Run: 1725
Hare: Blow fly & Sir Prince
Location: Bundall
Date: 22th November, 2010

Back of the council chambers …………. Not a bad place to start the run!!!
Not a bad place to put in the gourmet Asian kitchen complete with THREE woks and burners.
Well raise the bar all you like Pizza this dynamic duo are up to the challenge!!
Unfortunately you On Sec arrived late and missed the chat about the run …. However pulling up in the car park and looking across to see the THREE woks and burners to boot was almost ejaculation territory for any Kitchen Bitch.
Just in time for the last two dim sims I settled into a quiet beer and then all hell broke loose……….. Pizza has obviously been sampling his wine cellar (Caused by an impromptu visit by Nasty and Cumsmoke on the way to hash) “better have a father devine “ announces Pizza and a 375 ml glass of red follows .
The fantastic waft of Sir Prince’s Asian delicacy is in the air and the chat around the group has high expectation of the impeding nosh.
A Sir Prince gourmet extravaganza unfolds including the now famous “Banana Fritters”
It’s 9.08PM and Flasher calls CIRCLE
Blowfly is up as the hare.
Bent Banana give him 50% of 100% …. Set on a bike Hmmmmmmm
200 mtrs between arrows ,,,,,,, not a lot of checks, same country…..NOT A BAD TRAINING EXERCISE!!!
Average run!!! ( Guess Bent Banana was JUST impressed)
Guess that equates to 5/10 from a hard task master … clearly NO allowance for PMS (Post Marital Syndrome)
Icing is called for … but the GM relents to PMS.
GM Flasher announces “tonight will be a quite circle” (someone should have told Pizza)
No Sponsor tonight … He’s not here!!!!!
Custic jumps in with a stand in sponsor and offers Philippines hash shirts donated as an alternative.
Veteran is called on the yellow code number
No Fucking idea GM
“O”O”O””O” calls the pack … but Veteran is gone!!!
Nasty gives a note “O”O””O”O”O”O”
Botcho (Deservedly) gets recognition for all the hard work on the photos… but no yellow card!!!
Nasty moves to curtail Pizza’s noise level!!!!!!!! ( only partially successful)
Nasty feels compelled to comment on the run …… Great run !!!
Hmmmmmmmmm
Miscarriage gives the noooooooooooooote.
The Chef de cuisine Sir Prince Valiant is up next.
Tidal Wave his assistant is called too.
Sir Prince announces that the day off for pre was the plan BUT 12.30 to 5 PM was all that was available ………. Brought my own GAS too !!!!
“How do you do it for the money” echoes around the circle.
Sir prince offers his budget secret…… seems the Princess has saved him soooooooooo much money with the $3,000 Vanity and $1,000 mirror
He can afford a few extra bucks for Hash.
Then the truth comes out that the real saving is in Sir Prince’s eco gas energy saving policy.
Seems Sir Prince has saved an amazing $4.00 per month on his gas bill for a mere outlay of only $2,850 ……………… not bad Sir Prince……… your grand children MAY get to enjoy this saving.
Bung gives a (Very loud ) note.
VISITORS
International ….. Pricilla from North shore Auckland NZ
He was GM until last week and the scampered over to OZ!!!!!!!
Found GCHHH on the net!!!
Mumbles (welcome back ) gives a note.
Pizza is getting pissed and Nasty is failing miserably in his task.
Mario no shoes is back complete with shoes and the best pair of “Rule one” shorts.
R/A is up next.
Rain rain go away !!!!!!!!!
R/A calls for ICE . Hmmmmmmmmm
CHARGES ….
Miscarriage charges Pricilla on a tasteless commentary .
OLD FART , BUNG and SIR PRINCE are called to circle
Hmmmmm you’re all Gold Card holders right???
Do you want the ICE or use your cards ???
The Gold cards are handed in …….. Cumsmoke and Caustic share them between themselves( Subject to royal inquest)
Bung is invited back …….. NOW you have no gold card you’re charged
Poor Bung is on the ICE !!!!!!!!!!!!!
Caustic gets a DD for being a Scot and bailing out the Irish debt
Pricilla gets it for the statistic of 85% of Kiwis liking sex in the shower ………. Seems 15% have not been to jail yet.
Sir AH gets numbers on the splinter lunch at Broadbeach 15 coming @ $10/head
Next week’s run …… Dumbshit at Tugun with a Thai restaurant meal
CAUSTIC IS DONATING the red wine.
Now loved is into a new profession transporting clients to local houses of ill repute … got the BIG BUS so discounts apply!!

