Run: 1696
Hare: Dumshit & Tightarse
Location: Beachside Mermaid Beach
Date: 3rd May, 2010

At on On On site with a plethora of passing eye candy Tight Arse and Dumb Shit did themselves proud with a creditable run and an excellent nosh. Tight Arse mastered an ancestral dish called PURKOLT that had the pack licking their chops(and plates)whilst Dumb Shit’s mum kindly provided a Tiramasu that was a whole other taste sensation.

Bent Banana and Blowfly were first back with BB reporting Flasher was last seen going west, shirtless, whilst the pack went north. Not far behind were Blackstump ,Caustic Crusader and then Flasher who quickly accused Blackie of “doing a Flasher ”by leading the pack on a second trail .Investigations have been launched and Leech and Leech briefed.

Later our beloved Grand Master, Nasty, called the circle and issued a special invitation to Moonbeams to join in. Rightly, the GM berated the circle for payment and bucket discrepancies that have occurred over recent weeks. Running a snappy circle he then called out the hares, Dumb Shit looking resplendent in full Prick of the week kit .Regan was asked for a run report and in a statement that bodes ill for a run he may set in the future said he “likes Hills ”and  enjoyed the run. Asked for an assessment of the nosh Kitchen Bitch said “an excellent job ,portion control marginal, an excellent taste, 7/10”The hares enjoyed a Down Down.

Tight Arse  then presented his guest, Cameron, who said he enjoyed the run  and visitor Rainbow, from Launceston, said he liked the coast but not the traffic or traffic lights because in Launceston they only have 6 lights and they are all synchronized. It would also appear that Rainbow knows more Tasmanian jokes than anybody else. The guests partook of a DD as did Hitler for nor singing.

Minister for Loose Steering, Sir Prince, then took the floor saying that 71 years ago Hitler bombed the British parliament, not long after the birth of Moonbeams.Six years later Flasher was unleashed on the world and 35 years after that came Hitler(ours, not the manic German one)and Tight Arse. All the birthday boys had a DD and to conclude the history lesson Sir Prince noted it had been 32 years since he started in hash.

Dumb Shit presented the POW to Hitler for emailing suggestions as to possible candidates. Cum Smoke told of borrowing Two Dog’s snatch and the GM’s car to pull his junior Rangy out of a rockery .Must have been overzealous parking. The GM claimed his car was now shaky to drive and has a broken lamp. .Luckily Leech and Leech are now on retainer and correct legal procedures will ensue.

Misscarriage, the man with a charge always handy, accused Flasher of running through on backs an  unnamed  Hashman of buying a 3D TV but not being able to find 3D porno or the required glasses complete with windscreen wipers. After enjoying his Down Down for charging a hierarchy member he also said he had met the Prime Minister in Mackay and was on TV “all over North Queensland.” And  that “TV makes you look fat”.

Crocodile announced he was now a 7 times grandfather and Caustic Crusader charged Blowfly with having “little pearlers” of new shoes .Blowfly took a voluntary drink from said footwear and CC self charged for having a mental lapse and following Flasher on the run..

Next weeks run is the annual memorial event facilitated by your hard working committee.

Many thanks to Tight Arse and Dumb Shit for a fine effort.

On On

Now Loved on sec

Run: 1695
Hare: Sir  Cumference
Location: Norm Rix Park, Labrador
Date: 26th April, 2010

As the ANZAC long weekend drew to a conclusion the hounds gathered alongside Norm Rix Park to receive instructions for the ensuing run.

With a run spot on the hour mark the pack was further entertained by a fireworks display co-ordinated by Swollen Collin prior to nosh and circle.

Following a hearty nosh and social intercourse the circle was promptly called by the Grand Master at 7.10pm.

The run report declared the run enjoyable and well marked until the markings stopped and most runner became lost. But some did enjoy a drink stop of chilled rum and milk to keep the winter evening chills at bay. Flasher provided a report and detailed in laymen’s terms how hash operates, all in attendance are pleased to receive the correction in the evenings events.

POW Two Dogs took center stage and provided a number of candidates:

Swollen Collin for cracker abuse;

Kitchen Bitch for masturbation injuries (KB now claims to have found the sweet spot);

Caustic just for being a prick;

Cum Smoke for having possible the worlds most destructive day;

However Dumb Shit was a stand out candidate and received the award for calling “on” even when he is on a false trail.

Next was a presentation of Interhash mugs provided by Blackie and presented to Dumb Shit & Kitchen Bitch.

The circle descended into further darkness as lighting became a premium. As it works out Croc last passed the lights to Caustic for safe keeping and delivery. As it works out Caustic has fucked-up and forgotten the lights.

As the circle drew to a conclusion the hare provided counterfeit money and illegal gambling to the hares for a traditional game of ANZAC Two-Up. Unfortunately at the same time the local police arrived investigating the earlier fireworks actions.

Whilst non of our own upstanding hashers knew anything of the fireworks, three reports had been handed to police detailing local kids seen loitering in the park throughout the evening. As a result five children walking home after bible study group have been arrested and will front Southport Magistrates Court in due course.

On On

Cumsmoke

Run: 1694
Hare: Sir  Slab
Location: Pizzey Park, Mermaid Waters
Date: 19th April, 2010

Hashmen came out of the woodwork for Sir Slab’s run. In the circle The Grand Master inquired of Two Dogs his thoughts that were “on trail most of the way, debacle on shoreline, but a good run and even got abused by a resident of the nursing home.”On the nosh Cum Smoke said he was disappointed there were no ribs but was happy and acting as server observed there were many circling vultures who were “all fat cunts.” Sir slab did serve an excellent corned beef and cabbage but was hampered by the swell in numbers and thinking a covered tray of carrots was in fact more meat.

