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Run 1796

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Run: 1796
Date: 2nd April, 2012
Hare: Aussie
Venue: Marine Parade, Labrador
Runners: 29

Weeks to AGPU: 10

THE RUN :
With a very Hash experienced Hare such as Aussie, setting a run in very familiar Hashing territory around the ‘burbs of Labrador, on a perfectly clear afternoon, what could possibly go wrong? Virtually nothing you would imagine.

Well,……. 29 Hasher turned up to test the theory.

Aussie gave explicit instructions before the run stating, “If you find a false trail, go back to the last arrow!”

Although not quite meeting the Gold Coast Hashing standard of going back to the last Check, this direction seemed simple enough and surely we could work with this for the run.

16 Runners took off, (not including the ever increasing numbers of Walkers), with Swollen appointed the Task of Sweeping and keeping everyone on track.

Seemed like a good plan, but on arrival at the very First Check, only 6 runners were still on trail including Swollen!

Fortunately I was one of those so I can give some sort of report on the run. Heading up Parker St I found a very cranky Veteran. “I’ve been up there, I’ve been down there, I’ve been down that Street, they’re all False Trails, so Fucked if I Know!”

Fortunately Aussie, (remember Aussie?, He was the Hare) arrived and with a little bit of calm coaching about returning back to the previous arrow, set Veteran on his way in exactly the direction Veteran had claimed a false trail existed. Seems he may have got a little confused in the red mist!

The rest of the run was comparatively uneventful heading through the shops on Brisbane Rd before turning South and (mostly) following Govt Rd to Central St before heading On Home. (editors note: it is a true-ism that only Bent Banana and Flasher did the complete run!).

THE CIRCLE:

Our illustrious GM blew the whistle at exactly 8:14pm to frighten off any marauding Orangutans and to call the Circle to order.

Rug was called on for a review of the run. He stated, “In all my years of Hashing this is the first run where I never saw a single arrow!” (Editors comment: ‘Rug, you’ve been spending too much time with Flasher at Splinter Hash piss ups. If you haven’t seen an arrow you’re not on the fucking trail!!)
Bent Banana restored some sanity by giving the run a very generous 6 / 10.

Nosh Report – The GM said the Nosh was “Glorious” so who could argue with a 7.8 score.

DOWN DOWNS :

Aussie – Hare

Rock Hard, Big ‘O’, Mumbles, Ross – Returning Runners
(At this time the Big ‘O” waffled on some story about breaking his appendage but no one had a fucking clue what he was talking about!)

Caustic – RA Abuse

Caustic, Nasty, Sir Prince, Mumbles, Rainbow, Flasher (grossly unfair charge!) – not following run directions

Flasher & Rug – Disgraceful behaviour after Splinter Hash. (Has anyone seen my Johnnie?)

Rainbow – 27 years of Hashing. (Looks like he started on his 40th B’day)

PRICK OF THE WEEK :

The incumbent POW (Caustic) presented a novel method of issuing the POW by calling on 4 ‘Wallflowers’ (those who hide away in the background in the Circle) and letting them vote on who should be this week’s POW.

After Veteran recovered from a seemingly impossible position after naming all of the other three nominees as his first choice (Well who else would they all vote for?) The final vote was a unanimous choice for Show Pony.

SUMMARY :

Thank you to Aussie for a great Hash Night and a special thank you to Swollen for his dictatorial role as stand in R.A.

ON ON – JOSEPHINE

Run 1795

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Run: 1795
Date: Monday 26th March 2012
Hare: Kwakka & Swindler
Venue: Evandale Council Chambers Park
Runners: 38

Weeks to AGPU: 11
PLEASE NOTE NOMINATIONS ARE NOW OPEN FOR FORTHCOMING HIERARCHY POSITIONS.

Being a near virgin’s run night one would not normally expect such a huge turnout as 37 eager runners arrived at the overachievers (bike group) weekend base camp to see what sort of event Kwakka and Swindler could conjure up.

