Run: 1746
Hare: Old Fart
Location: Pacific Pines
Date: 18th May 2011

Short run.
Short circle.
Short trash.

The R/A’s powers have certainly left town !!!!! Maybe he needs to bring out the papal gowns again???? Rain ,Rain and more rain. No matter what our hare did down came the rain again and washed poor ippsy out. Down town Pac Pines was a deluge but that’s not unusual as it turns out for an Old Fart run …. seems the stats are 7 out of the last 8 of Old Fart’s runs have been wetttttttt.
Off into the wilds the pack of 16 went, with the occasional waft of Old Fart’s signature dish of beef lasagne drifting into their nostrils the pouring rain was just a minor deterrent to be back to generous helpings of this now famous dish. Up the obstacle course driveway made for mountain goats and out under the back shelter den looking more like an outdoor version of the Sir Rabbit bar and grill the trusty hash stalwarts gathered for their first and second helpings to the man. Followed at great expense by real choc wedges the pack were suitably replete.

Sit down circle in 2 minutes rings out at 8.01 pm.

8.03pm on the dot circle is called…..

Missing Link and KB get the love seat in the rain and get the tag “dumb and dumber” or was it Forrest and Gump???
HARE …. Old Fart.

Run report … Sir Slab … “Did well under the circumstances “ (means average job)

Roog ….. GM I went oooop stream then I went dooown stream before I went ooooooop stream agennn.

Point Two gives a note.

Nosh report….. Sir Prince …. signature dish now GM … but NO SPUDS ???

Sir Rabbit ….. EXCELLENT GM !!!!!

Circumference ( The multi millionaire in waiting) gives the note.

NO SPONSOR tonight announces the GM

Seems Show Pony’s about to be released cook book “ Salty vegetables and other tasty delights” is a strong contender to sponsor with sales expected to astound.
YELLOW CODE ….. “P” for Pimp GM say Rooog

The prize … a signed original copy of Botcho’s first wedding dvd.

R/A …. Charges .
Josephine steps up and tells the tale of the Hashman who engages a contractor to do an erection for him. Seems the posts at the front of the property are quite large and should be no problem to erect a gate between them even if the grass is a bit long. Post are minute , grass is overgrown to blazes and the poor contracted gets attacked by the resident Urbanville yowie … in his haste to escape he clobbers the biggest tree in the district and writes off his ute ( Sounds like a Link driver to me)
Point Two … front and centre.

The story unfolds that the local copper is called and discovers that fatigue is the obvious cause as NO ONE in Urbanville has ever been pissed at the wheel. Andrew the local contractor is such a law abiding son in-law that it must have been fatigue.

Josephine who delivered the spare caravan to Ubanville (stuff the flood victims) to be refurbished for Urbanville’s first ever mobile knock shop gives the note.
Cumagen charges Two Dogs for the best ever Restaurant f#@% up of all times , NO phone , restaurant closed and Goat Farka has flown all the way from Cairns to catch up and NO ONE is there except Two Dogs on his own .. so he went home ????????? Must have been past his curfew!!!

Cumagen gives the note.

Cumagen tables the TSS review magazine where it is divulged where all the Hash member’s investment capital into a certain high profile listed company may have been spent…. seems Sir Prince’s conscience has got to him so he has donated an entire new wing of the school to the needy children and their destitute parents from the TSS boys college. Photos to prove this extravagance are available from the Southport CIB.

Botcho’s RTS (Run Trading Scheme) is explained in great detail by our resident Hash Flash and IT guru Botcho. Like a carbon trading schemes this scheme seems destined to fail getting through the senate. Like any senate they seem to see no reason to support the slack pricks that have not got enough runs. ( Special dispensation can be sort from the hierarchy for extenuation circumstances … expect no sympathy vote) R/A Cumsmoke brings up the question of GST and run taxes ( Typical f@#$%$#% lawyer)

Finally it is resolved this RST thing was founded on the wrong day (1/4/2011) and should be scrubbed as a foolish joke.The Hierarchy all agreed that Botcho got us all hook, line and sinker. We have long memories Botcho!!! LOL

Reminder to register for the AGPU on 6/6/2011.

Circumference announces he not able to attend …. However he will be expecting to make a substantial donation from the megabucks out of court settlement coming from his life threatening experience in the Robina run.