The C word got another run when the GM demanded to know from the walkers who called him a fat one as he ran past them yet again .As likely lads VD and Show Pony were called out as was Cum Smoke for calling the GM a keg and then testing the ice by  alluding to some people having a six pack whilst others are the whole brewery. Down Downs ensued.

New and returning runners and visitors were;

Ryan,  son of Cum Agen, student at Bond, makes his father look like a midget.

Dicky Knee, has lost 16 kilos and didn’t have an ice cream(the mental toughness is amazing)

Miscarriage ,in China with family. Claimed the twin brother stayed at home and he did not cross the river.

Regan. New runner. Welcome Regan!

Jigsaw .Travelling in Asia solo.(was he really alone?)

Spud. New runner brought by Sir Slab, usually runs with border hash.

Finny, returning runner

MeMe, from Sydney.

Avoiding the spotlight were Ringbark and some travelling young guys from India.

The Grand Master then called for The Prick of the Week which was held by Crocodile as surrogate for Flasher who was supposed to be away on pilgrimage. Candidates were Mumbles for trying to remaster the DVDs and Aussie for not turning up at the wine trail. With no further ado though Two Dogs was the recipient for abusing Croc in the car park.

Making up for lost time Miscarriage then charged Sir Prince for not having his mobile on to receive the multiple messages that the Burke family would be late arriving due to aircraft drama in KL and without pausing to take breath charged Aussie with switching allegiance to the new Gold Coast AFL club. Aussie proudly displayed his supporters hat in response.

Styling himself as the king of the rat pack, sporting a regal hat with a large plastic rat(or is it a wombat as somebody mused from the circle)Caustic Crusader charged Kitchen Bitch with putting his filleting knife through his hand and not catching any fish .A charge strongly defended.

Next weeks run is Circumference at Norm Rix park Labrador .Being a public holiday it’s a 5pm start(not 5.15 Dumb Shit!)Anzac Day theme .Expect Bully Beef and a better nosh than the diggers got in the trenches.

Thanks Sir Slab for a fine effort.

on on
Now Loved.  On Sec

Run: 1693
Hare: Blackstump
Location: Gilston
Date: 12th April, 2010

In his pre-amble to the run Blackie offered an enthusiastic pack the choice of 5K with water crossings or a 10K slog through the hills. Expecting wet shoes all  hashmen assembled moved to the home paddock of Blackstump Downs a.k.a the Ponderosa and ran off over newly slashed grass. The first creek was soon encountered which stopped the whimpy walkers to a man. Thus they were back at the hacienda to see Flasher be the first one back due to his “superior hashing skills”closely followed by Pommy,Blowfly and Bent Banana.Judging by the difference in energy expended it may be fair to say that Flasher had achieved first home on yet another of his personal trails whilst the dual between Pommy and Blowfly, with a creditable Bent Banana in their wake, was closer to the real situation.

His eminence and Grand Master,Nasty,called a sitting circle and asked Two Dogs for a run report which was “fantastic,words fail me “whilst Missing Link thought “all right,typical Blackie run,looked after the pack well. ”Calling out the hare for his Down Down the GM commented that Pommy had been tenacious in getting across the creek to which Blackie replied that the whole current hash was as weak as piss because in the old days they would swim the Nerang river.

There was a general positive consensus that the nosh of Spag. Bol. was very good and the hare enjoyed a DD of rocket fuel from a bottle labeled “Mad Rum”as supplied by Semen.

Seeing as both hashmen mentioned would have made excellent pirates if only they had been born 400 years earlier, such a DD seemed very appropriate.

Assistant GM and Minister for a Loose Portfolio, Sir Prince, then charged Point  Two with the charade of getting dressed to run 100 metres and other short runners Sir Rabbit(perhaps unfair due to the well known problem of wet fur)Moonbeams, Pizza, Cum Smoke and Show Pony   .All partook of a DD.

The GM then praised Botcho for his momumental effort in organizing the wine trail that was “an event that is a milestone for the club”. This fabulous day out has been well documented by Two Dogs in  his recent hierarchy job application/article. Other emerging details were that Ferret had recruited the 3 Canadian girls for charity work and that Bent Banana asked the one holding the big cucumber where the batteries went.

In breaking news it emerged that Sir Rabbit had achieved 1350 runs and is beating Sir Prince by six! For not having anything better to do on a Monday night for some years Sir Rabbit qualified for a DD.

Prick of the Week saw Veteran mention Bent Banana and Missing Link but choose Flasher as the “stand out candidate ”from the wine trip for hogging the women’s toilet. Amidst the usual claims of innocence Flasher was  a Down-Downer as were returning runners Kitchen Bitch(trip to Japan and fishing club commitments)Semen(busy with rum production)Pizza(working at Mt.Tamborine)V.D.(four months in Tassie doing it tough at beach house and working on toy collection)and Ice Arse(son gone into Navy).

The closing item was a charge from Caustic Crusader against Kitchen Bitch for new shoes.

Next weeks run is Sir Slab .Expect a well considered effort from this veteran.

Apologies for late words due to abundance of surf and need to man the bilge pumps of my sinking business.

On On

Now Loved

On Sec.