Obviously, most expecting some sort of debacle, were stunned at the levels of preparation with tables set, area cordoned off and everything going to schedule, thus far.
Swindler, on behalf of the hares, addressed the circle and said they had taken on board the constant whinging and moaning of the pack about previous runs and promised tonight had it all, a good run, walk, check backs and drink stop. Though I do doubt that any run will ever avoid some form of whinging or complaints as that is the nature of the beast.
The first leg already had a few on edge as we had to run nearly a kilometre before finding the first arrow at the Chevron Bridge. The trail continued north along Ferry Road before we hit the first on back, catching a good portion of the pack. Fortunately it was not far back to the side road where the trail continued into somewhat unfamiliar country.

We continued in the back street finding another on back or two and check before continuing north along the river side park trail. We then turned west towards Ferry Road before crossing and finding the trail along the drain behind the Ferry Road Tavern. We were now back in familiar country and crossed over some of last week’s trail.

After a solid trek along Cottlew Street East we turned across the street and into the easement before again crossing a drain via a narrow concrete wall. Caustic, Botulism and the RA thought differently and continued on the north side of the drain to soon find they were now faced with a water crossing in order to reach the drink stop on Slatyer Avenue. Fortunately, unlike last week, it was low tide and the crossing was fairly painless except for Botcho receiving a few scratches.

I’m sure Rug would have preferred these conditions as opposed to last week’s swim leg. Caustic, being a little precious, decided not to get his shoes wet and had to go the long way around.
Following the non-alcoholic drink stop the pack then continued east bound towards home. The trail took us up into the pathways and along another drain behind the racecourse stables before turning towards Bundall and the final leg home.

A good, well-marked run using some surprisingly new territory as well as some well-trodden paths, though a few more checks might have slowed the frontrunners a bit more. Some of the new personalised trail markings also added a little confusion but in the end a top notch effort keeping the packs mostly together and home well within the hour.
Even a blackout caused by a mysterious flash from the Council Chambers couldn’t dull the vibrant atmosphere, who knows what those Councillors get up to at night. Speaking of Councillors, don’t forget to vote for the Miscarriage Party coming to an electorate near you!

The nosh was equally impressive with a smorgasbord of bread, salad (to keep Sir Rabbit happy) and lasagne, home cooked we were told, but the carton had Seoul (as in Korea) written on it, so go figure. The feast was followed by a trifle dessert.

In the ensuring circle of great proportions Rectum gave a glowing run report saying it was good with plenty of arrows but needed a few more on backs 7.5/10. Equally impressive was the food report given by Sir AH, commenting it was tremendous 8/10.

A few of the Travelling Willbourys were back from OS tours and were subsequently brown nosing to the GM, as one does. Slab brought a shot glass from Salt Lake City and some prayers from a local lass, Flasher presented the GM with some suspect evening wear with some “brown stains” which will be undergoing forensic testing and Ferrett trumped the pack with an Orang-utan mating caller from the wilds of Borneo (or abouts), should be useful on the Gold Coast. A top effort and great night had by all.
PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
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Down Downs:
Kwakka & Swindler: Hares
Baz & Kevin: Visitors/returning
Dicky Knee, Sir Slab, Truck Tyre, Short Circuit, Arseup & Testicle: Returning
Cumsmoke: Failure to guide Dicky Knee to run last week
Now Loved, Kev: Failing to follow RA’s directives
Dicky Knee: Failure to find venue last week
Caustic: Getting stuck on wrong side of drain during run
Caustic: Failing to attend last week, seen at Darcy Arms downing pints
Caustic: POW, via Splat, for above mentioned charge

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs 

Run 1794

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Run: 1794
Date: Monday 19th March 2012
Hare: Pizza & Rectum
Venue: Pizza Palace
Runners: 27

Weeks to AGPU: 12
Seems the RA must be a busy little bee these days as he has had considerable difficulty in controlling the elements, either that or he has a weird sense of humour. Pouring rain, sun, showers, more rain, more sunshine, yet more rain, and thus was all day Monday.

Rectum had waited until the skies cleared, yet again, and as late as possible went to set the run only to watch it wash out within minutes of finishing. As a result the venue was changed from the race track to the well utilised Pizza Palace, with only Dicky Knee failing the “find the new venue” test. The solid pack arrived to hear the sad news of the run wash out but was placated by the fine post Saint Patrick’s Day dark brew.

The GM and I informed Rectum a run was mandatory and that the live hare option was inevitable. We suggested he make pace quickly and get a good start as the penalty for getting caught can be painful and or embarrassing, pending which penalty one applies. Rectum quickly disappeared with his new patented flour trail marker.

