Category Archives: Hash Run Reports

Hash on The wine trail

Run: Hash on the Wine Trail
Hares:Your caring hierarchy “The Nasty Party”
Location: Mount Tamborine
Date: 11th April, 2010

ON THE HASH WINE TRAIL, APRIL 2010

Firstly, I must say thank you to the honourable Hierarchy for allowing me this brief opportunity to assist in their current operations and thus becoming a current (though very temporary) honorary Hierarchy member meaning, constitutionally, now becoming exempt from the forthcoming elections.

Secondly, I must congratulate myself for staying up late enough to watch the premiere of the new Underbelly series last night, managing a couple more ales, and still being able to remember all (well most) of what transpired, and all after such a fun but furious paced day out. Amazing what willpower and years of practice can do.

Thirdly, and the final suck up, a great thanks to the Nasty Party, and especially Botulism and Cappuccino for their fine efforts in organising what was a literal corker of a day out.

The day started with the usual, timed to perfection, bus pick ups. Surprisingly by Hash standards, only some 20 minutes late by the time the northern crew got picked up at Harbour Town. We did however lose some time by doing a scenic circuit of Movie World, Wet & Wild and Outback Whatever World on our way to get Mr and Mrs Pommy. Of course Sir Rabbit had the loony tunes tour CD playing. Against all normal Hash protocol we arrived at our first destination only a few minutes over time.

Little did the staff at the Cedar Creek winery know what they were in for when 40 something thirsty Hashers spilled into the “Tasting Room” , a concept that bodes well with Hash. We tasted some 7 or so whites, reds, port and a Baileys type thingo (classical wine terminology). The now not so eager staff had given up the wine spiel after the first wine due to the rising Hash din and the harried attempts of the Hashers to procure more than the usual “splash” of wine normally served on these occasions. This was to become no normal wine tasting event. Somehow the organising crew managed to tear the group away from the tasting room (probably more to do with the staff locking the wines away and leaving the room) and move us onto the next and thankfully close venue. By now, after a few starters on the bus on the way up and more than a few wines the crew had now become wine experts and were about to impart their (some new found) knowledge on more unsuspecting staff.

Fortunately the lass at the Aussie Vineyards winery had been well trained and was accustomed to bus loads of ignorant, smart arse, know all types and had our measure well and truly. An exception was the group of chooks, sorry girls, who stood outside the bus gossiping and trying to skull the remainder of wines borrowed from the previous venue, thus missing most of the tasting spiel. Better leave this one alone now as Mrs Two Dogs was the ring leader on this occasion. Fortunately though for Romeo, who had answered a business call on her mobile and somehow managed to get left behind and locked in the bus and thus had to be rescued by the above mentioned chooks, sorry girls. Meanwhile back at the tasting the pace was quickening and self professed wine expert, Caustic Crusader, was embarrassing himself with constant interjections something to do with “but does the wine go well with a Big Mac”. Peasant, any half decent wine buff will tell you it goes best with KFC!

Onwards to the lunch venue, all still to plan except that someone had forgotten to set up an exclusion zone at the somewhat crowded lunch venue at Witches Falls Park. After some usual Hash Whining (get it) some bright sparks had deliberated and figured the best way to progress was to (a) divide and conquer, (b) use force of numbers and just take over a spot or (c) just ask when someone was likely to move. Fortunately in total unHash fashion option (c) was applied and we soon infiltrated a group of Pommy backpackers. Lunch was a fine feast of nibbles, roast chook, leg ham and salads. Of course the usual crows and vultures (not the feathered variety) were hovering around the food and the Hierarchy were kept on their toes keeping them at bay until the rations were dispersed. It was noted that at some stage Botulism dropped the second ham in the dirt but in a well rehearsed move quickly managed to pick it up and dust it off, with very few the wiser. During lunch a number of boot lickers were seen sidling up to the GM, obviously jostling for nominations in the upcoming Hierarchy elections. I get the feeling many a position has been filled as a result. Finally after an 18 point turn in the bus we were off to the last stop of the day.

I don’t know who bought any cheese but I did note that the majority, myself included, headed for the beer selection at the brewery. Most went for the “Czech Mate”, which I commented “had more hops than Skippy” . I myself asked if they had any dark ale, to which point I was told yes but served something totally opposite, go figure, but still good.

Aptly it was now time for the down hill run home to beat the ensuing sunset and the effects and accumulation of a long but fulfilling day to take hold. May there be many more to come.

PS Flasher has photos and is currently still accepting bribes prior to any editing.

On On
Two Dogs

Run 1992

Run 1692
Hare: Flatulence
Location: Paradise Point
Date: 5th April, 2010

Following the celebrations of the Easter long weekend, a smaller than usual number of hounds assembled at the earlier time of 5pm in a park to the west of Paradise Point Shopping Centre. The evening commenced well with a number of hounds arriving at the last minute, most notably the Northern Alliance. Cum Smoke had forgotten the POW for the third week running and mast a last minute ditch to fetch this most prestigious award accompanied by Circumference who had left his running shoes on the letterbox at home.

