Author Archives: Botcho

1808

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Run 1808
Date : 25th June 2012
Hare : Josephine
Venue : Sports field, Currumburra Road, Ashmore
Runners 27

Weeks to July– one

Cloud cover – thank god, we were not to be exposed to the ridiculously low temperature of last weeks run. Numbers were up to 27 this week, eagerly anticipating the return of the new GM; Bent Banana. Faces showed traces of concern as hashers recalled Josephine’s burgers on runs past.

The keen runners shouted for a time check as the clock ticked over to 6.15 so without further ado, the GM called off.

Down the back of the grandstand, which wasn’t really grand, to the first of numerous checks, numerous false trails and numerous on backs. The markings were clear and well placed, it was apparent that this was an experienced hare.

We emerged at the rear of Von Bibra on Southport Nerang Road and the pack split at the check, they were reunited on the opposite side of the road and led into bush, through an industrial estate, across more roads and into the bush again. The checks were still evident and kept most of the pack together.

As we ran along a dirt track, the trail dried up but was re-discovered taking us through some chiggy. On back was called to the lead group, Two Dogs, Flasher, Botcho and Blackie, though they appeared to be suffering from selective deafness and continued to cut off a healthy chunk of the trail.

We were re-united with the lead group opposite Bunnings on Olsen Avenue where once again the trail had to be unearthed after a cleverly misleading check.
Showing complete disrespect for the efforts for the Hare, Flasher and Botcho made their own trail home, whilst the rest of us continued through the catholic estate re-emerging onto Southport Nerang Road and on home.

A very good run was suddenly enhanced by the image of Sir Rabbit preparing the food. This turned out to be a lamb and yam vindaloo dopiaza (double onions I am informed) accompanied with a slice of raisin toast pretending to be a peshwari naan! T A truly pukka curry; this is why we are called the gourmet hash.

Circle was called by the GM who, with Josephine as a private audience, launched into an extensive introduction outlining his likes, dislikes, two future gifts – a Pizza plug and a Caustic curse???

Josephine was identified as the person solely responsible for the selection of the new GM and jnformed that ANY criticism of the GM over the next year would result in a Down Down for Josephine.
Once the shock had registered, Josephine took his DD and was then recalled for another with other members of last years Hierarchy. Thanks were expressed for all their efforts last year and then the new Hierarchy “Banana’s Bunch” were welcomed. Once again Rectum was singled out for praise with the Harsh words.
(keep this up and I will be unconstitutionally keeping the position next year)

That done, the hare Josephine was called out (notice the recurring theme) for another DD. Botcho remarked that the run was excellent and well marked, a score of 8/10 was awarded.

Sir Rabbit was similarly awarded 8/10 by Flasher for the “good food”

Down Downs –

Visitors – Testicles/Shredder/Michael

Botcho/Flasher for excessive emails regarding the upcoming appearance of Flasher on the hot seat (16.55hrs 11th July 2012)

Cum Smoke – ridiculous shoes (again)

Missing Link was invited into the circle and told a story about shopping in Bali, then informed us that Cum Smoke had made him redundant by selling a mowing round. This combined with the girls shoes, gave Two Dogs no choice but to award Cum Smoke with POW.

Blackie addressed the circle and informed all, that once we are back to 30 runners the food budget will be upped to $120, until then it will remain at $100 with receipts supplied or $50 with no receipts – you have been warned.

Next weeks run – Rainbow – bring a buddy night @ Helensvale Tavern (could be a few struggling with that theme)

Circle concluded in his own inimitable fashion by Moonbeams.

Thanks to both Josephine and Sir Rabbit, a lot of time and effort put in behind the scenes.

On On

Rectum
On Sec

Run 1807

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Run 1807

Date : 18th June 2012
Hare : Jigsaw
Venue : Kawana Crescent, Ashmore
Runners 18

Weeks to AGPU – too many

18 hardened Hashers gathered at the rear of Ashmore Steak and Seafood (bodes well for the food) on what was truly a winters evening; it was almost impossible to hear the hare, Jigsaw issuing instructions due to the noise of chattering teeth. Circumference got the proceedings under way with a cry of “Lets go before we all freeze to death”.

No one argued this point and we set forth from the first prominently displayed arrow. It took quite some time and effort to find the second and third as the chalk budget must have been blown out on last weeks run. On the positive side, the lead changed frequently as more people became lost.

We eventually emerged onto Archerfield Speedway or Ashmore Road and most waited to see which way the Hare’s mountain bike pointed before continuing up Harper Street. FRB Rectum searched in vain for more arrows and had to be called back several times.

After crossing Southport Nerang road, we meandered between footpaths, roads and grass before arriving back in our original location. The trail home must have been set with a myriad of options, as everyone seemed to finish from different positions!

