Author Archives: Botcho

Run 1821

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Run 1821
Date : 24th September 2012
Hare : Truck Tyres
Venue : Burleigh Waters
Runners 30

Weeks to my passport returning – ?

The day didn’t bode too well, an early attempt at a storm with more forecast to come. Arriving at the venue the skies told a different story and the slight chill in the air was going to make for comfortable running.

It was clear that there was a healthy head count and as, we embarked through a compound gate it seemed that the running numbers had swelled this week also.

The trail, which lead through the Burleigh Waters estates, was well marked, okay a few arrows had eroded in the earlier shower, but in the main we kept on trail. False trails and check backs were used to keep the pack together (the hare had obviously read last weeks trash) so after thirty minutes we were still as a pack. The front-runners swapped regularly and when we finally emerged onto Reedy Creek road we were still all together.

Past Bunnings over Reedy Creek road and into the industrial estate before emerging onto, then crossing, West Burleigh road and onto a graveled track. At the top of the track we climbed through a hole in the fence and then onto a council track, which undulated, between a series of bridges, skirting the edge of the water.

Once off the track we were sent down the hill towards Stocklands and just when you thought you were on the on home, the trail lead way from home (usually up another hill). Finally we descended, crossed Reedy Creek road again and back to the venue. A very good run indeed. Two words – Bench Mark.

The usual dipping chips had been dispensed with, in favour of some with more flavour, the dip was a little on the small side but tasty.

An Asian style chicken noodle soup was served as a starter with bread, this was followed by a Beef Provençale with carrots, courgettes and whole onions served alongside pasta and garlic bread. Dessert was freshly chopped melon and strawberries and ice cream doused with Grand Marnier. Looked as though someone was aiming for run and food of the year.

GM called circle and Truckie was brought out; this is the second run he has hared on the coast despite having only completed 32. The GM commented on both Kitchen Bitch and Mumbles with strong front running appearances before inviting for a Caustic comment.

“Magnificent, best run of the year, good use of arrows, route and new territory”. 9 ¼ out of ten, only minor complaint was we were over the hour by a few minutes. DD for hare, who incidentally provided the beers for his birthday, unlike you Show pony. Caustic was heard to be chuntering so DD by the GM.

Sir AH said of the nosh “Brilliant, none outsourced, only help was by KB who assisted to serve. “Grand Marnier fruit cocktail was beautiful”. Botcho (the olive maestro) critiqued “lacking salt” 7 ¾ out of ten.

Returners – Mumbles – travelling and flu
Sir AH – working – broke the wife’s foot (couldn’t quite get her over the balcony)
Swindler – working in Indonesia/Singapore where caught up with Magician
Kwakka – suffering from bad knee again

No RA this week, on a pilgrimage.

Belated pressy for the GM from testicles – an elephant calendar (from a seconds shop?) what happened to the bintang.

DD – Shat – 100 runs
Flasher – for fluency in Arabic
Caustic/Arse up/Shat – beer in wrong hand
Josephine – for doing a fine job at beer spotting

Story about the chipmunks from Botcho, about the Roosters from Cum Smoke and Miscarriage’s continued f#ck –ups that are his life by Sir Prince.

Iceman riding high on the success of his joke last week attempted another funny. I did say attempted.

POW – Rectum handed the prestigious award to Shat for doing so much for Hash last year and yet so little this year. Shat was so overcome by emotion, he collapsed with joy. Apparently he is a virgin POW, watch out next week Josephine I feel a guilt by association coming.

Next weeks run – Pizza @ his place, Committee run _ Oktoberfest, bring a German helmet??

Splinter lunch by Pizza this Friday, at an Italian on Orchid Avenue.

End of circle by Josephine.

Thanks to Truckie for a great effort on the run and food, my legs are still aching.

On On

Rectum
On Sec
Most of the above may be untrue. But I don’t care.

