RUN 1865
Date :29/7/2013
Location: Helensvale
HARE: Botcho
Runners: 29
Once again we were honoured with an appearance by Cum Smoke. Good to see he brought his mate Big Unit! The Big Unit chatting with Flasher…. I heard the BU complaining about a pain in the neck. No not Flasher just cause and effect from chatting with Flasher.Sorry Flasher but I am under strict instructions from Rectum to give you a special mention every week.
8 walkers and 18 runners hit the trail this week.In the absence of the GM the RA took on the self appointed joint role of GM/RA and called the circle in the Helensvale Tavern car park before dinner.
Flasher said it was a good run until he got lost. Iceman gave him instructions to follow him…. Big mistake. Botcho told a shaggy dog story about being chased by a dog while setting the run. There seemed to no real score but Ferret mumbled to the On Sec give him 4.77.
A DD to Josephine, Caustic and KB for email spam about a certain round ball match in Melbourne.
A minutes silence for Useless a past Hasher in the club who passed away recently. Ferret reported that Useless introduced him to Hash in Singapore where a week later Ferret met his future wife and Useless was best man at his wedding.
RETURNERS
The athletes returning from a Peptide fuelled bike ride in the Phillipines were front and centre.
Ferret as the oldest took 1 for the team and got the DD.
Shat when asked to report on the trip said everybody behaved and they inspected a lot of Catholic Churches. Yeah right!
Sir Prince was awarded the “Plastic Plucked Chicken” to take to Myanmar as the stand in “Yellow Jersey”
Ferret called out Flasher for being a media tart for having his photo on the cover of the Hash Magazine.
Everybody then adjourned to the Tavern, selected a special person for a 2 for 1 meal to the delight of Moonbeams but the despair of Hash Cash.
That’s it for this week see you all next week.
PS Keep the emails about “Hash Shit” or bear the consequences in the circle!!
Blue Cards Lesson For The Week
Short Lesson On Towel Heads…
In these troubled times, it has become very difficult to distinguish the good towel-heads from the bad towel heads. Just where are the moderate Muslims, anyway? Do they actually exist?
The following is provided, to help you distinguish between a BAD “towel-head” and a GOOD “towel-head.” You must study the pictures carefully so that you will not confuse the two in a moment of indecision … It could save your life! This is a bad towel head
RUN 1864
Date :22/7/2013
Location: Pacific Pines
HARE: Circumference
Runners: 16
The weather was like a balmy English spring evening – drizzleing and miserable but the Hash Gods no doubt at one with the RA turned off the liquid sunshine for the time of the run.
6 walkers and 10 runners turned up for the usual Hash Mash.
The walkers walked and the runners ran!
Prior to the Nosh the constabulary turned up had a quick chat to a couple of hashers and soon left mumbling something about “old farts running in the rain”. The boys in blue were no doubt attracted by the fire in the brazier which Josephine insisted on lighting with some painted fence wood (2 weeks in a row).
The GM called up the circle between main course and dessert just to show he is not afraid to make drastic changes to protocol.
Hare – Circumference:
Flasher reported it as a good well marked run in a typical Flasher suck up and awarded 7.2 and an additional .5 of a point for the fire which had nothing to do with the hare.
Botcho provided a second opinion and in a Margaret and David “At the Movies” moment also gave it a 7.2.
Rug reported on the Nosh marinated chicken pieces and salad. Nothing better than a nice hot meal on a winter’s night, unfortunately this wasn’t it.
Score 6.8
Truck Tyres as a second opinion. The tinned beetroot and tinned pineapple was really good and the bread rolls weren’t too old.
Score 6.9
Jigsaw received a high commendation for being stand in boze master and providing excellent dips.
Returners
Flasher back from Cambodia after meeting up with Misscariage, Testacles and Slug presented the GM with a special stubbie holder.
DD’s
• Rectum for mentioning he wanted to go home to see the Test which had actually finished.
• Rug for being a suspect in leaving a used condom in the RA’s unit in Thailand
• KB under a cloud of suspicion for having taken peptides and performance enhancing drugs as he was spotted on the run running.
