Date: Sunday 26th April, 2015
Location: Sir Slab’s Pad. Mermaid Waters.
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Author Archives: Botcho
April Splinter Lunch
Run: April Splinter Lunch
Date: 24/04/2015
Location: Broadbeach
Hosts: Moonbeams & Kitchen Bitch
Attendees: 33
This months lunch we Celebrated Moonbeam’s birthday. What a fun day great food, better company.
Speeches were few. Red wine, we all had a few tooooooooo many !! But what a day.
Our Splinter Grand Master Sir Rabbit had a few words to say!
Nasty helped out with a few words of his own. View video
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Moonbeams replied…
Today I turned 75.
(I think I heard him say, or was that 76)
My hearing’s still good. What’s that you say?
My body’s still working quite well thanks.
My hair’s not too grey, my wrinkles are few,
I can’t touch my toes with my knuckles any more.
But who bloody cares
I’m quite full of vigour, just getting ripe.
I feel really good.
But thanks for asking
I love a beer or two and a glass of red.
My eye sight is good
But they now print the phone book in much smaller type.
My hearing’s still good. What’s that you say?
Speak clearly, don’t mumble, your voice wafts away.
Inside this old body I’m still young, but then
If life starts at forty, I’m really just thirty five or is it thirty six.
Thanks for coming I hoped you enjoyed your day.
Now I have to say!!
Go home you bastards and enjoy another day.
On On
Botcho
Run 1955
Run: 1955
Date: 20/04/2015
Location: Main Beach
Hares: Carefree
Runners: 30
Run Report
ANZAC SPIRIT…..HASH SPIRIT….AUSSIE SPIRIT
Hareline extraordinaire VD deserves much credit for having the game plan, the nouse, the big idea of making CareFree the ‘Hare’ for the ‘Anzac Centenary’ Hash run. What foresight, what creative genius! True, many on the Gourmet Hash had questioned the decision but it became crystal clear that this was VD wisdom par excellence. The “absolute bloody debacle” (thanks very much SPV) of WW1 beautifully re-enacted by a man who lived through its most torrid and terrifying moments….and survived, battered and bruised, to live and tell the tale.
It is no secret that CareFree has long held the desire to one day ‘pass on the experience’ of his time on the Front line fighting the enemy, fighting for freedom, fighting…. for Australia.
Last Monday, Run 1955, Carefree’s dream became a reality.
It’s fair to say that the Gods smiled on him that day as the heavens opened up and cat and dogs pissed down on the pack as it assembled, much like the allied forces at Gallipoli, on Main Beach.
-“This is what it was like when we hit the Anzac Cove shore fellas” explained an emotional, choked up CareFree. “It was dark and it was wet and we were bloody cold. The storm made it impossible to see ahead of us so we stumbled forward aimlessly until we got to the cliff face.” He continued: “For tonight’s run; head down the beach for about a ‘k’ then head inland towards the bridge and then try to find your way home.”
But this would prove too big an ask for even the most hardened hashers; Swollen Colon was first to hoist the white flag and retreat back along the beach.
-“Fuck that” he said, “I lost me way a bit up the beach and came across this sign ‘BEWARE THE BIG BOA’. That was it for me.”
Not Tonight (Josephine) and Circumference followed, wet and muddy and holding up a buggered Rabbit.
-“Rabbit’s fucked” said a circumspect Circumference, “he can’t go on. We’re takin’ him back to camp for a beer and a good lie down.”
The rest was a procession in ramble retreat. No one found the washed-out trail and only a few found the bridge. Fanny Charmer found nothing, wondering aimlessly in the dark but smiling nonetheless. Eventually, in dribs and drabs, they made their way back… hopelessly lost, miserable, knackered… but happy to be alive.
Asked to comment on the campaign, Two Dogs struggled for words:
-“Difficult……………to know what to say really. Me mum taught me to say nothing if it wasn’t something nice so perhaps ‘a fucking fiasco’ is the best I can think of. I mean, it was a mess: blokes running around like chooks with no heads. A bloody disaster, we got smashed.”
A non-repentant CareFree explained:
-“When Admiral Commander Churchill ordered us to prepare for the assault I could see it was a fucked idea so I told him to go jump in the lake. There was no fucking way I was scrambling up that ridge with the fucking Turks taking pot shots at me. Winnie got plenty mad, imploring us to do it “for the Queen” but I never budged. I told him to go fuck himself, and his Queen while he was at it.”