Run 1820

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Run 1820

Date    :           17th September 2012

Hare    :           Veteran

Venue :           Norm Rix Park, Labrador

Runners         32

Woche auf Deutsch Extravaganz – zwei

With the bureau forecasting showers there were a surprising number of attendees waiting at the venue. I was warned to expect an award before the end of the evening by many hashers; apparently I have been making some heightist jokes at the expense of Mohamed El-Critchley Mahmood (Flasher as we know him). What a load of sh#t he needs to grow a set (and about two feet)

Instructions issued by the hare, Veteran and we were off eastwards into the familiar territory that is Labrador. Which reminds me why does Flasher always laugh when he runs? Because the grass tickles his nuts.

Pile Driver has definitely fallen out with the wife; this is now the sixth week in a row he has attended.

The route was well marked and contained plenty of checks, check-backs and false trails. Whilst predominantly on paths there was a little grass and bush. Some markings were hard to locate but that, combined with the checks and route, ensured the pack was kept together for a large amount of the run. The walkers were cleverly orchestrated on and off our path leaving me with a feeling of De Ja Vu as I ran past Show Pony and others continually.

The pack bunched up again near government road with Bent Banana suddenly putting down the anchor, Flasher was coming to a stop when he got rear-ended by Miscarriage. Flasher turned and said, “I am not happy.” Miscarriage replied, “Well then which dwarf are you?”

I could do this all night!.

A little light on distance meant that the front-runners returned back a shade over thirty minutes, almost the same time as the walkers. A good effort by most meant that there was about seven or eight at the pointy end of the pack. Nice finish by Cum Smoke and Josephine.

Entrees were served, good quality dipping chips in abundance (when was the last time you saw left overs) with a tomato salsa. The mains were a  Mexican/Italian combination probably best named Chilli Rigatoni, it was hot tasty and just enough to feed everyone. Fruit and ice cream served as dessert.

Circle was called, several times, little respect being shown for the GM with the RA not icing anyone again

I departed to help a ‘damsel in distress’, to find a fat bloke with a beard and a flat battery (can someone point out an opticians to Moonbeams please)

Meanwhile, the Hare was being lambasted by the sh&t stirring Caustic Crusader “East Labrador is better than west but – Labrador is still Labrador” 5.9/10

Crocodile was less kind of the walk – “Lacked imagination 2/10

PV (?) said of the food “old army recipe from the Boer War” 5/10

Visitors –  Hemorrhoids

Returners – Arse up, Testicles and Dicky Knee

Shat sent his apologies but it seems the weak b%st^rd has fallen over whilst pissed again, Kwakka with bad knee (but able to motorcycle at the weekend) and Blackie was earning a coin flogging condoms and penis extensions.

RA spotlight fell on Cum Smoke – our resident seagull (others preferred Ibis) for not finishing the dipping chips, DD for him and Caustic, heard to be whining about the length of time circle was taking but giving a passable ussain bolt impersonation on hearing free crownies were in the offing.

Point Two is very healthy and relaxed according to Josephine, who is worried his own property will be reminiscent of a reptile house thanks to Point two’s snake repulsion equipment. (could we purchase one for Caustic)

Kitchen Bitch brown nosed the GM with a return from holiday pressy (which was actually worth having) an ice cold Bintang.

Miscarriage attempted a prostrate cancer examination drive but it sounded more like b@ggery to me.

Jokes – Iceman broke the stigma of gold coasts worst joke teller with a contemporary view of current events and Testicles had everyone chuckling over a Kebab.

POW – worst kept secret since he came out of the closet, Flasher attempted a lame ruse before presenting the award to Rectum. At least there was more to it than voting Labour. In the spirit of keeping it a secret, the first hasher to make a CAUSTIC comment will be getting it next week.

Hashy birthday to Botcho and Sir Rabbit who both brought crownies unlike you Show Pony.

DD for Sir Slab for trailer savings and Sir Prince giving us his three word wedding speech? (someone suggested the translation was “wrong f#ck*ng hole”)

Next weeks run Truck Tyres @ Burleigh

End of circle pre-empted by Moonbeams

Thanks to Veteran for his efforts on the run and food, bear in mind when you slag him off, he did the food by himself and kept the pack together on the run. Not everybody does.

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Most of the above may be untrue. But I don’t care.

