Run: 1953

Date:6/04/2015

Location: Miami

Hares: Circumference

Runners: 26

Gold Coast Gourmet Hash

The Hash House Harriers was formed at the Selangor Club Chambers in Malaya in 1937/38 by E.J Galvin, Malay Mail, H.M Doig, A.S Gispert and Cecil H. Lee. Rumor has it that Gispert was the real ideas man who created the Hash and was also a Walker and a Bike rider. The tradition continue today with this group of GCHHH athletes who recently celebrated St Patrick Day in Dunedin NZ.

 

Video on how the GCHHH live when away from home

 

1. Botcho advised that soon all GCHHH would be able to travel after the 2 recent big wins in the Lottery. This week he is planning that we will win the big $25Million

2. Sir Rabbit defies all odds after hospitalization over Easter. He joins the Monday night run in the hopes the run activity will help him pass his kidney stone.

Run 1953 with Circumference at early start time of 5pm

Video of Run start by Circumference at Mick Schamburg Park Miami

Video on how the Circumferecne run

 

Promoted by Circumference as the Beach Run and Trailer Nosh of the year.

Will the beachside run save Circumference ’s as his ast run was noted as worst Run of the Year.

Location was looking good as the eye candy passed by in large numbers . Slug was heard to comment . “Who cares about running, lets just hang here and have a few beers!”

A group of 26 dedicated athletes circled around Circumference for pre-run briefing who promptly told the walkers to go that way while runners were to follow him.

With that Circumference sent the runners on their way at 5.16 pm with words “ you wont miss this trail and its a great run and there is a drink stop with free beer”

After last few weeks of the so called Best Run of the Year followed by the so called Best Trailer Nosh of the Year that in fact were total debacles this was looking a very good opportunity for Circumference to redeem himself.

The Run

Circumference commented that he had spent considerable effort in setting this well-marked Beachside Run. We guess he has the experience so it was expected to be a good run.

The only relevant clue was the final information that Circumference would be waiting somewhere standing at the drink stop.Good work Circumference to keep these bastards honest!!

Very quickly runners moved forward but all going in different directions.

Flasher the way led, with Miscarriage ,Brewtus, Bent Banana, Sir Black Stump and Botcho as leading the runners up the road. Circumference’s run was all looking very good with zero bush, zero mud and zero rough terrain!! There was to be no bitumen road on this run.Yeah !!!

Iceman , Sir Slab, Rug , Sir Prince Valient and Missing Link were in full flight up the road with Jigsaw. Waiting at the drink stop was Circumference to make sure each hashman went the right way ..well done Circumference for your assistance but it appears only 2 runners found your free beer drink stop .

The first runners back via the correct trail down the hill to the trailer was Flasher followed by Ferrett who went in the opposite direction.

Sir Black Stump and Miscarriage 2^nd, Bent Banana 3^rd with Botcho and close by Ballpoint.

Reported run time of 41.05 minutes..Run distance 5.1 km. Area covered 25 sq KM with an average pace of 8.06 min /km ..Well done runners.

It appears that Sir Rabbitt decided to walk this week in the hope that his kidney stone would pass with the exercise.

Run Critic Brewtus noted “ Best Run of the year so far”. Hare Circumference put in a lot of effort and experience for this run provided a free beer drink stop that only 2 runners were able to find.

Miscarriage reported that he was forced to run into the sun with “no hat ,no sunglasses and no block out.”

Flasher also got in on the act and commented “Amazing how he found new territory after all the runs from here” ..

Rug not to be left out “concurred”

Great effort Circumference for an excellent Beachside Run.

The WOBBLY Walkers

As always a big group of wobbly walkers lined up on the pathway more interested in the eye candy than the walk .As the walking group is getting slower and most of these geriatics in the past weeks have made little effort to move away from the Nosh and Booze area but tonight it was different. The excitement and smell so much nearby bush got them going quickly along the pathway.

Again we see those ex runners, Sir Rabbit , Rockhard, this week joined with Slug to the ranks of the dedicated professional walkers. It seems that they are they now permanent walkers with Kwakka, Nasty , Weekly ,Carefree ,Swindler and Hard On

Weekly showed no pain as he too raced around trying to get the trailer opened with help from Sir Slab so that cold beer would be on tap when the runners got back..anything to save an icing.

The dedicated professional walkers, with Explet returning runner with Hard On , Weekly, Slug & Swindler all moved out a brisk pace along the pathway which they kept up the good pace for the 3 km walk.