Meanwhile the pack, unaware of these proceedings, was still tucking into the brew, again skilfully brewed and supplied by host Pizza, adding to the Saint Patrick’s Day theme. Finally figuring the Hare had a fair start the GM called the rabble to order and sent them on their way in hot pursuit. The trail was surprisingly good as we ran west along Slatyer Avenue and soon crossed the road, towards the bush.
The pack was then forced to endure the drain section with ankle deep water now filling the once dry water course. After a few hundred metres, to the amazement of many a resident wondering at the goings on in the drain behind their abodes, we turned left across the slushy grass section.

Rug and I were now in the lead group as we came across yet another drain crossing. Rug tested the depth, thinking it only a few centimetres deep, but in fact it was now well over waist deep as Rug disappeared into the murky waters. Not being in possession of the same, secret agent, survival skills of Rug I quickly decided to head for the road and run around the drain and cross it at the Benowa Road intersection.

I found Rug again as we now struggled to find the next leg of the trail. As I headed north along Benowa Road I spotted front runner Miscarriage in the distance and quickly followed, again finding the trail. Bent Banana and Rug had now disappeared trying to find the trail in other ways. Miscarriage and I continued until we turned east into Cottlew Street East and managed to lose the trail somewhere along this stretch.

We searched high and low but in the end we figured if we continued to Ferry Road we’d find the trail or at least be in the right direction for home. Apparently the correct trail went further north to the Tafe College before looping back south then east parallel to home.

Aussie was out here somewhere as well but as to which section he did is unknown. The walkers, I am led to believe, did a quick about turn at the water leg and returned to the dry conditions and ready brew awaiting at home base. Never the less a great effort in trying conditions.

The nosh, also prepared by Rectum, was an Irish stew with lamb, onions, and vegies, which turned out a treat with plenty to go around, even Blacky had some, which must be a major stamp of approval. A flaming desert of an Irish Cream Brule topped with Baileys followed, again an enjoyable treat.

Rug gave a brief run report saying it was good and he particularly enjoyed the swim leg 8/10. The food was also given a resounding 8/10 as given by the majority.
Thanks to Rectum for the run and nosh and thanks again to Pizza for use of the Palace and providing the brew, though I suspect the morning after might have had some interesting results.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
————————————————————————————————————————————————

Down Downs:
Pizza & Rectum: Hares

Rug: Spectacular swan dive into drain

Flasher: No gift for GM following OS tour to Philippines

Phantom: Returning runner

Splat: New name for son of Head Job

KB: Charged by Miscarriage for not being on electoral roll and thus being unable to assist Miscarriage in forthcoming 157th tilt at a political post

Splat: POW by KB for being fourth member of Village People (go figure)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1793

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Run: 1793
Date: Monday 12th March 2012
Hare: Kitchen Bitch
Venue: Burleigh
Runners: 30 + 1 Juggler + 1 mutt

Weeks to AGPU: 13
Where does one start describing this event of epic proportions? There was little doubt that any run involving Kitchen Bitch (KB for short) will be well catered and tonight, being his birthday, was going to be no exception.

After negotiating the coast peak hour traffic and accidents we arrived at the site next to the Burleigh Surf Club to the large awaiting crowd. After last week, where we brought the homeless look and meals on wheels to the burbs, this time it was us descending on their (the homeless) domain.

The shelter to the south of us was filled with the locals well entrenched and listening to music and allegedly even TV! Next to our shelter was a suspect character (aka the “Juggler”) presumably getting ready to call it a night, however this particular person was due to be our night’s entertainment. Fortunately KB had “marked” the shed as reserved for the Hash for tonight’s festivities. KB gave us the usual brief about hills, chalk, paper, runners and walkers trail and sent us off to the north to the confusion of the pack.

It wasn’t long before we veered to the west then looped back past the start, a dangerous practice at any time but particularly so with the pack now somewhat aging. We followed the large arrow trail across the highway and into the village area of Burleigh before heading east and for the second time being very close to home.

The inevitable park beckoned in the distance as we wound our way through the back streets and parks making our way up the various short and sharp hills.
We finally came to the park entrance and still we continued upwards towards the summit. The arrow trail thinned a little but we still managed to find the trail and went upwards downwards and upwards again before veering to the left into the thick scrub.

Apparently Yowies were known to be lurking in these parts but we managed to dodge them and just startle a few scrub turkeys before departing the loop and again emerging on the path. With the walkers now in tow we arrived at the lookout dead end with some choosing the “shortcut” down through the scrub whilst the rest of the pack returned to the proper downhill path for the short run to the scenic drink stop, after a total of some 40 minutes.

Always a popular venue and great spot for the drink stop, the pack gathered to enjoy one of Pizza’s kindly donated great brews, problem was the brew was great back in 2007 when he made it but a little flat tonight as said by the connoisseurs. After upsetting a few romantic’s quiet evening plans we soon departed for the short run/walk back to the start.
As we awaited the nosh, now being prepared by the catering team of KB, Sir Prince, Aussie and new inductee, Rectum, we were entertained by the “Juggler” we had seen at the start.
What followed was a very entertaining 30 minutes or so of Juggling, knife throwing/balancing, flaming torches by tonight’s impromptu entertainer. I’m sure he was never prepared for such a big night on a Monday.
Plenty of the pack volunteered in participating including jigsaw and Swollen who also decided to add entertainment with his never ending supply of crackers.

I was wondering if the show would conclude with a sword fight or, as someone suggested, a human torch, but sadly not on this occasion. Some also said he could be a great alternative entertainment source at the AGPU, this I suspect fell on many a deaf ear.

Following the juggling exhibition we were kept entertained by the constant stream of ugly women passing by, adding further to the ambience of the evening. Even Cumsmoke’s dog seemed to be enjoying the strange goings on.

The Juggler earned a good night’s pay (including some cash from the ever cautious Hash Cash himself), a free feed and the opportunity to tell me all about his trip to the jugglers Convention (think about that one for a while).

The 3 course feast commenced with the entre of mixed fish & prawn stew laced with a blue cheese sauce, which had caused many to suspect the quality of the food. I must say I do love a blue cheese sauce with a good steak or as salad dressing, but like many, to have it in the fashion we had tonight was definitely an acquired taste.

KB wasn’t worried though, even if he had spent 7 hours preparing it, as he had much more on the way. Next up was the steak, eggs and vegie feast presided over by Rectum. Dessert was an interesting crepe dish, finishing off another gourmet feast in a great location.

The GM called for a short circle, given it was already past many of the pack’s bedtime. He started with a glowing report on the food despite the fish dish debate gave the feast a deserving 9/10.
Missing Link gave the run a good 7/10 but said it was little short, with him being such an athlete. After the short circle of about an hour it was time to let the pack head home for their much needed sleep and try to explain why tonight was so late and yet last week so early.

A great night, great venue, good run & drink stop, but what else can one expect from KB, good luck following this one Pizza, the bar has been set high.

PS Don’t forget the big 1800th action packed, fun filled event happening on the 30th April!!
Message from Blackie your Hash cash
Those with less than 10 runs in this Hierarchy Year (from 13-06-2011 ) will have to pay $5 extra for each run not completed under 10.
The following at Run 1789(13-02-2012) are in danger of being penalised.
[TABLE=47]
————————————————————————————————————————————————
Down Downs:
KB: Food extravaganza

KB: Hare

Sir Prince Valiant, Aussie & Rectum: Assistant chefs

Aussie: Over appreciating previous down down

Aussie: Further over appreciating previous down down

Pizza: For serving flat beer (but thanks for the kind donation as always)

Jigsaw: 100 runs

Miscarriage: Back form OS (Xmas Isl.) and no gift for GM (however Swindler did provide one from his recent travels)

Jessie: Visitor from Amsterdam

“Juggler” & Swindler: Drinking from wrong hand and failing to note such respectively

Flabio: Renamed Head Job following alleged altercation with boss

Caustic: Providing GM with incorrect info on above said naming

Pizza: Age discrimination as charged by KB – apparently not old enough to be GM

Cumsmoke: In possession of gay music & trip to Sydney coinciding with Mardi Gras

Show Pony: Failing to provide Crownies for recent birthday 2 weeks ago

KB: POW for fish stew failing scrutiny (presented by Rug)

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs