Date: 20/07/2015

Location:Advancetown

Hare: Sir Blackstump & Sir AH

       Runners: 25

Well, if we thought that run sites couldn’t get any more remote than last week’s run from the future site of Miscarriage Mansions in Gilston, we were totally wrong!! Tonight’s run commenced at the corner of Nerang-Murwillumbah Road and Beechmont Road at Advancetown, and I thought Advancetown was somewhere that had gone underwater when they built the Hinze Dam…clearly it’s still here!

The Run:

The hardy pack of runners gathered at the designated site by the side of a very busy road and we all thought this was going to be a hard run.. “no bloody flat bits around here” Caustic very casually observed and another Hasher was heard to comment “If Blackie’s had anything to do with this (which he had!) it’s going to be a prick of a run!”.

Well, both comments were pretty well on the mark. At the commencement of the run, the hares were called out, being Sir AH and Sir Blackie, and we soon found out that Sir AH was the one responsible for the nosh and Blackie had set the run. The briefing was short and to the point…”you go up into the forest, it’s marked with a bit of flour and mostly toilet paper..the paper is on your right…there’s no false trails and if you suddenly find that the paper is on your left, well it means you’re lost…and if you don’t see any paper you’re well and truly fucked!”. As a precautionary measure, some of us, including yours truly, took the precaution of having two torches in case we got lost in the wilderness.

Up hill and down dale we all went…a true “Blackie run” and luckily there were no major mishaps on the run, despite the quite treacherous hills being conquered in the pitch black. For the second week in a row it seemed that there were many more runners than walkers..is it because we’re all getting fitter or because the old geriatrics are finding it too cold to venture out on a Monday night?? Poor old dears, it will get warmer soon enough!! The numerous checks along the way succeeded in keeping us fairly close to each other…remember our credo guys… “no man left behind!!”.

We all made it back to the start where all our cars were parked and we were then given directions to the site of the On On, which was down the road at the site of a future housing development. A very impressive location indeed, particularly as we were able to use the verandah of the sales office building. “Did we get permission to be here AH?” I asked innocently, to which AH replied… “hahaha…are you kidding…they would have told us to fuck off!”…luckily there were no roving security guards to tell us to do precisely that.

Last in from the run were Two Dogs, Botcho and Blackie the hare, apparently because they were the only ones who did the whole run, as most of us missed a couple of obscure arrows on the road which re-directed us back into the bush, and only Blackie and his companions managed to spot them.

In all, a great run out in the bush!

The Nosh:

As we all arrived at the site of the On On, we were treated to the site of the trusty Hash trailer, all set up, lights blazing, the brazier emitting its welcoming warmth and the bloody walkers all sitting around comfortably crapping on to each other. Nice to see the likes of Moonbeams and Showpony back in our midst.

We all realised after a while that we were missing someone…Two Dogs, our esteemed RA…apparently his flash new $150,000 Mercedes SUV had shat itself and he had to wait for RACQ to come and get him out of trouble…apparently these over-priced shitboxes can’t be jump started like the normal cars that plebs like yours truly drive!! It took a lot of effort to keep the hungry hordes from devouring everything before Two Dogs arrived on the scene….good work Sir AH!

First course was a lovely tomato soup and Sir AH even gave me the recipe..if you’re interested, it was 15 cans of Aldi tomato soup, a generous amount of sweet chilli sauce, sugar and black pepper…brilliant! It just goes to show that fine food does not have to be complicated. The dollops of cream in each cup topped it off nicely and the croutons of toast, cut into little pieces were also a nice touch.

Mains consisted of a beautiful Thai-style chicken curry served with steamed rice…bloody lovely and heaps for us all to be able to have seconds, thirds…and in the case of those more glutinous amongst our ranks, fourths and fifths.

Dessert consisted of freshly heated apple pies with lashings of custard. Suffice to say that we were all stuffed to the gills and very satisfied with the meal. Great job AH!!….and you too Blackie, if you had anything at all to do with the nosh.

