YOU COULD BE BOOZE MASTER IN

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Run: 1958

Date: 11/5//2015

Location: Carrara

Hares: Bent Banana

Runners: 34

Gold Coast Gourmet Hash

The Sewerage Memorial Run

Payment for AGPU is now overdue

• Dress:   Formal – Hash Tails
• Starts Time: Broadbeach 4:30pm Sharp

Don’t be late and miss the big opening event

Warrior Nasty recovering from major surgery. He confirms that he will be attending the AGPU.

The photos is self-explanatory …not a happy hasher day.

Sewerage Memorial Run 1958 with Bent Banana

Promoted by Bent Banana as the Annual Sewerage Memorial Run and time for reflection of our past Hashmen.

34 dedicated athletes circled around Bent Banana once again at Alambe Gardens Cemetery Nerang – Broadbeach Rd. Carrara as he issued the run instructions.The pre-run briefing from Bent Banana was lots of waffle and there were those mumbled words …

“go that way and find the very well marked trail with flour and chalk ” .and then adding those immortal words .Only a bloody moron can get lost as we all know the way ”

After last few months of the so called Best Bush Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Nosh of the Year this was looking a hard act to follow by Bent Banana for this totally predictable annual event.

The Run

Bent Banana had spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked through the cemetery and across the park .As he had past experience all expected it to be a the usual run.

However it appears Bent Banana spent a considerable time planning this run considering the recent debacle last time we ran this trail and from all reports it was an excellent run!!!

As usual Sir Blackie , Brewtus ,Rug , Circumference ,Fanny Charmer and Botcho were leading the runners through the graveyard.

The runners moved forward passing walkers who somehow seemed to merge at the planned places .Well done Bent Banana for your organisation of a good trail in very predictable territory.

On On was then called several times on the run as the group all moved and cris-crossed each other in the bush and across the park . It appears that after recent runs in very high grass and mud Bent Banana had arranged to have the whole area mowed and dried out before the run..very thoughtful Bent Banana.

Ballpoint , Aussie ,Truck Tyres and 2 Dogs soon became leading runners and were reported as putting out their lights so fellow hashers would get lost ..is this really true??

All runners this week did do the full run and it was by all accounts an excellent run and unlike the previous debacles.

The run time was 34.25 minutes with distance of 4.25 Km and covering an area of 2 sq Km.( no wonder no one got lost). The run was 22 metres uphill with 19 metres downhill..In other words a very tight run .

Ballpoint celebrated a milestone tonight with 50 runs.Well done Ballpoint.

Brewtus and Flasher somehow managed to get back first again ..well done.. Two Dogs, and Missing Link came in next in 34.35 min followed by Truck Tyres ,Rug and Fanny Charmer, Jospephine and Circumference in 35.69.

New Run Critic Lartine who ran all the way noted it was a very well marked run with new territory for this location.

Run Critic 2 Dogs “ Great well marked run with more Zigging than Zaggin. Hare Bent Banana put in a lot of effort and experience for this run.

Circumference also got in on the act and commented “Amazing how Bent Banana found new territory after all the runs from here” while Sir Blackie commented it was very nice of BB to mow the grass..

Great effort Bent Banana for an excellent run in very familiar territory.

The Walkers

As always a big group of walkers raced out with the Runners. As there was no trailer on cemetary location our Grand Master for the first time in 45 Hash Runs actually did the walk…..Unbelievable!!

The dedicated professional walkers led by GM with Show Pony ,Shat, Kwakka , Swindler, Jigsaw, Blue Card, Rock Hard all quickly moved down the hill and somehow soon reappeared to the safety of the cemetary allegedly to assist Sir Slab, Sir Rabbit and Ferrett prepare for the ceromony.

Now Loved completed the walk in record time while Hard On returned late in a lather of sweat.( not sure where he walked??)

What great comraderie these brave bunch of Hash Walkers continue to experience.

The Memorial Service

[fvplayer src=”http://www.goldcoasthash.org/wp-content/uploads/run-1958.mov” width=”568″ height=”320″]

Once again 34 hashers gathered around the gravesite with many wondering how long before they too would be there!! Hopefully a long time yet!!

Ballpoint paused to reflect that his best friend Brian who attended a few of our Hash runs recently passed away suddenly and was listening nearby to the proceedings.

Sir Slab gave an long oration on his old friend Sewerage who passed away 21 years ago. It appears that part of the hash trail they were running was across the roof of the train they were traveling on in NZ. Sewerage fell off the train roof and passed away a month later from brain hemorrage ..RIP

Ferrett also gave a rendition on several past hashers while as usual Sir Rabbit provided background music with sounds taken from Sewerage of his notorious after dinner farting performances.

The CIRCLE

The Circle was called under the high arches of Grace-Banana Land. Fantastic venue and very well set up for the Gourmet Hash. Bent Banana was looking as a very good contender for Trailer Nosh of the Year as a late candidate.

Great fire with logs donated by Sir Blackie kept the group warm and in good spirits.

The Nosh

Presentation was perfect.

First course of Tomato Soup with fresh parmansan cheese went down well. Flashers bowl would have fed 10 people and this may be the reason the soup ran out.

Report from Food Critic Now Loved as top quality food with EXCELLENT POINTS for every course.

A big thank you for Grand Master KB and Aussie as well as the others that lent a hand in the preparation of the nights nosh and of course Bent Banana for providing great nosh and setting the excellent run.

For the record:

• Steaks were Black Angus Grass Fed
• Potates & pumpkin roasted to perfection
• Fried rice reportedly leftover from Thirsty Thursday weekend
• Fresh fruit salad of Melon ,Bananas and Pineapples purchased from the local Fruit farm outlet with Ice Cream

For the Hare & Nosh Chef Bent Banana it was always going to be a hard act to follow after the effort by Miscarriage’s that at this stage is high ranked as one of “The Best Trailer Bush Nosh of the Year?”

As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet. It was unlimited help yourself food so many had second helpings as long as you got in quick.

Well done Bent Banana for providing the meal with NO outsourcing from Mrs BB …a great effort that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of quality and true HASH Nosh in a great location.

DD to:

It was noted that several sacrilegious events occurred at the ceremony site that should be severely punished.

• Shat was alleged to have thrown his wine glass onto a grave site.
• 2 Dogs was alleged to have been seen urinating on a grave site.
• Cumsmoke was seen as willfully ignoring the somber event by making a phone call during the ceremony
• Rock Hard was seen spilling wine on the gravesite while pouring the blessed wine
• Bent Banana as Hare and Nosh Chef for a great run and great nosh
• Now Loved as returning runner from Bali where he was a witness for the Gourmet Hash at the recent executions
• Truckie for leaving has kit bag behind
• BJ as visitor & friend of Show Pony

Prick of the Week

Given by Flasher to Shat who delegated the DD to his proxy Latrine.

Report by GM

Yes .this is our GM in full attire after enjoying the first walk of the year. He did promise that this year it will be his goal “to get fit with great walks followed by Gourmet food that he will personally supervise.”

Bent Banana who recently returned from a trip to Vietnam bought back a gift for the GM. However he felt should go to Caustic. The mini hand grenade he then rolled to Caustic exploded under Caustic feet to his great shock. For the first time it seemed Caustic was lost for words.

GM advised that that next week run will be by Swollen Colon and fireworks are guaranteed once again.

End of CIRCLE …….by JOSEPHINE @ 9.50 pm

Swindler

Run: 1957

Date: 4/5//2015

Location: Carrara

Hares: The Sirs

Runners: 39

Run 1957 – The Sirs Run. Gold Coast Hash Birthday. It all started just around the corner from tonight’s location, way back in 1978.

The #1 run venue has long gone.  Surfers Paradise raceway

The Sirs Run…it was always going to be a special one, wasn’t it? All of us had fond memories of last year’s Sirs Run from Sir Rabbit’s house and the delectable (no, I am not kidding!) English sausages that he provided. Apparently, and tragically, I am assured by Sir Rabbit that they are no longer available.

Tonight’s run started with the hash trailer having to be expertly manoeuvred through the gap in the fence and into the park off Hickey Road at Carrara. There were millimetres to spare and as yours truly was at the back of the trailer, pushing on it so it didn’t roll down the hill at breakneck speed, several other hashers were at the other end pushing it down the hill!! Nearly a hash debacle with yours truly almost squashed under the trailer.

The troops gathered and Sir AH proceeded to put up a giant galvanised pipe flagpole, strapping it to the lightpole above the barbeque area and shorting out the light in the process! Luckily we are totally self sufficient for power with the hash trailer.

When the trailer flaps were put up we all looked on with astonishment at the sight of the new tables and chairs. Gone were the crappy black chairs that were all falling apart, all replaced with beautiful new red padded chairs and mould-free tables!!

The RUN:

A record number of runners set off for a run that had been set by Sir Slab, who swept the trail on his mountain bike, ensuring that we did not stray too far off course. As there had been about half a metre of rain over the weekend, we knew we were in for it in terms of mud and other shiggy. We were not disappointed and the run went through some quite treacherous territory, but luckily no mishaps by Miscarriage or other runners. All got back safe and sound, albeit a little soggy and muddy, but all agreed it had been a great run. Two Dogs and yours truly clocked it at 6.5km. Sir Blackie must have found the run boring because he engaged in frivolous shenanigans, including stomping past runners in the muddy bits, throwing up mud and slush all over us and on several occasions also trying to shove runners in order to throw them off balance and fall into the mud. Luckily nobody succumbed to these vile tactics!!

There were a record number of runners tonight, approximately 20!! Congratulations guys and nice to see the less than frequent runners such as Arseup, Cumsmoke, Pile Driver, Latrine and Seedy running with us tonight

A last comment about the run was that it kept the runners together, including, unbelievably…Flasher!! At one stage we all thought we must have been off trail and on one of Flasher’s wild goose chases as he stayed with us all the way!

The walkers all complained that Shat had gotten them totally lost in the backblocks of Carrara, at one stage being heard to mutter the words “Errr…I think I’ve got the map upside down!!”. Four hardy souls apparently did the full walk…hmmm…so 4 walkers plus 20 runners equals 24…take that away from the 39 attendees tonight and that makes 15 others who probably just hung around and drank all of our red wine!!

The NOSH:

The sirs did NOT disappoint…starters were some lovely spring rolls and dumplings, all fried to perfection in the hash woks. Sir AH walked around serving everybody and making sure we all got some of the goodies. Main course was a lovely Thai style chicken curry with vegetables and bamboo shoots and with rice cooked to perfection, although somebody had the audacity to complain that it was “gluggy”…don’t listen to them Sir Rabbit..it was great!…as were your sausages last year! Latrine was effusive in his praise of the Nosh…what a gentleman! Sir AH excelled himself in the preparation of desserts…lovely jelly and fruit cups topped with flavoured yoghurt…and Mrs Charmer enjoyed some of the left overs that I took home to her!

The CIRCLE:

First things first….Weekly was called out and immediately iced for telling the GM to fuck off! Argument ensued for several minutes as to why Weekly considered it necessary to have uttered those words but this won him no favour and the ice it was! Visitors and returning runners were welcomed and the GM was showered with gifts, however undeserving and unappreciative he may have been!

The GM announced that due to the black hole in hash finances now being so huge due to the purchase of the new hash furniture, the Paris trip for the hierarchy is now cancelled.

Congratulations were given to all the Sirs on their great run and nosh…well deserved it was too!

Returning runners this week are Flasher, Pile Driver, Seedy and Miscarriage. Visitors are son and step-son of Sir Prince and their friend Matthew from the UK. Welcome guys and a well deserved down-down for bringing our average age down considerably.

Mme Latrine was called out to the front and castigated by the RA for his antics at the Splinter Lunch, essentially draining everybody else’s bottles of wine! The icing that he received was however not for that but for his deviant act in seat-sniffing…those of you who are interested can obtain more details from the RA at your leisure…the details should not go into print lest they offend some of our non-hash readers!

Truckie was, as usual called out to the front and iced, this time for sending a stupid email to Missing Link about the car rally. It is in the carpark of Outback Australia that we are meeting, is that perfectly clear Truckie??

P.O.W passed from Iceman to Flasher this week, for the offence of breaching carpooling protocols. The Useless shirt has gone walkabout with none of us having any idea who has it!!

Moonbeams performed his usual duty at the END OF CIRCLE. (He actually tried to do it about half an hour before circle closed!)

I think that is all I can think of this week…

Signing off for now…

Fanny Charmer

Substitute to the Substitute to the Hash Scribe

Date: Sunday 26th April, 2015

Location: Sir Slab’s Pad. Mermaid Waters.

Great Company

Bike ride

Refreshments

Nibbles

Danny Boy

Poetry

Remembrance

Food

more refreshments

Home

Pictures

Run: 1954

Date:13/04/2015

Location: Ashmore

Hare: Aussie

Runners: 33

Sir Prince Valiant recruits new member

Sir Prince has just announced that he has start a new running group. He can’t believe the response he has had after posting a picture of his first new recruit.                                                 Number One Locker Holder

Statistics released from The United Nations  reveal that:

Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year.

This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.

Tonight’s run commenced from  Eastern end car park outside Aquinas College on Turnbull Drive near Edmund Rice Drive (that description came from Aussie himself, our hare for tonight) and at this point I am very tempted to wrap up my report with the words “we came, we ran, we ate, we mucked around in circle, we fucked off home” and wish you all a good night!!!! You may well ask why this thought came to mind…..and the answer is that I am sure you will all be heartily sick of my fellow stand-in scribe’s rantings and ravings in previous run reports. Ballpoint, my fellow stand-in scribe, for whom I have a good deal of respect as an experienced hashman, surely does like the feeling of seeing copious amounts of his own words on screen!! I shall endeavour to not do the same this week.

The theme of the run:

Clearly the majority of our hash is illiterate or simply don’t give a fuck for protocols…a mere handful of us wore jerseys representing our favorite teams of whatever persuasion. Yours truly wore his 2010 Spanish soccer world cup winners’ jersey…the real McCoy mind you and deservedly did take out the prize for the best team outfit…and as a reward received a re-gifted bottle of “wine” given to the GM by a hashman whose identity now escapes me…might it have been Caustic who brought it over from South Africa…all I can say is nice fuckin’ water…prick!! Very bloody funny!!…but it’s what I have come to now expect from the Hash.

The Run:

A nice run with a bit of street, a bit of park, a scramble up a gravel-encrusted hill, some shiggy through shitty-smelling swamp water and generally being well marked with chalk, toilet paper and flour. Given that it was in the middle of Southport/Ashmore, not a bad effort at all Aussie! The run measured in at about 6.2km according to my mate Strava and Two Dogs’ techno-watch.

The Nosh:

Another great effort Aussie…you are certainly in the running for nosh of the year! The entrée consisted of chicken wings which were quickly devoured by all and sundry and the main meal…oh, the main meal…this is what the Gourmet Hash is all about…the most succulent lamb (or was it beef) that I have tasted in a long time, served up with lovely mash and peas. Dessert consisted of some nice “off the shelf” black forest cheese cake…at first it looked like a typical Hash debacle with the tops of the cakes burnt to a crisp but it turns out that this is how they are supposed to look!

The mystery grog:

Nobody owned up to the generous donation of the four or so mystery bottles of wine that miraculously appeared on our table, but to whomever was the generous benefactor, thanks heaps. I really enjoyed several glasses of the Boronia marsala. Can’t go wrong with that stuff!!

Circle:

Tonight was a big welcome back to several runners whom we haven’t seen for quite a while. Swollen Colon surprisingly running out of his own postcode…it’s a long way from 4217 to 4215! Cumsmoke also put in an appearance, Caustic made it back safely from RSA but rumour has it that he’s married Ms South Africa and she’s up the duff…don’t know if there’s any truth in that one. Two dogs and several of the other NZ travellers made an appearance tonight as did other wandering minstrels like Nasty and Slug…but where the hell has Truckie disappeared to??? Two Dogs brought back an ideal gift for GM…an excessively long willie warmer. Shat presented the GM with some stolen merchandise from a NZ pub…a Guiness hat.

Icings a plenty tonight…you can tell that Caustic is back as RA..Miscarriage was on there, Jigsaw was on there…and was Sir Prince? I cannot remember now, but I do know that he and Carefree were called to the front for talking in the lines.

That’s about all for this run…I hope that you all enjoy the relative brevity of words.

Fanny Charmer,

Substitute to the Substitute to the Hash Scribe