Two Dogs announces skype contact with Semen in the Philippines somewhere on his way round the world to who knows where …. said to say “hello Hashers”
Sir Slab ……Announces the splinter lunch will be at Burleigh Heads at Celsius restaurant on the royal wedding day … wear your top hat and tails.

Next week’s run (5PM start) Moonbeams(with chewtherat delicacies ) Robina common soccer club.

2 nd MAY GCHHH anniversary run with run milestone anniversary presentations.
Where ………KB’s Country Estate … 647 Trees Road Tallebudgera .. On a good day you can see Sydney harbour.

When …. Any time from 4.30pm (public holiday) Hash tradition of a beer before will be available for those that choose for a 5.15 pm start.
Dress …. Hash formal … with Jacket (It gets a bit cold at 13,000 ft )

Strong suggestions…
1. Car pool with a designated driver if you can.
2. Allow 35- 40 Minutes from Surfers.
3. Next week I will give directions for both the quickest or scenic routes.

END OF CIRCLE …. It’s 8.45 … so much for the short circle.
A great night well done Old Fart!!

ON ON
KB.

Run 1744
Hare: Ferret
Location: Mermaid Beach
Date: 4th April, 2011

Seems the Australian surf live-saving association didn’t realise Ferret’s run was on when they set the location for the Australian titles 2011.
Ferret being an obliging individual shifts his run to opposite the surf club 5 kilometres further south. Cater for about 25 should do it says run master Caustic, 27,28, 29 S#%@ …………. still they came 30,31. F&%@

32 ….. 33 Ferret calls KB … Portion control…. Portion control !!!!!
On On off into the rain the pack heads out along a trail between the beach and 5 kilometres west. SCBs are in excess with many back not long at all after the start.
Ferret’s concerns for portion control are unfounded as the corned beef, spuds, carrots, peas and parsley sauce make the grade with 1 and ½ slices left over. Sweets follow and Ferret has re-written the book on loaves and fishes.

CIRCLE…… 8.05 pm

Before any festivities proceed the R/A is ordered to join GM Flasher in the driving rain to prove the R/A’s complete failure of his duties.
A line of hashers nothing like a circle gather under the small shelters dodging the rain as best they can.
RUN REPORT …… Circumference …. “Not bad” Old Fart …“plenty of SCB’s GM”
Including Sir Prince GM !!!!!!

NOSH REPORT ……. Sir Rabbit …. “Not much of it … Mustard a bit hot !!”

Show Pony …. “No seconds” 4/10 GM.

SIR PRINCE VALIANT … special announcement ….. New shoes after 15 years!!!

Hash tradition continues and SPV drinks from the shoe …. even though he didn’t wear them first!!!!
Circumference gives a note.

VISITORS…… Victorian father of the Miscarriage twins… sadly a Carlton supporter.
Young Darwin Don from Sydney
Mr Chips … back after many years.
Veteran gives the note.

Caustic calls for A MAJOR CHARGE …. An ICING in fact.
Seems Caustic put the run tally into the computer and published the results …..
CABOOM !!!!!!!! Complaints came within minutes….

An official audit reveals that our Botcho has stripped 200 runs off Blackstump’s tally wiping out almost a quarter of his 825 runs.
After boisterous protest Botcho’s bleating fails and our Botcho is on the ice for the first in his Hash life.
Caustic stutters over a very lengthy nooooooooooooote.
Run counts are now on our web site!!!!

Next up is RUG
RUG gets a call from his old employer ( never to leave the service) MI6 straight from the UK.
“ Need your support for a special visit”

Our RUG jumps the task and polishes up all his MI6 skills for the task.
Prowling the entire Gold Coast region RUG finally spots the target!!!!

A royal wave is spotted from the undercover vehicle and our RUG is on the case ….. Sir Prince waves again from the 4×4 and our RUG has completed yet another undercover mission justifying his six figure annuity.

Rug gives Sir Prince the note.

R/A is up next ….. CHARGES …. Nil !!!

POW … Pizza apologises for his 2 extra prick weeks. 3 minutes of bullshit follows as Pizza endeavours to justify everything.
Mid way through the POW tails a random farter strikes evacuating the Northern shelter in 3 seconds.
SIR PRINCE gets the POW for one pair of shoes in 15 years.