BlueCard was asked to comment on the tucker and he too was found wanting:
-“Interesting…………” he said pensively “grizzle and gravy…… CareFree deserves much credit for cooking an authentic war dish but for me there was a distinct lack of protein and nutrients. Even on the Front, you could rely on the odd rat and a few mice to throw in the pot. That would have helped I think.”
GM KB ordered the troops into Circle formation and promptly requested Sir Arsehole to account for his lengthy ‘leave of absence’.
-“Convalescing Grand Master” said SAH. “My war injuries are coming back to haunt me. Incidently, I was on that same ship when CareFree give Church that gob full. I remember thinking then that if I happened to survive this war then I’d go live in Australia, a place which questions authority and values freedom of speech. I owe a great debt to CareFree and his ilk.”
RA Caustic was passed the baton and immediately called Swollen Colon in on the heinous charge of ‘deserting his Aussie mates’. His excuse that “I’m shit scared of snakes” was howled down and he was given a ‘down’. Fanny Charmer was charged for having the audacity to ‘question’ the generosity of the Hierarchy. Having ‘won’ a bottle of the best Stellenbosch Shiraz for his impersonation of a Chinese sportsman the previous week, Fanny decided to impress his better half with a fabulous French feed. But upon charging their glasses in celebration, a dismayed FC found that it contained water instead.
His indiscretion was further rewarded with the Prick-of-the-Week.
A thoughtful but very sad Truck Tyres (veteran of both the Korean and Vietnam Wars) was invited to pass on the USELESS garb.
-“Nothing disappoints me more than blokes deserting their mates. It is the lowest of the lows, totally bloody un-Australian. Swollen Colon deserted his mates and for that he stands condemned….. And he’s useless to boot!
And on that sober note, Moonbeams ended proceedings.
On2
BallPoint
The Nosh
Carefree prepared something call snake hot pot
Run 1954
Run: 1954
Date:13/04/2015
Location: Ashmore
Hare: Aussie
Runners: 33
Sir Prince Valiant recruits new member
Sir Prince has just announced that he has start a new running group. He can’t believe the response he has had after posting a picture of his first new recruit. Number One Locker Holder
Statistics released from The United Nations reveal that:
Australian, Canadian, UK and US men between 50 and 75 years of age will, on average, have sex two to three times per week, whereas Japanese men, in the same age group, will have sex only once or twice per year.
This is very upsetting news to most of my friends, as they had no idea they were Japanese.
Tonight’s run commenced from Eastern end car park outside Aquinas College on Turnbull Drive near Edmund Rice Drive (that description came from Aussie himself, our hare for tonight) and at this point I am very tempted to wrap up my report with the words “we came, we ran, we ate, we mucked around in circle, we fucked off home” and wish you all a good night!!!! You may well ask why this thought came to mind…..and the answer is that I am sure you will all be heartily sick of my fellow stand-in scribe’s rantings and ravings in previous run reports. Ballpoint, my fellow stand-in scribe, for whom I have a good deal of respect as an experienced hashman, surely does like the feeling of seeing copious amounts of his own words on screen!! I shall endeavour to not do the same this week.
The theme of the run:
Clearly the majority of our hash is illiterate or simply don’t give a fuck for protocols…a mere handful of us wore jerseys representing our favorite teams of whatever persuasion. Yours truly wore his 2010 Spanish soccer world cup winners’ jersey…the real McCoy mind you and deservedly did take out the prize for the best team outfit…and as a reward received a re-gifted bottle of “wine” given to the GM by a hashman whose identity now escapes me…might it have been Caustic who brought it over from South Africa…all I can say is nice fuckin’ water…prick!! Very bloody funny!!…but it’s what I have come to now expect from the Hash.
The Run:
A nice run with a bit of street, a bit of park, a scramble up a gravel-encrusted hill, some shiggy through shitty-smelling swamp water and generally being well marked with chalk, toilet paper and flour. Given that it was in the middle of Southport/Ashmore, not a bad effort at all Aussie! The run measured in at about 6.2km according to my mate Strava and Two Dogs’ techno-watch.
The Nosh:
Another great effort Aussie…you are certainly in the running for nosh of the year! The entrée consisted of chicken wings which were quickly devoured by all and sundry and the main meal…oh, the main meal…this is what the Gourmet Hash is all about…the most succulent lamb (or was it beef) that I have tasted in a long time, served up with lovely mash and peas. Dessert consisted of some nice “off the shelf” black forest cheese cake…at first it looked like a typical Hash debacle with the tops of the cakes burnt to a crisp but it turns out that this is how they are supposed to look!
The mystery grog:
Nobody owned up to the generous donation of the four or so mystery bottles of wine that miraculously appeared on our table, but to whomever was the generous benefactor, thanks heaps. I really enjoyed several glasses of the Boronia marsala. Can’t go wrong with that stuff!!
Circle:
Tonight was a big welcome back to several runners whom we haven’t seen for quite a while. Swollen Colon surprisingly running out of his own postcode…it’s a long way from 4217 to 4215! Cumsmoke also put in an appearance, Caustic made it back safely from RSA but rumour has it that he’s married Ms South Africa and she’s up the duff…don’t know if there’s any truth in that one. Two dogs and several of the other NZ travellers made an appearance tonight as did other wandering minstrels like Nasty and Slug…but where the hell has Truckie disappeared to??? Two Dogs brought back an ideal gift for GM…an excessively long willie warmer. Shat presented the GM with some stolen merchandise from a NZ pub…a Guiness hat.
Icings a plenty tonight…you can tell that Caustic is back as RA..Miscarriage was on there, Jigsaw was on there…and was Sir Prince? I cannot remember now, but I do know that he and Carefree were called to the front for talking in the lines.
That’s about all for this run…I hope that you all enjoy the relative brevity of words.
Fanny Charmer,
Substitute to the Substitute to the Hash Scribe
Run 1953
Run: 1953
Date:6/04/2015
Location: Miami
Hares: Circumference
Runners: 26
Gold Coast Gourmet Hash
The Hash House Harriers was formed at the Selangor Club Chambers in Malaya in 1937/38 by E.J Galvin, Malay Mail, H.M Doig, A.S Gispert and Cecil H. Lee. Rumor has it that Gispert was the real ideas man who created the Hash and was also a Walker and a Bike rider. The tradition continue today with this group of GCHHH athletes who recently celebrated St Patrick Day in Dunedin NZ.
Video on how the GCHHH live when away from home
- Botcho advised that soon all GCHHH would be able to travel after the 2 recent big wins in the Lottery. This week he is planning that we will win the big $25Million
- Sir Rabbit defies all odds after hospitalization over Easter. He joins the Monday night run in the hopes the run activity will help him pass his kidney stone.
Run 1953 with Circumference at early start time of 5pm
Video of Run start by Circumference at Mick Schamburg Park Miami
Video on how the Circumferecne run
Promoted by Circumference as the Beach Run and Trailer Nosh of the year.
Will the beachside run save Circumference ’s as his ast run was noted as worst Run of the Year.
Location was looking good as the eye candy passed by in large numbers . Slug was heard to comment . “Who cares about running, lets just hang here and have a few beers!”
A group of 26 dedicated athletes circled around Circumference for pre-run briefing who promptly told the walkers to go that way while runners were to follow him.
With that Circumference sent the runners on their way at 5.16 pm with words “ you wont miss this trail and its a great run and there is a drink stop with free beer”
After last few weeks of the so called Best Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Trailer Nosh of the Year that in fact were total debacles this was looking a very good opportunity for Circumference to redeem himself.
The Run
Circumference commented that he had spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked Beachside Run. We guess he has the experience so it was expected to be a good run.
The only relevant clue was the final information that Circumference would be waiting somewhere standing at the drink stop.Good work Circumference to keep these bastards honest!!
Very quickly runners moved forward but all going in different directions.
Flasher the way led, with Miscarriage ,Brewtus, Bent Banana, Sir Black Stump and Botcho as leading the runners up the road. Circumference’s run was all looking very good with zero bush, zero mud and zero rough terrain!! There was to be no bitumen road on this run.Yeah !!!
Iceman , Sir Slab, Rug , Sir Prince Valient and Missing Link were in full flight up the road with Jigsaw. Waiting at the drink stop was Circumference to make sure each hashman went the right way ..well done Circumference for your assistance but it appears only 2 runners found your free beer drink stop .
The first runners back via the correct trail down the hill to the trailer was Flasher followed by Ferrett who went in the opposite direction.
Sir Black Stump and Miscarriage 2nd, Bent Banana 3rd with Botcho and close by Ballpoint.
Reported run time of 41.05 minutes..Run distance 5.1 km. Area covered 25 sq KM with an average pace of 8.06 min /km ..Well done runners.