Circumference gives the circle …… hurry up!!!
Into circle Circumference gets a DD and more time.
Aussie gives the note.
POW Croc is missing ………….. on his “birthday BASH”
Moonbeams is missing … So Ferret calls “END OF CIRCLE”
It’s now 9.40pm and the pack has consumed a serious contender for N.O.T.Y.

On On

KB

Run: 1724
Hare: Flatulence & Pizza
Location: Paradise Point
Date: 15th November, 2010

Sand fly alley at Paradise Point is the meeting place for run 1724.
Pizza has called for the Hash trailer and Flatulence is setting the run……. This should be a good night!!!!!

Dicky Knee the human insect feeding machine lingers to look after the kegs and the pack heads out into the summer balmy night.

Back for a nice cold beer and the smell of Pizza’s nosh brewing on the bar B Q.

It’s all looking like the expectations are being met in spades..
WRONG !!!!!!!!! Another Hash “Fuck up” is well and truly in the making.

“This Bar B Q is rooted” cries Pizza.

Shake the gas bottles Says Nasty !!! Hmmmmmmmmm No Gas !!!!!!
Pizza’s entrée is JUST cooked and the pack is lined up for the cross between Pizza filling, Mulligan stew and regurgitated kebab. Pizza’s secret recipe invented over a flagon or two of Pizza’s Plonk.

Sir Prince to the rescue !!!!!!!!!!!!!

We’ll use the council ones … it’s OK !!! Leave it to me!!!
“If you liked the entrée you will love the main” Spouts Pizza, who is now blaming everyone and thing he can for the complete debacle unfolding.

Flasher pops over the council cook off and quietly says “ Think we’re out of fucking beer” Nooooooo ! we just put a new keg on says KB ………. Hmmmmmmmmmmm better check the gas!! No Gas !!!!!!!!!!

Now here is the question ???????

Is it the similarity between Flatulence and “Gas”

Pizza and Gas ( hot air)

That has caused this leading contender for Hash Debacle of the year????

It’s now 8.50 and Flasher calls for circle before there is a Hash Mutiny of huge proportions.
Flatulence is up first as the run hare.

Croc gives the comments and remarks that Old Fart is still lost or at least still looking for his scout compass and guide to the stars.

Croc confesses to a brisk walk and finding the trail well marked.

Two Dogs did a spy reccy on bike Sunday and figured out the way home.
Miscarriage was scolded for total disregard of on backs and Two Dogs gives the note.

Pizza is up next for the nosh.

Feeling soooooooooo low GM ….. it was to be my return and earn me a spot on the hierarchy next year ……. “Now I have a fuck up and no chance of being GM”

Pizza claims sabotage from other GM contenders could be afoot!!!

Sir Prince complains bitterly that Pizza has set the bar so high for next week.

Moon beams strikes a note before Pizza gets the second verse of his eight verse excuses in. Shut the fuck up me me me me !!

Yellow code is next and Old Fart is the target…….. No frigging idea GM!!!
Despite numerous hints from the pack Missing Link and Old Fart get the DD.

Sir Rabbit gets the prize and Rug gives the note.

RETURNING RUNNERS.
Circumference back from NZ with a knitted dick warmer for the GM.
Swollen back from overseas ( Stradbroke Island)

Arse Up …. Too busy for Hash.

Flatulence … Too busy watching videos.

Rug give the note.
R/A is next…………… He is also the POW

Bent Banana,Aussie and Point Two are all called into the circle.

