “END OF CIRCLE”

A bit of history for you …. The AMA response to Kevin Rudd’s proposal.
The Australian Medical Association has weighed in on the new Rudd health care proposals.
The Allergists voted to scratch it, but the Dermatologists advised not to make any rash moves.
The Gastroenterologists had sort of a gut feeling about it, but the Neurologists thought the Administration had a lot of nerve.    

The Obstetricians felt they were all labouring under a misconception.    
Ophthalmologists considered the idea short-sighted.    

Pathologists yelled, “Over my dead body!” while the Paediatricians said, “Oh, Grow up!”    
The Psychiatrists thought the whole idea was madness, while the Radiologists could see right through it.    

Surgeons decided to wash their hands of the whole thing.    

The Internists thought it was a bitter pill to swallow, and the Plastic Surgeons said, “This puts a whole new face on the matter….”    

The Podiatrists thought it was a step forward, but the Urologists were pissed off at the whole idea.    

The Anaesthesitists thought the whole idea was a gas, and the Cardiologists didn’t have the heart to say no.    

In the end, the Proctologists won out, leaving the entire decision up to the arseholes in Canberra…

On On
KB.

Run: 1726
Hare: Dum Shit
Location: Tugun
Date: 29th November, 2010

SOUTH OF THE BORDER – DOWN DUM SHIT WAY

With a cut lunch and overnight bag packed, 29 intrepid hash explorers headed south looking for Viet Hoa Gardens in Tugun. Not a tree to be seen, no flower beds, no exotic plants – just the smell of stale chicken cooking fat wafting from Red Rooster over the rapidly filling carpark.

Crocodile forgot where the run was so called Kitchen Bitch for help at 6:05. KB answered his phone only to tell Croc

1. The run was somewhere in Tugun
2. KB was somewhere in Coomera
3. Croc was an ex-On Sec
4. KB was a current On Sec
5. Croc would be at the run
6. KB wouldn’t be at the run
7. Croc could do the words
8. KB wouldn’t have to do the words
9.
Viet Hoa Gardens turned out to be a Vietnamese, Chinese, Cantonese, Korean, Burmese, Japanese and Quickeaze eatery where the On On was to be held.

6:15 pm and Dum Shit was called forward to explain the run. “There is a walkers loop and a runners loop and sometimes the walkers loop will cross the runners loop and sometimes they won’t cross but you’ll know when they cross because there will be two lots of arrows – one for walkers and one for runners. Is that clear ??” asked the Hare.

“Oh I forgot to mention” continued Dum and Dummer Shit, “I left the maps at the office so I couldn’t set the walkers loop nor could I do the runners loop, so there is now only one loop to be shared by walkers and runners, except where it is marked with a R for runners and a W for walkers. Is all that clear ??” asked the hare again.

“Clear as shit !!!” answered the pack and headed out of the carpark where the walkers immediately turned south and travelled away from the arrows towards the Tugan pub. The runners headed north on trail.

A good run ensued heading over Tugun Hill past Currumbin Wildlife Park and on up Currumbin Hill dropping down to Elephant Rock and Pacific Pde before following the shore line to Thrower Drive Bridge. Over the bridge and onto the boardwalk through Currumbin Creek wetlands. Crossing under Gold Coast Hwy and back into the buuusscch for a long loop before heading home along the highway.

A great run given 8/10 by Point Two who walked to the pub and 6/10 by Botcho who did the whole run but complained there “weren’t enough checks”.

Circle was called immediately Old Fart arrived back and failed miserably to start while Dicky Knee, Circumference, Flasher, Cumagan and Caustic mumbled incoherently for 5 minutes.

Meanwhile the gathered hashman enjoyed the one or two or three of the draft beers on offer, basking in the warm afterglow of a warm Tugan night and the gathering eye-candy in the two adjoining eateries.

Finally Flasher managed to wrest control from his unruly debating group and actually started the circle only to be rudely interrupted by Cumagan who announced that the Light beer many had been savouring was in actual fact a full strength beer the same as the other tap sending half the pack back to their cars to down a carton of Gaviscon.

DD’s for returning runner Sir Slabb back from his recent En Zed holiday which he spent much of sitting in South Island Wineries slowly getting pissed. Frightened to drink alone he called for support and Black Stump stepped forward, recently returned from his great southern surfing safari love-in cookfest where he entertained the likes of Veteran, VD and Missing Link with his imitation of an Italian chef. According to Botcho the Spaghetti Bol tasted revolting, just like the stuff Blackie serves at the ranch. See what happens when you think you’re drinking Light Beer !!!! You’re moth engages while the brain is still in neutral.

DD’s for Circumference’s telegram to the GM which arrived at the Splinter Lunch, requesting and early circle so as he and Moonbeams don’t fall asleep at 9 o’clock and turn into pumpkins.

Flasher attempts to call the RA but is booed down with a call from the floor for visitors. Crocodile’s old Posh Hash mate from Noosa, Loco stepped forward to say hi and have his DD.

RA now allowed to front the circle and calls for the POW.

Crocodile nominated Flasher, Two Dogs, VD, Blackstump and Sir Slabb to step up and the proceeded to praise them all for coming to hash while injured to be with their hash mates, and then politely told them to sit. Will the real nominee step forward. Ferret is called and berated for not attending the Paradise Point run 2 weeks ago because his “leg is a bit sore and it’s a 30 km round trip – a bit too far for me to go”. Be seated POW Ferrett.

RA calls for charges
Ferrett again for scoring a hole-in one at Palm Meadows that morning
Caustic is charged by King Rat for shortcutting on his fund-raising fun run. As usual Caustic immediately raises a defense, stating the said fun run from Rosser Park was more like the River Kwai march. A short 2 km jog from Rosser Park, then a bus to Harbour Town and then a 15 km slog back to Ashmore so obviously he looked for shortcuts. Sir Rabbit was called to adjudicate and found for the defense. Case dismissed
Shetland charged by Bent Banana for sprinting past the front runners in the last 200 mtrs

Flasher must have been on a speed dating course on his last trip OS as he quickly took over from the RA and thanked Caustic for donating the evenings wine – the result of 3 years buying cartons of wine online, tasting one and disliking it intensely and putting the remains under his staircase, which he only rediscovered on Saturday as he was moving house.

Point Two was called for an update on Building Blocks Australia and advised the shed is almost (??) erect and the publican cried when they left Urbansville.

A record for a Flasher Circle as he closed and the Nosh arrived.

Great Nosh and plenty of it, complimented by Caustic’s cellar – thanks Caustic !!!!

SO impressed with the Nos was Caustic that he collected $2 from everyone present and gave it to our Vietnamese hostess as a tip. “Oh thank you” she cried, now I have enough to bring out 14 more of my cousins.

On On Crocodile
Thanks for the help Croc

On On Kitchen Bitch