Back to the safety of the trailer the walkers enjoyed a cold well deserved beer with Carefree the first to indulge. Walking is really hard work.

The Nosh

For the Hare Circumference it was always going to be a hard act to follow recent effort that at this stage each have been voted “The Best Trailer Nosh of the Year?” As promised by the GM Kitchen Bitch the hash in now truly back into gourmet.

With hygiene totally forgotten as the nosh chef Circumference proceeded to handle all the food with his so called dirty little spotless hands assisted by Jigsaw!!

Portioned controlled to perfection so no waste it was Sir Prince who took control of the knife to slice the Black Angus steaks.

 

GM Kitchen Bitch seems very happy with the results as he food tested the Nosh to make sure it was safe for the Hashers to eat!!.so very thoughtful.

 

Satay beef cooked to perfection

Aged Black Angus Steaks

 

 

 

Salads make to a recipe not a price

 

Drumsticks presented in fine silver paper

Resident food CriTic Hard On Who had 2 helping of steak OBVIOUSLY appreciated the food:

…………“Great Steaks and Salads food and at last back to high quality Hash basics”

 

Well done CIRCUMFERENCE FOR providing the NOSH WITH NO outsourcin except for assistance BY GM, Sir Prince and Jigsaw. a Great effort that helped to make this ANOTHER REAL hash night of true HASH nosh in a great location in the BUSH.

 

The Beachside CIRCLE

The GM appeared in Katmandu Hat, Hash Chains and with his trademark Moses Staff. He advised all that the mystery acting RA would be Sir Prince Valiant due to absence of Caustic who is on a hunting expedition in South Africa.

The GM immediately asked all the returning runners to the circle

Flasher commented “this bunch of idiots lining up claiming to be runners and no FuC#@%* gifts for GM”

DD to:

• Circumference for the Hare and excellent quality Nosh
• Returning Runners Kwakka, Jigsaw, Sir Slab ,Hard On , Missing Link ,Rockhard and Swindler
• Missing Link for his expedition to Sri Lanka for 1 month
• Visitor and as returning runner Exelpet who was last seen as our Booze Master
• Sir Rabbit presented doctors certificate to save himself an icing as his kidney stone is still moving out
• Nasty ,Swindler and Flasher for going away next week
• Brewtus for laughing in the circle
• Ferrett for his comments to GM

Useless Shirt

Yes…still with Truck Tyres who is once again smelling the roses in Tenterfield.

Where is the Prick of the Week?

The last recipient of this prized possession was Aussie and is still with him?

Hopefully will be there next week ??

Gift for GM

Once again with tears in his eyes saying “the best gift so far this year” the GM accepted an amazing gift and thoughtful gift from Jigsaw. This highly prized possession of a baby chicken laying an egg was handed over to the GM who immediately hung it on his Moses Staff with all the other crap that hangs from it . Well done Jigsaw for a thoughtful gift.

 

GM Report

GM advised next week run will be by Aussie!! Our GM has personally promised to assist to ensure that this event would have first class Nosh

 

End of CIRCLE …….by FERRETT @ 8.30 pm

 

 

Swindler

 

 

Runners: 26

Run: 1952

Date:30/03/2015

Location: Broadbeach Waters

Hares: Fanny Charmer & Rug

Runners: 29

A crisis has hit a popular running group on the Sunny Gold Coast

The Gold Coast Hash House Harriers are in turmoil!! Stand in On Secs strike wanting equal touring rights that the Hash Grand master has given to his Hierarchy mates.

One comment heard from a  disgruntled stand in On sec ..was ” Stop the tours GM or give us the same tour rights as you have given too your mates”

I can tell you that the rank and file are not happy.

More updates has they come to hand.

 

THE PENIS…MIGHTIER THAN THE SWORD!

It is an almost forgotten fact that when Hollywood legend Mae West whispered “Is that a pistol in your pocket or are you simply excited to see me?” she was indeed referring to a hidden weapon…one that was loaded, cocked and ready for crime. But, were it not for her glorious words and the dulcet, smokey tone with which they were uttered, a certain homicide was averted. And we, mere mortals, will remain ever so grateful for them and to her for whispering them…

And therein lies the secret for world peace.

When the pack returned to the esky last Monday night it was patently obvious that run 1952 had been a monumental cock-up. In the Circle, Sir Black Stump (SBS) best captured the mood when he described the run as: “The worst fuckin’ run in my 93 years of Hash running” He was just warming up: “This was shit with a capital S, crap with a capital C, junk with a capital J, garbage with a capital G. The Hares Rug and Fanny Charmer deserve to be iced for the entire coming week or preferably shot dead.”