Then a blinding flash hits the R/A and he awards the POW to Veteran who is not there via poor Croc ( or at least I think that’s what happened) Next week will reveal all!!!

Something about Cumsmoke’s beard comments.
( Has anybody every checked what is in those smokes he consumes ???? On Sec )

Croc gets 7/10 for the POW DD attempt …. A mid field runner.

Moonbeams returns from his private piss behind the Bar B Q .

A show of hands for the pub experience sees Aussie on the ice for a bit of R/A get square ……… don’t cross him is the clear message. Aussie is feet first into the ice bucket esky.

CHARGES …
Miscarriage charges Sir Rabbit for the job too dangerous to handle so he called in the Hash safety expert to attend to the SAFE removal of the dangerous asbestos roofing .

SIR PRINCE ……… arrives trailer, plastic bag and tip fees in hand. Safety to the max and the hazardous material is off to the dump cleverly concealed under a load of garden refuse the pair had to work their guts out to arrange.

Miscarriage gives the note for Aussie, Sir Rabbit and Sir Prince.

Swollen tells the rope joke ( On Sec has forgotten already)

Pizza (translator required) tells about the Kiwi with gumboots, sheep and fence routine.

Swollen announces his wife is running in the London Marathon to raise money for the heart foundation………Nov 28 th Fun Run Fundraiser at Rosser park Benowa for $20 see Swollen.

Two Dogs ALMOST gets away without explaining the wrist in bandages ….. seems pissed he tried a bit of Kung Foo on a plank of pinewood and the wood won!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
It’s 9.16pm the gas has run out, the Ibis are into the left over Pizza delight and Moonbeams calls ………… END OF CIRCLE.
On On
KB

un: 1723
Hare: Bung
Location: Coombabah
Date: 8th November, 2010

Bungs Boating Bash!
Loaves and fishes!
Lynn’s Lovely Lavishes!!

Call it what you like, it was “smiles all round” as self confessed rank novice Bung delivered the goods.

Mariners Cove Marina B arm number 40 …. Were the instructions for the meeting point for Bung’s Bash. A nostalgic night with fond memories of Bilgepump flowing back and his wife of thirty five years there to greet us on the very boat he built from nothing.

I’ve catered for about 26 says Bung. The guys at Peter’s Fisho are doing the fish and chips, we got some 13 steaks donated (Think I know for where too) and Lynn has whipped up a salad or two…. So we should be OK !!!

Well that was fine until the 37 th Hasher turned up just as the run started!!!
Plan “B” Lynnie better butter more bread and we will dice the steaks …. They will never know!!!!
Call the fisho and get the fish cut into portions too!!!

On On ….. head South down Sea World Drive >>>>>>>
Walkers …….. Head up the road until you get tired and head back, you can’t get lost!!!
Cumagen arrives with the kegs and Sir AH is straight into booze mode……… Great !! We are back on draft beer.

Fantastic arrows guide the pack around Main Beach and back to the boat like homing seagulls. The pack gathers around the wharf for lots of chat and Latrines diet guide to healthy living with his strides now a clear four sizes too big.

The loaves and fishes trick almost works with Sir Prince stepping in to help KB with the last minute steak fest and EXTREME portion control… all on budget of $140… THANKS LYNN.

It’s 8.13 pm … Circle in three minutes calls GM Flasher.
8.16PM ………….Form a straight circle ?????????????

Dicky Knee this week’s POW is into it early giving the pack plenty over being “straight” Fuck off Dicky. Calls the pack.

First in is the hare, Bung.

Old Fart is back in time to report on the run….. Obviously marked on a bike!!!
GM says he had a “hard on” (was that a marking term or was he just very pleased??) 5PM Bung re-marked the run but the kids still beat him in one section by rubbing out the marks ( that’s Hash)
Veteran says “bit short … but my type of run”

Nosh comments came from Nasty giving the rice salad 10 out of 10 and the marinated streak “great”

Latrine’s plate of salad was still there but Latrine was nowhere to be found …. Seems rice is not on the diet!!