The Circle:

The circle started with an important announcement from the GM..the Hash is going “green”…commencing in August there will be a one month amnesty and all Hashers will need their own plates and dessert bowls and if you are bringing a visitor, bring one for them too. It is costing us too much money to buy “throw away” plastic plates and bowls. During the amnesty, no plate means you go to the back of the queue…after the amnesty, no plate means no nosh, unless you want to eat out of the palm of your hand!!

The Sirs will from now on be allowed to go to the front of the nosh queue, but only if accompanied by both of their parents…hmmm..here’s a thought…can you bring them along in little urns???

The run assessment was given by our visitor for today, Hot Dick from the San Franisco Gypsy Hash….his assessment… ”the run sucked!!”…bloody ungrateful Yank!! He also made some comment about Blackie having gone from 3 ply to single ply toilet paper!

Slug provided an assessment of the walk…on which he was accompanied by Sir Prince, Sir Rabbit and Link (huh? I could have sworn that Link was on the run with us).. “a very nice walk!”

Lurch gave his assessment of the nosh…in his usual understated manner…”very enjoyable!”.

Two Dogs, our venerable RA thanked the outgoing committee for the trip to Japan for five weeks and presented to the GM a bandanna as worn by the Kamikaze pilots in WWII and a ceremonial Hari-Kari sword…what a bloody suck-up!! Two Dogs failed in his undertaking to not buy any stupid clothing and now insists that we must all wear a silly hat at circle from now on…bloody hell!!

Prick of the Week passed from Caustic to Sir Blackie for having the audacity to get priority servicing at the local bike shop…these excuses are getting pretty bloody lame!!

The “Useless” shirt was passed from KB to the RA on account of his Mercedes SUV turning to shit tonight.

There were several miscellaneous charges from the floor tonight but I fear boredom is setting in..at least it is at this end, so I won’t bore you with the details. If you were there, you know what happened, if you weren’t there, you won’t give a shit anyway.

Our visitor, Hard Dick, came out to the front and announced that a fellow Gypsy Hasher, Danglin’ Anglin’, had recently passed away, apparently falling off a cliff on a Hash run and he had indicated that if he was to pass away, he wanted his favorite Hash shirt to be burnt in a fire at an Australian hash, many of which he remembered with fondness, so up in flames went the shirt accompanied by a rendition of the Hash Hymn…RIP…fuck him indeed!

Mention must be made of the monumental efforts of our elder statesmen, Moonbeams and Showpony for lugging the firewood up the hill while we all ran…good on you guys..on on!

Circle ended with the usual rendition by Moonbeams.

Next week’s run…a RABBIT theme as it is Bugs Bunny’s 75^th birthday. Get out your best Rabbit gear. Top prize for the  best dressed Rabbit.

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

The weeks Pictures

Date: 13/07/2015

Location:Gilston

Hare: Miscarriage

       Runners: 20

Tonight’s run was from the future site of Miscarriage Mansions at the end of Blackstump Drive in Gilston, also known to most of us who hug the coastal fringe as out in the middle of bloody nowhere!

The masses, all twenty of us, eventually managed to make our way down to the spot where the trailer was to be set up, but at 6.15pm there was still one notable absence from the gathering, the hare! Just in the nick of time came the words “I’m fucking here, what are youse all going on about??” and a quick explanation of the run walk was duly provided… “walkers, there’s a street walk and a bush walk…who wants to do the street walk?” …to which there was not one single response. “This is going to be a bloody debacle!” uttered Sir Prince Valiant…and Rock Hard was heard to say “where’s the fire?…let’s just put the food on now!”. The run was to be marked by toilet paper and as the terrain of the future Miscarriage Mansions is somewhat hilly, the hare stated “you blokes that are running are not going to come back feeling cold”. With cries of “on on” and “fuck, it’s bloody freezing!”, off we all set into the dark.

The Run:

Apart from the assurance that we would not come back feeling cold and most of us having a good knowledge of the terrain, we had no idea where we were going to be led until we set off and Missing Link immediately observed “this is just going to be the reverse of the last run we did here!” as we all set off up a 45 degree incline. Up, up and up we all seemed to go, with most of us walking up the hills rather than running. At one point there was the hare, standing at the top of a hill directing us all onto the next hill and he was heard to utter the words “come on, you blokes are supposed to be running!” which was met with a few colourful responses from many of us.