Under many layers of clothing, we were served an entre of pea and ham soup, followed by marinated chicken breasts, fried banana (yes I said banana) pineapple and coriander salsa and rice with (kidney beans?). All topped off with fruit salad and home made custard.

Circle was called by RA and stand-in GM Circumference, who turned the running order on its head and POW was called first. As you may recall, POW Flasher was out of the country, upsetting Asia on our behalf, so proxy POW Botcho took to the floor. After abridging the note left by Flasher he handed the POW to Two Dogs for self-serving Hash notes. Two dogs served himself a Down Down as stand-in booze master.

The RA announced a new award, after thanking Rectum for the great job on last weeks Hash words, he handed Rectum the Farkhorf award. This was apparently an acronym for –
For
Alltosee
Rectums
Klangerin the
Hall
Of
Retrograded
Fame

Which was explained, is given for pissing off two Hashers last week. (I think)

Jigsaw was invited into the circle and a critique requested of the run from Josephine. Enjoying a return to the spotlight, Josephine questioned whether the hare knew where he was, alleged a debacle of a run with dodgy markings and no checks to return to after false trails. Rather surprisingly he scored it a 7.5/10 (please explain)

Blue Card was a reluctant food critic but was wise enough not to take advice from Pizza. His comments of “Nothing better than pea and ham soup on a cold winter night” said it all. 7.25/10

Cum Smoke was ushered into the circle to display the HHH show-bag, which will be available from the EKKA this year. The contents were

Literature – for a lack of spine
Literature – for erectile dysfunction – for all the soft c@#ks
Tea Cup – for the storm
Vaginal wash and tampons – for the pussies
A smiley face – for the lack of sense of humour
Strong as nails – so hashers could harden the f@ck up
Spare dummies – for the spits

Down Downs –

Michael – (Cum Smokes visitor (and employer))
Head Job – birthday boy
Now Loved and Blue Card – Leading Pizza astray at the pub

Future Down Down –

Crocodile – for fighting with a vanity at 2am and losing. No alcohol involved
(yeah right)

Next Weeks run – Josephine @ Ashmore

Thanks to Jigsaw, a lot of effort put into the food and Two Dogs for standing in for Croc.

Finally a closing note from me, what a week of controversy, so lets end it with an apology. A blanket apology in fact, SORRY……….. to all you hashers that I am going to offend this year. Remember, there is no malice in the Harsh Words just humour. If I write about you, its not because I hate you, its because I love you.

Well not you Caustic (see, I just did it again) stop typing Caustic it was a joke.

On On
Rectum
On Sec

Run 1806

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Run 1806

Date : 11th June 2012

Hare : Botcho

Venue : Hotel Botcho

Runners 16

Weeks to AGPU – who cares

Welcome to the inaugural run of the newly selected hierarchy, this week commencing from Hotel Botcho in the heart of sunny Helensvale.

As 5pm arrived a small group of hardcore runners and walkers gathered under a grey sky and pondered just how long it would be before the heavens opened again. Despite a dismal day, the hare refused to submit to the weather and rather conscientiously decided to re-set the course an hour before kick off.

Leaving the strong magnetic pull of a scorching pizza oven, the pack set off up Parkes Drive and started on the first of many checks; these helped immensely in keeping the pack together and ensured more front runners than this years F1 competition. Even Cum Smoke made an appearance at the front (maybe he thought it was a food queue).

The well-marked trail wove us around anti-clockwise, in a large circle which emerged at the park; almost opposite our start point, and led us home. Not surprisingly, Flasher took the opportunity to avoid the last check-back and short cut home. (Start the year as you mean to go on).

A nice steady run to start the year, just over 30 minutes, which, considering the conditions was just what the doctor had ordered.

After an entrée of dips and chips the comfort food arrived – home made mash (with herbs) and a steaming Chicken botchiatore with peppers and olives. The descending curtain of silence suggested the vast majority approved. Numerous extra servings later (I had to stop at six) the circle was convened to allow time for the dessert to finish baking.

RA and stand-in GM, Circumference, opened the circle and invited Jigsaw to comment on the run. This was described as well marked despite having had to be set late and scored at 7.2/10

Amidst howls of protest, Cum Smoke complained about broken chips and his dislike of olives, concluding with a hash nosh score of 1.2/10 . He was rightly sat on the cold tiles in the middle of the circle by the GM and told to stay.

Down Downs –

Cum Smoke – berating food

Cum Smoke – arguing with GM

Jigsaw – on behalf of previous hierarchy and for being a ‘Stealth Bomber”

Flasher – sitting on Sir Rabbits knee with his arm around him (Rule #1?)