It appears that Sir Rabbitt decided to walk this week in the hope that his kidney stone would pass with the exercise.
Run Critic Brewtus noted “ Best Run of the year so far”. Hare Circumference put in a lot of effort and experience for this run provided a free beer drink stop that only 2 runners were able to find.
Miscarriage reported that he was forced to run into the sun with “no hat ,no sunglasses and no block out.”
Flasher also got in on the act and commented “Amazing how he found new territory after all the runs from here” ..
Rug not to be left out “concurred”
Great effort Circumference for an excellent Beachside Run.
The WOBBLY Walkers
As always a big group of wobbly walkers lined up on the pathway more interested in the eye candy than the walk .As the walking group is getting slower and most of these geriatics in the past weeks have made little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area but tonight it was different. The excitement and smell so much nearby bush got them going quickly along the pathway.
Again we see those ex runners, Sir Rabbit , Rockhard, this week joined with Slug to the ranks of the dedicated professional walkers. It seems that they are they now permanent walkers with Kwakka, Nasty , Weekly ,Carefree ,Swindler and Hard On
Weekly showed no pain as he too raced around trying to get the trailer opened with help from Sir Slab so that cold beer would be on tap when the runners got back..anything to save an icing.
The dedicated professional walkers, with Explet returning runner with Hard On , Weekly, Slug & Swindler all moved out a brisk pace along the pathway which they kept up the good pace for the 3 km walk.
Back to the safety of the trailer the walkers enjoyed a cold well deserved beer with Carefree the first to indulge. Walking is really hard work.
The Nosh
For the Hare Circumference it was always going to be a hard act to follow recent effort that at this stage each have been voted “The Best Trailer Nosh of the Year?” As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet.
With hygiene totally forgotten as the nosh chef Circumference proceeded to handle all the food with his so called dirty little spotless hands assisted by Jigsaw!!
Portioned controlled to perfection so no waste it was Sir Prince who took control of the knife to slice the Black Angus steaks.
GM Kitchen Bitch seems very happy with the results as he food tested the Nosh to make sure it was safe for the Hashers to eat!!.so very thoughtful.
Satay beef cooked to perfection
Aged Black Angus Steaks
Salads make to a recipe not a price
Drumsticks presented in fine silver paper
Resident food CriTic Hard On Who had 2 helping of steak OBVIOUSLY appreciated the food:
…………“Great Steaks and Salads food and at last back to high quality Hash basics”
Well done CIRCUMFERENCE FOR providing the NOSH WITH NO outsourcin except for assistance BY GM, Sir Prince and Jigsaw. a Great effort that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of true HASH nosh in a great location in the BUSH.
The Beachside CIRCLE
The GM appeared in Katmandu Hat, Hash Chains and with his trademark Moses Staff. He advised all that the mystery acting RA would be Sir Prince Valiant due to absence of Caustic who is on a hunting expedition in South Africa.
The GM immediately asked all the returning runners to the circle
Flasher commented “this bunch of idiots lining up claiming to be runners and no FuC#@%* gifts for GM”
DD to:
- Circumference for the Hare and excellent quality Nosh
- Returning Runners Kwakka, Jigsaw, Sir Slab ,Hard On , Missing Link ,Rockhard and Swindler
- Missing Link for his expedition to Sri Lanka for 1 month
- Visitor and as returning runner Exelpet who was last seen as our Booze Master
- Sir Rabbit presented doctors certificate to save himself an icing as his kidney stone is still moving out
- Nasty ,Swindler and Flasher for going away next week
- Brewtus for laughing in the circle
- Ferrett for his comments to GM
Useless Shirt
Yes…still with Truck Tyres who is once again smelling the roses in Tenterfield.
Where is the Prick of the Week?
The last recipient of this prized possession was Aussie and is still with him?
Hopefully will be there next week ??
Gift for GM
Once again with tears in his eyes saying “the best gift so far this year” the GM accepted an amazing gift and thoughtful gift from Jigsaw. This highly prized possession of a baby chicken laying an egg was handed over to the GM who immediately hung it on his Moses Staff with all the other crap that hangs from it . Well done Jigsaw for a thoughtful gift.
GM Report
GM advised next week run will be by Aussie!! Our GM has personally promised to assist to ensure that this event would have first class Nosh
End of CIRCLE …….by FERRETT @ 8.30 pm
Swindler 
Runners: 26