Asked for his opinion, Missing Link (ML) said: “I concur with Stumpy’s sentiments absolutely GM.”

Brewtus concurred with ML adding that the run was “an absolute fucking fiasco” whilst Bent Banana concurred with Brewtus. Sir Prince Valiant (SPV) concurred with BB adding that “it was an absolute bloody debacle” and Circumference concurred with SPV, calling it a catastrophe. It was almost unanimous. Only Flasher offered a different point of view: “I’ve been on some pretty ordinary runs in my Hash career but this one takes the biscuit; it was pretty ordinary with a capital P”.

Sir Black Stump was not yet done: “What really gives me the shits is not just this shit run but the fucking nosh that followed; this curry will give me the shits all day tomorrow. Fuck!”

Being ex-army and an advocate of the ancient philosophy: ‘Shoot first, ask questions later’, Sir Black Stump’s words were dynamite. So much so that when he concluded his commentary with “Fuck!” it was like he’d shouted “Fire!” at Rug’s and FC’s execution.

Still, the bombardment did not abate. Asked to comment on the nosh, (Not Tonight) Josephine said it was the worst curry he’d ever tasted. “The meat was all fat and grizzle and the sauce was just tasteless slops like they fed us during WW2. Incidently, talking of the war, that was the last time I had rice pudding…. who the fuck bothers making that shit anymore?”

Blue Card said that he concurred with Not Tonight (Josephine) adding: “The idea that expensive Aniseed liqueur might ‘save’ rice pudding is delusional. Nothing can ever save rice pud’”. Iceman agreed with BC and Miscarriage concurred with Iceman. It was unanimous. It was that kind of a night.

Thankfully Rug and FC averted the firing squad by promising to never setting a run in Broadbeach Waters again and to keep to Spanish recipes. A very enthusiastic rendition of the Hash Hymn followed:

‘They ought to be publicly pissed on

They ought to be publicly shot BANG! BANG! (sang with much gusto and pistol hand gestures)

They ought to be tied to a urinal

And left to wither and rot

Drink it down down down…

Stand-in RA – Aussie – stepped into the cauldron and duly requested BallPoint “front and centre” on the dubious charge of “leaning on Rug’s brand new Merc.”

He’d barely settled back into position that Aussie recalled BallPoint to face the charge of “parking-in a gorgeous bikini babe who then asked me to help her move BP’s car which I did because I wanted to perv on her big tits and shapely arse.” After which Moonbeams was heard murmuring “End of Circle.”

BallPoint was then called into the cauldron for another Down, charged with the heinous crime of “turning up late to Hash but still going for a run.”                                                                         After which Moonbeams was heard repeating “End of Circle.”

Stand-in RA Aussie then told the Circle that: “I got a flat tyre last week and I strongly suspect that this bloke was responsible for it.” BallPoint was charged accordingly and given another Down. As he staggered back to his position and with Moonbeams words “End of Circle” still ringing in their ears, BP was called into the Circle once more, this time charged with “neglecting to control petrol sniffing in aboriginal communities, failing to implement the peace process in the Middle East and Kate Middleton”s new baby.” An angry Aussie continued: “Back in my day, society would not put up with the criminal antics of repeat offenders like BallPoint; the gallows is where they would end up in order to cleanse our suburbs of his type of scum……Thank you!” After which Moonbeams was heard screaming “For fuck’s sake, End of bloody Circle.”

With the intention to take the heat out of the boiling hot cauldron, Grand Master asked Flasher to present the ‘Useless’ shirt.

“There were oh so many candidates tonight GM” said Flasher, “some more deserving than others; the Hares were high on the ‘deserving’ list as was BallPoint but I’ve chosen to follow my heart this time and give this award to someone whom, I strongly believe, should have it in perpetuity. For having the cheek to call me a “garden gnome”, Truck Tyres you are fucking useless.”

To the raucous chorus of “We want the PoW, we want the PoW”, Grand Master implored Aussie to “pass on the Prick to a most deserving recipient” to which Aussie sheepishly replied: “My missus won’t give it back GM, I don’t know what to do.”