Nasty gives a note!!

VISITORS …..
Mario … the wog with the yanky accent …. But, not enough dosh to buy shoes.
Commander Head ……….. F%$#, F%&$ I’ve been doing my bit to keep this F&%$ING country afloat.

RETURNING … Blowfly back from his wedding bash …… no comment on any marital achievements!!

Sir Prince gives a note and springs straight into a report on the Splinter Lunch.
“I’m cured” claims Sir Prince ( is that like ham???)

Seems DEBARCLE is the only word suitable…………

It was the Phantom that reported the greatest casualty …… Home by 6.45 and tucked up in bed BUT achieved amazing results in the 6hrs 15 minutes from the start of the lunch……… Who else can sign up for AND PAY for the Mekong Delta Run, Buy and TAKE DELIVERY of a Corvette Stingray (LHD)and consume 6 bottles of fine wine in just 6 short hours.

Miscarriage offers a nooooooooooooote!!

R/A is up next

CHARGES ???
Miscarriage is back …. Seems Two Dogs was the one on TV giving the head jobs to the footballers.
A DD follows and Two Dogs announces training camps are on each Thursday … draw straws for giver or receiver.

Dicky Knee gives a very precise report on a very unsavory incident the police asked to cover on the cameras in central Surfers at 3 AM Saturday morning.

Seems a prominent member of a known drug cartel was spotted with some slack looking moles and a pimp in association with this known felon.

The Pink shirt on the pimp made him easy to track through the crowded streets, until this person turned to the camera ( As this person is apt to do)

Seems the passion for cameras was finally his undoing!!!!!!!!

CUMSMOKE ……. Front and centre.

5 Drunken chicks and a “Rule One” shirt ………… Guilty as charged for the second week in a row.
One Chick on each arm Cumsmoke claims ………. Dicky says that’s right …. She was that big it was ONE chick on each(of his) arms.

That’s TWO self confessed whales so far Cumsmoke.
Cumsmoke you are …………….POW

Dicky gives a note ………. R/A does a reasonable job with the DD, but not in the running for a prize.

BACK TO CHARGES .
Bung charges the R/A with not doing the run and Croc for just being there.
DDs followed with the R/A into second attempt straight after the POW DD.
Visitor Mario gets it for taking a piss and is conned into the damp patch cover up.
KB suffers another fuck up with GM height comparisons and sadly gets Nasty, Sir Slab and Croc ( sorry guys) a DD for their measure too.

Bung calls for a special presentation…………….. Lynn .. Front and centre.
Thanks soooooooooo much Lynn !!!!!
A DD for Lynn follows.

The Missing Link calls for a moment of respect for Bilgepump .
The Pack raises their glasses in unison and sound a “Hash Hymn“ to Bilgepump.

Melbourne Cup Sweep prizes are handed out with Sir Rabbit getting third, Two Dogs getting second and Josephine the WINNER.

Josephine announces “it’s a bit late now … So I will shout next week”………… Form a queue.

Flasher announces it was slack week …… No Sponsor, No Code!!

In the absence of Moonbeams …… Point Two calls “End of circle”
It’s 8.47 PM and Marina urinal arms are now officially closed.
Thanks HEAPS Lynn!!

Well done Bung!!
RIP Bilgepump.

On On KB.

Run: 1722
Hare: Aussie
Location: Coombabah
Date: 1st November, 2010

Aussie takes a dash of daring and steps outside of his beloved Labrador into a brand new venue, seems the invitation to attend a hash run also went out to the local squadron !!!!!! Mosquito squadron that is !!!!!!!!

The pack gathers at the gates of the nature reserve in Coombabah and the clock strikes 6 PM …………. Gates close!!! It’s 6PM .

On On round the gates and onward into the mosquito infested swamp the pack goes, kangaroos and native wildlife abound this spot of Aussie’s. Dicky Knee stays back to mind the keg and gear set up already by booze master Cumagen and his new able assistant Sir AH.

It’s now 6.35pm Dicky has retreated to the car to do his guard duties, seems some of the local squadron found they wanted to linger with Dicky and attempt to eat him alive.

Walkers wander off down past the airfield and the runners are out in the boonies dodging kangaroos.

The pack starts to arrive back at the nosh just as Sir Prince Valiant arrives via Victoria. He’s been down to Blowfly’s wedding (a comprehensive report is coming …….. seems sooooo much happened it will take a few days to prepare, stand-by it’s worth the wait)

A fantastic nosh with ABSOLUTE perfect portion allotment is dished up by Aussie. Roast chicken with all the trimmings is VERY well received by all, then followed by ice creams sticks to top of a great nosh……….. Well done Aussie!!!

GM Flasher is back from O/S circle is called at 8.35pm.

No sponsor the week …… seems GM had telecommunications hassles from O/S

Dicky Knee is in first ……. For no apparent reason …. “Just stand there Dicky”

Run comments are called for from trail master Caustic …….. “ Boring, Straight run, No shaggy ….. poor effort!!” is Caustic’s comment ….But don’t forget it is Caustic making them !!

Josephine is asked for further comment and he quotes it as “GREAT RUN 9/10” GM

(I’m confused!!)

Cumsmoke is asked to comment on the nosh ……..” It’s got to be Nosh Of The Year” GM , I also got two ice creams!!

Bung gives a note and refuses to quote on the after run activities of last week.

Dicky Knee finally gets called for yellow code ….. The GM figures he finally has this wirily fox in his sights, Dicky asks Crock …… No fucking idea!!! Then Blackie …… can’t even turn the computer on GM Hmmmmmmmmm GM might have Dicky.

Dicky fronts up with the letter “O” just as serial pest Pizza starts up an Italian chorus of “O” “O” “O” “O”

Dicky is OFF the hook!!! Amazing after all his interjection and comment on the one or two (Million) mossies.

Visitors ….. Barnacle from Porta Galera (Think that’s how you spellit!)

For those that have a GPS it’s 1357Nth 12139 East

Bent Banana is called the give a note and hands down a rendition of Barnacle Bill like no other.

A DD follows.

GM Flasher passes a vote of thanks to Sir AH for standing in while he has been swanning around in the typhoons overseas.

R/A is called………

Ferret gets it for R/A abuse ( Don’t know why anyone would do that)

Sir AH gives the note.

Missing Link is asked for comment on the splinter lunch …….. nothing for the press !!!!!!! A number somewhere between 17 and 22 attended depending on what part of Link’s comments you take it from. Ferret appears to have behaved, but couldn’t understand why the metre maids didn’t want to come home and meet Mummy ??????

POW Pizza called and through a slurrrrrrrrrred summary of abuse and wanting to take the prick home for the fourth week in a row (seems he has found a use for it ?????????) he finally settled on Dicky Knee who had to arm wrestle it off him. Dicky’s abuse of the Hash keg and frothy beer for everyone won Dicky POW. Not a bad attempt at the POW yard glass ….. but too much spillage!!

CHARGES are called by R/A Cumsmoke.

First up is Caustic with a very serious charge indeed…………..

A blatant abuse of THE FIRST RULE OF HASH says Caustic …. “A homophobic offence GM”

Seems a hash member has written “I LOVE COCK” into Caustic’s troublesome neighbour’s lawn with round-up weed killer!!!!!!!!!!

CUMSMOKE is charged with this very serious offence and for the first time appears to be totally lacking any defence.

The charge is put to the vote of the pack …………A resounding GUILTY AS CHARGED !!!!! is the result ……..

The upshot is ….it seems Caustic is now very popular in his street.

Pay back …….. Cumsmoke gets Caustic for his new abode

Seems it is co-habitation with benefits Hmmmmmmmm!

Two Dogs gives the note.

Sir Prince is asked for comment on the wedding of the year.

RAIN, RAIN, RAIN.

Convert the restaurant into a chapel in 30 minutes.

4 inches of water running under foot

Bridesmaids in gumboots.