Pizza gives a note.

Sir Prince takes 8 (yes eight) goes to drop the POW DD going to a clear last place in the DD stakes.
Moonbeams ….. “where have you been?” asks GM Flasher.
“Driving to Sydney with Chew the rat ?????”

Yes GM !!!!

Circumference jumps the gun on “End of circle” and gets a DD
Moonbeams gives the note.

YELLOW CODE ….. Bent Banana gets “G” in one go.

NEXT WEEK’S RUN … Mad Mike in Mudgeeraba somewhere.
Sir AH offers fresh chillis.

Moonbeams calls …… END OF CIRCLE …. It’s 8.50 pm and it’s raining again.

Botcho for GM campaign moves into higher gear … seems buying votes is now hot on the list….. get in quick while the money lasts.
Rockhard appears to have terminated Caustic as campaign manager something to do with insider trading with bookmakers ??????

OnOn
KB.

PS ….Apologies I’m soooooooooooo late with the words Hashers, been away most of the week on a Marlin Fishing comp and didn’t get the chance to do them before I went.
Rgds KB

Run: 1743
Hares: Flatulence & Flasher
Location: Lands End, Biggera Waters
Date: 28th March. 2011

Flatulence/Swollen Colon/Flasher.
Flatulence with Swollen Colon followed by Flasher was the theme for tonight’s run!!!!

Gathered at Lands End bridge with parking a premium the pack built to the point where parking was 1 Kilometer away…….. Swollen where are you?????
Swollen where are you ????? echoed across the park.

On On….. stand in hare Flasher is “Live hare” as the trail is washed out… That’s right … Washed out !!!! R/A Cumsmoke is in serious shit !!!!

Flatulence gives the run instructions ….. on on over the bridge and left down the stairs … 2/3rds of the pack only heard “Left” obviously as the debacle unfolds within 40 metres of the start. A great run ensues with the hare being sprung hiding behind a fence at the ¾ mark.

Back to the nosh and “Where the f%$# is Swollen echoes across the park…. seems Swollen is discovered in Sydney and Mrs Swollen was to stand in with the nosh but she is a bit crook and its now over the Flatulence with Flasher filling in for the run.

SIMPLE …. buy a few roast chickens and add them to the Chilli con carne and rice….. add a few cans of peaches and a hash gourmet follows.
Hence the theme of the night … more later !!!!!!!!!

8.00PM and it is apparent that Private Dicky Knee now sees the opportunity for GM nomination with Pizza out of the race…. Dicky is rumoured to be buying votes with TZ video tapes.
“Rockhard for GM” is also an obvious campaign…. seems Caustic has been appointed campaign manager.

Pizza also has votes for sale from his abandoned campaign … at last count there were 2 available ( 1 being Pizza and the other an anonymous member) for $500 each.
Caustic is rumoured to have sold the Benz to fund a late run so he is a likely contender for the Pizza votes.

CIRCLE …. It’s 8.03 pm

VISITORS … Just Dave and Just Sean.

“Who made you cum??” asks GM Flasher!!!

TONIGHT WE HAVE A SPONSOR announces GM Flasher.

A very elegant member…..

Modelling makeover academy ………………

Miscarriage’s Modelling Makeovers P/L is founded tonight revealing the hidden talents of these elegant twin brothers.
Miscarriage wears the plaque of office at half-mast around ankle height.

DDs follow for all concerned!!!!

YELLOW CODE …. “M” GM … off the hook is Bent Banana.

HARE is up next ….. Flatulence !!!

NOSH report …. Cumsmoke you had 3 helpings what were your thoughts???

“Not bad GM but canned peaches Hmmmmmmmmmm !!

RUN report ….. Botcho …. Botcho and Blackstump cop it for short-cutting.

Bent Banana and Rug ….. took half the pack the wrong way at the first check!!!! “SHAME” says Ferret……

R/A is called up to explain the GM getting drenched doing the run and the traditional ICING of the R/A follows.
DDs all round follow the icing.

With a very slooooooooooooooooooooooooooooow note from Ruuuuuuuuug.

Splinter Lunch report and Caustic maintains that he arrived at 4.30 to pick up a few members namely Ferret, Pizza, Sir Rabbit and Rug who was imitating a goldfish …. all too pissed to speak … On On to Bent Banana’s for cheese and bickies …..