A seething Botcho finally erupted: “It’s not fucking good enough GM; for fucking weeks we’ve being hearing this bullshit about the PoW cumming back next week but every week it remains missing. It so happens that the PoW is also the highlight of my week and I’m fucked if I will put up with this any longer. Back in my days, if someone continually disregarded the wishes of the group, he would be strung up, hung and fucking quartered. That’s what Aussie deserves. Fuck him!” To which Ferret anxiously asked ”Is it ok for me to kiss him only?” and Moonbeams finally concluded with “End of Circle you bastards!!!”

 

On2,

BP

 

p.s. An old Jacaranda Hash mate from my time running in Johannesburg wrote to me last week lamenting the fact that he’d been posted (by way of a dubious promotion) to Yemen as its latest Moroccan Ambassador. A pacifist by nature and a strong advocate of the adage that ‘The pen is… mightier than the sword’ Bodyguard (his Hash handle), described Yemen’s capital Saana as the “shithole of the world.” He went on: “The civil war here is as relentless as it is pointless, Shias hacking Sunnis and Sunnis butchering Shias. My mood is most somber, I feel so helpless so depressed… But last week a flash of light brightened my darkness: A new colleague arrived from Turkey whose business card tells me goes by the name of Mustapha Kunt.

Needless to say my dear BP we all, fighting Muslims included, feel like that now and again however very few of us would care to put it on our cards. But who could argue that peace here is not possible should the Sunnis and the Shias swap their weapons for one of them?”

 

Indeed.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Run: 1951

Date:23/03/2015

Location:Paradise Point

Hares: Flasher & Veteran

Runners: 24

Tonight’s run commenced from the park in Paradise Parade, Paradise Point and consisted of the hardy and dedicated souls who cannot afford to go tripping all over the world for most of the year, unlike the 15 or so who are gallivanting all over New Zealand at the moment.

The theme of the run was touted as “food to die for” but really it was a cover for the joint birthday bash for VETERAN and FLASHER…happy 70^th birthday guys and thank you for your generosity in providing all of the birthday wine, which resulted in the GM looking into the booze bucket at the end of the night and commenting “this is fucked! We haven’t made any money on booze tonight thanks to those pricks!”. Needless to say we all stayed clear of everything but the free booze!

The run started in an easterly direction down one of the duck-themed streets, onto The Espanade and south we went…and went….and went …and went with several of our number wheezing and whining “haven’t they put any checks in???….how far are we going to run on the streets??” as we continued heading in the direction of Southport. Suddenly we found ourselves doing a sweeping right hand turn into Poinsettia Street, somewhere in the depths of Runaway Bay before we headed into the wilds of the Pine Ridge Conservation Park…we need not have worried about this being a run restricted to bitumen!!

Obviously this was the part of the run set by Veteran who was obviously intent on keeping fresh in our minds the trials and tribulations of our beloved ‘Nashos conscripted into the Australian Army and sent off into the wilds of the Vietnam jungles where they had to traverse rivers and swamps with their machine guns held high above their heads…in this case, it was our mobile phones and torches held high as we traversed the streams and swamps, following some high-set toilet paper (how did those two short arses get the paper so high up in those trees??).

We all managed to conquer the run, with most of us getting back to the park in one piece and only one of us going for a full dunking in the swamp…good one Miscarriage! A check for leeches and other mishaps led to an “all clear” for all of us and the frivolities started.

The nosh started with cheese and crackers…always goes down well and just shows that the old adage of “keep it simple stupid” (the KISS principle) works a treat! This was all washed down mostly with the free wine provided by our generous hares.

Main course consisted of a pasta dish with a lovely creamy sauce and chunks of ham and mushroom which Flasher assured us were all resting down the bottom of the pot. The pasta went down really well and many of us went back for seconds (and thirds!). Of course there always has to be some negative comment…this is the Hash after all…and Circumference stepped up to the plate tonight with the quip…”there’s only one thing missing…flavour!!”. Most of us must be on Rug’s low carb, low GI diet as the bread was hardly touched. Dessert consisted of the trifle which Flasher had been raving about all day on his Facebook page, prompting a comment from afar from Rectum and accusing Flasher of gross cruelty if he was planning to inflict that concoction on his Hash mates. Most of us thought it was a bloody great effort and all praise to Flasher and Veteran for a great effort on the Nosh.