In true Hash tradition, several of us were left behind, namely yours truly, Iceman and Missing Link, with the pack having long disappeared over into the next valley as we made it to the top of a massive hill. Thanks to Missing Link, we were able to find the trail again, but only after yours truly had tripped through a barbed wire fence, thinking that the trail might have gone through it. At a large arrow marked with toilet paper, the aforementioned trio decided to follow it and it wasn’t a long way home from there, and we didn’t realise that the arrow was intended for the walkers only, with the runners supposed to continue on away from base camp. Oh well, we’d done enough, stuff running any more, so back it was to get into the entrees before the runners doing the whole run came back…fuck them!

It was bloody ages before they all came back in, complaining about how long a run it was, how hilly it was and all other manner of whingeing and moaning. At least we had left them heaps of the entrée snags!! We “early returners” had of course grabbed all of the best seats around the blazing fire, beaten only by those who had shortened the run or walk even more, including Jigsaw, Ferrett, Miscarriage’s father, KB, Lurch and Sir AH, all of whom seemed very settled and giving the impression that they had been nowhere other than to their cars to get their fleeces.

Apart from complaining that no prick was drinking the VB, our booze master, Weekly, apparently had taken Miscarriage Snr under his wing and had walked with him to the first bit of toilet paper and then promptly turned around and came back.

It was observed that most of us, despite the blazing fire, still stood around freezing our bollocks off on this lovely winter’s evening, apart of course from last year’s hierarchy, all of whom had donned their arctic quality jackets that they had generously provided to themselves whilst on hierarchy…to quote Rock Hard.. “yep, we had our snouts in the trough, but we sacrificed our Paris trip to get these!!”

The Nosh:

The hare indicated, probably as a warning that “last year I got trailer nosh of the year and I wanted to make sure that I put myself right out of contention this year!”. Oh dear!! Despite this warning, entrees consisted of snags and white bread…great on a cold winter’s night! Mains was rump steak sandwiches with salad, desert was a couple of Aldi cheesecakes. Not too shabby at all really, so well done Miscarriage.

The Circle:

Our venerable GM made the decision that circle would be a sitting down affair around the brassiere, which by now was blazing hot and spewing embers in all directions, with most of copping them, depending on wind direction.

It was noted that KB was dressed in his now customary hash gear, full business attire with not one item of hash clothing to be seen. Isn’t that a rule 1.1.2 infringement?? Certainly enough to earn himself the down-down that he got.

Asked to comment on the run, Bent Banana’s response was “that’s a bloody good fire!”.

Ferrett was asked to comment on the food… ”the steaks looked nice before they went on the BBQ!” and Lurch (who??, where’s he been??) in gentlemanly fashion commented “lovely!”.

Miscarriage Snr and Lurch were called out for their down-downs as returning runners. Welcome back guys. It was suggested to Miscarriage Snr that he must be proud of his son, to which he responded “why???”.

Sir PV told a yarn about another one of Miscarriage’s debacles involving a farewell to SPV’s French daughter…no more need be said on that topic other than confusion in Miscarriage’s mind about Australian and French farewell customs. Another down down for Miscarriage!

Caustic informed the circle about the debacles with the Simpson Desert splinter group..apparently Slab has left Freddie’s sleeping bag at home and the temperature out there at night is -8.0 centigrade..he’s bound to be popular and should get a down-down for that one when he gets back.

Prick of the Week went from Rock Hard to Caustic this week and of course this was met with howls of protest by the recipient, saying this is all bullshit and trumped up charges! Suck it up Petal, you’re not immune from this stuff anymore!!

Next week’s run will be a joint effort between Sir AH and Sir Blackstump and will be from the corner of Nerang-Advancetown Road and Beechmont Road..another bloody trek out into the wilderness for us coastal dwellers!

