RUN 1862
Date :8/7/2013
Location: Tallebudgera
HARE: Moonbeams
Runners: 23

A run set by Moonbeams in the middle of winter was destined to be a “pub run” and true to form we set off from the car park at Tallebudgera Surf Club.

About 12 runners and 11 walkers trekked along the beachfront, over the bridge, under the bridge, back over the bridge, around Burleigh Hill……. I am sure you get the picture.

Moonbeams had negotiated a very cost efficient “2 for1″ at the Surf Club with the only problem half the members had to choose a ” special friend” to order the meal with. Not sure why they couldn’t have simply given a 50% discount.

The GM in attendance for 2 weeks in a row called circle up which was in reality a rectangle. Rug described the run as a clever run as did Botcho and both rated it an 8.5. The ACCC has reportedly launched an investigation into collusive scoring. Link offered a third opinion and said he was marking it down as he had run into a house on the top of Burleigh Hill and of course gave Moonbeams a big serve.

Some mathematical genius then suggested the correct rating was 7.85!

Jigsaw recently returned from representing the GC Hash presented the GM with an ” adult toy” all the way from the backstreets of Amsterdam. Ferret back from a 5900k round trip to Cape York returned empty handed, Nasty reported Head Job was getting Christmas Island under control but was going on leave to the old country for a few months. Missing Link acting as an unlicensed travel agent and group tour guide had organised a hash bike tour in the Philippines leaving in a few days but unfortunately 6 of the group have had their connecting flight cancelled. DD’s for all!

Blackie reported a tale of misfortune involving the Hash Trailer and Rectum. Apparently Rectum had skilfully towed the trailer down from Tamborine Mt and on the final round about at Gilston 1K from Blackies ranch when the trailer decided to imitate the Killer Whales on Fraser Island and had beached itself on its side on the round-about!

Damage is about $500 but the upside is we have a strong contender for a new award – The POD ( Prick Of The Decade) award!

Caustic advised that Sir Rabbit had run his 20 th half Marathon last weekend and had received an award from Robert de Castella. Great effort Rabbit – come back soon for a DD!

Shat called out several suspects being the non attenders at Mt Tamborine for the POW.

When asked for his reason for non attendance VD responded in a fit of honesty “because it was f******ng raining!” He was awarded the POW and told he should wear it for the next 2 weeks in the Philippines!
Not sure what happened after this!! I’d had e few red wines by this stage.
Thanks to Moonbeams for a great night
On On
Blue Card

AFTER SURGERY QUERY

She asked,How long will it be before I am able to have a normal sex life again doctor?”

“You’ll be fine,” he said.

The surgeon seemed to pause, and a small tear ran down his cheek from the corner of his eye, which alarmed the girl.

“What’s the matter Doctor? I will be all right, won’t I?”

He replied, Yes, you’ll be fine. It’s just that no one has ever asked me that after having their tonsils out.”

Run 1861
Date 1/7/13
Hare Rectum
Venue Mount Tambourine

About 20 runners turned up with Miscarriage turning up during the run and then having the temerity to castigate all and sundry for having gone without him; notwithstanding the fact that he was late.

The night was not one for the faint hearted as we could no be criticised for thinking we were at Everest base camp. Rectum’s sail making skills saved the night. The hardy turn ups were rewarded with an on the house dinner, fine that it was, due entirely to the cohersive skills of Blackie and the Grand Masters’ benevolence.

Circle was called and all huddled around trying to keep out of view of Shat (prick carrier).
Grand Master thundered that the wet weather sooks would be brought to account at another time.
Truck Tyres rated the run as good for what he saw of it.
Two Dogs commented on the nice bush and having run 4 Kilometres in 32 minutes rated it an 8/10.
Prince leapt straight into his role as food critic stating the dessert as somewhere between a brick cake and a rock cake. Stuffed up though mistaking garlic bread for pizza; hope yet. Rated it close to 8.
Link, not to be outdone, rated the garlic bread the best he had ever had: first time probably. Rectum did the obligatory Down Down.
Croc gave the walk 10/10 and being so fit didn’t even raise a sweat. Red cheeks though at the start of Circle.
Two Dogs , resplendent in his Racoon hat, knocked up 900 runs. Just think, in four to five years he could be Sir Dog. Great effort considering the sabbatical.
Blackie was called out, looking not unlike Rasputin and did Two dogs effort over by 92 runs. Down Down’s for both.