Circle was a subdued affair and for the second week in a row it was a sit-down affair and relatively subdued since being castigated by an irate neighbour several weeks ago with the words “keep it down you pack of pissheads!”. Birthday wishes were sung for our two septagenarians and returning runners were warmly welcomed back into the fold…Veteran…. who never runs out of his postcode, Aussie…who has been in Lousiana, Mississippi and Texas, making a fool of himself going arse over tit outside a loo and not suing for $30 million and last but not least, Missing Link…who has been in Sri Lanka with Mrs Link and Mr and Mrs Bouncer. We also welcomed visitors Anchovie, a Brisbane Hashman and Yumhhh from the UK somewhere, who advised that his Hash name means “Your Unworthy Master of the HHH”…confusing…what’s wrong with a normal, offensive Hash name? Anyway, he got so bored with the proceedings that he fell asleep half way through circle…must be the jet lag or did the arduous walk take it out of him? Kurt, from Germany is still with us and continues to doss down at Bent Banana’s palatial home.

The POW is held over for another week and the Useless award went to Flasher for no reason other than he is…. well…Flasher!

End of circle announced by Moonbeams’ stand-in, Showpony.

On on,

Fanny Charmer…Standin On Sec

 

Run: 1950

Date:16/03/2015

Location:Elanora

Hares: Kitchen Bitch

Runners: 24

THE BITCH and THE HUMAN HEADLINE

“Good evening viewers and welcome to HINCH: the Human Headline. It’s really fantastic to be back in the chair, doing what I was born to do and absolutely loving it.”

“Before anything else, I want to extend my thanks and deep gratitude to all of you out there, my audience, who have supported me during my time inside, 3 years of imprisonment on the contentious charge of ‘Contempt of Court’, a spurious charge if ever there was one. I admit, of course, that I did expose and named the pedophiles, the sex offenders, the degenerates who crawl all over our society preying on our most vulnerable. Call it a crusade, call it what you will, but as long as blood is boiling in my body, I will not be deterred in exposing this scandal and those in high places who aid and abet it.”

“Tonight, we have for you, an EXCLUSIVE exclusive; we go deep inside a dark and murky world of men who meet in secret places, men who- for whatever reasons- feel the need to change their names, men who drink and who participate in drunken rituals, men with a secret language that we mere mortals can never understand. And for the first time on television, we will bring you an interview with the Grand Master of this clandestine group, a man that goes by the name of Kitchen Bitch or, as he prefers, The Bitch….make of that what you will viewers.”

“And in another first for this network, we have coaxed Australia’s most decorated investigative journalist out of retirement, Mike Willesee will be with us shortly, live with his devastating report….”

Hinch (H): Are you there Mike? Can you hear me?

Mike Willesee (MW): Yes Derryn, loud and cIear. I’m here deep in the Tallebudgerra valley of the Gold Coast and as you can see behind me there is action aplenty. Men, grey old men to be exact, are gathering together, shaking hands, joking around and talking animatedly. The atmosphere would appear to be one of fun and friendship but who knows what the real purpose of this gathering could be…

H: I can see a lot of bright coloured shirts and shorts and caps with writing on them, what do you make of that Mike?

MW: That’s correct Derryn, the men are all wearing colourful clothing with pictures of feet, bottles of beer and rabbits on surf boards etc all, it seems to me, as an act of diversion from the real purpose of their meeting.

H: Indeed! And who’s that tall fellow with the Borneo headdress and yellow t-shirt referring to the G-Spot? Is he really drinking a stubby of beer or are my eyes deceiving me?

MW: That, I am told, is the Grand Master, a man held in much esteem and respect but also a man who rules by the fist and is feared….. and yes Derryn, you’re 100% correct he is drinking a stubby of beer. We have been told that he is willing to talk to us but as yet the time and place for this interview is a mystery.

H: And what’s happening now Mike, why are the men gathering around the Grand Master?

MW: The Bitch is giving final instructions. He is saying that this will be a “great challenge” and that those men who are “not up to it” should go only part of the way and pull out. I’m not entirely certain what it all means but it is clears that whatever crime these men are going to commit, whatever sacrifice they are about to perform, it will invariably happen somewhere else. I will be following them to get to the bottom of this.

H: Ok Mike and good luck, it looks to me like you’re going to need it.

“We’ll take a break and be back with more of HINCH in just a tick. Do not go away.”

“Welcome back viewers. Before the break, Mike Willesee was hot on the trail of a bunch of blokes who had set off into the bush to commit who knows what. Are you with me Mike?