Charges
Rectum gave a DD to Croc for backing the Blues. Croc responded that he had tuned in to watch the second match, fell asleep and woke up to find the commentator talking about the Blues beating the Reds 57 to 42 but it finally dawned on him that they were talking about the other match – the second coming of Kevin Rudd.
POW
The GM on behalf of VD in his absence gave it back to VD in absentia.
Next Weeks Run
Botcho and Moonbeams. Nosh at the Helensvale tavern with 2 for 1 meals organised. Choose your “special friend” early in the night.
See you next week.
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………..
Bluecard’s Joke Of The Week
Global Economics Explained Through E Cow Nomics
SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.
COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.
FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.
NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.
BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away.
TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.
Republican Capitalism otherwise known as tea party economics a la : LEHMANN BROS, GOLDMAN SACHS, BEAR STERNS, CITIBANK ETC… CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.
SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons.
AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
A GREEK CORPORATION
You have two cows. You borrow lots of euros to build barns, milking sheds, hay stores, feed sheds, dairies, cold stores, abattoir, cheese unit and packing sheds.
You still only have two cows.
A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three cows.
A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called a Cowkimona and market it worldwide.
AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.
A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.
A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.
AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.
A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.
AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least you are now a Democracy.
AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good. Forget about milking them.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.
A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive (not quite as nice as the good looking sheep though).
RUN 1863
Date :15/7/2013
Location: Parkwood
HARE: Josephine
Runners: 18
We were indeed honoured this week with an appearance by Cum Smoke. Not only a rare appearance but he brought a guest who was quickly named Big Unit due to the fact that he was a Big Unit. Can’t wait to see him chatting with Flasher!
Speaking of Flasher – come back all is forgiven.
About 17 turned up in less than perfect weather. Not bad when you consider there are 16 away competing in the Tour de Philippines. Word coming down the wire is that Nasty has lost his phone on the bike ride but I have it on good authority his fellow riders are looking after it so he is not texting and riding at the same time.
We all gathered for drinks in Josephine’s garage but not content with the level of ambience he decided to start a fire with what seemed like some old painted timber judging by the smoke billowing from the brazier. Not happy with the level of fire Josephine resorted to a container of kerosene and for a while it seemed like he was going to resemble a protesting monk with a serious case of self-immolation.
Eventually Sir Rabbit who was in charge of the Nosh turned up with his piece de resistance Tuna Mornay. As he had catered for 35 there was no requirement to portion control which was probably fortunate as the first course was non-existent.
The GM called up the circle and Hare Josephine was front and centre. Rectum declared the run as a nice long run with a few hills but not well marked in the first half. Score 8.5
A second opinion from Veteran also scored an 8.5. An average of 8.5.
Rug gave an insightful opinion on the Tuna Mornay and said it was pretty good but it was a pity he didn’t have any rendering jobs at the moment as it would come in handy – score 8.
Rabbit was given a special mention, a high distinction and a DD for completing 20 half marathons and 40 years married.
DD’s to:
Cum Smokes guest Big Unit
Truck Tyres last to pay
Blackie scrubbed out a set of tyres at $500 each on the Porsche lucky the trailer tyres match
RA Miss Carriage
DD’s to:
Josephine for training his dog to lick people on the legs
Caustic reported Mrs Prince only let Sir Prince go to the Philippines because Rectum wasn’t going – Sir Rabbit and Sir AH copped a DD for Sir P in his absence
Rectum for discovering a stability issue with the trailer
Returners
Cum Smoke, Veteran, and Sir Cumference.
Sir Cumference back from the Land of the Long Weekend told us the Kiwis have a saying….. what happens in the pen stays in the pen.
Next weeks run by Sir Cumference will be somewhere on the Gold Coast – to be advised.
That’s the week that was.
PS. Blue Cards joke for this week ….
After being married for 40 years, I took a careful look at my wife one day and said …….”Forty years ago we had a cheap house, a junk car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 23-year-old girl.
Now … I have a $500,000.00 home, a $35,000.00 car, a nice big bed and a large screen TV, and … I’m sleeping with a 62-year-old woman. It seems to me that you’re not holding up your side of things.”
My wife is a very reasonable woman. She told me to go out and find a hot 23-year-old girl and she would make sure that I would once again be living in a cheap house, driving a junk car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV.
Aren’t older women great? They really know how to solve an old guy’s problems.