Run 1819

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News Flash!!
On Sec strikes for more money.
Mr Hash Cash Blackstump. Please reach an agreement with the On Sec. Pay him the money he deserves. We all enjoy reading the “Trash” that he writes
Breaking News
Dispute resolved in a closed Hierarchy meeting, apparently its on a need to know bases and not for the general rank and file!!

Run 1819
Date : 10th September 2012
Hare : Carefree
Venue : Southport SLSC
Runners 33

Weeks to Christmas cocktail evening at Hollywood Showgirls – 11

Arriving late for the run, the usual work commitments, I landed at the Surf club for what was the warmest evening so far, to the sight of four front running b#st@rds sweating and breathing heavily on the beach path. Whilst I couldn’t put my finger on it, something did not seem quite right, then it dawned on me, Cum Smoke was one of the front-runners. What the hell had gone on here? When was the last time you saw him run? When did you ever see him finish at the front? Had there been a rip in the space-time continuum?

Botcho, Caustic and Blackie made up the quartet and confirmed it was not an illusion, so where therefore, were the serial front-runners – Miscarriage and Flasher? Well, surprise, surprise they had ignored the markings and assumed the route, taking themselves off in the wrong direction.

Isn’t that why someone bothers to draw pretty little arrows and stuff that we are meant to follow?

Not having run, I trawled the good-sized crowd for comments.

“Predictable, up the spit and back”
“Carefree uses tampons”
“Disgraceful, no markings”
“Its royal Labrador”
“Carefree is renowned for shit runs”
“Shite”

It seems that Carefree is to hash runs what Clive Palmer is to hang-gliding

For those interested, the route ran north from the surf club, past Versace etc. and turned left by SeaWorld (or right if you were flasher and buddy) before returning on itself. About as much imagination as the current government.

A notable attendance by Pile driver who has now made four runs in a row, is there a bet we don’t know about.

Flasher and Miscarriage finally turned up looking suitably embarrassed.

Circle whistle tooted and order eventually obtained, it seemed as though there was a lot to talk about amongst ourselves.

Hare invited out, Carefree’s first run on the Gold Coast and hopefully his last according to Iceman, who stated ‘I enjoyed the lighting and toilet blocks’ – what the f%ck was he talking about?? 6.1/10
Show Pony, on behalf of the walkers, gave a juxtaposition, ‘been on the coast for 20 years, tonight I’ve been on new scenic territory’ 11/10 Show Pony backed up by Sir Slab. Looks like you can set a walk again Carefree.

DD to the three hares – Carefree, Moonbeams and Blackie

Visitors – Anchovy (someone’s mate from somewhere)
Vasso – (returner to the fold)
Peter – (Carefree’s mate)

Experiencing yet another Peter in the circle led to the call “someone’s opened a tin of Peters” and this led to all the Peters being brought out for a DD.

Unfinished business – thanks to the providers of birthday booze – Ferret/VD/Jigsaw

DD for Sir Slab on his 1300 runs, in the offing for an On Secs job? Pressy in due course (we’ve all heard that before, have you got yours yet Veteran?)

RA pulled Flasher out for excessive emails (serial offender). PS who ever is slipping Flasher the shrinking drugs please stop, as I observed him in the circle I thought “Does his mum know he’s out this late?”

Jokes requested – someone suggested the run for starters

Caustic procrastinated over a joke ridiculing the disabled, poor delivery, poor punch line, poor taste and the joke wasn’t up to much either. Eight minutes of my life I wont get back.

POW, Caustic decided to abridge the lengthy diatribe he had prepared and just handed it to Flasher for voting Labour, fair enough.

Vasso informed us that the standing invitation to the Brissy over 60’s luncheon invitation would be rescinded as there are too many of us over 60.

Coming up –

1st October – German Festival at Pizza’s
8th October – Run in the middle of nowhere – Jacobs Well

Talking of which Mme Latrine is still asking for transport to and from the venue – the trip there seems ok but…………

Next Weeks run – Veteran @ Labrador, norm rix park

End of circle given a DD by Moonbeams.