End of circle announced by Ferrett… “about time I got the fucking honour of doing this…end of circle!!”

On On

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This weeks pictures

The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!

About The Hash Relay

Date: 6/07/2015

Location:Surfers Paradise

Hare: Hard On and helpers

Runners: 28

The Run:

Ohhhh this was certainly going to be an interesting night! Firstly, it was at MacIntosh Island, a well-trodden location for most of us by now and thus likely to be fairly predictable, or so most of us thought.

The first bit of unpredictable behaviour was the announcement by the hare, Hard On, that “this is an unmarked run guys..there’s no chalk” with the run being conducted on the basis of the appointment by Hard On of several “marshals” at various points along the run to indicate to us where we were to proceed to the next “marshal”. These “marshals” consisted of three members of the Warriors Premier Cycling Troupe, namely Swindler, Shat and Kwakka, all riding their trusty steeds from point to point and giving us clear instructions as to where to go. “Field Marshall” Hard On stayed back at headquarters to organise the troops responsible for assistance with kitchen duties and other roles associated with looking after base camp, including stopping those pesky walkers from hoeing into all the goodies before the runners got back to base. This was apparently a lesson learnt from last week when the runners allegedly missed out due to the voracious appetites of the walkers and the hash debacle that took place in having the food out before everybody came back in, leaving some runners with no food and having to lick the pots clean to get some sustenance.

The second bit of unpredictability was when we were all shepherded onto the Sundale Bridge..most of us thinking “oh yeah, here we go again…yawn, yawn…..across to Queen Street, down Ferry Road and across Chevron Island and back home” but no, it was not to be! The “marshall” positioned almost at the northern end of the bridge whispered “false trail” to those of us approaching him huffing and puffing…with some responding with “we’re going to chuck your bloody bike over the bridge you prick!”…back we then went over Sundale Bridge, around the cove to the Southport Yacht Club, across into the park and down towards the surf club where we were met by a drink stop, with several cold crownies being offered to the runners…but with those of us on the SRS (SlugRugShat) diet politely declining as beer is verboten on the diet.

Down the beachfront we then proceeded, across the bridge back into MacIntosh Park and to the base camp to be greeted by the Field Marshal and his underlings, all scurrying around getting the nosh ready. In all, a fairly predictable run with some interesting twists and for a “city run”, not too shabby at all…an easy way to ease back into running for yours truly after 780 km of cycling in FNQ.

I can only guess that the run consisted of a stroll up to the beach, but I did hear that a pub was found somewhere along the way!

The Nosh:

Hard On has truly impressed with his nosh…first course being cups of vichyssoise soup with dollops of sour cream, traditionally being a leek and potato-based soup but tonight being substituted by pumpkin….comments included “the best hash soup I’ve ever had (Phantom)”, “not bad soup, eh? (Ferrett)” and “the sweetener before we get the carcinogenic chicken (Iceman)”.

Main course consisted of lovely grilled breast of chicken fillets, with bacon, coleslaw, pineapple and tomato served on fresh burger buns. Unlike what I am told happened last week, there was an abundance of food and some hashers were seen to go for seconds and thirds of everything, whilst some just hovered around the bbq plates and picked off morsels that they fancied. There certainly was no reason to go hungry tonight!!

Dessert was courtesy of Hard-On’s bakery mate…beautiful apple slice…some of which obviously didn’t travel too well, but was nevertheless extremely tasty, and served up with generous dollops of first grade ice-cream.

The Circle:

Circle tonight started with Moonbeams announcing “start of circle!”…gee, this is getting formal under the new hierarchy!

The GM enquired of Hard On as to the theme of his run, to which came the response “I’ve no fucking idea!”. The GM responded with a clue, donning a large hat with an American flag on it…of course!! American Independence Day…hence the theme of tonight’s run is exactly that…most befitting of the apple pie and the grilled chicken..very American indeed!

Comments on the run were sought from those gathered and Iceman immediately started…”ha ha ha!!..the checks were extraordinary….like a Cook’s tour of Europe” and Caustic observing “we were basically led astray by a bunch of cyclists…or should I say the Wobbly Wankers!!”.