MW (huffing and puffing): We’re deep in the bush Derryn and it is clear to me that this is a most suspect operation. The men are all running along a trail which has been clearly marked with toilet paper. What could that mean? Why toilet paper? The men are using a special code to keep together, regularly calling out “on on” and “are you?” and “checkin” and “on paper”. We’ve also come to ‘special’ places where circles are drawn on the pathway with arrows pointing in different directions. This is obviously a devious tactic to elude the authorities and / or the police just in case they were following them.

On a more personal level Derryn, I am finding this a very pleasant trail to be on. We’re now at the bottom of the valley and there’s a very picturesque water course running through there which we’ve had to overcome several times but, that being said, it’s a very pleasant spot indeed. However, it is now starting to get dark, the sun has disappeared and the men all have turned on their torches. They are still running hard and I am struggling to keep up with them. They have regrouped on several occasions which has helped me stay in touch with them. The men would appear to now be following someone who goes by the name of Stumpy. He is one of the older, more experienced blokes in the pack which is probably why the rest are following him so blindly.

I’ve just heard one of them, a man called Fanny something or other, say: “we’ve been running for an hour, we shouldn’t be too far now…” so it looks like we’re close to destination. Bear with me Derryn.

We’re climbing up now and the terrain is rough and tough. Apart from tree branches and roots making life treacherous for running, I’ve also been scratched and cut by many thorn bushes. I’m totally knackered Derryn.

I’ve arrived at an intersection and I can see one torch light has turned left and gone up the hill while the rest of the pack has turned right down the hill. What do I do? I can hear the lone runner up the hill calling out “on back, on back” but I have no idea what he means by that.

H: Ok Mike, we’ll leave it there and go to a break. Back with you shortly…..

Welcome back to HINCH viewers and to an incredibly important development in our investigation of a clandestine bunch of boofheads running around in the bush with evil on their minds. Mike Willesee is in hot pursuit but at last report he was at a crossroad, not knowing which way to go. Are you there Mike?

MW: I’m with you Derryn and I am now reporting to you before this residence where all the men have now entered. The Grand Master has been in touch and advised me to come in but to be careful of his “guard”, a mare called Misty. I can see her down there at the bottom of the driveway, eyeing me out suspiciously, but I will endeavor to tippy toe past her …

Here we are on the back deck of the residence and, apart from the chandelier hanging in the centre of it, it all looks so very conventional: dining tables, cutlery, dining plates etc…….but who knows what lurks behind this semblance of normality.

The men are now absorbed in bantering, laughing and drinking. One of the men, Flasher, is heatedly explaining why it is very important to expel all Muslims out of Australia and let all the New Zealanders in. Another man, Full of Shit, is arguing that English cricket is not the joke that every pundit says it is, and that losing to Afghanistan was a very cunning plan which Baldrick would be most proud of. The fact that mother England would not, for the first time in cricketing history, be making the World Cup finals is, according to FoS, “another way of displaying England’s obsessive PC mentality through acknowledging that we have taken much from the Commonwealth and it was time to give something back”.

There is group of men behind me who have rallied around the man they call Stumpy… the man who got them lost. By all accounts he is a star, being the Veteran’s Class world champion in Triathlon, Biathlon, Swimathon and Marathon. But tonight he’s been pronounced a clown, a dud, a useless old bugger who got the rest of his running mates ‘lost’. A besides-himself Brewtus, one the ‘lost’ men is ripping into him: “you’re fucking too old for this caper Stumpy and it’s time you were put out to pasture. The only thing you’d be marginally good for is reading nursery rhymes to your great-great-grand children. Come to think of it, you’d be fucking useless at that too coz you’re fuckin’ blind.”

H: Can you describe what’s happening now Mike, it looks highly suss to me?

MW: The men have sat down to dinner Derryn. As this is his birthday, the Grand Master has prepared a special feed of Seared Tasmanian Scallops on a chilled slice of Warwick Watermelon for Entrée, Roasted Rosemary Lamb and Vegetables with Plum jus for Main Course and, for dessert, Lady Fingers Banana cake with a scoop of homemade Ice Cream. The Bitch has invited me to partake and let me tell you Derryn, it is bloody restaurant class; I do not recall lamb tasting this wonderful. And the glassh or three of McLaren Valley Shiraz I had with it hash topped the meal to an abshhhhhholute tee.

H: Ok, thanks Mike but could you please get back on the case? And put that beer down while you’re doing it?

MW: Yesh shure Hinchy, I’m on to it. The men have formed a chircle and a lively dishhcusshion is taking place. That bloke talking is BallPoint and he is shaying that it waj a (beep beep) great run and a (beep beep) great feed. Shorry ‘bout my lingo Hinchy but I was repeating what BallPoint waj shaying. That’s Joshephine over there and he crapped on about (beep beep) knows what……Shorry Hinchy…

H: When do you get to interview The Bitch himself?

MW: Very shoon Hinchy, very shoon…..

MW: Grand Mashter, welcome to Hinchy and shank you for taking the time…

Grand Master (GM): It’s a pleasure to be here Mike for I’ve been a fan of yours for a very long time. And I for one think it was an absolutely travesty that you were sacked for being pissed on the set of Willesee Tonight. Personally, I thought it was a bloody hoot and a breakthrough in TV viewing.

MW: Shanksh Grand Mashter, it was one of my better moments…….Can you deshcribe what thissh organisashion ish all about. And cheers by the way on your shixty shix birthday…

MG: Cheers Mike and thank you for your good wishes. The Hash House Harriers have been around for a very long time

MW: Hash Houshe Hashiers what? Jeejj that’s hard to shay.

MG: Hash House Harriers Mike. Essentially, we’re a drinking club with a running problem.

MW: Shhhhure, shhhhure I undershhtand but why the shhheecret, names like Flasher…. Now Loved…. Mishhh Carriage….Fanny whatshit…..Bitch…All to do wishhh sexshh etc. What are you trying to hide here Bitchhhhh?

MG: Pseudonyms are part and parcel of being a hasher Mike. It’s all done for amusement and for frivolous fun. That’s why we get together, to have a laugh, down a beer or two, socialize.

MW: Shhhure shhochialijing is shho important……all the better wish Shiraj….. cheers Bitchhhhy….. but why all the shheecreshy and the shacrifishesh?

MG: Ha, ha, ha….There is nothing secretive about the Hash House Harriers. We have a website, anybody can join us…….all you need is an open mind and a commitment to having a bit of fun. Cheers Mike.

MW: Yesh, I can shhee that… cheers.

I’m feeling shhlightly pisshed…..

This Mike Willishee shining orf….

 

Hinch: Well, there you have it viewers…… there can be no doubts that this is a very suspicious organization indeed. I ask you: why do these men go to these extraordinary lengths to hide, to deceive and to pretend to be what they are not? And why the sexual innuendo in adopting names like Fanny, Rabbit, Bitch Josephine, Now Loved, Flasher, Hard On and Rock Hard?

And why, if this is just a weekly social event among mates, does it need to steal MY NAME, MY IDENTITY ‘HHH’ (Hinch the Human Headline) in order to appear legitimate in the eyes of the law and of the general public who adore me?

It is time that this creepy cancer is removed from our midst and I call on the authorities to do what they are paid to do that is, make our suburbs safe and our communities secure.

My name is Derryn Hinch and I AM the Human Headline.

 

On2,

Ballpoint…On  Sec Assistant.

 

 

 

 

Run: 1949

Date:9/03/2015

Location:Cararara

Hares: Jigsaw

Runners: 27

 

POW   Missing

Is this the Missing POW?

Man hands ‘penis’ into Surfers Paradise police station

A man has handed to police at Surfers Paradise what he claims to be a severed human penis. The man, who has not been identified but was wearing a Gold Coast Hash T-Shirt, delivered the alleged member to Surfers Paradise police station, on the Gold Coast, in a plastic bag this morning. He said that his neighbor’s dog found it at Bundall Road , which is about 1km north-west of Surfers Paradise “Police called the ambulance service who inspected the contents and agreed it appeared to be some form of hardened matter that could be a penis,” a police spokesman said today.

“But we are not positive and it is now being taken to a nearby medical facility to be inspected.” First we have to establish if it is human and if it is obviously the investigation will widen from there.” He said that the tissue appeared to have been recently severed. They are now investigating a highly credible report that the GCHHH has it POW missing.

Video of Jigsaw’s Run Instructions

 Video may not work in Firefox

[fvplayer src=”http://www.goldcoasthash.org/wp-content/uploads/jigsaw-9-march.mov” width=”568″ height=”320″]

27 hashers once again waited for the run information from Jigsaw

As you can see from the video the explanation given is by a super-cool and confident Jigsaw. Did he suspect that this was to be the run of the year after his last abysmal attempt?

He gave directions “go that way” which was in the exact opposite direction as to what was expected.

The Run

The Runners were led out by 2 Dogs , Brewtus, Botcho and Bent Banana closely followed by the Walkers led by Shat , Blue Card and Kwakka. Once again it only seemed like only a few weeks ago we were at this location or were we?

The runners and walkers took off up the road with once again the On On called by Sir Rabbit on the Hash bugle.

First back was Sir Prince Valiant who needed a coldie after the long run. He reported that Iceman was missing somewhere on the trail.

Josephine reported it was a well-marked run with lots of chalk and a very good run. This is not what he actually said but we think that this was what he meant by saying “what was he thinking?”

2 Dogs as always providing highly accurate information advised that the run was total of 7.5Km in 54 minutes (a so called 7 minute mile??) and he did note that Flasher once again took a 4km short cut.

The detailed instructions and well-marked trail resulted in a total run success and not the usual Fu###@@ up.

Well done Jigsaw for excellent run in the local area where many runs have occurred. Bent Banana was heard to comment that he went down some interesting new tracks for the first time.

The Run Finish

Once again a tight finish with Brewtus, Bent Banana, Josephine, 2 Dogs, Ballpoint and Botcho in with the first group of returning runners. Due to the well-marked trail and good location no one was lost and within 60 minutes all runners were back to the trailer waiting for Jigsaw to return with post run snacks.

The Walkers

Blue Card supported by his Warrior mates Kwakka and Shat reported that it was an excellent walk and for the first time that a walk had been actually well marked. Once again Fuller-shit did the walk guided by Hard On and Weekly!

The European Nosh by Chef Jigsaw

At last week’s Italian nosh, Jigsaw decided to put in maximum effort to compete with Ex Mamma Mia Chef Kwakka who looked set to take the pole position for last week as Nosh of the Year.

As we can see from the happy look on Miscarriage’s face as he devoured the pre-nosh snacks this was shaping up to be a first class Nosh.

Jigsaw advised that a large amount of pre hash food preparation was involved with top quality food, food quantity, presentation with a lot of in preparing another European feast.The Nosh had been produced as a result of his many years of experience in Europe as a leading chef in some of Europe’s finest restaurants.

Will this be the Nosh of the Year?

Grand Master Kitchen Bitch obviously very impressed at the quality and volume of the Nosh inspected each dish to once again ensure an unbiased opinion.

Ballpoint took over from Resident Food critic Rug and personally inspected and then reported on each dish in great detail and gave some very interesting comments. As a food connoisseur of some note after his recent Nosh performance his comments were taken as very complimentary and it was a very positive with THUMBS UP for a great nosh by Jigsaw!!

The European Nosh Menu

• Spanish bean dip with copious quantities of toasted wafers
• Homemade hot tomato soup sprinkled with something meaty.
• European grilled sausages
• Potato Mash cooked to perfection
• Roasted carrots and fresh peas
• Poached pears and peaches with ice cream Sensational

The GM advised that Jigsaw well and truly produced the Nosh goods and produced a Gourmet Nosh. But for sure it was well over budget so thanks Jigsaw.

Well planned and organised Jigsaw as the food was excellent with reported minimal outsourcing.

The Circle

RA Caustic once again immediately gave orders to the Booze Masters to prepare Ice for any major or more particularly minor misdemeanour. We see our RA testing the ice to ensure it was high quality and very cold.

 

                  The RA quickly got the Nosh Chef & Hare Jigsaw into the circle for a detailed explanation of the run and nosh. Before he could proceed Jigsaw just gave up and sat on the ice!! For the first time in a living memory the RA was lost for words.

The group circled around the GM and Caustic while Jigsaw patiently sat on the ice. All in wonder at who would be next!!!

Then Botcho for no reason at all was the brunt of the RA and made to undergo the vengeance followed once again by Weekly for the reason of being there again.

The Circle frivolity was then abruptly interrupted by a disgruntled neighbour calling out from across the dark park to all and sundry “Shut the FU$#@ UP”

The RA was lost for words and took the advice of the not so friendly neighbour. The GM then continued the circle continued in a very quiet and dignified manner.

Down Downs

• Hard On and Swindler for 100 very fast walks.
• Ballpoint for advising he was successful in his recent nocturnal activity after the Christmas cocktail party.
• Iceman for not telling a joke.
• Kurt the Ripper ( friend of Bent Banana ) for being visitor to our Hash

 

Useless Shirt – Missing

GM Report

Next week run by the GM himself.

The GM advised that his run the next week would rate as a …“Hash Night not to be missed”

At 9.18 after much laughter & frivolity it was the those familiar but very quiet words of Josephine ……… End of CIRCLE

 

Swindler