That’s just a taste of what will be in Sir Prince’s wedding bliss report out soon.

Next week’s run …………BUNG

From Mariners Mate B-Arm Mariners Cove Main Beach.

It’s now 9.10pm

MOONBEAMS calls “ End of circle”

Run: 1721
Hare: Bent Banana
Location: Nerang
Date: 25th Oct, 2010

GCHHH Run 1721 Bent Banana

Poofta (Boat) Park Nerang saw the gathering of an unusually smaller number of hashers.

WELL THOSE WHO DID NOT ATTEND CERTAINLY MISSED OUT !!!

GM Flasher is still overseas spreading hash goodwill, so acting GM Sir AH calls the pack together just on 6.15pm where the hare declares the trail is on flour, paper and chalk. So guess we are off into the shiggy!!! The R/A’s powers prevail and the rains have gone completely around our trail leaving it perfectly marked. A few VERY minor sprinkles and the R/A has dodged the ice once again.

On On out into the darkness the pack goes, walkers you will see a “W” for you so follow that, the rest of you On On.

First officially back is Cumagen, just in time to fix the gas on the keg that Sir AH and many other advisors have completely stuffed up!!

It’s a full moon night and the pack gathers for a few cold beers of the keg and then amazing corned beef, cabbage, carrots potatoes and homemade pickles. Sounds mouth watering doesn’t it …… WELL IT WAS !!!! No portion control tonight there is heaps to go round!!

This was followed by homemade fruit salad and whipped or option pure cream.

By this stage the pack are happily replete and rubbing their full bellies thinking of those poor bastards that are not here!

8.28 Sir AH calls circle.

Latrine is asked to comment on the nosh and reverts to KB for a score 9.9/10 is the score …… a SERIOUS contender for N.O.T.Y.

Sir Slab comments on the run …….. VERY VERY good run was the result, well marked with interesting elements like creek crossings and the like.

Sir Slab offers a note.

Next week’s run is Aussie somewhere in the Paris end of Labrador.

POW Pizza is missing, rumored to be tied up with his harriette polishing up the prick.

The R/A is up next dressed in his off duty R/A gear, seems the papal gear is only for formal occasions now (me thinks the dry-cleaning bills are killing him)

Any charges???

KB is up first …… seems caustic has added to the poor reputation of the Gold Coast police by using the police vehicle as a taxi to get home (at 6AM) from the V8 races.

KB gives a note.

Sir Slab remarks on the lack of courtesy exhibited by Blackie having knocked an old lady over while on the hash bike ride. The lady ends up unconscious and Blackie rides on ?? The comment was “Just a bloody Kiwi!!”

Sir Slab offers a note.

Caustic gives it to missing link for falling OFF BOTH SIDES of the bridge crossing.

Old Fart gets it for his first venture into handy-man extraordinaire. If the R/A can do it anyone can is the theory!!! Wrong…….. seems all went OK with mounting the clothes dryer on the wall UNTIL it came time to open the lid of the washing machine ????????? But he (the team) won the footy on the weekend.

Bent Banana offers a “howl at the moon” note.

Moonbeams confesses to being first to lose his shiny new Hash glass……… But that’s OK acting GM “I found a box of brand new ones “.

Two Dogs is accused of stealing Nasty’s parking spot by driving up the wrong side of the road to get it. Don’t forget we are across the road from V8 Super Car headquarters. So Two Dogs figures he can do what he wants.

Nasty gives a note.

REMINDER …. Splinter lunch THIS Friday call Qwakka or Sir Rabbit to register or run the risk of missing out on the super dooper steak.

Bung is called to nominate the secret letter ……. Bit hard without a computer Acting GM .

It’s “T” of course but Bung gets a DD anyway!!!

It’s 8.45 PM and Moonbeams is twitching on this full moon night……. A world record for the shortest circle is looming!!!!

8.46 PM Moonbeams does it !!!! END OF CIRCLE …….. A record!!!

On On

KB .

Well done Bent Banana …….. Corned beef sangers for the next week .. Yum!!!