Following the run the hounds gathered for refreshments and Cum Smoke arrived with the POW and the hash dog. Following nosh circle was quickly called in order to maintain an early end to the evening.

Run reports stated the run was not bad. With Flasher providing his own run report for his own run over to Sovereign Island to check the activities of the Russian Mafia, unfortunately with it being Easter the mafia had closed for trade over the long weekend.

Nosh was enjoyed by all of a mild and hot curry with rice followed by fruit and ice-cream. Even some of our more enduring curry consumers had a worried look in the eye as they pondered the after effects of this concoction.

Circle was called in a timely fashion with first attention drawn to Flasher for heartedly consuming the GM’s wine. With the first incumbents drawn to the circle being hare Flatulence and co-hare Croc both were awarded down-downs. Next was visitors, returning and departing runners – Rock Hard – now known as Soft Cock on the other side of the country. Makes you wonder on the east coast we have a pull, on the West Coast do they have a push?? Inferno – had to turn up as the run went via his house and the risk of hashers turning up unannounced for a drink stop was to high, and Goat Farker who is travelling through Asia for the next three months.

It has been announced that Rug has made it back into the country as a resident, obviously immigration does not read there mail. However the status is only residency so there is hope immigration may in time get to the mail bag.

POW was handed by Cum Smoke and awarded to Veteran, for no other reason than never having been seen in the circle prior.

Circle was drawn to a close with Sir Prince leading the choir in a hymn for the recently departed One-Ball.

On On

Cum Smoke

Run 1691

Run 1691
Hare: Old Fart & Pommy
Location: Old Fart’s Pad. Pacific Pines
Date: 29th March, 2010

Just Mowing the GM’s lawn. Check back!!
Just finished Botcho

A healthy number of hounds arrived at Old Farts for the traditional Old Fart Birthday run. A run that always promises no hills or elevations. As the pack proceeded in to the evening Pommy, as co-hare, swept the pack ensuring the group stayed together. It appears Pommy, is now a serial run setter having set some 32 run this year alone.

The run zigzagged around the Pac Pines estates and kept the pack on a single side of the M1, until the final leg found the pack crossing to Helensvale Shopping Centre and circling back under the M1 to the On On.

Following nosh the GM called circle.

Aussie with his pants tucked up to his ribs provided a run report ticking all the boxes for plenty of false trails, good mix of bush, very scenic views over the M1 bridge, well swept and kept the pack together. Aussie acknowledged great nosh with large servings of lasagna sided with fresh potato salad and green salads. All in all Aussie gave the evening a well deserved thumbs up.

Sir Prince informed the pack that Black Stump was in Bathurst racing his Porsche with one eye………..

Botcho is becoming increasingly worried about the schedule set for the wine trail. Prior arrangements to reco the trail with Flasher had fallen through late on Sunday with Flasher withdrawing due to sore nipples.

Returning runners – Awarded Down Downs

Swollen Collen – work commitments;

Ferrett – travelling;

Arse-Up – work commitments;

Loco – visiting runner from Sydney Posh via Noosa;

HP – completed GCCC contract and returning to Hong Kong

Flasher announced to the pack he would, from this point forward, like to be referred to as the “Hash Princess”.

Further down downs awarded to –

Cum Again – GM abuse for nearly drowning our GM on the run;

Caustic Crusader – The rat pack is diminishing with rumors they are eating their young. Kitchen Bitch has been reported as having dumped hash to take the role of Navel Seaman Examiner at the fishing club; Caustic advises he is simple fluffing pillows;
Croc – poor run setting skills and lack of preparation in evening nosh. With the swelling numbers of late Croc found he was unable to cater to 21 runners. Croc was lucky to escape an icing with the majority of runners returning some 90 minuets into a short run.

Swollen Collen – gave a long story about going for a run with the Warnambool Hash??????
Ferrett – running with the Lion City Hash in Singapore;
Old Fart – for the big 50th;

Following as number of interruptions the GM had 4 attempts and finally succeeded in closing the circle.

Next weeks run:
Hare: Flatulence
Location: Paradise Point

Notice: The next run is a public holiday run – a start time of 5.00pm

On On

Cumsmoke

Run 1690

Run 1690
Hare: Crocodile & Flatulence
Location: Wetlands, Coombabah
Date: 22th March, 2010

Josephine thought the checks were “confusion” points and, not holding back, went on to say “Sydney posh hash markings, should be Gold Coast markings, we’ve had some beautiful runs in this area and somebody had to go and fuck it up. I lost my shoe in the shiggy, otherwise a good run”.Acting Grand Master and Minister for Loose Change,Sir Prince,then inquired of Goat Farka what he thought of the nosh and received” sensational, barred up over it” The co-hares enjoyed a Down Down.