Jigsaw – sins of previous hierarchy (making Caustic sit on a pigs snout)

Flasher – using ‘pensioner’ excuse to get off traffic infringement

Cum Smoke – refusing to re-evaluate food score (“even earthquakes get higher

than that” – GM)

POW – Unable to be given as recipient not in attendance, so down downs to

reigning POW, Flasher and Botcho who will be proxy POW next week.

Next weeks run Jigsaw at Carrara.

Thanks to Botcho for the effort and the food gets a 7.5/10

Finally a big thank you to last years hierarchy, who all put in 110% effort throughout the year, well not you Swollen or Veteran but to the rest of you

Well done.

It seems that the pen is indeed mightier than the sword (or ice)

On On

Rectum

On Sec

 

Run 1805 AGPU

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Run: 1805

Date: Monday 4th June 2012

Hare: Hierarchy – AGPU

Venue: Bundall

Runners: 39 (we think)

 

Weeks to AGPU: Zero, Zero yes Zero!!

CONGRATULATIONS TO THE NEW HIERARCHY WHO ALL LOBBIED SO HARD FOR THEIR NEW POSITIONS

Here we are, finally, at the last words of this inspiring Hierarchy. Sadly you won’t see any of us on the Hierarchy for at least 10 years due to the new “exemption rules” voted through at Saturday’s final committee meeting. Yes, the cars have been ordered, the marina berth paid for,   the holidays booked and the cash in the bank, it certainly has been a busy year for your enterprising committee. We just hope the new committee has as much fun as we did.

Now back to the AGPU, what actually did happen, who was there, who said what, and more importantly who did what and who was photographed doing whatever it was they weren’t supposed to be doing with whoever it was?  These are the questions, which will no doubt be uncovered in the coming weeks as no doubt the ability for anyone to recollect the entire evening and publish it in one go is far above and beyond the bounds of possibility.

The finely dressed crew, mostly in their Hash formal attire, gathered at the now famous “Alley Cat” Bar on Chevron Island for the first of, presumably, many refreshments. Along with the plentiful ales, platters of goodies came out to keep the hunger at bay. The next stop, following a well-marked trail, was over to the now famous “Surfers Rowers” Bar at Bundall where more ales were had by the now thirsty travellers. It was then on down Upton Street to the now famous factory and site of many a past Hash event. The secrecy of the event was worse than the Wikileaks saga with virtually everyone seeming to know where we were heading and what we were having for dinner, truly the worst kept secret of the year, but hey that’s Hash.

The first order of the night was the presentation of the full track suit sets provided by the illustrious Hierarchy, indicating that not all funds had been siphoned off. The spit roast feast followed (main and dessert) accompanied by a selection of ales and quality wines all served by our delightful helpers. Speaking of helpers it was noted that Sir Cumference was spied assisting one of the helpers with their stockings, nice touch. And speaking of touches a few of the party were seen getting an eye full and even an earful from the roaming and sometimes very friendly assistants. After dinner it was time for the first of the night’s formalities being the announcement of the annual “Hash Awards”. These were as follows:

Prick of the Year: Caustic Crusader

Run of the Year: Sir AH, Nerang Forrest, run #1765, 29/08/11

F/Up of the Year: Aussie, Labrador, run #1796, 02/04/12

Best Nosh: Bent Banana: Carrara, Oktoberfest – German Snags, run #1770, 03/10/11 (Flasher as proxy)

Worst Nosh: Missing link, Chicken Curry, Cascade Gardens, run #1756, 27/06/11 (John as proxy)

Most Runs; Rug

Committee Man of the Year: Jigsaw

Hashman of the Year: Sir Prince Valiant

Veteran was also acknowledged for his 100 runs

A new punishment of Hash Spankings was introduced by the outgoing Hierarchy and after undergoing careful possible rule #1 infringement scrutiny it was decided that it was permissible and it may even catch on.

Finally it was time for the grand finale of the evening with the outgoing Hierarchy, in turn, announcing the nominations and winner of the prized positions. For the record the winners were:

GM: Bent Banana

RA: Sir Cumference:

On Sec: Rectum

Hash Cash: Black Stump (again, well done), guess he needs the money to help him move

Trail Master: Sir Rabbit

Booze Masters: Crocodile & Rug

Hash Flash: Kwakka

Alas all good things must come to an end and soon it was all over and as bed time had well and truly passed it was time for all to depart. The taxis soon arrived and the now wobbly pack made their way home, some with trophies, some with smiles and many with tears (sorry Pizza maybe next year).

Great nights like this don’t “just” happen, plenty goes on behind the scenes so special thanks must go to those who assisted including VD for the use of his venue, Black Stump for acquiring the trophies and Sir Rabbit for providing the evenings music.