Weekly commented on the walk, describing it as “superb”, no doubt due to Nasty’s observation that the beer stop on Tedder Avenue was the bit that was superb.

Down-Downs:

First out for a down-down were Hard On and his three marshals for the run and nosh then came further DD’s for Fucknucke and Mr D. It turns out that Fucknuckle is a “foundation member” having been in it some 20 years ago and only now making his return….”I was a little bit sick” he says…Welcome back!!. Turns out that Fucknuckle’s brother was called “Fucks with Arrows” due to a propensity to rub them out on runs and when his brother said “I suppose you’re going to call me something stupid like Fucknuckle now”…Fucknuckle it was!! Gotta love the cruelty of the hash! He decided to not seek a change of name lest it be something even more offensive.

Iceman was presented with his 100 run t-shirt and proceeded to tell one of his appalling (but funny) jokes, thus earning him a DD.

Moonbeams was presented with his T-Shirt for his 600^th run…commenting “shouldn’t it be 1600?” to which came the reply from the crowd..”it’s only for this hash you twit!” .

Poor old KB was called out to the front and congratulated for running between the bbq shelters…it qualifies as a run and it is great to see him turn over a new leaf as a confirmed athlete, unlike last year when he did bugger all other than cook and be GM. KB was also castigated for not having his POW regalia on during circle.

Swindler copped a DD for having three roosters on his Chevron Island ponderosa and all of them going off at 5.00am…surely impressing the neighbours no end!

Nasty and Hard On were called to the centre stage and Nasty recounted how Hard On had secured the site for tonight’s nosh, including chatting up a chicky-babe from Chile, surely the reason why he had forgotten to mark out the run and having to resort to his mates acting as marshalls.

KB nominated Rock Hard for putting the gourmet back into the hash last week (not!!!).

Charges from the floor came from Caustic against KB for neglecting to invite any of the hash to the chairman’s lounge at the Suns match, to which he took his A-list wife. A well deserved DD for that one! To compound the humiliation, KB was also awarded the “Useless” shirt.

Sir Prince Valiant recounted one of Miscarriage’s adventures in Cambodia…well, at least that’s where his wife thought he was, meantime he was off in Phuket, Thailand, at a hash event.

Phew!!…I think that’s all for today folks!!

Moonbeams did his duty calling “end of circle” in time for us all to race home to watch Q&A or the Tour de France.

A FINAL NOTE – thank you to Caustic for filling in for me doing the words the last couple of weeks AND to all of you who very generously contributed to myself and my wife in our fundraising for the Cairns to Karumba bike ride, a big thankyou!!

On on,

Fanny Charmer

On-Sec

This weeks pictures

The Annual Hash Relay is on our door step this year. Truck Tyres and your Hierarchy needs numbers for our team!!

About The Hash Relay

Date: 29/06/2015

Location: Mudgeeraba

Hare: Rock Hard

Runners: 22

WHERE is the RA ???  RAIN RAIN RAIN !!!

Suffice to say the precipitation was enough to scare off all but the hardy Hashers (and those who want a night away from the “trouble & strife”)

At just after 6.15 the GM called the rabble to order and the Hare Rockhard gave the run briefing; on chalk (And its raining yeh right !) and the walkers follow the chalk but if there isn’t any chalk “keep walking” and the you will cross the runners trail but “keep walking” and if you see trail marks in the wrong direction just “keep walking” til you get back here ! Circumference was heard to say “why is it that the longer you are in Hash the harder it is to understand the Hare’s briefings” ? One of the conundrums of the day !

Remember the 80/20 rule now applies to our Hash; 80% Walk and 20% Run !

Anyway, off went the pack, rugged up in thick waterproof jackets  against the wind, rain and wet conditions, and headed off towards Mudgeeraba Village centre thru to the Caltex overpass thru Robina via Laver drive then under the underpass and back thru the “shiggy” ; approx. 8.3 kms for the Runners but most walkers ignored the Hare’s briefing and got lost at the Mudgeeraba roundabout when the trail ran out and then came home!