Moving right along the Prick of the Week was called for and Missing Link immediately passed it to Cum Smoke for laughing at him at some point and being “the perennial pest and the GM’s bumboy.”

The prevalence of mosquitos  inspired Sir Prince to tell the story of a hashman called China who put a band-aid on the end of his dick and sprayed it with fly spray in an attempt to control a case of crabs. On the same the theme Black Stump told of a Dettol and Vaseline incident which sounded quite excruciating.

Show Pony declared he was not a returning runner and Sir Prince recalled his recent trip to London which sometimes got to a balmy 5 degrees and where he attended the campaign for real ale and from the 150 beers on offer partook of “Goat Leap”and “Trashy Blonde’ amongst others.

Botcho gave a report on the upcoming wine trail extravaganza which has been well researched and is shaping up to be a great day out. Those not on the bus will, well,  miss the bus.

Goat Farka charged himself for following Flasher on the run and whilst enjoying his DD announced he would be going to Indo-China for 3 months with his wife. Shat commented ”That’s like taking a monkey to the zoo”

Old Fart assured the circle that there would be plenty of spuds at next weeks run, no hills and free crownies to mark his fiftieth.

As  convenor  of this months Splinter lunch Circumference said he had chosen a Pizza/pasta joint run by Afghanis for the purposes of “assimilation” Talk of food reminded Sir Prince that he had taken his own birthday cake to a restaurant in London and was charged 8 pounds per person “cakeage”.

At this point a helicopter flew over and Two Dogs thought it was searching for a lost hashman.

By popular acclaim Sir Prince had a DD for a recent birthday as did Rug for coming up with a rather contrived hypothetical. Botcho solved the one posed by Aussie last week.

And that was the end of the circle.

Thanks to Crocodile and Flatulence for a long run in great country and an excellent nosh. Commiserations to those hashers who missed the plating up.

on on

Now Loved

On Sec

Run 1689

Run 1689
Hare: Pommy & Botcho
Location: State Forest. Pacific Pines
Date: 15th March, 2010

Scene: A pleasant park and barbeque area in a newly developed suburb. Pommy is attending to his pots over gas rings and  the aroma emanating augers well for a tasty meal. From out of the darkness the front runners burst on to the tranquil scene. Flasher, Blowfly,Blackie,Goat Farka Sir Slab and Bent Banana look pleased with themselves. When interviewed Banana said “bloody big hill, went 2 k’s no check, Blackie fell over a couple of times, hare had bad habit of calling us the wrong way otherwise a good run.”Blackie offered “Botcho sent front runners the wrong way, six of us”and Aussie reported that there were “short cutting bastards everywhere, a fucking good run”All runners appeared to have put in a good effort and were quite happy.

After cooling down and a few drinks the pack were served delicious kebab style sausages with a tsaziki dressing followed by a delicious chicken curry with a lingering lemongrass taste.

Just before the meal Old Fart appeared in his full scout leaders uniform and the Grand Master considered adopting a scarf and woggle as part of his regalia.

In a theatrical moment Cum Smoke introduced the GM and at his behest Goat Farka called the circle to order. The co-hares, Pommy and Botcho, were called out and the GM congratulated them on the run and Botcho recalled a time when Aussie had set a run in this location and there were no houses. Link said the nosh was “absolutely brilliant”and the GM and Aussie agreed. The hares enjoyed a Down Down as did Goat Farka for singing and dancing during the run. Goatie is working on a new hash song. Caustic Crusader was also a recipient for declining to say something about the GM and Missing Link also enjoyed a DD for being “a cheeky bastard”.

Visitors included Mother Brown from Surrey (another “soap dodger”according to somebody in the circle) and Ajay who is travelling the world at the tender age of 18. Returning runners Flasher and Girls joined the visitors in a DD. Flasher refused to talk about going to a girlie boy bar in the Philippines.

As assistant GM ,Botcho called out Sir Rabbit for offering to do a St.Patrick’s day run but then withdrawing due to the crèche being too busy. Whilst Sir Rabbit enjoyed his DD Aussie reminded the circle of “one sir”rule.

As the Incumbent Prick of the Week, Flatulence said he had several contenders including Old Fart for scout gear but settled on Link for abusing him in the Hash Cash line.

In another round of DD’s Cum Smoke enjoyed one for calling the GM when he was drunk and Point Two for achieving 950 runs. Well done Point Two! Showpony and Link were recognized as birthday boys. Moonbeams retold the joke about the 3 legged chicken and Now Loved failed miserably in telling a true story about a kid ,a dog, an airport and a fire crew. Aussie concluded proceedings with a hypothetical that had everyone stumped.

Next weeks run is Crocodile at the western or is it wet end of Coombabah.

Thanks to Pommy and Botcho for a good run, an impressive nosh and an excellent choice of venue.

ON ON
Now Loved

On Sec