Food served at the Surf club –

Sir Prince nearly not served/Waitress amused by those who were not ashamed of giving their hash names – shame on those of you who didn’t, Barry, Julian etc. etc. In keeping with the usual run of things, the special was fine but a little light on the portion control front. It did however come with a $2 wine and not the $7.50 paid by the GM who went for the fancy pants fisherman’s basket.

A big shout out to Carefree’s mate Peter, who named himself “wild Man” when ordering the food.

The Peter Allen Gay dessert award to Cum Smoke.

Thanks to Carefree, good luck on the wrong side of the Tweed, hope to see you again.

On On

Rectum
On Sec
Most of the above may be untrue.

Run 1818

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Run 1818

Date    :           3rd September 2012

Hare    :           Ferret

Venue :           Miami SLSC

Runners         32

Weeks to the Vietnam offensive – 6

A mild night seemed to be on the cards as we assembled at the park at the end of Marine Parade. Numbers were healthy and the runner’s eager as our Hare disclosed the route information.

The evening began normally enough then turned into De Ja Vu or like something I had experienced previously (old run, family cooking the food), finishing out of order and in a degree of chaos. But more of that later.

Slightly later than 6.15, we began running northwards along the coastline before cutting left at the base of Magic Mountain and emerging to cross the highway by Nobby’s shops.

Several false trails and check backs were encountered, at which both Flasher and the GM seemed to be choosing very wisely. In fact a little too wisely, until it was established that we were running the majority of the Thirsty Thursday hash run from 4 nights previous, which, of course, they had both run.

The marking were good in the main, though some a little too far apart and others, which had bizarre letters alongside them (must be a Thursday thing).

The route took us through the estates by Sunshine boulevard, past Pizzy Park swimming pool until it eventually looped back to Sunshine Boulevard, back over the highway and home.

The length was good and combined with the temperature and pace at the front made for a top workout. Good performances by both Miscarriage and Flasher but a special mention to Caustic who put in a big effort to finish at the pointy end of the pack.

A small coach arrived carrying the catering team and the entrees were served; cheese, tomatoes, salad and crackers. The pack dived on these, like seagulls at the beach, leaving shiny clean platters in minutes.

The mains were taking a little longer, so circle was called with the intention that it be completed prior to the food.

Two Dogs offered the following of the run – old run, markings faded, little and big arrows, pack scattered, tedious 6/10 (which could explain why he and the GM short cutted the end)

Aussie commented on the walk – no arrows, up and back down albatross 7/10, (seemed overly generous)

No Visitors

Pizza (returner) and the hare Ferret called out by the GM who informed us that as they were both complaining about not being on committee this year, they would be booze masters next year. Cheers all round, though Ferrets birthday shine seemed to dull at that point.

Prince regaled us with a tale about a fellow hasher abusing a request to look after his guest; no one appeared surprised in the least. Also how the guest was taught her own language by Rug and had wine emptied on her by Flasher at the splinter lunch. We do leave a lasting impression. (have you tried getting red wine out of clothing?)

The RA brought out Caustic who informed us that Miss Scotland had been party to a molestation at the hands of others, for whom she was giving a lift home. Must be how we say thanks these days.

POW invited out, but the mains were ready so circle interrupted.

The meal consisted of Roast beef, jacket spuds, peas, carrots, mixed veg, sour cream, butter, gravy with a mixed fruit pavlova to finish. Delicious if you were at the front of the queue, (though in your favorite words Ferret “could have done with a bit of salt and pepper”) not so good if you had the vegetarian option (run out of meat) at the end.  Two words PORTION CONTROL.

Apathy reigned supreme as the GM brought the proceedings to a halt, without the POW, jokes, charges etc. (save for next week)

Next weeks run – Carefree’s virgin and final run before he returns to Sydney (coaching NSW Blues for state of origin)(well they’ve tried everyone else) @ Southport surf club (special meal organized)

Josephine (this is getting to be a habit) ended circle on behalf of Moonbeams who is recovering from treatment. All our very best mate, hope to see you soon.

Thanks to Ferret (but mainly Romeo and accomplices) and to Kwakka and Kitchen Bitch for keeping the home fires burning.

On On

Rectum

On Sec

Most of the above may be untrue.