Moonbeams, Weekly and the Stand-In Scribe took the decision to have a motorised run but ran out of petrol at the Woodchoppers Inn; how convenient as the warm wood fire and delicious cold beer was a welcome waiting spot whilst we awaited the RACQ ! Or something like that !!

We arrived back at the venue to see the Hare getting ever increasingly “frazzled” as the Nosh was ready but the pack had not returned in full; Never leave a man behind !!! that was until Rockhard delivered to the concrete stoop of the Mudgeeraba Music Hall the “Penne bolognaise” and baguettes (with protective rain film); the Pack descended, like the rabid dogs they are, on the warm sustenance with nary a glance at the late arrivals! FX#K them (munch munch) slow karnts (munch munch) is there enough for 2nds (munch munch) yeh dig in mate (munch munch).

Late arrival Link (soaking wet, dirty and cold ) looking, like “Oliver” with his bowl extended, got a few measly scraps and then ( I will always be haunted by the sight !) SPV manfully acquired the slops pot and with the last few bits of stale bread left by the Pack wiped the pot clean; Rockhard was heard to say “at least I wont have to wash that pot” !!

** Late information has come to hand that the Hare had another pot of Nosh on the stove at home !!!! These reserves were reserved ?

 Dessert was “on special” offer from Aldi with a choice of canned peaches or mixed fruit with “out of date” Neopolitan ice-cream ! HMMMMM Gourmet Hash ???

The “Standing” Nosh (as there were no chairs or tables) on the concrete stoop was accompanied by a drum cacophony (A drum cacophony is a drum symphony created and played by a drug crazed Deaf Society); drum practice finished at 8:10 and turned the lights off during circle (More on the circle later)

Circle Report

Rockhard was called out and Flasher gave the run report using his new pink “toy” watch (A xmas gift to his wife) to support his claim he hadn’t short-cutted; on trail was his claim but we ALL know the truth Flasher ??!!

Bent Banana gave it a good but long run in the conditions with long distances between chalk marks; in conclusion he determined it was too F#XKing wet and too F#Xking long !

Walkers report was the usual confused senile dribble of being on trail, til they lost trail, and so they reversed trail, and somehow found their way home !!

As reported earlier at this juncture the punctured eardrums were mercifully saved when drum practise stopped and the lights went out ! End of Circle ???? Noooooooooooooooooooooo !! But wait there’s more ?!!

• Shat got a D/D for his latest tea leaf diet scam netting him millions
• Flasher got a D/D for stealing his wife’s xmas pink “toy” (never seen a buzzing “watch” before Flasher!!)
• Swindler grovelled that he hadn’t missed Josephine in the Year Book and referred to page 20a); both Swindler & Josephine got D/D
• Link asked if anyone had picked up his $20 pocket money which he had lost between the car and the concrete stoop; ALL Hashers eyes went to the heavens or to their muddy boots but seemingly no one had noticed or picked up the missing “lobster” ?!???! hmmm

In support of the photographic evidence from yours truly the Stand-In Scribe describing the drunken exploits of Headjob & Swallow (his missus) at his birthday party at the Curry Muncher this was followed by SPV complaining that they then had a birthday party on Sat night just down the street from him which finished only after the 3^rd attendance by the police; SPV is very worried that house prices may fall as the neighbourhood is in decline since the Welsh git and his soap dodging Pommie wife have moved into the area!!

Hash Investigators made further inquiries and the drunken party in question may have been “next door” !!?? The Jury is OUT !

 NEWS FLASH

Caustic Crusader went down to Chevron this morning and there was an Indian protest going on outside the Curry Muncher

I think it had something to do with the drunkin fiasco outside their restaurant last night…!!!!

Martin outside the curry Muncher

Circle end was called at 8:30 by the GM and Moonbeams abdicated his traditional right of “ending” to Josephine !

PS: The stand-In Scribe got home to Miss SA to be told your home too early and should have stopped for a beer on the way home !!! Funnily I’m sure I heard the back door shutting ??????

THIS WEEKS PICTURES

On On

Caustic Crusader