Returning runner R.A. was called up admitting to cavorting around Cambodia and copped a Down Down.

Grand Master, in from the cold, stated that all the considerable powers of H.A.S.H (Harrow All Suspicious Happenings) ,would be employed to find who instigated the petition ,calling for the Hierarchy to be tossed out. Insurrection he growled Someone threatened to use a banana on Banana in a most uncomfortable way.

R A duly stepped forward and offered a lot of advice and musings.

Reference was made to US spy planes, prison brothers, before moving to Cambodia and family hotel rooms, young tour guides, accompanying hashers, Testicles, Slut and Flasher representing us admirably, Rabbit as roving Ambassador, the run being the worst in twenty years, plastic plates in fires.
DD’s to Rabbit, Prince, R.A., Show pony.
R.A. had to fess up to offering very generous hands to the young 42 GG maiden who Prince had been looking after. Very touching.
DD to Prince over dog bowl, a howling success.

Rug and Flasher exposed on TV despite Flashers efforts to go off tangent. 40 minute planned interview converted to 4 hours 76 minute actual interview to 13 seconds of coverage.

Prick of the week held over due to those being there, the chosen few loyal GM followers, not being big enough pricks to carry off the award.

Swindler lined up for kicking over his Moose hat brought very cheaply in Beijing.

Rectum quiet rightly lamented the girlish attitude on show and the pathetic excuses offered as reasons for non attendance.

.On On Hard On

Run 1860
Date : 24th June.2013
Hare : Bent Banana
Venue : Emerald Lakes
Runners : 27
The Week That Was!
About 22 adventurous souls turned up for the walk or run for the night.

The run was set around the picturesque lake at Emerald Lakes, Carrara which is a 1980’s development in the European 1680’s style developed by a Japanese company.

Blackie was the man of the night! He was the go to man for everything, acting GM, the Hash Cash and acting Religious Advisor. His salary for the night was 3 times the norm.

Blackie called the circle which was in fact an extended oblong along the shore of the lake.

Arse Up was called on to score the run and said it was well marked and plenty of check backs which almost caused Rectum to nearly choke for some reason, and gave it a 8 out of 10. Flasher complained that someone was practising hitting golf balls and almost had his head taken off, to which Caustic replied “it must have been a grubber”.

Carefree gave a score on the Nosh and to be different started with the dessert which was partly fresh fruit, partly out of a can and multicolour icecream which was very thoughtful as people could choose their own colour. The main course was some tasty beef stew set on a choice of fine European breads which was a change from the normal cheap as chips white flavourless bread. The entrée was a meat pie carefully set in aluminium dishes just to offset the main course which was also a large meat pie without the pastry. Carefree complained that he already had pie for lunch and so that only reasonably pushed the score down and he gave it a 7 out of 10. Caustic was invited to give a second opinion and as the portion control on the pies was fairly poor he missed out completely. He gave it a score of 0 out of 10 resulting in an average of 3.5.

Shat gave a short discourse on the walk on behalf of the walkers and said he was dazzled by the lights around the lake and said it reminded him of his first night on a date with a girl at the movies. He gave the walk 7.35 out of 10. VD was called on for a second opinion on the walk and after careful consideration and deliberation he gave it at 7.35.

Last to pay Arse Up got a Down Down. Link was called out for abusing Flasher and Bent Banana on the run and given a Down Down.

Botcho, Flasher and Caustic were referred to as serial pests by the acting GM, however Caustic got a particularly severe reprimand for leading several runners including the GM the wrong way on the run.

Similarly Two Dogs got a Down Down for leading the acting GM way off track.

KB was in the firing line by the acting GM who pointed out that for the Nosh that night, KB had paid $10 in cash plus the balance in lemons and mandarins from his extensive orchard in the Tallebudgera Valley and got a well-deserved Down Down. Blackie complained that he cannot pay his suppliers in lemons and mandarins!

Carefree was back in the firing line as last week he stated he couldn’t decide which Hash was better as he couldn’t decide which was best, Sydney or Gold Coast.

Croc, Hard On and Carefree got a Down Down for talking about cooking recipes during the Nosh.

Shat was given a Down Down and severe reprimand from the acting GM for abusing the acting GM with foul language when it was pointed out to him that he hadn’t paid for his Nosh. A Down Down was considered the appropriate mouth wash.

Flasher appeared in the circle nursing an object wrapped in a towel and said he had been nursing this item as he needed to give it away. After carefully unwrapping the item it turned out to be the Annual POW Trophy and he said as he had taken it a second place getter it was now time to hand it onto the appropriate first place getter, Caustic. A standoff then ensued between Caustic and Flasher and it is still unsure who got to take the fine trophy home. More to follow.

BB then called out Truck Tires and complained that every week he always came late and what could be done to make him come on time, to which came a retort from the back of the circle “give him Viagra”.

Caustic Crusader never lost for words then made a charge against Kwakka, one of the Wednesday bike riders referred to by Caustic as the Wobbly Warriors and gave Kwakka a Down Down for falling off his bike at slow speed on the wet grass on a footpath.

Next the POW was awarded by last week’s recipient Carefree. Carefree explained that he had been welcomed into the club and was particularly chuffed when he was invited by Shat to ride in the bicycle gentlemen’s group Wednesday morning last week. Shat gave him particular instructions to be waiting on Seaworld Drive on his bike ready to join the group at 6.40am. That was a particularly cold morning and Carefree turned up at the appointed time only to sit there freezing for 10 minutes waiting for Shat and the group to turn up. Shat took the POW yard glass and tried to make it last for 30 minutes which resulted in Two Dogs calling out “its not a friggin wine tasting!”

Next week’s run will be at Mt Tamborine courtesy of Rectum and he advises all should bring their full length ski suits as it will be chilly.

Blue Card

Blue Card YouTube Clip For The Week

Run 1859
Date : 17th June.2013
Hare : VD
Venue : Robina
Runners : 25
The Week That Was!
The GM back from the casino in Sydney with the remainder of the Hash Stash once again wasn’t sure what the number of the run was, hopefully he will sort it out by the end of the year.

He asked Blackie for a report on the run and Blackie said it was all good but he found himself lost on Christine Avenue at one stage.

Of the 26 Hashers on the night, about 12 were walkers who were given once again no instructions just told to take a walk and come back. A few others stayed back to protect the kitchen while the rest went running. Rectum once again the first back to the beer esky’s although it was noted he headed for the ginger beer.

Pile driver was asked to give the Hare VD a score on the Nosh and he came up with a generous 8 for sausages entrée, the chicken schnitzel burgers and salad and the carefully crafted homemade tarts from Woolworths.

Crocodile threw some illumination as to the portion control on the sausages. When he suggested to VD during the cooking that there were not enough sausages to go around, VD replied when I cut them into 3 there will be plenty to go around. An act of loaves and fishes of a biblical proportion! Apparently the sausages used for the entree were a real bargain as the expiry date was midnight Monday 17 June 2013 and much to Blackies delight VD got a great price from Woolworths.

Carefree was called out as a returning runner having been missing for 9 months in Sydney. He said he was trying to work out which one was the best club out of Sydney and the Gold Coast and was confused whether he should have his hat on or off in the circle. No doubt if Alzheimer’s doesn’t strike he will remember that the Gold Coast Hash is the best and it is hats off in the circle.

For some unknown reason Rabbit then produced a special bottle of red (empty) from 1988 and returned it to Sir Prince with calls from the crowd “give it to Pizza to refill the bottle”.

The Scribe is under strict instructions from the previous year’s Hon Sec to mention Flasher every week no matter what. It was reported that Flasher was absent doing an interview with Channel 7 as a promo documentary for his new drug sniffing, privacy invading machine to be installed in rental properties. Some commented “I hope his interview goes longer than his appearance on Who Wants to be a Millionaire”.

Next up Crocodile and Pile Driver who had been selected by the GM to give a special report on the State of Origin. Although the SOI was some 2 weeks ago, it was the GM’s first appearance since the game and he asked for the boys to give a special report.

Crocodile prattled on about having done some research on the game and the State of Origin which he really knew nothing about. He said he was confused by commentators referring to Gallons and Miles when Australian had been on the metric system since 1966 and the commentator should be referring to litres and kilometres? He then couldn’t work out if it was supposed to be Qld born players playing NSW born players. How could players with names like Kickerwangerwocker and Kangawockerfifi made up half the teams. From his observations half the players were imported from elsewhere. To be further reinforced with the names of cockroaches and cane toads as cane toads were an introduced species. Pile Driver then gave a much shorter report on the SOI and said just after kickoff he went to sleep and woke 2 minutes before the end and didn’t really have much to say.

Botcho was then questioned as to whether he didn’t run or walk because he had man flu however advised that he stayed back to supervise VD and his bitch in the kitchen. Botcho reported that there was a real tantrum between the bitch and VD as they argued who was in control of the spatula.

Sir Prince said he had run into Moonbeams who said he wasn’t coming back to a run in winter time until there was a pub run because it was too bloody cold.

Truck Tires scored a Down Down for being the last (other than a hierarchy member) to pay on the night. When asked where he had been for the last few weeks he reported that he had been kayaking and biking around SE Queensland and Northern NSW and had been quite busy. At that point Shat asked “Any Sex?”

Next the POW, Show Pony appeared at the centre of the circle and quickly advised there was only one suspect and he was going to award it quickly and called out Blue Card AKA yours truly in retaliation for having been given it last week contrary to the rules that it should not be given to a hierarchy member. This led to a loud protest from Blue Card that a line had to be drawn in the sand and fair was fair. On 2 counts, first you can’t give it to the person who gave it to you the previous week, and the golden rule about not giving it to a hierarchy member should be reinstated. The GM full of equity and compassion quickly stepped forward advising the only rule was that there are no rules however then he made a rule and said it could not be given to the hierarchy and it could not be given to the person who presented it last week. Blue Card feels we have an excellent and balanced GM this year.

The next choice for POW was Carefree as he had been back on the Gold Coast from Sydney for 3 months and had not yet made an appearance at the Gold Coast Hash and therefore scored the award for the week.

Bent Banana then gave Phantom a DD for what he termed the Norman Gunston Award. Phantom was sporting a few plasters on his face from some recent botox.

Next week’s run is to be set by Bent Banana and will be at Emerald Lakes next to the Michael Angelo statue and the scribe is under strict instructions from Crocodile to mention that it will be a pub run and that we expect to see Moonbeams next week!

Blue Card

Blue Card Joke For The Week

SOME JUST KNOW HOW TO GET THINGS DONE!!!

JUST CHECK THE TIMING

These pictures are said to have been taken by a Hash?guy from Grande Cache,
Alberta, by the Berland River on Highway 40.
Take a look at the time frame in the bottom right-hand
corner of each picture…

It took him just ten minutes to pick her up,
take her to dinner, feed her a terrific
meal and then get laid.
Is this guy good or what?

Run 1858
Date : 10th June.2013
Hare : Rug
Venue : Arundel
Runners : 18

The Week That Was!
About 18 hardy Hashers turned up for the run braving the wet weather. It seems the others preferred to sit at home and vegetate with their ugg boots on watching TV.
The beer supplies had to be forded across the creek to the rotunda in the park. Rectum came to the rescue with a bailey bridge to help with fording the creek. Kwakka, Blue Card and Botcho kindly agreed to forego exercise and guard the beer supplies.

10 runners set off and 3 walkers wandered off into the gloom and had no idea where they were going.
Sir Prince turned up late having driven around the park and Allied Drive for 15 minutes trying to find the start of the run.
After starting off late Sir Prince caught up with Swindler, still walking after 700m and when asked which way to go. Swindler pointed 180 degrees in the wrong direction and said “well the rotunda is that way”.
In the absence of the GM who has now been missing for 50% of the meetings this year, the Acting GM Miscarriage took centre stage at the circle. He advised that he noticed everybody was getting on in years and was concerned about Alzheimer’s setting in and one way to counteract that was to shake things up and do things in a different way.
Staying with that theme he then started the circle with the POW which left Blue Card floundering a bit as he was planning on 15 minutes of the circle to find a few possible contenders.
Blue Card called out a few shortlisted suspects for the POW – Swindler for failing 2 weeks in a row to honour the tradition of a carton of crownies for his birthday, Flasher for being reported in a half page article in the Gold Coast Bulletin for his new invention which sniffs out drugs and all sorts of questionable odours and smells in a rental property. But the award was finally given by a close margin to Show Pony, who was the neighbour of a house boat in which the elderly gentlemen had been murdered 18 months ago and apparently his body has turned up under Show Pony’s houseboat. There is now some reason why he has been catching more mud crabs than anybody else in the marina. Good to see they have a close knit community where they all look after each other.
The RA/Acting GM had previously advised by email that he would be selecting at random an acting RA as he was the Acting GM. He then proceeded to repeat what was about to happen, that we should all be mentally prepared. He then selected Swindler as the Acting RA and Swindler obviously in the early stages of Alzheimer’s, thought that he had been elected as Acting GM and went on some kind of a manic rant until it was pointed out to him that no such important task would ever be entrusted to him and he was the Acting RA.
Swindler then selected a couple of people for Down Downs – including one to Kwakka for being on last year’s hierarchy and coming back for a second term – no shame, and Link for being one of the “Wednesday Wankers” in the lycra bike riding outfits. He reportedly, has now applied to be in the Wednesday Warriors who ride at a more sedate pace on hybrid bikes rather than those high end carbon fibre missiles.
Apparently the entry to the Wednesday Warriors is to sing a war cry in the middle of the coffee shop after a ride.
Sir Prince brought a charge from the floor. He arrived late, couldn’t find the place. He called Sir Rabbit’s phone to get the address. Couldn’t get a hold of him so sent a text to Rugs number, no answer telephoned Veteran and was told to call Blackstump. After calling Blackstump who was in 1770 he said to try Circumference who didn’t answer the phone. So he only thought it fair that Circumference get a Down Down as he was responsible for the online next run announcement which apparently was not working properly.
Sir Prince then regaled us with a tale relating to his position as a board member of the Anglican All Saints School. Apparently one of the parents, aka Miscarriage, had written a long letter as to why his daughter should be released a week early from school so that she could go to Cambodia with the family. Apparently our Acting GM had planned his holiday based on last year’s school calendar!
It then transpired that there would be an unofficial meeting of Gold Coast Hashmen in Camdodia, all being there at the same time – Miscarriage, Rug, Swindler, Flasher and Slug. More Down Downs!
Iceman gave a report on the run, said it was a good run but a few of the marks had been washed out although Rug the Hare said he had re-layed it several times during the day. He was scored a 7.5.
Kwakka gave a report on the Nosh and quite rightly gave it a score of fantastic. Started with the prawn and avocado with a slice of lemon in a half avocado shell followed with by a Yorkshire pudding and beef stew or for the more sophisticated beef bourguignon and then homemade pear crumble with a decadent rich chocolate sauce. He scored an 8.5 and is the leading contender for the “Nosh of the Year”.
Next week’s run will no doubt be somewhere.
Blue Card

……………..Blue Card On Marriage…………….Love is Blind
This guy is Alvaro Alfonso de Miranda Neto:

He was married to — this woman.

Her name is Cibele Dorsa.
She is a Brazilian swimsuit, Victoria ‘s Secret, and Playboy model.

He divorced her because he fell in love with this woman:

These two are very happily married right now.

Some people argue that love is blind.

This story clearly proves it…

It proves that men are capable of real love; truly seeing
a personal inner beauty, not basing their decisions
solely on looks.

Oh, by the way…
the new girl is Athina Onassis.

She is worth 12 billion dollars.

Kinda brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?