In closing, and whilst It’s normal to be jealous of the Hierarchy, take some pity on us now that we have been discarded and thrust to the bottom of the scrap heap, left to suffer depression as we no longer hold any power or position within these ranks. Oh to be so jealous of those lucky bastards now left in power.

As most of the outgoing Hierarchy now depart on their traditional annual overseas study tours we bid you farewell and look forward to our next tilt at greatness sometime far in the future.

____________________________________________________________________

On On from “The Desk” AND SIGNING OFF!!!!!!!!!

Two Dogs

Run 1804

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Run: 1804
Date: Monday 28th May 2012
Hare: Cumagain
Venue: The Observatory, Reedy Creek
Runners: 23

Weeks to AGPU: ONE F.CKING WEEK!!!!!
HURRAY NOMINATIONS CLOSING FRIDAY FOR FINAL HIERARCHY POSITIONS,
DON’T MISS YOUR FINAL OPPORTUNITY TO PUT YOUR SNOUT IN THE TROUGH!

Normally this would be the final writing of the words by yours truly. However this is no normal Hierarchy and in fact one that has stood heads and shoulders above the rest and has constantly provided the extraordinary. Thus we will continue into next week to provide the final chapter of this great reign and no doubt enter the Hash realms as the greatest Hierarchy in this Hash’s history.

Enough humble words and time to get back to this week’s run at the heights of Reedy Creek, otherwise known as The Observatory, and for very good reasons given the nose bleeding heights endured to reach the summit. The windy cold day had now turned further for the worst as the rain loomed towards the band of 23 runners who had assembled under the shelter, shivering and wishing for the fire of last week. KB and the Hare could only conjure life into the nearby BBQ, which sadly provided little relief.

The Hare set us on our way into the light drizzle which, had now appeared on cue, and he advised the walkers to do their best as no independent trail had been set. The problem with starting at the top of the hill is that one must venture downhill before at some stage returning to the top. And so it was as the adventurous pack descended down the first of many hills, then on right into the bush path following one of many fence lines. It is a hard trail to describe as each bush section appeared the same as the previous and each road section and adjoining roundabout also resembled the past one.

But so it was as we zig zagged back and forth through bush paths, fence lines, hills, more hills and yet more hills. The rain came and went as the well-marked trail started to disappear under the increasingly wet conditions.

There were plenty of checks but the Hare, on his trusty push bike, kept the pack moving as the trail kept fading. We finally emerged where we thought we were but not really and were advised by the Hare to run down the hill, turn left at the roundabout and then just follow your nose home. The problem was he forgot to mention the last leg was about 3 kilometres.

Somehow, eagle eye and front runner, Rectum, kept finding the fading arrows and kept the front runners on trail (even Flasher stayed in touch). However a few further back found the going tough and the stand in GM, Josephine, and another Hierarchy member, Botulism, got lost. After all had got home and had now retreated to the welcome warmth of Cumagain’s garage he figured he’d better hop in his car and go find the missing elite members. Fortunately they soon emerged though from the opposite direction and all was well.

Being the last week of nominations for Hierarchy positions before the AGPU, the pack were circling for favouritism. Even Veteran had broken away from his busy schedule as president of everything he can be president of in order to make a tilt at another term. Sir Cumference had just secured his multi-million dollar settlement from his deck accident in Robina and instead of buying a new yacht at the boat show selflessly bought new winter wear for the entire Hash. Nasty had come good with Crownies for his birthday and had even changed his flights from yet another trip to ensure he could be around. By the way, any resemblance to reality with the above mentioned stories is just a fluke.

The nosh consisted of a good feed of curried snags and rice followed by ice cream dessert. Nasty gave it a “well done” remarking what a good effort for $50 – 7/10. Swollen gave a long report on the run saying “it was well marked, lots of hills, rough underfoot, good under difficult conditions, 7/10”. Sadly, losing the stand in GM and Botulism cost him half a mark for poor directions finishing with a 6.5/10.

However Flasher was the talk of the night with his derogatory comments about the Splinter Lunch venue posted on the actual morning of the lunch, allegedly spooking a couple of potential starters. Accordingly Flasher was given the POW as well as another down down just because he deserved it. Well done to Cumagain for a top night at the top of the Gold Coast.

Down Downs:
Cumagain: Hare
Sir Cumference: Provision of “settlement” gifts

Nasty: Birthday boy and Crownies provided, thanks

KB, Blue Card: Drinking two Crownies, thus depriving 3 Hierarchy of their rations

Flasher: Posting derogatory comments of Splinter Lunch venue, morning of lunch

Flasher: POW (by Kwayka) for above mentioned deplorable act

Truck Tyre: Mobile going off in circle (twice)

Carefree: Visitor

____________________________________________________________________
On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs