Run: 1777
Date: Monday 21st November 2011
Hare: Old Fart
Venue: Old Fart Land, Pacific Pines
Runners: 28

Weeks to AGPU: 29
We headed off to Old Fart’s place with not a storm cloud in site, obviously the RA finally had to intervene thus ensuring a potentially dry run. Apparently the Hare did try to set the run on Saturday but the clouds started rolling in, forcing a change of plan and the need to set the run in disguise. Good numbers arrived despite a few of the pack away on their annual boys camping pilgrimage over the border, although I think the term camping may be a bit understated given the equipment this lot packs when they go on tour.
As expected in these parts hills were to play an integral part of the evening and this run was to be no exception. Away we went down the hill then up and down again and running about a kilometre before the trail ran out, the first of a few dodgy on backs.
Back up a side road and down more hills before heading along the bike paths, parkway and towards the infamous Pac Pines pub, no drink stops noted. At this point Rectum joined us in his new company vehicle, but not for a run, just looking for the GM, grovelling no doubt. Onwards we went towards the edge of the Nerang State Forrest with no Mumbles in sight to help us get hopelessly lost.
We continued into the forest and soon diverted off the perfectly good trails that abound in these parts and trudged our way, up a hill, through the dense undergrowth. Again we emerged on the right side of the forest and continued along the streets. All I could hear along most of the run was Caustic and Arseup discussing their Friday night escapades in Surfers, dressed in rain coats and loaded with lollies no doubt given it was Schoolies week.
We finally headed towards home but between where we were and where we had to go stood a rather large hill. And so it was as over the next 20 minutes or so we trudged up and down seemingly endless hills upsetting the local dog population. After 70 minutes the front runners got home and Flasher, who finally managed to stay on trail for 90% of the run still short cutted at the final leg. This was obviously a revenge run for Old Fart for having a late finish at last week’s event.
During the circle Arseup was asked for his run report which was given a good mark of 8/10 despite the hills and getting lost. Sir Rabbit commented on the nosh of Lasagne, bread rolls and ice cream saying it was fine but rabbits need their greens and the nosh lacked this but still got a respectable 7/10. Also Ferret helped out with the Hash Cash duties obviously wanting to fund his next tour of duty, thanks. He also concluded proceedings with a joke, but not before presenting the GM with a gift (wife impersonator) obtained on his recent holiday with the boys.
Thanks also to the guest scribes for their contributions over the past two weeks due to my absence, bloody work will do that you know.

Down Downs:
Nut Cracker, Rainbow, Flatulence; Visitor and returning runners

Gavin (aka) Show Pony; Returning runner and funny name

Prawn Star; Leaving for 2 months to Philippines

Old Fart; Hare

Caustic & Arseup; Friday night escapades

Moonbeams; Something about blowing horn and making Show Pony fall

Two Dogs; Self imposed and fessing up to being absent for 2 weeks, staying in beautiful down town Morayfield

Old Fart; Getting lost on own trail

KB; “Peter Foster” comment to GM

Arseup; 100 runs

Old Fart; POW, awarded by Pizza for being a “good” prick for looking after the trailer

Crocodile; Birthday boy, we await the crownies

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs

Run 1776.
14th Nov 2011
Hare : Caustic Crusader.
Venue: Frascott Park, Yodelay St, Varsity Lakes.

Late change of venue and Hare saw Caustic Crusader setting a new run…..
Usual bunch of hairy arsed Hashers rocked up from 1745 for the 1815 punctual start; late entrant Old Fart ambled in at 1830 and to his bemusement asked if the pack had left without him? Caustic pointed him in the general direction and told him to “hurry the fukc up and catch up!!

Pack left in usual dis-aray and runners went right and walkers (why do we even talk about those “has beens !!”) went somewhere else!

Trail meandered along Ready Creek before the “walk of death” pipe crossing of a creek tributary; many of the “gay Hashers “and their closet mates refused to cross and decided keep their footsie wootsies dry !!

Pack reformed and set out to further checks and discovery of “spiky” shiggy and a further water crossing; Pizza decided a swim leg was appropriate! Fcuk he can still talk under water!!

Further travels along lake front and parkland saw the pack home in about the hour; except Old Fart ETA to be advised.

Crowds of hungry Hashers resembling a Roman Colosseum crowd witnessing a good old pack of lions and hyenas eating Jews persuaded the GM to commence Nosh before the late arrival of Old Fart.

Lashings of spicy chicken vegetable curry with accoutrements of raita, desiccated coconut, home-made chutney and tomato / red onion relish soaked up with mountains of fresh Lebanese bread

Desert followed for those stalwarts capable of stuffing hedgehog pie and ice-cream down their greedy cake-holes!

Circled was called some time later.

Returning overseas runners with gifts for the GM grovelled on bended knee into the circle; namely Messrs Sir Slab, Sir Prince and Flasher

Seemingly they had witnessed first hand the latest “facelift” cosmetic surgery and brought back for the GM, R.A. and Booze Master gifts of night-time face masks and a “fairy wand” were duly presented; Nightmare on Elm Street ensued!!!!!!!!!!

Ferrett not to be outdone tried to say he hadn’t unpacked yet and so the GM would have to wait until next week!! Hmmmmm

Other returning runners were Short Circuit and Chris.
GM announced more punishment for unruly behaviour in the Circle by way of a high powered water cannon entrusted to the sergeant -at-Arms; why don’t we just tip a bucket of ice-water over Pizza ????

Run report from Rectum reckoned the run was superb with lots of shiggy, new ground and lots of deceitful checks, score 9/10

Hash Nosh report from Sir Slab (between farts!!) gave a high appreciation of the Nosh and gave it a further 9/10

Rectum gave the Hare (Caustic ) a note

R.A. entered and a Royal Commission proceeded to “weed” out ponsy Hashers who wimped out crossing the pipeline; suffice to say the list was long including Circumference, Flasher, Jigsaw, Rug and Link.

After an hour of playing paper/scissors/stone the winner was declared: Flasher (who got a down down from someone??).

Flasher also got a stiff arm down down for something but complained the stiff arm was for adults and he couldn’t reach the Down Down through the pipe!! When will he grow up???
Sergeant at arms continually fired upon circle offenders with 9 out of 10 offences committed by serial pest Pizza!

Sir Slab was charged by the R.A. for purposely running 2 metres in front of the R.A. and then dropping a down wind fart; a further flatulence charge was levelled against Sir Slab for farting over the food!! Guilty as charged and a down down was sentenced

G.M. resumed and asked Hash to give their special thoughts and respect to the Botcho clan during their difficult times.

End of circle was called by Moonbeams at about 9pm.

Run:1775
Date: Monday 7th November, 2011
Hare: Sir Slab and Master Chef Sir Prince
Venue: Currumbin

There were 29 hashers take part in the run /walk with the majority taking on the run ,which was great to see
Front runners back just in side 1 hr, a lot of area that most have not seen before, a fairly flat run with a water crossing (which only swollen colon had the courage to cross, a real hasher that swollen not afraid of a little water)  there was also a balance  beam across water which did not claim any victims.
 
GM/RA Josphine open the circle and called on old fart to give a run report, to which he reported that it was well done and gave an excellent score of 9/10 sir slab was called for a down down
Veteran was then called for a Nosh report, words of excellent, high standard and first class were said before a score of 8.5/10 was given ,
Sir Prince and assistant Flasher were called for there down down
Gm then handed the circle over to him self as RA and called for drinks in left hand with cocka to be dobba ,then out of the blue called on the prick of the week to come forward ,caustic crusader ,caustic had his mind set on only one hasher that being pizza for wanting to go rooting instead of hashing on a Monday night ,no right of reply was entered in to ,the hand over was completed and pizza given the down down ,which seemed to go on and on and on ,in true pizza style.

Black stump reported on the up and coming ball to be held at bumbles at buds beach ,then on the Melbourne cup sweep ,the winner was Miscarriage, followed closely by sir prince then Rug .
Down downs went to Cumsmoke( expedential growth)
Miscarriage for not calling false trail again ,(Bent Banana escaped a down down  )
Miscarriage (left hand)
Melbourne Cup winners (Miscarriage, Sir prince and Rug )
Kb (late to hash with no good excuse)
Botcho (fantastic job on web site )free bucket for Botcho next week as a reward for his out standing web work

RA then called on a bike report, Missing Link came forward and the cone of silence came down .
Moon beams then steps forward and presents RA with a beret he acquired  whilst o/s ,
  Next weeks run is cum smokes at boat ramp TE PETERS DR
Moon beams then closed the circle at 9.25pm
On On
Swollen Colon
Assistant to the On Sec

Run: 1774
Date: Monday 31st October 2011
Hare: Mumbles
Venue: Mumbles World, Nerang
Runners: 19

Weeks to AGPU: 32
It was not to be the usual Mumbles slog around the surrounding hills, nor even the usually anticipated ‘lost tribe’ affair in the Nerang State Forrest, though could have been interesting being Halloween. Instead we got a very mild and reasonably short sprint around the local area.
Mind you there was still the obligatory hills and, as expected on a Mumbles run we managed to lose Darwin Don and Caustic’s “friend” Chris. The trail was well marked, though lacking a few on backs (if any), apart from the section in the bush where the pack wondered around aimlessly looking for the trail.

The run took us through some good paths and side streets and even through a few town house complexes and through the new “home world” precinct where, no doubt, Mumbles acquires his gnomes and water features to keep Mumbles World up to scratch.

After some 40 minutes with a sizeable on home trail the pack finally returned minus the above mentioned duo who had to be rescued by Jigsaw. In the GM’s absence the RA took over proceedings and asked Slab for the run report which was given the comments of a good street run and awarded 5/10.

Sir Rabbit commented on the excellent nosh of chicken, spicy beef & noodles, spuds, more spuds, and rice, and gave it a fitting 7/10 even if Mumbles had some assistance in the preparation. The gourmet has really come back to the Hash in a big way and more to come.

Three of the bike tour was back so a few stories emerged of the usual mishaps one has come to expect. The Melbourne Cup sweeps were drawn with Miscarriage winning the prize from Sir Prince and Rug, money to be paid next week if I don’t spend it first.

A few dressed to impress with their top hats or jockeys caps. Well done Mumbles.

Down Downs:
Mumbles: Hare
Truck Tyre; Late arrival, drove from Sydney but should have left 10 minutes earlier

Mumbles & Truck Tyre: Drinking from wrong hand and failing to spot (Respectively)

Chris & Darwin Don: Lost on run and having to be rescued

Mumbles: Responsible for the two getting lost

Caustic: Mate got lost and given POW by Sir Cumference as a result and for avoiding his Duty of Care

Flasher and Sir Slab: Dobbed by Sir Prince (forced to save his butt by RA) for stuff ups on recent OS tour

Chris& Caustic: Drinking from wrong hand

Miscarriage: Drinking from wrong hand

RA: Self imposed drink for getting Xmas Island and Easter Island wrong

Miscarriage: For false charge against Sir Prince

IMPORTANT HASH EVENTS:
26th November: Hash pre Xmas cocktail evening with partners at “BUMBLES” Budd’s Beach, get your frocks out! Heavily subsidised discount for early bookings, only $45.00 per person. Includes gourmet food, beer for the Blokes, bubbly for the Gals and BYO plonk if you need to bring your favourite drop.

On On from “The Desk”
Two Dogs