Seems cheese and bickies is a TWO HANDED job these days for our Rug !!!!

Nasty arrived in style in a blue Lamborghini…… that appeared to take 14 laps around the block to find a suitable park.

The R/A is up next and revenge appears sweet on his menu….. Gross overstatement of the R/A authority ….over-ruling the obvious failure to influence the gods.

R/A Cumsmoke takes revenge on the innocent victims of Bent Banana, KB and Rug with an icing in the same polluted bucket full of germs from the unwashed previous extremities rightfully occupying the ice bucket.

KB followed by Bent Banana and the Rug complete with socks all occupy the ice and get re-entry demands for early exit.

POW Pizza is STILL missing in action somewhere between Bundall and Sydney…
Bring our prick back Pizza !!!!!!!!!!

Next week’s run …. Ferret … somewhere North of the Surf club at Broadbeach…. Look out for the “Ferret Face “It’s easy claims Dicky Knee … it’s under camera 126 !!!!

GM election campaigns are noted from the following … cast your vote carefully !!!

Private Dicky Knee. ( Previous Mayor of Essendon)

Rockhard ( Campaign Mgr Caustic)

Bent Banana ( An independent candidate )

With a late rear entry from Old Fart.

END OF CIRCLE … Called by Ferret at 8.35pm

WELCOME BACK …Point Two .

PS …. The recent letter to the editor from Caustic Crusader on the Valentines debacle ring in the ears of your trusty on-sec.
Flatulence and Swollen Colon with Flasher following up was the theme for tonight…………….

Well, true to Caustic’s rendition of recent events your on-sec is here to confirm the theme for tonight came true around 3.30 am Tuesday.

First was Flatulence of unbelievable proportions as the nosh had brewed its way to gastronomic explosive proportions, involuntary relief of this pressure was greeted with distain from Mrs KB who was now 1.4 mtrs further across the marital bed.

A Swollen Colon was the next obvious transition of this post Hash event with major emergency relief required prior to potential enormous embarrassment of Latrine proportions……………

Hence the final part to the theme ……. Flasher KB races to the ablutions dept to experience the same relief sensations quoted in the Caustic rendition. Only to hear what appears to be a common comment from the fairer sex …”You dirty bastard” ….

Click goes the door to the marital bedroom … KB slinks off to the spare room for good night’s sleep interrupted only by the occasional explosion of gasses playing a steady tune………….

Another successful hash debacle!!!!!

On On
KB

Run:1742
Hare: Elvis
Location: Keith Hunt Park, Labrador
Date:21st March, 2011

Yellow and green “Elvis shirts” only seven bucks …. a gotta have item in any Hash wardrobe.
After some confusion from the traditional early birds Veteran and Shat the pack finally found the venue at the club house for the famous “Gracelands Elvis run of 2011).
On On across the park and over the first water hazard the pack heads off into the darkness of a balmy Autumn night.

Dicky Knee and Sir AH are seen walking as a very close duo (Rule One ????) around the park and back for traditional guard duties and booze sampling.
A great run sees all the pack back close together gathered for a few cold beers happily supported by an esky full of ice cold crownies sponsored by birthday boys Sir Prince and KB. A very tasty nosh follows catered by the clubhouse ladies with a choice of 3 curry dishes with rice and two desserts. A spoil for any Hash group.

8.08 pm Circle in 2 minutes!!!!
CIRCLE … it’s time calls GM Flasher.

Caustic has exerted his powers over hash cash and the run fee is $5 and pay the meal at the counter for $10 it’s a bargain.

HARE ….. Elvis …3 T shirts left!!!!!

Run report… Rug … Very very good >>>>> Well marked too!!!

Veteran ….Well marked … a tad short!!! ( that’s enough of the short comments On sec) No On backs … No tree huggers!!
Old Fart ….. Came in 3 seconds behind GM !!!

NOSH report ….. Cumsmoke back for seconds and thirds having two left over desserts too.

Renamed “Mr Piggy” by the ladies behind the counter Cumsmoke gives the note.
The ladies get the DD for Piggy comments and the worlds slowest DD follows.

“ Why are we waiting, Why are we waiting !! “ follows with three verses.

YELLOW CODE ….. Bent Banana gets it in one “M”
Two dogs gives the note.

Botcho makes note of Pizza’s humble “Step down from GM contention” speech on u tube.

VISITORS …. Barnacle Bill.
R/A is up next.
CHARGES …. Nil

POW … Pizza is in Melbourne …. R/A Cumsmoke is off to a great strart !!!!

Elvis gets charged for the creek crossing debacle. Josephine complains near life threatening experience in flooded creek.

Cumagen is charged for NO red wine in the booze bus and he steps forward to reveal the hair cut to beat all hair cuts … it appears the new office must be next to the year one hairdressing school.
After enormous protest Cumagen finally gets outvoted and takes the DD.

Flasher jumps in with both feet in mouth to ask the Pizza delivery guy who he is looking for … A minor Faux D Pas …. He’s one of us GM …. come from the pack!!
Oops!!

Barnacle Bill gets hit for talking on the phone in Hash and proceeds to the centre of the circle with a lime glow in his left pocket … Guilty as charged ……DD
Sir AH gives a note.

Barnacle Bill gets a second DD … Beer this time and drops it down in one hit.
Point Two report ……… Looking pretty good … waiting on a few more tests

Aussie gives a rendition of a “ Sad tale” of his mater in Melbourne a strong Blues supporter gets offered the last of 26 tickets available for the Gabba match.. Arranges flights accommodation and everything… then the last bit is the tickets ….. WRONG !!!!! NO TICKETS …. WHAT ????? Sorry seems Cumsmoke’s got em … So get F$#@%&!!!!
Fellow Hasher Two Dogs to the rescue with one of his and Aussie’s off the hook.

Cumsmoke goes for “without prejudice” insults and protests without success and Cumagen offers a note ( with pleasure GM)
Dicky Knee has Miss TZ footage going through legal screening with Leach and Leach at the moment … should be available shortly with all funds going to higher definition equipment.

Sir Prince Valiant and KB a called up for DD birthday treats and cake offerings.
GM Flasher calls for ideas for an alternative to the birthday cake.
Stripper was voted No1

SPLINTER LUNCH…. Somewhere in Broadbeach ????
Moonbeams love advise for the week ………. Not such a good idea to (Have to)share the bed with ex and suggest “One for old times sake” the carpet would be a better option.
Not to be outdone Moonbeams Marital services are introducing the new love ( Thentherat)to the EX this week in the view of world harmony…. stay tuned!!!!
8.38PM Dicky Knee calls “END OF CIRCLE”

PS 4 crownies left … disgraceful !!! Only one thing to do Sir Prince … 2 for me and 2 for you !!!

On ON
KB
NOTE AGPU only weeks away … time to start sucking.
Some subtle GM election campaigns are becoming evident since Pizza pulled out of the race.

Run:1741
Hares: Sir Rabbit & Pizza
Location: Chevron Island, Surfers Paradise
Date: 14th March, 2011

Hash Chronicle.
15th March 2011
Election campaigns fail across the nation.
Latest opinion poll results predict a major swing against leaders and leading contenders in upcoming elections.
It became evident today that the election campaigns of prominent candidates have hit the rocks across the nation. PM Julia Gillard has steered the national leadership into troubled waters with her very unpopular carbon tax and previous promises. NSW Premier Christina Kinnearly is facing certain defeat in next week’s state election following the sell -off of state assets at bargain prices the Morgan gallop polls disclosed today.

However the most significant collapse from contention in the hotly contested position of Grand Master GCHHH has undoubted been Pizza. After an extensive campaign over a number of years this Italian immigrant from humble beginnings was overcoming his reputation of a loud mouthed beer swilling non conformist, with his charismatic ways even overcoming his speech impediment and occasional naked foray. A couple more years may have even seen the “ Pizza never for GM party “ abandoned. However latest reports in from AAPT indicate the weaknesses in the campaign have been revealed when Mr Pizza has attempted to show his GM capabilities ………. The debacle that followed can only go into Hash records showing there is a considerable amount of work to be done by this candidate before he can be regarded as a serious contender if at all.
Run committee sacks hare.

The recent sacking of co-hare Pizza from run duties for 12 months has come as no surprise to the experienced campaigners in GCHHH. It would appear Co-hare Sir Rabbit has denied “ALL KNOWLEDGE and responsibility “ for the run trail ( or lack of it) last Monday night. Pizza appears to have been given notice that Nosh is now the only option and that too must reach higher levels.
GCHHH Pack lost at first mark.

A world record request has been submitted by the secretary of GCHHH for the fastest loss of the hash pack in living memory. The latest statistics prove beyond all doubt that the entire pack of 31 runners was completely lost within 1.7 minutes of starting the run. It was only the powers of elimination and some inside knowledge that lead the pack to the designated drink stop with not ONE arrow within 1.2 Kilometers. Will keep you posted.
Possible food poisoning from St Patrick’s day beer.

An enquiry is being held as to the state of the “green mass” served to the Hash pack at a recent function… It would appear there is some question as to the substance being green dye or MOULD. Numerous members of GCHHH were seen to mimic mouthwash antics with the first serving of the green substance, followed by humble attempts to consume the liquid without success. The Italian brewer of the liquid was seen to put on a brave face saying “ wotafucksrongwithyoos its buuuuuuutifool!!
Sir Rabbit’s cottage pie and mushy peas a great success.

Just one serving left over and Sir Rabbit was delighted with the compliments from the pack on his cottage pie and peas with crusty rolls. Followed by Pizza Italian mint gelato ice cream the nosh was very well received by all.

Circle in 2 minutes !!!!!
GM Flasher calls … Circle!!!!
Run report …. Josephine.

Only saw two arrows all night and one was the one Pizza drew on the top of his ute!!!!!
Shat ……Well marked … take my (st Patrick’s) hat off to you ???????
Nosh report ……. Two dogs.
First time Sir Rabbit has had sweets in 30 years!!!!
Rockhard…. Tasted like toothpaste!!!
Croc .. Overall …..One fantastic fkcu up!!!
Aussie gives a note !!!! Welcome back GM ( Suk)
Pizza shut up!!!
Pizza SHUT UP !!!!!

Visitors… Billy Graham ( Free bibles from Hash cash)

Yellow code.
Veteran … no idea.
Sir Slab …. no idea.
Two Dogs ……. couldn’t find it !!
Jigsaw … no idea
Sir Rabbit … looked for hours!!!

GM Flasher says “R “ you slack arses……… WRONG

Botcho has a rare stuff up .. there was NO secret letter !!!!!!!!!!
Sir Slab offers a note.

Special mention RETURNING RUNNER …. Quacker is back from his last run in 1978

SPECIAL NOTICE ……..
Point Two has had a minor stroke or the like , Two Dogs is staying in touch and Point Two seems OK will stay in touch.

R/A Cumsmoke
First charge is Flasher for his new Jarmie coat Hmmmmmmmmm ( First rule???)
Charges … Caustic attempts to re-name Rainbow to CHIP after a golf course altercation with a flying 3 iron takes out part of Rainbow’s two front teeth…….. Overruled and Caustic gets the DD.
Circumference gets charged with “ Vexatious litigation” by the R/A …. ( Big words … hope it’s a LOT of money as we all share in it !!!!)
POW …. Swollen

After being lost (as we all were) in Orchid Ave with no money, poor Swollen thought he may have to sell his body to get the cab fare home.
The POW goes to the obvious choice …. EX GM candidate PIZZA.
Swollen gives a note.

A SERIES OF VERY POOR JOKES on many subjects FOLLOWED …. none of which are worth repeating!!!
Pizza finally gets one in about eskys with ice cream and chicken that just made the grade.

Finally Miscarriage comes out of his shell and charges the “secret men’s society “ … The brotherhood on keeping insider trading information to themselves.
Sir Prince, Rockhard are charged with not sharing the inside info on the “public listing of a company “ that went from $20 per share to $2 Hmmmmmmmmm
Other news is Miscarriage’s twin has had a life sentence handed down for misbehaviour and may never be seen again…. ( there is always the right of parole)
Pizza gives back Miscarriage’s keys after he walked home and Miscarriage gives a note.

Irish attire is noted as missing from the trail master’s garb so another DD follows for good measure . Thanks are given to Bob Brown for tonight’s theme.

Next week’s run ….. Elvis T Shirt run at the hockey club.

9.20PM and Moonbeams is back so he “closes the circle” on what has got to be the greatest fuck up in Hash History!!!!

BUT!!! …. a belly full of laughs!!!!

On On
KB.